Doubt (The Connected Series Book 1)

by KA Hobbs

  “Let me look after you.” I don’t stop him, he is gentle, loving and so what I need right now.

  He removes all my clothes, leaving my knickers on and we walk into the bathroom. He strips out of his clothes and steps into the shower, holding out his hand for me. I take it and step in.

  “Keep those on, if it makes you feel better. But I want you to know, you are perfect.” I look into his eyes, he is so kind. More than I deserve after the way I have been behaving.

  “I love you so much, Doug. I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting.” he presses a finger to my lips.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.” he leans down, pressing his lips to mine softly.

  He reaches behind me and gets my shampoo angling me so my hair gets wet, he washes my hair, gentle but firm fingers, I groan feeling some of the tension leave my body.

  “That feels so good.” he presses a kiss to my shoulder and tilts my head back to rinse the shampoo out.

  When he leans over me for the soap, I feel his erection brush my hip. I look at him and he looks, embarrassed?

  “Sophie, this is my problem.” he gestures down to his erection, “I find you so arousing, I can’t help but get hard when you are naked and wet in front of me. But I don’t want this to be sexual; I really do just want to look after you.” I inhale, letting his words wash over me and smile at him.

  “Okay.”

  He washes me, tenderly, my arms, my legs, even my toes, before washing quickly himself then turning off the water. He steps out wrapping his waist in a towel before stepping forward and wrapping me in one too.

  “Could you get me some clean underwear?” he nods leaving me in the bathroom. He comes back a few minutes later with not only some clean underwear but one of his t- shirts and a pair of my jogging bottoms.

  “I’ll leave you to get dressed. Call me if you need anything.” I get dressed, stepping out of my wet underwear and into the fresh ones. When I step out of the bathroom, Doug is dressed and sitting on the bed waiting for me.

  “Can we talk?” he asks, eyeing me warily. I nod and sit next to him.

  “Jane, Ian and I have been talking. Jane and Ian, they think it is best for Abigail... to come live here, in England.” I look at him surprised.

  “So soon?” I knew this was the plan, but I didn’t realise it would be this quick.

  “Yes, Abigail got in a real state when they told her they would be leaving the day after tomorrow. She doesn’t want to go. So after talking it over, they have decided to rent out their house in New York and move here. The reasons they moved to the States aren’t there anymore. Ian is retired and with Lauren gone... they want to be with Abigail. And Abigail wants to be here.”

  “So…”

  “So... they are going back as planned. They will put the house on the market to rent, pack what they can bring over on the plane and come back. They will ship over the rest of their stuff once they find a place here.” My head is swimming.

  “Where will they stay while they are looking?” he clears his throat turning to me.

  “I said they are welcome to stay here... but that...”

  “But that?”

  “I said they could probably stay in your flat seeing as you were moving in here.” He looks worried, like he isn’t sure how I will react to this.

  “That makes sense. I am moving in here and they would like a space of their own I’m sure.”

  “You’re still moving in?” Doug releases the breath he is holding in, in a rush.

  “Don’t you want…?” I panic, looking at him.

  “Yes, yes of course I do. I just wasn’t sure if after what happened, you would have changed your mind.”

  “Doug, what happened… It is... heart breaking. But it doesn’t change what we have, what I feel for you. You are my heart, Mr. Roberts.”

  Doug closes his eyes and breathes in a couple of breaths. When he opens them he smiles.

  “You’re my heart, my soul, my everything. I love you so much, Sophie.”

  We crawl up the bed and I lay in Doug’s arms till I fall asleep. The pain was still there but I had hope in time it would get easier.

  ***

  I sleep for most of the next day, my body is still trying to heal and after the dream and the chat without Doug, I am exhausted. Doug keeps popping in to check on me and Abigail comes in and just sits with me. I sense she needs to know I’m okay. I read her stories, I plait her hair and we watch TV together. I was worried that being around Abigail would cause me more pain, but it seems like it is the opposite, I still feel the undeniable pain from losing the baby, there is a part of me, I don’t think I will ever get back. But spending time with Abigail, I feel a little hope is in my life. If she can be so strong after everything she has been through, I owe it to myself to find the strength to get through this, even if it does take time.

  I must be asleep when they need to leave to go to the airport because they leave without saying goodbye. I think I can remember being semi woken by a little pair of lips kissing my cheek, but I could have dreamed it. I find a picture on my bedside table from Abigail. In the picture, she is in the middle of Doug and I. We are all holding hands and we are smiling. Above out heads is the word Family written in Doug’s handwriting. It feels my heart with love and my eyes with tears. I miss her so much already.

  I make my way downstairs, still holding the picture, and fix myself a cup of tea. Sitting on the sofa, I switch on the TV and wait for Doug. When I hear the key in the lock, I switch off the TV and walk to the door. As soon as the door opens and I see his face, I start crying. He looks so upset.

