Beautifully Insightful

by K. C. Lynn

  She stares up at me with tears in her eyes. “I tried calling Rosa and Cece in the bathroom, to read me the menu online, but I couldn’t get ahold of them.

  It bothers me she didn’t trust me enough to help her. “You didn’t need to do that. I would have helped you.”

  “I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been embarrassed to tell you.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have. There is nothing embarrassing about it. You’ve been blind almost your entire life, Em, of course you can’t read.”

  She nods. “I know. To be honest I didn’t expect you to take me somewhere like this.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She shrugs. “I just never really thought of it as your kind of place.”

  “It isn’t. I fucking hate it. I only brought you here because I figured it was the kind of place you were used to.”

  Something passes over her expression just before she says: “It is the kind of place I’m used to, which is why I looked forward to wherever you were going to take me, Ryder. Because you have always taken me to a place where I belonged, not where I was expected.” Her words hit me like a punch to the gut.

  She drops her gaze as if not meaning to have said that but I’m done with the games. “Come on.” I pull her from the door before opening it.

  “Are you taking me home?” she asks softly, her tone sounding disappointed at the thought.

  “No, Em, I’m nowhere near done with you.” She smiles up at me, and before I can stop myself, I lean down and press a quick kiss to her lush mouth, making sure not to linger, then help her up in the truck. I glance back at the restaurant one more time and realize what an idiot I truly was. I should have realized that the Emily I knew six years ago would still be the Emily she is now. She never cared about this shit, never cared about this lifestyle.

  I get into the truck to see her watching me uncertainly. “So where are we going now?”

  “Somewhere I should have taken you to begin with.”

  Emily

  The further we drive, the more curious I become. After grabbing some fast food, something I haven’t had in years because my mother would have a heart attack, we started on our way to wherever Ryder is taking me. We’ve been driving for about thirty minutes and I don’t recognize anything, but I haven’t ventured out much since getting my sight back. Only to work, doctor appointments and the mall with Cece.

  I look across the dark vehicle at Ryder, his strong profile lit by the cars that pass us on the highway, and think about tonight’s events. I shouldn’t have been so ridiculous earlier, I should have asked for his help with the menu but I was embarrassed. Because there I sat, looking at this incredibly attractive and intelligent man who could have any woman he wanted and here he was with me, someone who couldn’t even read the menu. I know it’s silly. Like he said, I’ve been blind most of my life, of course I can’t read, but it did not matter and I let my insecurity get the better of me.

  I think about the way he kissed me, and the way my soul remembered it so well. My lips are still tingling from the sweet contact. This is not how I expected tonight to go. My plan was to catch up with him, and find the courage to ask him what happened between him and my father all those years ago, and why he left without so much as a goodbye. I need the closure; it will be the only way I will truly be able to move on. But, since that kiss, I have a feeling I will not find any closure, not when my heart is still so conflicted when it comes to him.

  I get pulled from my thoughts when we pull up in front of an old, dirty building I can’t distinguish. The entire place is dark and looks abandoned. Ryder parks off to the side then turns to me with a smirk. “Let’s go.” He grabs his jacket off the seat and gets out of the vehicle.

  I follow suit and look around the vacant lot, trying to figure out where we are. Ryder takes my hand easily, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world then leads me over to the massive building. I try to ignore the way my body is humming just from the small contact. He punches a bunch of numbers on a keypad and the big garage door rises automatically. The strong smell of oil and gas immediately infiltrates my nostrils.

  When he tries to pull me into the dark building I resist, my heart beginning to pound with panic. I don’t like the dark; it has become my number one fear since regaining my sight back.

  “Where are we?” I try to hide my anxiety but know I don’t succeed.

  “It’s all right, Em. It’s Hector’s garage.” He steps away then flicks on the lights. I squint at the sudden brightness, and once my eyes adjust I take in my surroundings. Big, heavy machinery litters the massive space; old, beat-up cars are raised up high and tools scatter the floor, leaving the place in chaos.

