Fighting with Shadows

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘Only too pleased to help.’ The General looked at Gerda. ‘I’m sorry you don’t want to stay with us, my dear, but we quite understand. I promised to get you back, and that’s what I shall do.’

  ‘Of course you must return to Germany if you are unhappy here.’ Mrs Strachan gave Dieter a quick glance that said she knew how this must hurt him.

  ‘Give me a couple of days to make the arrangements, but we should have you safely back with your friends within a week.’

  ‘Thank you, sir.’ Gerda was brighter already. ‘You are very kind.’

  ‘Think nothing of it.’ The General beamed at his wife. ‘Tell you what, I’ll take Gerda back myself, and then I can stop off and see Robert again. Never did get a proper look at the place.’

  She raised her eyebrows as she looked at her husband. ‘He’ll love that! Two visits in a month.’

  This produced a deep rumbling chuckle. ‘Do him good. Keep him on his metal.’

  Dieter didn’t understand that saying, but the Colonel’s parents found it highly amusing.

  ‘I do wonder who is watching whom when you two are together.’ Mrs Strachan gave an amused smile. ‘They would deny it, but they are very alike in temperament.’

  The General laughed at his wife, and then became serious again. ‘I will see you home myself, Gerda.’

  ‘That is good of you, sir.’ Dieter breathed a sigh of relief to know that his sister would not be travelling alone. ‘Please let me know how much the journey will cost for both of you.’

  ‘No need for that, my boy.’

  ‘I insist you let me pay for the tickets.’ Dieter was well aware that they were a wealthy family, but this was his responsibility.

  ‘You may pay for your sister,’ Mrs Strachan said, ‘but my husband is going out there for his own pleasure and he will pay his own fare.’

  ‘Quite right, my dear.’ His face was alight with mischief. ‘I’m going there to torment my son.’

  ‘Exactly!’ She turned to Dieter. ‘We will let you know how much one ticket will cost. You may pay my husband when it’s convenient for you.’

  Dieter nodded in acknowledgement. He had only just started his teaching job and hadn’t been paid yet. He’d had to buy himself some new clothes, but he still had some money put aside from the weeks he had played piano in the evenings.

  ‘Dieter.’ Gerda was looking worried again. ‘I am sorry I cannot stay.’

  He squeezed her hand. ‘Please do not worry. I do not wish you to be unhappy. You must return to Germany; but I want you to write every week and let me know what you are doing. I shall need to know how you fill your days, how you are feeling.’

  The frown disappeared from her face and she laughed. ‘I promise – long, long letters.’

  ‘That is all I ask.’

  ‘Good.’ Mrs Strachan stood up. ‘Now that’s all settled, you’ll stay and have lunch with us.’

  35

  Sunday morning and Angie had just finished getting Danny ready for their day at the farm when the truck arrived.

  ‘Daddy’s come for us.’ Danny was pulling open the front door.

  Dieter swept him up for a hug, and Angie was relieved to see him looking relaxed and happy. She hadn’t seen him since Friday evening, when she’d told him that Gerda wanted to return to Germany, and she was dying to know what had happened.

  They bundled into the old truck, and as soon as they were on their way he told her about their visit to the Strachans. ‘She is already much more cheerful knowing she will be going back in a few days.’

  ‘That will be hard for you, Dieter.’

  ‘Yes, it will, but I can see that I was wrong to insist she come to England with me. But at least I shall know she is alive and where she is. It is more important that she is happy, no?’

  ‘Much more.’ She nodded. ‘And you will be able to see her during holiday times.’

  ‘That will be something to look forward to.’ He drove into the yard and helped them both out.

  After a quick wave to his grandparents, Danny was off to check on his favourite pigs and chickens. Once he’d done this, they all went into the front room. Angie was delighted to see the change in Gerda. She was smiling and more animated than she had ever seen her.

  ‘Angie.’ Gerda greeted her with warmth. ‘I do thank you for your help. Has Dieter told you I am to go home soon?’

  ‘He has, and I’m pleased to see you looking so happy.’

  Gerda pulled a face and studied her brother. ‘I have been a great trial to Dieter, but he is a kind man and understands.’

  ‘Auntie Gerda?’ Danny was gazing up at her. ‘Daddy said you’re going in a plane. Will you be scared?’

  ‘Nein, I came here in one. It is very fast.’ She crouched down in front of him. ‘You must come and visit me one day.’