  “They’ve gone.” he whispers. I walk forward, wrapping him in my arms. His body is shaking,

  “Oh, Doug.” I am looking into his eyes; tears are rolling down his cheeks,

  "You are both my life, I can't live without either of you. My heart is torn in pieces right now, I don’t know how to be here for you, I can’t be there for her. I don’t know how to help you through this. I know you are hurting, but I am too. I want my daughter and we’ve lost our baby. I don’t know how..." his voice breaks.

  "I am...”

  "Ssssh, you don't have to say anything, just tell me, tell me, we are okay. We can work through this. That after everything, you still love me." I rest my head on his chest, listening to his frantically beating heart.

  “I love you so much. I always will." I whisper. I feel some of the tension leave Doug's body at my words. He grips me tighter to him and draws in a shaky breath.

  “How can you be around Abigail after all this? How can you be so strong?”

  “Strong? I feel anything but strong Doug. But being with Abigail helps. At first… I struggled with it, I feel immense guilt being able to be with her without crying over our baby. But she comforts me; she eases the pain a little. She is amazing.”

  “What can I do, Sophie? What do you need?”

  “I need our baby back, Doug. I need to feel whole again.” My hands instinctively drop to my stomach where our little baby should still be growing, healthy, happy.

  “I wish I could change what happened... but it will get easier, it has to.” he sobs into my hair.

  “It hurts so much, Doug. So. Very Much.” I sob, heartbreaking sobs. I am broken and empty and I don’t know how to stop this feeling.

  “How can you love someone so completely when you’ve only known about them for a few days? When we’ve never even met them?” I cry gripping him, needing him to support me.

  “It was our baby, Sophie. We will always, always love them.”

  We stay, holding on to each other for long after the tears stop. We seek comfort from one another. I step back, looking up at Doug, his eyes are red, his cheeks are wet and his face is full of sadness.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come to the airport with you... to say goodbye.” he cups my face and shakes his head.

  “It doesn’t matter. They understood.”

  “But Abigail, what must she have thought, Doug? I didn’t
even say goodbye” I close my eyes,

  “I told her you weren’t feeling well and needed to rest. She came in to see you before she left.”

  “So I didn’t dream it... I felt her little kiss.” I smile.

  “She loves you, Sophie. He crouches a little so he is looking me in the eyes.

  "She loves you. She told me. She cried as we said goodbye at the airport, she told me Sophie, she said her heart was breaking, that she already missed you and that she wanted to stay. She told me she loved you so much already... She asked…" Doug stops talking, be closes his eyes and breathes in and out a couple of times.

  "She asked, if we can live together, like a mummy and daddy, that her mummy sent you to her so she could have a mummy on earth and in heaven to look after her.” Tears pool in both our eyes, spilling over and down on to the floor.

  "Oh, Doug." I sob, gripping him, holding on to him, letting him support me. "I didn't tell her I loved her before she left, I didn’t..."My sobs take over and I can't speak.

  "Sophie, sssssh." Doug's big hands rub up and down my back and he sways me gently back and forth trying to soothe me.

  "I told her you loved her too, that one day we would all live together. She wanted me to give you this."

  He reaches into his jeans pocket and brings out a heart shaped stone, on it in her tiny scrawl are our initials in a heart.

  "She said for you to look after this until we are together again. So you don't forget her.”

  I look at the stone in Doug's palm. More tears fall and I feel an ache in my heart so great it brings me to the floor. Doug follows me down, holding me in his lap.

  "I love you both so much. More than I ever dreamed I could, Doug. But I am hurting so much right now." I take the stone and bring it to my lips.

  “It was a lot to take in having Abigail here, and that was without...” he doesn’t finish his sentence. We both know what he was going to say.

  “I wasn't prepared for what I would feel having her here then her leaving. It has made me realise how much I need you both in my life.”

  "I love you, Doug. And I loved our baby, and I am so sorry I couldn’t protect them."

  Doug sinks to his knees in front of me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my tummy.

  “Never say that, Sophie. It was an awful thing that happened, but never, ever think it was your fault.”

  He kisses my stomach and my legs give way, sinking to the floor with him, I cry. More than I have ever cried in my life.

  "I love you, Sophie. Always.”

  When all the tears are dry and exhaustion hits us both, Doug doesn't speak; he just rises and carries me up the stairs and to bed. After undressing each other, we slip under the covers and spoon. We are safe, warm and together. We’d face whatever life had in store for us together.

  The End

  About KA Hobbs

  KA Hobbs lives with her husband in Essex. When she isn’t lost in a book or creating one, she loves to cook, swim and shop. Her happiest times are always when she is surrounded by family and friends. She is a little obsessed with the Tudors and would love to go back to that period in time.

  One day, while watching TV, a scene came to her, completely out of the blue. She could see the scene unfolding, could picture the characters so clearly. She couldn't get to her laptop quick enough and spent hours writing not only that scene, but lots of others too.

  She will happily admit to being grumpy when she doesn’t get to write, she loves her characters and spending time listening to what they have to say. KA Hobbs is currently working on other books in The Connected Series.

  Keep up to date with new releases from The Connected Series by joining KA Hobbs on Facebook and Twitter.