Devour

by E. K. Blair

  So the problem is my phone...I pull her up, open it, and there ya have it—the number is not her number. So when I called or texted her, it didn’t go to her phone; she never got it. And she didn’t call or text me, because not only was there no text to reply to or ring to answer...she thought I was ignoring her. Oh God, my poor girl thought I had just ended all communication with her. Maybe she was one of those random messages with no contact name that I deleted, thinking they were from a clingy Bulldog Babe. No way I’m opening up that can of worms by asking for clarification though. I slam my fist on the table, knocking over the salt and pepper. Too late salt, the bad luck already hit.

  Leaning my elbows on the table, head in my hands, I rub my temples. My head is throbbing and my chest is tight. l can’t get a full, deep breath. Laney must’ve been so hurt and the thought of her hurting makes me see red. More importantly, who the fuck changed her number in my phone? The only person here that Laney and I have in common is...no way, NO! Kaitlyn is Laney’s best friend! WHY would she do this? Yes, we had an awkward morning, but I thought we were cool about it.

  Is what I’m about to do creepy? Yes, and I feel like an ass, but I pull up the texts between Kaitlyn and Laney. I want to see if anything in them confirms or refutes my suspicions. I’m really hoping for the latter. Laney adores Kaitlyn and this will cut her deep if true.

  Oh fuck.

  My whole body starts shaking and I have to swallow the burning acid that shoots up my throat. Please don’t let this actually be happening. I’m so screwed. My sweet, sweet girl had seen this. A picture of me doing a tit shot off some blonde. Kaitlyn sent it the night she was “being a good friend” and got me home safely.

  Laney never mentioned it. Laney would never mention it. We broke up, so she thinks I’m entitled to a motorboat with whomever I want and she’ll never go back on her decision. She gave me freedom so we wouldn’t fight, so she won’t berate me about it.

  I deserve to have my ass kicked. If I got a picture of some dude’s face shoved in Laney’s cleavage, I’d find him, kill him, and then check myself into an asylum. I couldn’t handle it, and yet, she had. She’d drawn the image, the hurt, the betrayal inside herself and let me go on about my day.

  Selflessly.

  Staying on the road takes full effort as I drive back to the field to see if Laney’s out yet. I had seen new contacts in her phone and she’s told me about the new people she’s been hanging with at school, but it hurt a little to see four new guys entered. Not nearly as bad as it hurt to think I’d become the slimiest prick she could possibly know.

  I slam my truck in park and rest my forehead against the steering wheel. I just want her to come out and let me make everything better. I want to rewind and be lying against her, watching her movies with the smell of her hair all around me and none of this having ever happened. How do I face her? How do I look her in the eye? Do I tell her I know she knows? Do I try to explain? Would she really buy the whole “the team peer pressured me” bit? I wouldn’t.

  I wait a little over an hour until I see her headed my way, bag in hand. She’s captivating. I swear I can see the halo above her golden locks as she ambles towards me. I bolt out of the truck as soon as I see she’s crying, but I don’t pull her into me right away. I don’t have as much right to do that anymore.

  “Coach says I can ride back with you...if you feel like driving all that way. It’s getting late, so I understand if you can’t. If not, I need my phone and I’ve gotta go right now and we can talk that way, if you figured things out with it.” She sniffles and looks down, her shoulders slumping in defeat.

  “Of course I’ll take you. Run and tell your coach, sweetie.”

  She’s back quickly and climbs in through my side as I settle her bag in the back. Silently I climb in, trying to decide what I should or shouldn’t say to this precious, forgiving creature beside me. After I pull us onto the main highway we’ll be using for the next several hours, I finally find my voice. “Why you crying, darlin?”

  “Something’s wrong, Evan, and I hate what I’m thinking. Someone sabotaged me on purpose; someone took away UGA for me.” Her body tenses and she falls silent but for a second, the calm before the storm. “Someone TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME!” she screams and breaks into full body sobbing.

  I give her a minute to gather herself before I ask questions; she can barely breathe. I may be a sorry bastard, but I can’t just watch her hurt from across the cab. Hesitantly, I place my hand on her thigh, hoping to fuse comfort into her.

