‘All he wanted tonight was a cuddle and, yes, he got one, but only for as long as the ward would allow it. I know that’s just how it is, that as a nurse there’s nothing I can do to change it. It’s just…’
‘Just what?’
‘I adore him,’ Anguished eyes met Nick’s and she watched as he flinched. ‘I’m supposed to feel guilty for even saying it.’
‘You’re crossing the line, Eden.’
‘If I handed my notice in tomorrow and went off to some developing country to work with HIV-infected orphans, everyone would wish me well and tell me I was doing a great thing…’ Nick frowned, clearly having no idea where she was heading. ‘If I handed my notice in tomorrow to become a foster-parent for handicapped children, a few people might scratch their heads but again everyone would wish me well. But if, heaven forbid, I do it back to front, if I actually get attached to a patient who doesn’t have anyone to call his own in the world, suddenly I’m crossing a line, suddenly I’m getting in too deep. We’re supposed to care, but not too much, we’re supposed to get involved in people’s lives and still hold back.’
‘We have to if we’re going to stay sane.’
‘But it’s not a light switch, it’s not something we can just flick on and off at will. We don’t choose the people in our lives who are going to touch us. Sometimes, like it or not, it just happens…’
And something in her voice must have reached him because she felt the fight go out of him. A pensive look came over his face, his eyes softening slightly as he looked over at her.
‘If you look after him, you’re going to get hurt, Eden.’
‘I know.’ A brave smile wobbled on her lips. ‘And if I don’t look after him, if you stop me from being allowed to nurse him, then I’m going to get hurt even more.’
‘Donna needs to know.’
‘No!’ Eden shook her head firmly, but Nick just stared right back.
‘I can guarantee Donna’s felt the same at some time in her career.’
‘I doubt it.’
‘I can guarantee it,’ Nick said. ‘And so have I.’
Her eyes jerked up to him.
‘Lucy Wright, two years old with a cerebral tumour. I was a doing my paed internship and everyone, including my parents, told me it was just because I was young and relatively inexperienced, that it was because it was my first real experience with a terminally ill child, but even though I agreed with them to keep them quiet, the fact is, Lucy was just a great kid. I can still see her smile when I walked on the ward. She was blind,’ Nick added, ‘but she knew, just from my footsteps, that it was me. And, yes, I was young and relatively green and, yes, it was my first real experience with a terminally ill child, but I cried more than I ever have since over losing a patient when she died. Since then, to this day, I haven’t cried that way again. And it wasn’t just because she was two and that she didn’t deserve it and that life wasn’t fair. I cried, quite simply, because it was Lucy.
‘We’ve all been there, Eden. That’s why you need to tell Donna, so she can help you through it.’
‘But Donna!’
‘Yes, Donna,’ Nick said firmly. ‘That’s why she’s the unit manager, Eden. You’ve told me, so surely you can tell her.’
‘Ah but I had two gins and a jukebox playing in the background when I told you.’ Eden smiled, but her heart wasn’t really in it. With Nick it had been easy to open up, but with Donna it would be completely different. Eden just couldn’t imagine telling the austere, immovable woman what was on her mind, let alone her actually understanding.
‘I could talk to her for you,’ Nick offered.
‘You!’ Eden said a touch ungraciously, but Nick just smiled.
‘Yes, me, Eden. I am quite good at that sort of thing in case you haven’t noticed.’
‘Of course I have,’ Eden said, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. ‘If you do talk to her—I mean, if I do agree—you will tell her that I am capable of looking after Ben?’
‘With support,’ Nick said, and finally Eden agreed.
‘With support.’
‘Nick!’ The falsely cheerful tones of Tanya, the orthopaedic intern, caught them both unawares. ‘I haven’t seen you in here for a while.’
‘I’ve been busy,’ Nick responded, barely even bothering to look up, but his distinct lack of enthusiasm did nothing to deter Tanya.
‘I was just going to the bar. Can I get you anything?’
‘Not for me.’ Nick shook his head and drained his glass. ‘We were just leaving.’
‘Really!’ The smile was still in place but Tanya’s eyes were distinctly frosty as she shot a look at Eden. ‘Well, maybe next time, then.’
‘Maybe not,’ Nick said frostily. ‘Come on, Eden.’
