The Climb

by Damien Benoit-Ledoux

  “Definitely.”

  “He did say you had nice lips, though…”

  You remember that?

  “I’m kinda jealous that he was your first kiss though. I was kinda hoping that honor would be mine one day.”

  You were? You want to kiss me? Skyler laughed. “I’m not sure it really, uh, counted as a first kiss.”

  “Okay, that’s cool,” Kalin said. He winked at Skyler. “Maybe I’ll still get a chance then.”

  Skyler nodded and felt himself blush. Then he wrinkled his brow as a slightly bothersome thought entered his mind. “Wait, jump back two minutes, do you really think people figured out I’m gay from the barbecue?”

  “You’re kidding, right? On top of everything else, we hung out pretty much the rest of the day. I don’t broadcast it but most people know I’m gay, so it was kinda obvious. Some of the other kids thought we were flirting. I’m sure CK did too, given how silly he was acting around me today. I’m pretty sure he took me up to your room knowing it’d embarrass you. I don’t think he meant it to be mean, though. You two seem to have some good bonding going on.”

  You can tell CK and I are close? Skyler laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, CK and I are tight. Shit, I guess I really am out now.”

  “You seem to think that’s a problem?”

  Should I tell him? Don’t be dumb, Sky. Keep your guard up. But, you can trust him with a little bit of information, and see what he does with it. I guess it’s the only way I’m gonna find out if Kalin is worth it.

  “Let’s just say that when I was outed a few months ago, before moving in with the Kelleys, it didn’t, uh, go so well.”

  “Ah, does that have something to do with why you moved and live with the Kelleys now?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh, sorry to hear that.”

  Skyler stared down at the dark blue depths of the clear lake water around him. He felt his mind and heart struggle with the relentless battle of fear or peace, skepticism or trust. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to share all the details of his forced exodus from the Tinsdale’s home with Kalin yet.

  “I think you’re really lucky to live with them now,” Kalin continued, filling the void of silence. “They seem like a great family, and CK gets along with everyone at school. Seems like a win/win/win to me, really.”

  “A win/win/win?”

  “Yeah.” Kalin pulled his hand out of the water and counted each statement with a finger. “You win because you’re living with them, which I’m guessing is a better place than where you came from. They win because they got you, and not someone else, and I win because I got to meet you, and we get to hang out now.” He dropped his hand back beneath the water.

  Wow, you are the sweetest boy ever.

  “I really like you, Sky.”

  “What?” Skyler blurted out. His heart pounded inside his chest and he felt himself blush. He looked deep into Kalin’s beautiful brown eyes. Fear squeezed harder on his mind. A few birds flew by close to the water and distracted him. As his eyes darted back to Kalin, he realized that he didn’t see his kayak.

  That’s not good. I have no idea of how to answer you…or where the kayaks are. He spun around in the water and put aside Kalin’s compliment for the time being. “Uh, where are the kayaks?”

  “Oh shit,” Kalin said, laughing. He looked around and spotted them. “They’ve drifted over there. Guess we gotta swim for them. The wind must be stronger than I thought.”

  Skyler turned around and looked in the direction Kalin pointed and saw their unmanned kayaks drifting across the lake. “Yikes, they got away fast.”

  “Meh, about 100, 150 feet, tops. Now you know why I asked if you could swim. Come on, they’ll only get further away from us. The dam is probably open and sometimes that creates a strong current in the lake.”

  They started swimming toward the kayaks and Kalin pulled ahead.

  He likes me.

  It’s so nice to hear, but why? What do I do now? I have such a hard time believing someone likes me. I’m still hurting from being shuffled around. No, stop it. Stop it right now. I feel like I like him. I can trust him. And tell him.

  They closed the distance to the kayaks as they swam. Kalin reached his kayak first and clung to the bow with his hands. Skyler swam the breaststroke to conserve energy. It also afforded him a nice view of Kalin’s biceps as they flexed above water, securing him to the bow of his kayak. His feet and legs poked out of the water and wrapped themselves around the midsection of the bow. He clung to it like an upside-down Spiderman.

  So sexy.

