Beside Your Heart

by Mary Whitney

“By the pool.” Rachel was curt.

  “What are they doing?” he asked. I thought he sounded almost worried.

  In true Rachel form, she retorted, “What do you think?” I could hear her walking up the steps as she added, “It took a little bit because I was trying not to interrupt.”

  There was no response from Adam.

  I looked at David, who also seemed to process their exchange. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, so I offered, “You don’t have to walk me home, you know. I mean you don’t even know your way around here. How will you get back?”

  Focusing again on me, he smiled. “I’ve spent the last six months working my way round tiny streets in South America, and I don’t speak Spanish. I can handle this place, easy. I’ll go tell Adam.”

  David left me, and I sat there thinking about what had just happened while I got myself back together. I felt fantastic. I was on a physical and emotional high from being with a great guy. Then I thought about never seeing him again, because that’s exactly what was going to happen. Just my luck.

  When he came back, David smiled. “I’m meeting him afterward at the house.”

  I nodded and wondered what he’d said to Adam, but I didn’t ask.

  David must have known what I was thinking, though, because he put his arm around me. “Adam didn’t say anything.”

  His smile didn’t look trustworthy, but I ignored it. I motioned toward the gate. “Let’s get going.”

  David held my hand as we walked home, and we talked more about his trip and what he would do when he got back to England. About halfway to my house, I looked up at him at one point as we were talking. He looked down at me and kissed me. Afterward, he shook his head and frowned, saying, “It’s really unfair that I only met you today.”

  “I know.” Then I told him what I’d been telling myself. “But it’s not like we’re really geographically compatible.”

  He laughed and replied, “That’s true.” We continued walking—this time not talking until he said, “I want to see you tomorrow, but I can’t. I have to spend the day with the family, and Adam has this date set for tomorrow night.”

  Of course I already knew the answer, but I had to play dumb and ask, “A double date with Meredith and Jennifer? Is that why she was at the lockers?”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “You’ll have fun,” I said, trying not to snort.

  When we got to my porch, I felt it immediately: finally, I was standing at my door with a guy and it wasn’t weird or awkward. Instead, David bent down and gave me an amazingly long kiss. Here we go again, I thought. The kisses were getting a little too passionate for a front porch, and my body was glued to his in a way that my mom would not have liked the neighbors to see. I needed to stop it.

  “This is a nice goodbye,” I said. “But now I really do need to go.”

  “Damn. I hate this.” He groaned as he placed his forehead to mine.

  I wanted to stay there, but that confidence that had been building somewhere inside me came out. I could do this. I could be the one to end it.

  I whispered, “Enjoy the rest of your time here, travel safe, and take care of yourself.”

  Taking my face in his hands, he kissed me before saying, “You look after yourself, princess.”

  If any other guy had called me princess, I’d have laughed in his face, but coming from David, it made me want to pounce on him again. Good thing I was on my front doorstep. I kissed him again and stepped inside.

  The following morning, my mom was out running errands when Lisa called to tell me she and Rachel were dropping by. They wanted details on David. When they came over, we hung out in the living room, but Rachel was literally bouncing in her seat. I could tell this was going to be girl talk in the raw.

  “So, tell us everything,” she said, grinning away.

  “There’s not much to tell.” I giggled at the end, which totally betrayed my words.

  “I heard you last night. And it sounded good. So what happened?”

  I realized I needed to set something straight. “Well, I’m still a virgin if that’s what you want to know.”

  “But you had an orgasm. I heard it.” Her tone was definitive like she was a detective, and after a moment her eyes widened. “Oh my God! Did he go down on you? Is that how you came?”

  An image of David—down there—went through my mind. I wish. Shaking my head, I smiled. “That would’ve been nice, but no. You won’t believe this, but we both had all of our clothes on. Mostly it was just a lot of bumping and grinding.”

  Rachel cackled. “A lot of bumping and grinding, I’d say, if you had an orgasm!”

  “I don’t believe it,” Lisa blurted out with a guffaw.