‘Nick!’ After the icy blast of the air conditioner the thick warm air was uncomfortable as they stepped outside. Eden could still feel the sting of her own blush as she swung to face him outside, their uncomfortable, rapid, exit from the pub hadn’t been quite quick enough for Eden to miss the glitter of tears in Tanya’s eyes and she was appalled at the way Nick had treated her. ‘That was a bit harsh.’
‘She’ll get over it,’ Nick said casually, and Eden shook her head, scarcely recognising the man who was standing in front of her. But Nick stood his ground. ‘Eden, sometimes you have to be firm.’
‘You don’t have to be rude, though!’
‘Maybe I do,’ Nick said through gritted teeth. ‘Just leave it, Eden.’
So she did, walking in uncomfortable silence along the street towards her home, still reeling from seeing a side to Nick she’d never thought she’d witness.
‘What a difference a day makes,’ Nick said, breaking the silence. ‘This time yesterday you were furious that you had to work at Christmas, and now I bet you’re just a little bit pleased.’
‘A bit,’ Eden admitted, but her mind was still whirling. The pain in Tanya’s eyes had been real.
‘You could have told me earlier you know, Eden,’ Nick said as they arrived at the entrance to the town house she rented with Jim, who was clearly home and taking advantage of Eden’s absence because the windows were practically vibrating to rock music. ‘I mean, not just as a doctor but as a friend.’
‘We haven’t been friends for a long time,’ In the darkness she was somehow able to admit the truth. ‘Not really. Sure, we talk about work and have a joke and that, but since Teaghan died…’
‘It’s been hard, Eden.’
‘I know,’ Eden answered. ‘Well, I don’t know exactly, but I can imagine. But you have to admit, Nick, things have changed. We haven’t really been friends since Teaghan’s death.’
‘We were, though.’ She couldn’t see his expression in the darkness, but she could make out his profile, the hollows of his cheekbones as he stared down at her, the flash of his teeth as his mouth moved. ‘We didn’t know each other for very long before Teaghan died, but with some people I guess you just click.
‘I’ve missed you Eden.’
His admission caught her completely unawares. There was a tiny raw note of urgency in his voice that she was too terrified to interpret, too scared of misreading the signs and making the biggest, most embarrassing mistake of her life.
‘I’ve missed you too, Nick,’ Eden answered carefully. ‘And I’m glad that we’re talking again, glad that we’re back to being friends.’
‘Hey, Eden.’ The front door swung open. Jim was standing in a pair of shorts and not much else, apart from a can of beer in hand, the thud-thud of his stereo spilling out onto the street. ‘I was just putting the bins out.’
‘And waking half the street,’ Eden scolded. ‘Since when did you put the bins out? Jim, this is Nick, he works at the hospital, Nick, this is Jim, my resident idle backpacker.’
‘Who always pays his rent on time, though,’ Jim answered cheerfully. ‘Good to meet you, Nick. Fancy a cold one?’
‘Not for me,’ Nick answered, equally cheerfully. ‘’Night, then, Eden.’
>
‘’Night, Nick.’
There was a beat of a pause, a tiny moment of hesitation, and Eden wondered how to fill it. Suggest a coffee perhaps, say that she’d see him tomorrow…kiss him on the cheek even, just as a friend would, but Jim clattering past with the garbage bin completely broke the moment.
‘I’d better get in,’ Eden said, ‘and turn down the music. I don’t know why, but Jim has the uncanny knack of making me feel like a parent!’
‘Really!’ Despite the darkness she saw Nick’s eyes widen. ‘It seemed like the other way around to me.’
And, walking off, he left her frowning.
CHAPTER FIVE
IT WAS an incredibly shy Eden that walked onto the ward the following morning. She’d only had two drinks the previous night yet she felt as if she’d been at some wild party, the events pinging in and spinning her further into confusion—revealing the truth about Ben, Nick’s behaviour towards Tanya and, strangest of all, that tiny moment at the end where she’d wondered if he might kiss her, or had it been, if she might kiss him?