  Within a minute, he reached his kayak and grabbed the bow. He wrapped his legs around the bow’s midsection like Kalin had done but let go with his hands and floated on his back. Now that he was connected to the kayak, it couldn’t get away.

  “Well, that was fun,” Kalin joked.

  “Oh yeah,” Skyler said, laughing. “I can’t wait to chase the kayaks again. Can we climb in and drift around? I’m kind of wiped from my morning cycling. My legs are about done and I’m gonna need that life jacket in about ten minutes.”

  “Sure thing,” Kalin said. He pulled himself out of the water and grabbed the cockpit coaming and hovered over it. “It’s tricky to get in from deep water, but do it like I did, and you’ll eventually get it.” He pulled himself up on to the kayak and then used his arms and the heels of his feet to balance himself before lowering his butt into the kayak’s seat.

  “Kick up with your legs and pull your torso over to the other side. Then grab the coaming like I did and drop your butt in the seat.”

  Skyler tried several times, but the kayak was too wobbly and he was tiring quickly.

  “Push it over to me,” Kalin instructed.

  “This is not as easy as it looks,” Skyler said, laughing. He pushed and swam with the kayak until it was parallel with Kalin’s.

  “Now kick hard and aim for me with your body.”

  Skyler submerged until his chin was at water level and then grunted loudly as two mighty kicks propelled him upwards. He used his upper body strength to pull himself over the cockpit. His left hand lost its grip on the kayak and he felt himself falling toward the coaming with no way to stop his fall.

  This is gonna hurt! He closed his eyes.

  Instead of pain, he felt a strong hand press against his chest. It slowed his fall until he felt his face rest on the arm of the hand. Skyler opened his eyes and craned his neck so he could look up. Kalin had broken his fall with his hand and arm.

  Whew.

  “You almost got it. Next time, you will for sure, now that you know what it takes to get out of the water,” Kalin said encouragingly.

  My hero. Ooh!

  Skyler felt Kalin’s fingers jiggle on his chest. “Wow, you’re a sexy beast,” Kalin said.

  Skyler smiled and pushed himself upward and rotated his body. Magically, his butt dropped in the seat. “Oh, so that’s how you do it.” He rested his legs on the top of the kayak’s bow. He stretched out and interlaced his fingers behind his head. Before he closed his eyes, he saw Kalin massage the top of his forearm. “Yeah, I think I can get that next time, first or second try. Sorry, does your arm hurt?”

  “Nah. Better my arm than your pretty face,” Kalin said, grinning at him.

  Skyler smiled back and blushed.

  “There it is again,” Kalin said. “That smile. And that body.”

  Skyler raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “Have you looked in the mirror lately?”

  “Skyler, are you flirting with me?”

  “Of course not,” Skyler said, unable to stop grinning.

  “Uh-huh.” Kalin draped his leg over Skyler’s leg and grabbed the coaming of Skyler’s cockpit. “Now we’ll drift together.” Kalin smiled and leaned his head back.

  Skyler swallowed and became hyper aware of Kalin’s leg on his. He watched the light brown hair on Kalin’s leg sway in the breeze as it dried.

  So sexy.

  Without thinking he extended his arm
and grabbed the coaming on Kalin’s kayak. Their arms brushed against each other as the kayaks bobbed in the water. He was touching more of Kalin, and it was even more exhilarating than before. Skyler’s swimsuit began to tent.

  Oh, geez.

  “So, have you ever had a boyfriend?” Kalin asked after a few moments of relaxing silence passed.

  Shit.

  Cam’s face slammed into Skyler’s head. The usual accompanying feelings, however, did not. That’s a first.

  “Um, define boyfriend,” Skyler said, playing coy.

  Kalin furled his eyebrow and looked at Skyler. “Seriously?”

  Skyler looked back at him. “Seriously.”

  Kalin sighed. “A boyfriend is a special guy, whether you are in or out of the closet, it doesn’t really matter, that you trust, love, and feel completed by. Someone who helps you be you.”

  “Sort of,” Skyler said. He regretted playing dumb. Should I trust you?

  “Sort of?” Kalin echoed.

  “Do you know anything about me?” Skyler asked. He felt a bit frazzled.

  “A little. I mean, we met at the pool party, remember?”

