Being Invisible

by Penny Baldwin

  “I’m sure whoever gets to be his lucky girl will find him as amazing as the rest of us. The problem is, when you get to be invisible, you can disappear anytime you want.”

  Everyone at the table cheers and high fives me. I glance over at Colin, who is staring at his beer bottle while pulling the wrapper off. When he notices me looking at him, he gives me a half smile then pulls out a stack of bills and hands them to me.

  “Easiest hundred you ever made, huh?”

  “Truthfully, not as easy as you would think.” It was actually really freaking hard, but I’m not telling him that. Instead I smile at him, and grab his hundred.

  “Hey guys, drinks are on me!”

  The whole table erupts into cheers, and heads to the bar. I stay back, along with Colin.

  “That was impressive. Sounds like you have some kind of grudge against superheroes. I didn’t have anything to do with that, right? I’m guessing it was some other superhero you dated?”

  “Of course not you. Completely different superhero. Word of advice. When one of the Wonder Twins utters the words ‘form of threesome’ just run.”

  Colin laughs, but then turns serious. “Luce, I need to tell you…”

  Before he can finish his sentence, Ruth returns. “Okay. This drink, then I gotta go. Wait. I have to sing one more time. This drink, one song, then I gotta go. Wait. I need to pee. I’ll do that first.” She gets up and stumbles to the bathroom.

  Drew and Liz head to the stage to sing “I Wanna Be Sedated” together, while the rest of the girls pretend to be their fans.

  “Hey, Luce, I know I don’t have long before your friend who never stops talking comes back, but I need to tell you something.”

  “Um, okay.” My alcohol-induced stupor is waning, and what remains is overpowered by a feeling of exhaustion. I’m not sure I have it in me for anything too deep.

  “So I’m gonna get straight to the point.” He waits to make sure I’m listening. “I am going to do everything in my power to get you back. I know you feel like this is the end for us. But it’s not.”

  His confession catches me off guard. I am speechless. This isn’t the kind of conversation you can wrap up in a night, let alone in the span of time it takes Ruth to pee.

  “But, uh...why?” Okay so not the most eloquent of responses, but what does he expect when he throws something out like that?

  My question doesn’t seem to phase Colin, who gives me a crooked smile and scoots his chair closer to me, getting near enough to speak in low tones.

  “Because I am in love with you. And that’s not going to change.”

  “So, since you love me we should get back together.” I take a deep sigh and let it out. “Colin, I didn’t break up with you because you don’t love me. I broke up with you because children on playgrounds everywhere are going to do lines of cocaine off of the tops of slides if you don’t spend all of your time stopping the enemy. How can I get in the way of that?”

  Colin starts to talk, but I keep going. “You could tell me that you love me a thousand times, but at the end of the day, I will still be waiting for you at home. Or in a restaurant. Or at a cabin. Or wherever it is that I happen to be when you leave me to run off to do good. And I’m sure that you know me well enough to realize that I deserve to do more in life than wait around for you.”

  Colin sits, thinking for a moment before speaking. “Luce, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am suppose to be Vapor, but I know we should be together too. How can I make it work? I’ll do anything.”

  “I don’t know, Colin. I...” Great now I’m crying again. I thought I was done with all that.

  Colin reaches over and cups my face in his hands. After wiping off my tears with his thumbs, he places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

  “Don’t worry, Lucy. I’m going to figure it out. I’m going to make this better. I promise.”

  “Colin, I don’t think-”

  “No, Luce. You’re right. Nothing’s changed...yet. But I will. And until I do, I don’t want you to give up on us. Give me a little time.”

  Damn it. How many stages of grief are there again? Because I may have to go through all of them a couple more times before this is all over.

  “I don’t know, Col. I can’t make any promises.”

  “That’s fine. No promises. I can deal with that. But just to give you a head’s up, I’m not going away either, and I’m not going to play fair. You’re going to see me around.”

  “Fine, Colin, whatever. At this point I am so tired, I don’t have it in me to argue.”

  “I’ll take it.” Colin puts out his hand to shake on it, and I reluctantly place my hand in his and give it a small, but firm shake.

  Now that Colin is no longer my focus, I become acutely aware that everyone is staring at us. When I turn to look, I see every one of our friends turn away like the pool table has suddenly become the most interesting thing in the world. Really subtle since no one is playing pool at the moment.

  “Okay guys. I think the show is over.” I say, getting up from the table.

  Liz, Annie and Drew walk over to the bar to make sure their tabs are settled, while the rest of my friends hug me and tell me they will call soon for round two, since I managed not to sing the entire night.

  Drew walks Liz to her car, so she can pick us up near the door, while Annie and I sit on the curb to wait. Colin is leaning against the side of the bar, checking something on his phone.

  When Liz pulls up, Drew jumps out, giving me the front seat. Before I have a chance to crawl in, Colin stops me.

  “Before you go, I wanted to give you a hug goodbye. As friends.”

  I glare at him in disbelief, but allow him to pull me close anyway. After our all too brief hug, he pulls away, only to place a soft yet quick kiss to my lips.

  “I told you I’m not playing fair.” He whispers it into my ear before turning on his heel and walking away.