  “This way.” He tugs on my hand and leads me over to the opposite corner.

  A big smile spreads across my face as we walk up to a black motorcycle. “Are we going to ride this?” I ask hopefully.

  “Yeah, this is the new bike I bought from Hector.”

  “Eeeek!” I clap excitedly and Ryder chuckles at my obvious enthusiasm. I look down at my attire. “Er, I guess I’m not dressed great for it.”

  A dirty grin tilts his sexy lips. “I like it better that way.” He winks suggestively and I feel my face heat. Sheesh, I really hate that. “Here.” He passes me his jacket but I push it back at him.

  “No, no, I’ll be fine. It’s a warm night.”

  He glares at me and thrusts the jacket my way again. “No, you won’t. Take the jacket.”

  “Ryder, I’ll be fine.”

  “Emily, would you not argue with me for once, and just take the fucking jacket.”

  I roll my eyes then rip the stupid jacket from him. “Geez, you have a serious problem with being bossy,” I tell him as I put the damn coat on. Oh man, maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all, it smells really darn good, but there is no denying I look ridiculous in it. I throw my arms up showing him how long the sleeves are. “I look stupid!”

  His eyes roam down my body, suddenly making me think I might not look like an idiot after all. Sitting on the bike sideways, he grabs the lapels of the jacket and pulls me between his legs. “You look fucking sexy in anything you wear, but especially my clothes. And you look as good now as you did six years ago when we left that beach party and I took you on my bike for the first time. Except back then your dress was yellow, not pink.”

  My heart turns over in my chest at his words. The night he talks about is a night I have never forgotten, and clearly he hasn’t either. The fact that he remembers it so vividly, right down to what I wore, repairs a small part of my scarred heart. “I can’t believe you remember what I wore that night,” I whisper.

  “Baby, there isn’t a second of our time together that I don’t remember. You, Emily, are not someone I could ever forget.”

  I stare at him speechless, a sudden storm of emotions roiling inside of me. Then why? I want to scream. Why did you leave me? He stares back at me, his gaze intense as if he knows what I’m thinking. I consider asking him, right here, right now, but as I dig for courage he ends up breaking the moment by grabbing his helmet and putting it on my head. It’s probably better. I will ask him eventually. I will. But maybe not tonight. For tonight – I want to forget about all the bad, forget about what took him from me and just be in a place that I haven’t been for six years, a place that only Ryder and I create.

  “Lift your chin.” I do as he asks. After he tightens the straps, he straddles the bike, and oh boy does he look good on it. Heat pools low in my tummy when I think about what we did on his bike back in high school, or rather, what he did to me…

  I suddenly notice he’s watching me with an arrogant smirk. “This is one of those times, Emily, when I know exactly what you’re thinking. It’s written all over your pretty, flushed face.”

  Crap!

  “If you want to go for a ride on this bike I suggest you get your sexy ass on the back of it before I change my mind and end up taking you for a ride right here.”

 
Oh god, just the thought of riding him instead of the bike has an ache starting between my legs. I scoff, hoping to hide his affect on me. “Settle down, Jameson. I was just noticing how completely awkward you look on the bike is all.”

  He bursts out laughing, and it’s so infectious I can’t stop from laughing with him; we both know I’m full of it. “You are the shittiest liar.”

  “I know,” I agree with a giggle, not bothering to deny it. I get on behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, bringing my front flush against his hard, warm back. My smile dies and my heart flutters at the familiar feeling of being this close to him again. It’s a feeling I didn’t think I would get to experience again.

  “You ready?” he asks, his voice sounding huskier than it did a minute ago.

  “Yes,” I whisper so quietly I’m not sure he heard the reply.

  He starts up the bike, the powerful vibration and loud motor has anticipation pounding through my system. Kicking back the stand, he starts out of the garage slowly, and hits a button on the keypad as we pass it, closing the oversized door behind us, as we start out of the parking lot.