  “Laney, what are you talking about? No one took me from you; I’m right here, baby girl. I figured out the phones, we’ll be able to talk now. Just calm down for me, lamb.”

  “Yeah, and what’d you figure out on the phones?”

  “Your number had been changed in mine and I would never think to even look at that, so all the time I was texting and calling you, it was to the wrong number. And you never called me back, cause you never got them, so you thought I was ignoring you and I thought you were ignoring me.”

  “And how would my number get changed in your phone, Evan?” Her head whips towards me, nostrils flared and eyes glowing.

  I’ve never seen her so mad.

  “I already know the answer, but I want to hear what you’ve come up with. Just tell me—cause trust me, your shocker is not even close to as big as mine.” She starts shaking, crying again.

  “Laney, there’s only one person at school with me who knows you and would know your birthday to crack my passcode.” Kaitlyn better steer clear of me.

  “Say it—say her name—say out loud who did this to us!” she screams.

  “Kaitlyn. It had to be, Laney, nothing else makes sense.” I hate to say it, Kaitlyn’s her best friend; it’s got to hurt like hell. What the fuck was that bitch up to? Sending a picture, appearing in my room, hacking my phone...why?

  “It hurt so bad, Evan, to think you just took the breakup pass and ran, didn’t care to even talk to me anymore.” Poor angel’s whole body lets out a quiver. “She couldn’t have taken anything more valuable from me than you. She hit where it would hurt the worse. And then, she took more, she just had to twist the knife. I’m surprised she didn’t just kill my dad, that’d have wiped me out completely.” She slams her hands on my dashboard, the most gut-wrenching wail I’ve ever heard coming for her.

  “You’re scaring me, sweetie, what else are you talking about? I fixed the phones, and she’ll never touch mine again...so what aren’t you saying?” Please don’t let her say the picture. Or maybe please let her, it might be better to just get it out in the open, cause Lord knows I’m pussing out on fessing up.

  “Well, you know, I thought it was odd when my good friend and I hadn’t talked in weeks, even weirder when she barely acknowledged me at clinic.” Her head is snapping back and forth now, anger frothing from her. She’s all kinds of worked up and I’d rather throw myself from this moving truck than hear whatever big conclusion she’s leading to.

  “I also found it strange when I went up to her to give her a big hug and venom dripped off her voice when she said my name and the girls around her laughed. But I gotta say...the highlight was when the freaking coach of the college of my freaking dreams, The University of Georgia, told me how sorry he was when he received my declination of his offer.”

  Darting my eyes from the road to her quickly, she’s now slamming one fist into her other flat palm faking a huge grin in sarcasm. “He said he sure had been looking forward to having my big stick in his lineup this year!”

  She’s gone back to crying so hard now I find a safe spot to pull over; I have to hold her. “Come here baby, come here.” I undo her seatbelt and pull her into my lap and hold her. I will all the love and peace I can into her; running my hands up and down her shaking arms, kissing the top of her head, whispering that it will all be okay.

  “She did this, Evan, my best friend, Kaitlyn, who stood by me when my mother didn’t, who helped me pick out my prom dress, who taught me how to pu
t on makeup...she did this to me. I had the scholarship to UGA, Evan! THEY WANTED ME! I WAS GOOD ENOUGH, DAMNIT!”

  I hold her as tight as I can and I literally cannot contain her thrashing.

  “I could have been there with you this whole time! All this heartache, all this damage, all the misery...it was her. No one else would intercept my letter and decline for me. The only people with that kind of access to my life are you, my dad, and her. And the minute he said it, I knew what had happened with the phones, too. She screwed us, Evan, she cost us so much.” Her head and body go limp against mine, exhausted.

  Goddamn that bitch! How could she? WHY would she? Kaitlyn and Laney were so close; she had no reason to want to hurt Laney. It’s not like Laney’s spot would have cost her hers, that was on lock. And why send a picture that will only crush her best friend’s feelings? Laney would never hurt Kaitlyn, so WHY? I could have had Laney at school with me this whole time; holding her, loving her, not being miserable, her not being miserable. How do I solve this? Can I solve this?