  I have no chance, do I?

  I drop into the seat, and after buckling my seatbelt I lean back in complete exhaustion.

  “Okay, you gonna tell us what the hell that was about, or are we gonna to have to torture it out of you?” Liz smacks my leg to show her annoyance.

  “Yeah,” Annie adds, “We need to know if we should be high fiving you or kicking his ass.”

  “Honestly?” I think about it a moment, weighing the night, and my contradictory feelings. I can only come up with one conclusion. “I have no idea.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Annie’s Rebound Mix

  “You ever think about what it would be like to hook up with the Vapor? I mean, I know you have some kind of doctrine against canoodling with heroes, but there’s no way that guy isn’t hot. I mean, right?”

  Ruth’s constant inquiry into the mind of The Vapor would be humorous, if it wasn’t so frustrating. The poor girl is trying, and failing to find out about her mystery superhero, while Colin sat less than two feet away from her at a bar.

  Most of the time I wish I could help her come up with a bigger, better story that might actually help her career, while other times, like today, I just want to wring her neck.

  It’s been over a week since that night at the bar, and from what Liz says he’s been going on with his life like he never poured his heart out to me. At least that’s what she can gather from Drew. He’s texted me a couple times, telling me he misses me, but beyond that, he’s been pretty quiet.

  The good thing is that I’m now onto my second round of the second stage of grief. It can only get better from here right?

  I realize that Ruth has asked me a question, but since I stopped listening around the time she started rambling about Vapor’s concealed weapon, I really don’t know how to answer.

  “Sorry, what?”

  “I asked you if you want to go with me to the library?”

  “Oh, sure. Why? You have research you need help with?”

  I hope she didn’t already tell me this.

  “No… Have you been l
istening to anything I have been saying?”

  Yep. She already told me this.

  “Oh. Uh…”

  “I am going to go ahead and forgive you, because I know you’re going through a lot, but I’m gonna need your attention this time.” I smile at her ribbing.

  “I said that I am heading to the library because I heard there might be something going on there, and I figure that seems like the perfect place to find Vapor.”

  “The library? You think he’s going to show up because people aren’t returning their books?”

  “Very funny, Luce. I’m thinking underground gun smuggling.”

  “In the library? I separate each word, to help her realize how ridiculous she sounds. “Come for the books, stay for the black market weapons? Sounds a little off.”

  “Maybe, but it couldn’t hurt to check it out. It did come from a reliable source.”

  “Okay then.” I really don’t want to go on a wild goose chase through the library. Not to mention, I have some late fees with my name on them, so I can’t even use the trip to pick out a new mystery for when this whole thing leads to a dead end.

  “Oh, wait. I just realized what time it is. I have a deadline I have to meet by four o’clock today. If I don’t make it, Alex is going to be on my ass the rest of the week.” I hate to lie, but I really don’t want to go.

  “Then do not come with me. When he’s mad, we all pay for it. I’ll just give you the details later.”

  “Great. Can’t wait.”

  The rest of the day goes pretty uneventfully, except for the fact that by the time I get off at the bus stop by my house, I have gone from dipping my toe into the anger phase all the way to deep sea diving into it. As soon as I open the door, Liz can tell something is wrong.

  “What’s with the mood?” Liz looks up from painting her toes to focus on me.

  “Just the same thing it always is. Colin. I can’t believe I almost fell for it again. Every time I start to get fed up, he pulls some shit about how things are going to be great, then he bails on me.”

  “You mean because I told you that Colin has been on superhero detail practically every night since karaoke?”

  “Yes. And that the one night he was free he went out for beers with ‘friends’ who just happen to be female.

  Annie, who had been in the kitchen making popcorn, comes out to see what we’re talking about.

  “Lucy, I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I do know that he really misses you. Maybe just give him some time.”

  At that, Annie jumps in. “Nope. No way. If I have learned anything from my break-up with James, it’s that there is a wide world of men out there. You don’t know what could be waiting for you on the other side if you keep hanging on to this roller coaster you called a relationship.”

  “You think I should start dating again?”

  “I think you should at least give it a try. Even if it’s a total bust, you can chalk it up to lesson learned.”

  “I don’t know. It might not be fair to the next guy I go out with, since I can’t seem to stop thinking about Colin.”

  “Well you don’t have to marry the guy. I don’t think after one date the guy’s gonna profess his undying love for you.”

  “I guess.” The idea of actually going on a date makes me kinda want to break out in a cold sweat. Even though I wouldn’t be cheating on Colin, since we broke up and all, I would feel like I was being unfaithful to my own feelings, pretending that I’m not in love with him when I am.

  But I need to do something to get out of this continual loop of anguish.

  “You don’t have to do this, Lu.” Liz looks torn. “You may not be ready yet.”

  “Who’s ready to jump back into dating after a big breakup? I mean, unless you’re James the Giant Ass, it’s a big leap from being with someone you know everything about, to starting from scratch with someone new. It’s one of those things you just gotta do. Once you see that it’s not all that bad, you’ll be happy that you did it. It’s like a Band-Aid. You just gotta rip it off.”