  Once we get onto the highway, he lets go and hits the throttle. I suck in a sharp breath and squeeze him tighter. Fear, anxiety and adrenaline slam into me, and completely overwhelm me. I close my eyes and my heart instantly begins to calm as I let myself use the only senses I’ve known for as long as I can remember. I take in the warm wind on my face, the smell of nature around us, and, most of all, I absorb the feeling of Ryder’s hard body warming mine. I forgot how completely exhilarating this could be.

  Once I’m more grounded, I reopen my eyes and try to take in our surroundings, but the dark night and our rapid speed make it difficult. So instead, I take the experience for what it is and just let myself feel. It takes me back to a time I remember so well, one I loved and one only Ryder ever gave me. Freedom.

  It isn’t too long before Ryder slows and pulls off to the side of the road in what seems like the middle of nowhere. I look around, wondering what he’s doing, but as we drive further in I get a glimpse of the view before us, and my heart stalls in my chest when I realize where we are.

  He parks the bike and I’m climbing off before he even has it turned off. I remove my helmet and jacket before walking closer to the edge of the cliff. I make sure to stop a fair distance away as my gaze becomes riveted to the incredible view stretched before me.

  “Describe to me what we’re looking at, Ryder.”

  “The clear sky above us is dark and covered in stars. Way off in the distance are thousands of lights from homes and buildings that light up the entire city. It looks like we are a world away rather than minutes.”

  I swallow past the sudden ache in my throat as his words replay in my head. His description was incredibly accurate, but I never understood the true beauty of it… Until now. I look up at the clear night sky to see a million stars, but they quickly become blurry as tears begin slipping down my cheeks. My heart becomes so overwhelmed from finally seeing what I always missed out on, that I cover my face and cry. Ryder comes up behind me and turns me around before enveloping me in his strong arms. He doesn’t say anything; he just holds me and lets me cry everything out.

  “You have no idea how many times I tried to picture this place,” I mumble into his chest, feeling the need to try and explain what I’m feeling. “Anything I ever pictured never came close to this.”

  He rubs soothing circles along my back in a comforting gesture, and the warmth of his embrace has some of my tears subsiding. “It doesn’t matter, Em. The best part about coming here was us getting to be together. The view was just an added bonus. You always experienced the best part of it.”

  Warmth blooms across my chest, my heart melting at his words. I nod, realizing he is right; the best part of that time was us – getting to be together. This was a place where we both escaped to and created a world of our own. One where wealth and politics never defined us.

  “Come on. Let’s sit down.” He lays down his coat for me to sit on then takes the spot beside me. I bring my knees up and wrap my arms around them, feeling cold without Ryder’s arms around me anymore.

  “Sorry,” I whisper, feeling the need to apologize as I wipe away the remainder of my tears.

  “Nothing to be sorry about, Em. I can imagine it must be pretty overwhelming at times.”

  I nod. “Yeah, it is. This is all so new to me still and I’m struggling to find my way.”

  “How so?”

  I take a moment to think of a way to explain it to him. “It’s like I’m having to learn to live all over again. When I lost my sight I learned to live in the dark. It was a different world, but I figured it out and I eventually strived in it. Now I’m thrown into what seems like a whole new world. People think it’s easier because now I can see, but it’s not at all. Something as simple as a place I have walked to a hundred times is now confusing because my entire direction is screwed up. But if I close my eyes then I can find my way.” I shake my head, feeling frustrated just thinking about it. “Even the stupid street lights. I’ve had to learn colors, something that we all learn in kindergarten, and it makes me feel like a complete idiot.” I turn my face away, feeling exposed as I admit to him everything I have been feeling for the past month.

  “Emily, look at me.” His warm hand cups my cheek and he turns my face toward his. “There is nothing even remotely stupid about you, you are the smartest chick I’ve ever met.” I shake my head but he stops the movement with his hand. “I’m serious. I mean, how many people can read with their hands?”