  “Believe it,” I said.

  Rachel was spazzing. “Ah! That’s so damn hot. Not quite as hot as oral sex, but wicked hot. And with your clothes on? How? I mean, really. What does he have, a magic dick?”

  I held up my hands. “I told you. I don’t even know!”

  After we stopped laughing, Lisa asked, “So what about tonight? Do you two have plans?”

  “No. None at all. He’s with family right now, and tonight he’s stuck on a date with Jennifer, Meredith, and Adam.”

  “Yuck,” Lisa said with the sneer she usually saved for school cafeteria food. “Why is he doing that if he was messing around with you last night?”

  “Adam and Meredith set it up. I didn’t tell him what he was in for,” I said with a snort. “Regardless, I think it’s fine to end things where they are with him.”

  “That sucks.” Rachel crossed her arms. “He would have been the perfect guy for you to have sex with for the first time.”

  “You have got to be kidding me,” I said, looking at her like she was insane. “The last thing I need to be doing is mooning over someone I’m never going to see again.”

  “That’s the beauty of it, though. There wouldn’t be any awkwardness for you. You’d just get it out of the way with this amazing guy.”

  “Rachel, you’re crazy,” said Lisa. “Most women don’t work that way. I mean, I don’t, and I’m not even a virgin anymore.”

  “Well, that’s all well and good,” Rachel said. “But hot guys with an accent like Sir David I-Can-Make-You-Come-With-Your-Clothes-On don’t come around that often. That’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

  We made plans to go to Juanita’s that night. I offered to be the designated driver because, after last night, I thought I needed to have my wits about me. Dinner was fun but uneventful. Rachel took it as an opportunity to grill Lisa about Peter.

  Lisa played everything down and smiled. “We just kissed. He’s doing the college thing. I’m stuck in high school with y’all and my special friend Ben waiting in the wings for me.”

  We left early since Rachel said she needed to meet up with Tom later that night. As we exited the restaurant, walking along the sidewalk were David, Adam, Meredith, and Jennifer. I turned to Rachel immediately and said, “Did you know about this?”

  Rachel smirked. “I have my ways.”

  Thank God, I’d actually gotten a little done up for tonight even though it was just with the girls.

  Adam spied us first. “Hello, ladies.”

  David smiled straight at me. “Evening, Nicki.”

  After the seven of us met on the sidewalk and exchanged some polite hellos, David came over and grabbed my waist from the side. “It’s good to see you again.”

  Jennifer let out an obviously nervous laugh. “You two know each other?”

  “For the last thirty-six hours,” I said. I was pretty sure she hated me.

  Dimwitted Meredith was smart enough to know she needed to get her friend out of an awkward situation. She tugged on Adam’s shirt. “I’m hungry. Let’s go eat.”

  “Right,” he said. He turned to David. “Shall we?”

  “You three go inside,” David said, pointing to the door. “I want to talk to Nicki for a moment.”

  “Okay. See you in there,�
� Adam said. He glanced at me, and I swear his lips were curling into a smirk as he guided Meredith and Jennifer into Juanita’s.

  “Nicki,” Rachel said, “Lisa and I will meet you at the car.”

  As everyone walked away, David leaned down and gave me a kiss like we were about to go at it right there and then in the parking lot.

  I pulled away and laughed. “I’m happy to see you, too, but I think you should go inside. Your date is waiting.”

  “Don’t remind me.” He let his hands rest in the small of my back and smiled. “I think Adam owes me one for setting me up with that dull bird. She’s nice, but I’d rather be with you.”

  Hearing he preferred me to Jennifer the Pug tickled me pink. I gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’d rather be with you, too.”

  “Then it’s fate that we’ve met again. How do I get to see you later?”

  I wanted to, but I knew it was a bad idea. What good was going to come of it? I just saw emotional messiness all around. I shook my head. “That would be nice, but I don’t think it’s a good idea in the end. I mean, let’s leave what was great—great, okay?”