‘Good morning, Sister.’ Donna was there, neat and trim, sitting on her office chair in the crowded handover room, queening it over everyone. Eden felt her heart sink at the prospect of what was undoubtedly to come later. ‘Have a seat.’ Pointedly Donna looked at her watch. ‘We’re just about to start. But before we do, we’re expecting a new admission from Emergency—a two-year-old with rash and fever for investigation. She’s also markedly dehydrated. I don’t have her name just yet. Bruce, the registrar, has seen her in Emergency and she should be up soon—I’ve allocated Isolation room 2 for her. Right!’ Donna nodded graciously to the night sister. ‘Let’s begin.’
The ward was pretty much as Eden had left it on her late shift, apart from a couple of admissions overnight from Emergency and ICU. A few of the patients were about to be discharged, which heralded a busy day for all. Discharges caused a lot of paperwork and no sooner had the discharge meds been given and the patient wheeled out of the ward then Emergency would be on the telephone, hoping to fill the freshly empty bed.
‘Now.’ Donna peered at her list. ‘Does anyone have any preferences?’ Turning in her chair, her sharp eyes swivelled around the room. On any other day, at this point Eden would have jumped right in, would have asked to take care of the isolation rooms, but, given that Nick would be talking to Donna later, Eden decided against it.
‘I wouldn’t mind having Bay 1,’ Eden responded. ‘I’d like to see how Priscilla goes with breakfast and lunch today.’
‘Fine,’ Donna agreed. ‘You’ve got young Rory going to theatre for debriding of his wound—he’s third on the orthopaedics list,’ Donna reminded them. ‘And Declan’s being discharged now that his nausea and vomiting has finally stopped, so no doubt you’ll have a new admission. And then you’ve got the new boy, Peter, going down for circumcision—he’s second on the general surgeon’s list.’
‘And very hungry,’ the night sister added. ‘Hopefully they won’t take too long with the first patient.’
‘Now, I’ve got a management meeting at twelve, Eden,’ Donna carried on. ‘So if your bay’s OK, can you take over from me then?’ She didn’t wait for Eden’s response, turning instead to the rest of her team. ‘OK, Rochelle, you can help Becky with the isolation…’ As Donna continued allocating duties, Eden stayed, initialling each patient on her list with the nurse that was looking after them, so that if there were any enquiries or drugs to be checked, Eden would know who to go to.
‘She’s in fine form this morning,’ Becky whispered as they made their way out of the office. ‘Must have had her Prozac!’
‘I hope she took two,’ Eden responded.
‘Meaning?’
‘I’ll tell you later.’
‘How come you didn’t take the isolation rooms?’ Becky asked, pulling a stethoscope off the rack on the wall and grabbing a tympanic thermometer.
‘I’ll tell you that later, too.’
She hadn’t expected to see Nick so soon. Even as Eden entered the bay and saw the curtains drawn around Priscilla’s bed, she figured seven-thirty a.m. was a bit too early for Nick. But then again…
Seeing his highly polished shoes beneath the curtain, Eden allowed herself the indulgence of a quick cringe, burying her burning face in the mountain of linen she’d piled onto her trolley in preparation to make the beds. But she’d forgotten her audience and instantly regretted her actions as a thoroughly bored Rory decided to ask what exactly her problem was!
‘Are you feeling sick, Eden?’
‘Cool,’ Declan responded. ‘She’s going to faint.’
‘I’m fine,’ Eden said quickly. ‘I’m just checking that I’ve got enough linen.’
‘In case you’ve wet the bed,’ Declan teased Rory.
‘In case you’ve been sick…’ Rory answered back.
‘Enough,’ Eden snapped, heading for the television, but Rory called her back.
‘We’re not allowed to watch it until Princess has had her breakfast.’
‘Her name’s Priscilla,’ Eden said as her finger recoiled from the ‘on’ button. Heading for her trolley, she peeled off a gown and some towels. ‘OK, Rory, I’ll get you a bowl and you can have a wash and then I’ll come and help you into a gown for Theatre, but first I’m just going to check on Priscilla…’
‘Morning.’ Nick appeared from behind the curtain. Unlike Eden, he was utterly together, his newly washed blond hair, still damp from the shower, flopping over his forehead as he stared down at Priscilla’s chart, his aftershave, his suit, his presence just a sheer, delectable notch above the rest. ‘Can I borrow you, Eden?’ He gestured and Eden duly headed out of the bay.