  When Laney settles down a bit, I place her back in her seat gently and buckle her up. She’s a bit like a zombie right now. We again set off down the road. “Laney, what do we do? Can you still come to UGA?”

  “No, all the scholarships have been given out, Evan. School’s started; the girls who accepted are there. It’s too late. I could have been there with you!” Too tired to cry this time, she drops her chin against her chest, wrapping her arms around herself. “Tell me this isn’t happening; tell me I’m having a nightmare! Why would she do this to me, to us? I guess me coming down here finally cracked her, she knew the coach would say something.”

  I have no idea what to say to her. I can’t believe it myself. I can hardly drive; my hands are throbbing because I’m gripping the steering wheel so tightly. Laney and I were robbed of our happiness, our chance. She had her shot at playing D1 ball stolen by her best friend. Talk about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.

  Laney’s eyes are closed; her head leaning against the window. I’m sure she’s exhausted from all this and my heart aches for her. All this time she thought she wasn’t good enough, that UGA didn’t think she was good enough; but she was and now there’s nothing she can do about it. She’s been all alone at Southern, and I can’t imagine how hard that is for her, especially when she didn’t have to be there at all.

  Kaitlyn will pay for this; I don’t know how yet, but she will pay.

  Hours later, I pull up to Laney’s campus. I’m not quite sure where I’m going so I’m forced to wake her up. “Laney, baby, where’s your building?”

  She sleepily gets her bearings and guides me to her dorm. When we get there, neither of us move to get out of my truck. We just kinda stare blankly at one another, not sure what to do or say. The ride back was supposed to have been spent talking about why we hadn’t talked, making up...but we’d never been fighting, we’d been brutally tricked. So what do we do now?

  “Laney, I hate to leave you, God, especially like this, but I gotta get headed back. If I miss, I don’t dress out. At least we can talk again now, right?” I try to get a small smile from her, hoping this will make her feel better, but I know it doesn’t; it doesn’t make me feel much better, either.

  “Yeah, I guess it’s good we figured that out. I’ve missed you, Evan. I thought I’d lost you, lost my best friend. I think a new part of me died every single day.” A tear falls down her cheek as she says it.

  I reach over and gently wipe it away, then pull her to me. God, she feels so good in my arms. I love her so much and my heart broke when I thought she was ignoring me. I don’t ever want to let her go. Is this all worth it? College, ball, all this...all that should matter is being with Laney.

  “Laney, we’re going to get through this. I’ll walk you to your door, sweetpea, and then you go up and get some sleep. We’ll talk after I do the same and our heads are clear.”

  “K, promise me you’re okay to drive?”

  “I promise, baby girl.” I lean over, cupping her face in my hands. I take in every nuance of her beauty, burning it into my brain, the image that will get me through until I see her again. I don’t deserve their grace, but, as established, I’m a selfish asshat, so I kiss her lips. She tastes like my Laney, my life, my love. She deepens the kiss, sighing into my mouth, and I can actually absorb her heartache. I’m more confused now than ever, but one thing never wavers, one thing I never doubt...I am and will always be in complete and forever love with Laney.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  KISSABLE

  Laney

  I don’t wake up until almost one in the afternoon, classes be damned today. For a brief moment, I think maybe it was all been a bad dream, that yesterday didn’t happen, but too soon I realize it did. What do I do now? Nothing—there’s nothing I can do.

  I have no idea what would motivate Kaitlyn to do such things and I don’t think I can stand talking to her to even ask why. Okay, so playing devil’s advocate, maybe she thought the picture would be funny. But robbing someone of their college scholarship? That’s huge! And crazy! And the phone thing? Why would Kaitlyn not want me talking to Evan? Was she trying to break my resolve or trying to block communication so I wouldn’t figure out her plan?

  Well duh, Laney, how blind are you? Kaitlyn wants Evan. Holy shit, that’s it!

  ALL. GOOD. STUFF. Really? FML.

  There’s only one thing I can even fathom to do at this point. I call my Dad.

  “Daddy,” I sob, breaking down the minute I hear his voice.