  “Right, but I mean, did CK tell you about me? Or Tracy?”

  “Um, no. Should they have? I mean, I know this is a foster home for you, or maybe an adoptive one, I’m not sure which, but…I don’t know why or what or anything like that. You know as much about me as I probably know about you.”

  Maybe I can trust you.

  “Okay, sorry,” Skyler said, the tension leaving his voice. “It’s just that I got here and I discovered some people knew things about me that I didn’t know they knew and…I’d rather they had told me they knew shit, you know?”

  “Yeah, I hear you, that must have sucked.”

  You’re exaggerating. It was only the Kelleys. “Define sucked,” he said, laughing. “Just kidding, but like, it’s only been a few weeks. I do admit though, it’s been a wonderful few weeks so far.” He felt Kalin’s hand squeeze his arm. It didn’t return to the cockpit as he expected it to.

  “Look,” Kalin said, nodding toward the shore. Skyler looked over and smiled. Twenty little ducklings trailed five adult ducks.

  “Aw, they’re so cute,” Skyler commented.

  “I’m glad to hear you think it’s been a good few weeks,” Kalin said. “I only hope it gets better for you.”

  It gets better. Just like the videos. For all those people from all walks of life…maybe it’s happening in my life now, and things are getting better. Maybe this time it will stick, and maybe this time the people around will care for me and won’t be faking it. Time will tell, though.

  Christians.

  People.

  They love you until they find a reason to hate you. Maybe it’s time to take a chance with Kal. You trust CK, right? You trust Tracy? Why not trust Kal? Because deep down you secretly—or not so secretly—want to be with him? Sky, you can trust Kal with a little information. Doesn’t have to be everything today, right? Just give him the highlights. He doesn’t need the details today.

  “My mom died when I was ten, but my dad left after I was born. He didn’t want me, I guess. My first foster home lasted about six months until the agency realized the family was an alcoholic nightmare. Then, I was relocated to a super-Christian and churchy family. That was tough for different reasons. After five years, they flipped out when they found out I was gay. They requested I get relocated. That’s how I got to the Kelley’s home.” Skyler deliberately left Cam out of the story. He felt tension in the hand that rested on his arm. He looked at Kalin, who looked shocked.

  Dammit.

  “That’s, uh, a lot to take in.” Kalin looked across the lake. “Holy shit,” he muttered to himself softly.

  Great, I blew it.

  “There’s more, right? I suspect that was the short-story version.”

  “Yep, but that’s for another day, another time,” Skyler said with finality in his voice. He watched the bow of his kayak bob in the water.

  “But you’re so normal.”

  “What?” Skyler said, surprised. You mean I didn’t scare you away?

  “You should be one messed up kid. But you’re not. You’re like the sweetest guy I’ve ever met.” Skyler silently disagreed with Kalin’s assessment.

  That must be a joke.

  “Wow,” Kalin continued. He inhaled and exhaled a deep breath. “One more question?” Skyler looked at Kalin. His beautiful eyes gently pleaded, and Skyler melted a little inside.

  “Okay, but, not too personal. I’m not ready to trust you with everything, yet.” Whoa, did I say that?

  “I get it. Sky, are you happy you’re gay?”

  “Happy I’m gay?” he echoed. What does that even mean? Can someone be happy they’re gay? Or straight? Aren’t you just who you are? Wait, is CK in my head? Maybe I’m not so sure of my answer.

  “Uh, I don’t, I uh, I guess so? I mean, it’s all I’ve ever known, being attracted to guys and all that. I think I’m okay with it, it seems like everyone else isn’t…or hasn’t been.”

  Kalin squeezed his arm. “Not everyone’s upset about it.” He smiled.

  Skyler missed the flirty comment. “You’re right, I mean, the Kelleys don’t mind at all. They think it’s totally okay.”

  “Skyler, it is totally okay. It’s who you are. Trust me, they are happy with you, and that you’re gay. You can’t change your sexuality, so you might as well embrace it yourself.”

  “I do embrace it. But, I mean, it’s a part of me, right? My identity isn’t gay as much as that’s a piece of who I am.” He tested Kalin with CK’s theory.