  “You are far too mature for me,” he said, stroking my hair.

  I stood on my toes and gave him another a peck. “Goodbye. Take care of yourself.”

  “You do the same, princess,” he said before planting another one on me. This time, he rubbed his dick against me.

  “Are you trying to show me what I’ll be missing?” I giggled.

  “Maybe.”

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.” He lowered his lips to mine again. Damn, he could kiss. When he pulled away, he studied me for a moment and said, “I’ve been thinking. Since I’ll never be here again, I don’t think you should give up on my numb-nuts cousin just yet. All right?”

  “Right,” I said with a little huff. I patted his arm. “Now get back in there with your date.”

  When I got to the car, Rachel said, “You can start thanking me now.”

  “Thanks, Rachel. That was nice.”

  “So what are the late-night plans?” Lisa asked.

  “No plans,” I said.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me, Nicki,” Rachel said, trying to sit up straight in a bucket seat. “You said no to the guy?”

  “Listen, thanks for setting this up for me. That was really sweet, but like I said, I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to get caught up in a guy I’ll never see again starting tomorrow.”

  “Fine,” Rachel grumbled. “Anyway, it wasn’t hard to figure it out. Tom told me where they were going.”

  “Well, thanks for thinking of me,” I said.

  Rachel shook her head. “I’m just telling you, Nicki. David and his magic dick are an opportunity of a lifetime. Not to be missed.”

  “I know, I know.” I sighed. “You’ll be able to say I told you so if I ever regret it.”

  Chapter 8

  ON MONDAY MORNING, Adam was at the lockers again with Meredith at his side. They weren’t talking, and I swore she gave me an irritated look. Maybe I had ruined their double date on Saturday night because of my fling with David. Excellent. I felt a little smug about it.

  Adam just gave me a flat hello, and that was it. Fine by me. I would never feel the need to discuss the weekend’s events with him.

  So he startled the shit out of me in English when he said, “You know, you broke David’s heart on Saturday night.” I looked up from my book but wished I hadn’t. I was sure I was all wide-eyed and red-cheeked. Why was I so embarrassed?

  He had said it sort of matter-of-factly, but he was grinning—like he knew something I didn’t. And of course that was true. He’d talked with David. Who knew what David had told him about me? David seemed like a wonderful guy, so I didn’t think it would have been anything bad, but it was enough to make Adam grin like the stupid Cheshire Cat. I knew there was a reason I hated Alice in Wonderland.

  Then I remembered something else: Adam never had a crush on me the way I had on him, so he wouldn’t be uncomfortable talking about how I’d hooked up with his cousin—unlike me.

  Regardless, I thought I did a pretty good job at answering in a normal voice. “Yeah. I really doubt that.”

  “Then you would be wrong.”

  His eyes told me he was enjoying teasing me, and there was his charming smile again, tugging at my heart. I needed to stop the conversation; it was too unnerving.

  I gave him half a smile before saying, “We’ll disagree, then,” as I turned toward the front of the class.

  He stopped me mid-turn, though. “So, are you going to read the book again?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “To Kill a Mockingbird? You said you knew it well. Are you going to read it again?” He had stopped grinning. No longer teasing me, he seemed to really want to talk.

  The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. I had stuck the book in my locker once we’d gotten it, and I hadn’t thought of it again. Great. I must have been unconsciously avoiding it because reading about Scout would only remind me of Lauren.

  I sighed. “I remember enough of the story to get by in class, but I guess I’ve got to read it again when we write a paper on it. I mean, I don’t exactly have quotes memorized by heart. I’m going away this weekend. Maybe I’ll read it then.”

  “Oh. You’re not going to be here? Where are you going?”

  “Just to see my dad. He lives in Chicago.” Why was Adam talking to me so much? We hadn’t spoken like this in weeks.

  “Do you miss your father?” he asked.

  That was it; time to end the chat. He’d looked so sincere when he asked me, but I wasn’t going there. I wasn’t going to let him in my head again. Lisa was right: he was trouble.