  Looking back at him, I decide to tell him something I haven’t expressed to anyone. “Sometimes I wish it never came back,” I whisper thickly. “I know that is such an awful and ungrateful thing to say, but it’s how I feel most of the time.”

  His intense, green eyes are soft with understanding. “No, it’s not awful, it’s normal, Em. Your entire life has been flipped upside down for a second time. I know it’s hard right now, but you’re going to figure it out and you will strive in it, just like you did before. It’s just going to take time.”

  He’s right. I know he is, but I’m having a hard time finding my patience right now. I suddenly think about my appointment with Dr. Ross. “You know how I went to that appointment earlier today.” He nods, his expression piquing with interest. “Well, the doctor I saw made a suggestion that he wants me to try.” Just the thought has panic bubbling up to the surface.

  “What did he suggest?” he asks when it takes me a moment to find my words.

  “He wants me to try hypnotherapy. He thinks it would be beneficial for me to remember what happened in the woods all those years ago. Or, at the very least, try to unlock the nightmare I had, to see if it could have any correlation to what brought my sight back.”

  “Are there risks involved with that?” he asks, sounding concerned.

  I shrug. “He said typically no, the risks are not great, nor serious, but my case is also rare so he can’t guarantee anything a hundred percent. But he did say he feels like everything would be okay. He’s strongly encouraging me to try it.”

  “And what do you think?”

  “The entire thought terrifies me, because whatever I dreamt that night, Ryder, it scared me so bad that I never want to feel fear like that again.” I can’t stop the hitch in my breath, or the tears I had been trying to hold at bay from slipping down my cheeks.

  “Jesus, Em.” Catching me off guard, he lifts me in one smooth motion and brings me over to straddle him. He wipes my tears before cupping my face affectionately. “Don’t be afraid, baby, whatever happened is over now. But maybe this is something you should consider. I know you’re scared, but if this does have to do with whatever happened all those years ago, if you don’t deal with it – who knows what would happen if you have another nightmare. Have you thought about that?”

  I nod. I have thought about it. I don’t want to go to sleep and have something happen that reverses this and I�
��m thrust back into the dark again. Although, with the way things are feeling right now maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I stare back at Ryder’s handsome face and know I don’t mean that. As hard as things have been for me, one thing I can’t be unhappy about is getting to see all the people I love: Summer, Rosa, Cece and now the one boy who captured my heart so many years ago.

  Releasing a tired sigh, I close my eyes and do the one thing that I have wanted to do since Ryder came back. My hands find his face and I let myself see him how I used to, through touch. He keeps still and lets me explore. I start at his hair, my fingers running through the soft, messy strands until I reach the ends that brush the back of his neck. It has me remembering how much I loved to feel it when we would kiss, especially our desperate kisses, the ones where I would grip so tightly because I never wanted him to stop.

  Dragging my fingers forward, I drift them across his strong jaw that is rough with minor stubble, just like it was six years ago. Does he look much different now than he did back then? He feels much the same, the only thing I notice is his body is a little more muscular, not that he was lacking that back in high school, but he is definitely harder, more… defined. At least from what I could tell with the little contact I’ve had with being against him. He is as good looking as I expected. Not because of what everyone else told me about him, but because I knew him deep down, I knew the very depths of him. And one thing I had learned with my disability was that is where true beauty lies. Ryder, though, is lucky to have both.

  I run my finger down his nose now and pass over the familiar bump. “Is this visible?”

  “No.”

  At the memory, I reopen my eyes to see that it is, in fact, not visible, even being this close up. I also see Ryder’s expression is intense, his green eyes dark with something I can’t name, but it has my heart pounding wildly and my mouth going dry.

  I hold his warm gaze and move to his soft, firm lips. I trace their outline and remember how incredible they felt all those years ago, and even more so a few hours ago. As I explore, he encircles my wrist and presses a kiss to the inside of my palm. The intimate and familiar gesture has my heart warming.