  Kalin furled his eyebrow and took a moment to ponder Skyler’s statement. “I guess, I never thought of it that way before.”

  Skyler continued, “I mean, people are straight, people are gay, or people are somewhere in between. Who you love isn’t who you are. It’s a part of your total package. My gayness doesn’t define all of me, only some of me. Like who I’ll fall in love with and be completed by. I know it will define the guy I marry one day.” Skyler smiled at Kalin’s ability to defend his opinion. Even if it’s why some people don’t want me. No, stop it.

  “Good point. But your sexual identity is gay. That’s still an important piece of who you are, no matter how you try to out-argue yourself. You can’t disconnect it because a bunch of people don’t like it. That’s like trying to cut off your foot or leg or something—you can’t, it’s a part of you. It’s…not right, and it’s not healthy.” Kalin paused and pondered something over on the lakeshore.

  “I like that you’re gay, Kal.” Skyler said, smiling. He turned his hand over and gently squeezed Kalin’s arm.

  Kalin looked back and peered into Skyler’s eyes. “I like your gayness, too, Sky.”

  They laughed together.

  Skyler watched as Kalin’s eyes tracked up and down his torso. “Like what you see?” he teased.

  “Yes, but actually,” Kalin said, pointing at him. “You might be getting a little crispy. We should put on more sunscreen. The water must have washed it off.”

  “Oh, right,” he said, checking himself for signs of sunburn. They applied sunscreen to their chests and shoulders, and helped each other with their backs once more. After, they wiped the excess sunscreen on to their legs and arms.

  Kalin, rested his hand off the edge of his kayak. Skyler noticed it had become increasingly difficult to keep his guard up around Kalin, especially after their brief but heartfelt conversation.

  Am I seriously about to do this? Yup…

  Skyler reached out and gently took Kalin’s hand in his, interlacing their fingers together.

  Kalin smiled and looked down at their hands.

  Am I seriously about tell to him that…

  “I like you a lot, too, Kalin,” Skyler said, giving his hand a slight squeeze.

  That wasn’t so bad, was it?

  Kalin squeezed back. “Like I said, I like you, Skyler.”

  “Peopl
e will talk,” he joked.

  “Let them. Our gayness will shine brighter than any gayness they’ve ever seen.”

  “Yes!”

  Shine bright like a diamond. The sung words from Rihanna’s song echoed in Skyler’s mind. “Shine gay like a rainbow,” he sang aloud to the song’s tune.

  Kalin chuckled. “Exactly. You really can be gay, Skyler, and not worry about it here. People in this town are bit more accepting than, it seems, other places…both in your life, at least from what you said, and in general. I mean, sure, there’s one or two assholes who will frown or say something stupid, but that’s everywhere. We’ll never escape it. I bet it will take several lifetimes for same-sex relationships to normalize across the country, and hell, the world.”

  “What makes you think it will take that long?”

  Kalin shrugged and cracked his neck. “Think about it. The Civil Rights movement was when, in the sixties? It lasted almost fifteen years. Gay rights? That began in the late seventies. And it’s still going on. Women’s rights? Even way before those two things—and the world is still filled with misogyny, racism, and homophobia. God, even my family, my tolerant and accepting family, has racism in its ancestry.”

  “Uh, hang on, what the hell is misogyny?”

  “Basically, men who hate women or girls.”

  “Oh.”

  “My other grandmother, not the one I told you about earlier, I remember from when I was young, reminisced one day about the neighborhood she raised her family in. It was all well and good, until one day, ‘When the black people moved in.’ I was seven, but I knew that wasn’t right. She didn’t. It stunned me, and I still haven’t forgotten it. Generationally speaking, my family, hell, all families, people, humans…as advanced as we are technologically, we are so backwards when it comes to the simple humanity of all of us. So many people preach equality but then miss the mark completely. This one can’t because of something, that one can’t because of something else.”

  Skyler was intimately familiar with false preaching. “You’re very, uh, informed. How do you know so much about these things?”

  “My lesbian aunts, remember? They’re feminists. So are my parents.”

  “Uh, and what are feminists? I mean, I’ve heard the word, but…” Please don’t think I’m stupid.