  “Slugger? What’s wrong?” he asks, worry heavy in his voice. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

  “N-no, I’m not hurt.” I wipe my nose with my shirt sleeve, taking a deep breath.

  “Laney Jo, you’re scaring me. What the hell’s the matter?” he barks.

  He keeps asking me to stop, slow down, start over; I’m crying so hard he can’t understand a word I’m saying. I finally get it out, the scholarship and Kaitlyn saga, and he’s just as shocked as I am. Maybe shocked isn’t the word for it, ‘killing mad and close to an aneurysm’ is more accurate.

  He says he’s going to make some calls and see what he can do, but I tell him not to do anything definite; making him swear he won’t call her parents. We’re adults now and that’s how I want to deal with it. Not until he offers to try and fix it does it dawn on me...maybe I don’t want to change it now. I like my coach here. I like the girls on my team alright. I like the friends I’ve made here, I love Bennett, I like my classes, and I don’t want to see Kaitlyn every day and pretend we’re on the same “team.”

  Even if he could fix it, which is doubtful, maybe I don’t want it fixed. So he’ll make some calls, but nothing for sure. Yeah, that’ll work for now.

  Then I tell him about Evan, in general, non-gory details. No sense in getting Evan killed to top off my problems. Dad loves Evan, and of course he’d love nothing more than the two of us to be together, so neither do I even mention Dane’s name; just the confusion of my feelings about being apart from Evan, the loneliness...poor Dad, he has absolutely no idea how to talk shop with me and I didn’t give him a lot of practice. It still feels good to vent it, though, and he tries his best to keep up.

  “Thanks, Daddy, I feel better, I guess. I love you.” “I love you, Slugger. You’re my little girl, always. If you need my help, you have it; you know that, right?”

  “I know,” I say, taking a calming breath. “I can handle it, Dad. I’m bound and determined to be an adult that makes you proud.”

  His forced chuckle is helpful. “You couldn’t make me anything but, honey. Don’t worry so much, ok? Just do what feels right, Laney. That’s all you can do.”

  “10-4, Daddy. I’ll be home soon, okay?”

  “Sounds good, kiddo. I’m always happy to see you.” My dad rocks, there’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I adore that man and no matter what else happens, ever, I got damn lucky there.

  Next I call Evan, but it goes
to voicemail. “Just want to make sure you made it back safe.” Pausing, I force down the frustration in my voice. I’m so sick of getting his voicemail. “I guess we have a lot to talk about; call me when you can.” Hitting “end call” carries a weight I can’t shrug off. I lay in my bed looking at the ceiling for long moments, fighting off the melancholy trying to consume me.

  I could call Kaitlyn and ask her why the fuck she did this to me. I could call Zach to hang. I could call Bennett but I’m thinking she must be at rehearsal. So I do exactly what I knew I was going to 10 minutes ago. I text Dane.

  Laney: Hey, what r u up 2?

  Dane: Nothing important. You?

  Laney: Just woke up lol. Had quite a day yesterday, trying to recover.

  Dane: Oh yeah, good or bad?

  Laney: Bad. Very. But I don’t want 2 talk about that... Do you play the piano?

  Dane: Um yes...random?

  Laney: Random is good sometimes, right? Dane: It is. You okay?

  Laney: Not really, at all. Wanna do random with me today?

  Dane: I’ll be there soon.

  I jump out of bed and run to the shower. I take extra care straightening my hair, applying light makeup and selecting my outfit. I choose jeans and a black sleeveless top with black ankle boots that I dug out of Bennett’s closet. Basically, I dress unlike myself for Random Day: Laney with a dash of Bennett. I can’t help that my heart flutters when I hear the knock on the door. When I open it, all moisture leaves my mouth and heads elsewhere. Dane stands before me in dark washed jeans, a tight white t-shirt, black boots and disheveled hair. He smells delicious, the light scent of cologne and freshness graces my senses from where he stands, and that half-cocked smile he wears as he peruses me is almost more than I can take. Full frontal awareness hits me—I’ve gone from never having a boyfriend to a full-on love triangle, head first.