  Liz thinks about it for a second. “Yeah, I see your point. It might do you some good, Luce.”

  “I guess. I don’t know. You think I should?” I’m freaking out a little. The thought of dating another guy makes me think of Colin dating another girl, which makes me think of having to gouge some other girl’s eyes out. And I’m all about women supporting each other, so I really don’t want to have to do that.

  “I think it might be worth it to give it a try.” Annie says.

  “I guess it’s not that big of a deal. One date’s not going to kill me.” I’m still trying to talk myself into it, while Annie is already coming up with prospects.

  “Should I try to think of someone?” I wouldn’t even know where to start, but since it’s my date, I figure I should offer.

  “Leave that to us.” Liz is already grabbing a pen and paper.

  After a long list of prospects, Liz and Annie narrow the list to a few, and then discuss the potential of each guy.

  Finally, we find a winner. Or at least Liz and Annie find a winner. I apparently have very little say in who rips off my Band-Aid.

  Based on what Liz tells me, the guy I am going on a date with was in her photography class. Now he works as a copywriter for an advertising agency. Also, he is “totally hot” and “super laid back,” which equates to “easy to look at, and easy to let go if necessary.” I guess that’s all I could ever want in a rebound date.

  Lucy texts him my info, and within a few days, we have planned our date. After passing ideas back and forth, we decide to try our hand at miniature golf. Nothing like showing off my horrific putting skills while trying to rein in my competitive nature. I hesitated when he came up with the idea, but ultimately I agreed because miniature golf seemed like a pretty harmless place to have a first date.

  I meet him at the front of Wilderness Golf. I recognize him from his Facebook photo, but that picture did not even come close to the live and in person version.

  Holy understatement, Liz.

  He is one of those guys who you can’t look at directly, for fear your retinas might be burned by his hotness.

  “Hi, you must be Lucy.” He holds out his hand in greeting.

  “Yes. And you must be…” Shit. I forget his name.

  “David, yes. That’s me.” He gives me a wide smile, letting me off the hook for my slip up.

  He places his hand on my back to lead me to the practice green, then hands me a ball. “I bought the games before you got here so that I could have plenty of time to kick your ass.”

  “Those are some big words coming from a guy with one pink ball.” I laugh good naturedly, and he shrugs.

  “I am man enough to take my one pink ball and lead it to victory.”

  Okay, so to be completely honest I’m a little worried. Colin tried to take me mini golfing once, but he gave up after I almost hit him with my club at least four times by accident. Three because I swung way too far to the left, and once because the club completely slipped out of my hands and flew behind me. Good thing he had been working on his reflexes, or we might still be pulling golf club shrapnel out of his head.

  So, no pressure.

  We arrive at the first hole, where he graciously lets me choose whether or not I want to go first. I motion for him to go, then watch while he lines up his shot. His dark hair falls over his eyes, and he bites his lip in concentration. I’d like to say that it makes me want to bite his lip. But mostly it makes me want to find a way to cheat because he seems like he knows what he’s doing.

  He hits the ball and it lands about a centimeter from the hole.

  Of course it does.

  “You’re not going to make me look bad are you?” I try for teasing to lighten my mood.

  “I’m sure you will do great. Just give it a try.” He gives me a crooked smile and winks.

  I remember what Liz said about him being laid back, and it calms me.

  I line up my shot
and try to concentrate like he did. I take a deep breath, hit the ball, and watch while it immediately lands in the water.

  “In the water already? That’s not a good sign.” I’m pretty sure he’s teasing me, so I smile back at him, then go looking for my ball.

  I’m not going to wade around in water, so when I don’t find it right away, I give up. “Hey, David, can I use your ball?”

  “Uh, sure. If you can’t find yours.” He seems uncomfortable with lending me his ball, so I look around to see if I can find another one somewhere else. Luckily, I find a ball in some bushes.

  ”Never mind. I found one. Should I start over?”

  “Sure. You just get a one stroke penalty.”

  Seriously? I am on hole one.

  Four strokes later, I get it in.

  “Good job, babe.” David puts his hand up for a high five, which I begrudgingly return.

  Don’t patronize me buddy.

  As he lines up his next shot, I decide to try to get to know him better.

  “So, are you originally from here or did you come here for school?”

  His ball slips past the hole, narrowly missing it. “Oh, so close. Sorry. I was born and raised in Zanesville, so coming here for school wasn’t much of a stretch. You?”

  This time I gently bump my ball with my club, because I don’t want to have to go looking for it again. Since this hole slopes upward, my ball comes back to me.

  “Can I take a mulligan?” I ask, hoping he will throw me this one bone.

  “Okay. But only because you’re cute. In fact, let me help you.” He walks behind me and puts his arms around my waist, ready to help me with my swing.

  I take a deep breath and let it out, hoping to curb my anxiety over his touch. This is what people do on dates, so there’s no reason for me to be uneasy.

  Right as I am about to swing, I hear a loud thump, followed by, “What the hell?”

  I turn and see David hunched over, his hands covering his head.

  “What happened?”

  “Flying ball hit me in the head.” He slowly stands up and pulls his hand away. “Must have been the teenagers a couple holes behind us.”