  I looked at Adam warily and gave him an answer that was suspiciously vague but the God-honest truth at the same time: “Some.” Hopefully, he’d get the hint that I was ending the conversation. I turned to the front just in case he didn’t.

  The rest of the week was uneventful, except that Meredith was at the lockers all the damn time. Though she hovered over him, she and Adam didn’t talk much, or at least he didn’t talk to her. The vibe was so awkward, it was almost as uncomfortable for me as when they used to paw each other.

  Sylvia also would periodically show up, which seemed to shoo Meredith away. I liked that, but I also liked talking with Sylvia, who was always chatty and a little quirky. She didn’t seem shy anymore. But the problem with Sylvia was she would just run off, leaving me alone with Adam. He would try to keep the conversation going, but I’d fend him off. I thought about my time with David last weekend, and in the end, it really didn’t change anything with Adam. I still needed to keep my distance from the guy.

  Adam must have thought otherwise. I guess in his mind, my messing around with his cousin meant that we were friends. That’s why he was trying to speak with me again.

  I knew it couldn’t work that way for me. I couldn’t be friends with him. I would just end up wanting to be more than that, and then I’d be right back in the same place. This time, though, there would be no one to blame but myself.

  Before English on Friday, Adam asked, “So when are you leaving for Chicago?”

  “Soon after school. My mom’s picking me up and taking me to the airport.”

  “You’re missing a great film at Tom’s tonight—Naked Lunch.”

  “Believe me. I would rather be at Tom’s than at my dad’s.” I’d frowned as I said it, so I shrugged to make light of it. There was nothing light about it, though. This would be my first trip to see him without Lauren.

  “Why don’t you want to see your dad?” Adam asked. Not waiting for an answer, he added, “Don’t you two get along?”

  I couldn’t help but flash him a look. I knew I had asked for it with my comment, but his question was out of bounds. Even if I weren’t trying to avoid him, I wouldn’t answer that question. It was pretty personal, and we weren’t friends.

&nbs
p; Adam backed away from me in his seat. “I’m sorry. That was terribly rude of me.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I glanced at him and saw that he really did look sorry. Feeling badly, I added, “It’s not a big deal.”

  Adam nodded. You could tell that he knew not to press it, because he went back to his reading.

  As much as I could complain about Dad, he was smart and nothing got by him. When he picked me up at O’Hare in Chicago, he saw the book in my hands and said, “I thought you read that a few years ago.”

  “Yeah, but I’m going to have to write a paper, so I need to reread it.”

  He kissed my forehead. “We’ll see that you get some downtime.”

  That sounded good to me. By the time we got to his house in Lincoln Park, I was worried because I was sure that I had exhausted all the small talk I could think of about my life. What in the hell were we supposed to talk about for the next two days? I’d never spent so much time alone with my dad.

  His house was gigantic considering only he lived there. Dad might have left Mom for another woman, but apparently he didn’t to want to live with her either. He told us he wanted a house with a lot of bedrooms so that Lauren and I had our own rooms, just like we had in Texas. He had even let us do whatever we wanted with them. I’d gotten the idea to paint each wall with a different shade of the same color. Mine was four hues of purple, and Lauren had four different blues.

  Mom had explained the divorce very simply to Lauren and me: “Your dad and I just got married too young.” I wanted to believe her, but it’s not like they were eighteen when they married. They were twenty-three. Twenty-three still sounded too young for me personally—marriage wasn’t on my farthest horizon—but for back then it was reasonable. Mom never lied to us, so I knew her statement was just a generalization of something more specific that she didn’t want to go into.

  As I went up the stairs to my room, I stopped midway. I realized I was about to see Lauren’s room—right across the hallway from mine. Had Dad changed it?

  When I got to the top of the stairs, Lauren’s door was closed, so I couldn’t tell, but I had to know. I didn’t even look at my room before I started opening her door. It opened an inch, and I saw the blue walls.