‘How is she?’
‘Fine.’ Nick gave a half-laugh. ‘Or at least she will be soon.’
‘I’m not with you.’
‘I’ve listened to her stomach and there are a few rumblings. I’m expecting the train in at any moment!’
Even Eden managed a laugh. ‘So the veggies are working?’
‘Priscilla isn’t going to know what’s hit her. I’ll come and check on her later this afternoon. If she’s still in pain I’ll have to order another abdo X-ray, but I’m pretty sure we can avoid it. I think she’ll be feeling a lot better soon.
‘How are you?’ he added, shifting the conversation to the personal.
‘Fine,’ Eden gulped.
‘Good.’
The conversation would have continued, but at that point a rather frantic-looking Priscilla appeared at the curtains and Eden knew from the rather pained expression on the little girl’s face that this conversation would have to take place later.
‘This way, Priscilla.’ Eden smiled as the little girl bustled past. ‘I’ll be with you in a moment. And, remember, don’t flush till I’ve been in.’ She turned to Nick. ‘I think the train’s just pulling in.’
‘About time,’ Nick answered, stepping out of the way as Eden ducked past.
‘How are you doing Priscilla?’ Eden asked, knocking on the bathroom door a good fifteen minutes later. As the lock slid open and a pale-faced Priscilla peered out, Eden decided that if anyone thought nursing was glamorous, they clearly hadn’t read this part of the job description.
‘Not very well.’
Priscilla looked as if she were about to faint as Eden let herself in.
‘On the contrary.’ Eden somehow grinned, pushing the flush button. ‘In fact, Priscilla, I’d say life’s just about to get a whole lot better for you!’
Eden walked Priscilla back to her bay and as the little girl went to climb back into bed, Eden instead suggested she sit in the chair to have breakfast. Not leaving any room for argument, Eden started to strip the bed.
‘I’ll give you some nice fresh sheets. Oh, here comes breakfast now.’
Priscilla didn’t look particularly impressed with her cereal and fruit but at least she didn’t throw it on the floor this time. Instead, she ate it with a pained expression at each
mouthful, which Eden pointedly ignored as she guided Declan towards the showers.
‘Your mum should be here soon for the doctors’ round.’
‘And then I’ll be going home?’ Declan said. ‘I was only supposed to be in for the day.’
‘It happens that way sometimes,’ Eden said, turning on the taps for him and checking that he had soap, before putting out his toothbrush and paste. ‘Now, give your teeth a good brush after your shower.’
‘I know.’ Declan, unlike some five-year-olds who expected you to do everything for them, was clearly waiting for her to leave before getting undressed.
‘Have you got everything you need?’
‘Yep.’
‘Press the buzzer if you don’t feel well…’
‘I’ll be fine.’ Mr Independent shooed her out and Eden smothered a grin then headed off to the nurses’ station to check all Rory’s notes were ready for his trip to Theatre.
Rory had been knocked off his bike by a motorist three weeks previously. Thankfully he had been wearing a helmet which had, according to his notes, saved him from a serious head injury as he’d bounced, head first, off the car’s windscreen. But his leg and pelvis hadn’t fared quite so well. Rory had sustained a fractured right femur and shattered pelvis, along with a nasty degloving injury to his left thigh, which was requiring regular trips to Theatre for cleaning and debridement. This morning the orthopods were going to take a skin graft from his right thigh to cover the nasty wound and hopefully hasten healing.
Even though the night staff had assured her everything was ready, Eden double-checked. She was glad that she did—Theatre handover was not the best place to find out that something had been missed!
‘Problem?’ Donna asked briskly as Eden let out a moan.
‘Professor Baines has written in the notes that he wants Rory to commence IV gentamycin prior to going to Theatre.’
‘Then you’d better get on and give it,’ Donna responded, then tutted loudly as Eden shook her head.
‘It hasn’t been prescribed.’ Eden doubled-checked Rory’s prescription chart then flicked through the notes in case a new one had been started. ‘No, it’s not written up anywhere.’ Reaching for the phone, she paged the intern for Professor Baines’s ortho team. ‘The team is not going to be too thrilled,’ Eden muttered. ‘No doubt they’re starting to scrub.’
Christmas on the Children's Ward Page 6