  ‘Daddy said he’d take us when I’m older.’

  ‘Well, that will not be long. How old are you now?’

  That took a bit of working out and he chewed his lip in concentration. ‘I’m gonna be four soon. Is that right?’ he asked Angie.

  ‘That’s right, darling.’ Angie held her breath, hoping he had forgotten what had happened on his last birthday.

  But she knew he hadn’t when he went very quiet and sidled up to Angie, looking near to tears. But before he could be too upset, Dieter had swept him up and plonked him on the piano stool. He began to show his son how to play a simple tune.

  As she watched, Angie was numb right through. So much had been going on just lately that she hadn’t given his approaching birthday much thought, but it was only four weeks away, and the previous one was obviously still vivid in his mind. How on earth was she going to make it special and happy for him with that shadow hanging over them?

  By Tuesday afternoon Angie still hadn’t come up with an answer. ‘What am I going to do?’ she asked Sally as they enjoyed a cup of tea while the children played on the swing in the warm sunshine. ‘It has come round so quickly.’

  ‘We could have a big party and invite all the local children. If Danny’s surrounded by screaming and shouting kids, he might not think about his mother too much.’

  ‘That’s an idea.’ Angie gazed into space. ‘We need something very special, though. Something to make it different from anything else he’s had in the past.’

  ‘Well,’ Sally stirred her tea, and then grinned. ‘I know. Joe can do a magic act for them.’

  ‘Can he?’ This was the first Angie had heard of Joe’s magical talents.

  ‘Oh, yes, he used to be quite good. We’ve even got a cloak and pointy hat in the loft somewhere.’

  ‘Can he pull a rabbit out of a hat?’ Angie giggled at the thought of Sally’s serious husband in a pointy hat.

  ‘Yep. Not a live one, of course.’

  They were both chortling with amusement now.

  ‘It will certainly be different.’ Angie composed herself. ‘Will you ask him?’

  ‘I’ll get him up in the loft to look for the things tonight. Whoops!’ Sally was on her feet and rushing towards the door. ‘Time to get the magician’s dinner.’

  Angie felt much happier as she set about preparing their meal. It was so good to have a friend like Sally. She was someone she could pour out her heart to and know she would receive cheerful help. It had been an eventful and traumatic year. She had known that Danny’s birthday was going to be a difficult time, but it had always seemed a long way off. It had crept up on her, and now the problem had to be faced.

  She put the pan of potatoes on the stove and lit the gas, giving a deep sigh. Where had the time gone? Almost a year since Jane had died. It was unbelievable. Her thoughts turned back to the birthday. She would ask Dieter if he had any ideas. The day would not be easy for any of them, so it would be best if they were all so busy they didn’t have time to dwell on Jane’s sudden passing.

  It was ten o’clock that evening when there was a knock on the front door. Frowning, she put aside the book she had been reading. Who could t
hat be this time of night?

  When she opened the door she was surprised to see Dieter standing on the step, head bowed and hands stuffed in his pockets. ‘Dieter! Why didn’t you use your key?’

  He looked up. ‘I thought it might frighten you if I walked in this late. I saw your light still on. May I come in for a moment?’

  ‘Of course.’ She stepped aside, and then closed the door behind him. ‘Would you like a cup of cocoa or something?’

  ‘No, thank you.’ He sat down looking bone weary.

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Gerda’s gone. The General arrived at six o’clock today and said he had managed to get an early flight for them, but that they must leave at once.’ An expression of utter sadness crossed his face. ‘She could not wait to leave. She was so excited about returning to Germany.’

  ‘I’m so sorry we never had a chance to say goodbye.’ Angie could feel Dieter’s pain.

  ‘She would not allow me to see her off.’ He gave a helpless shrug. ‘But perhaps it is better this way.’

  ‘It doesn’t make it any easier, though, does it?’

  ‘No.’ He forced a smile. ‘I hope you do not mind me calling? I was feeling low.’

  ‘You are welcome at any time, you know that, Dieter.’

  ‘Thank you.’ He bowed his head in acknowledgement of her understanding. ‘Danny is sleeping well?’

  ‘Yes, but I’m a bit worried about his next birthday.’ Angie hesitated, not wanting to burden him further, but thought it only right she should discuss this problem with him. ‘Sally came round this afternoon while the children were playing in the garden. We were trying to decide what we could do to make his birthday special at the end of next month. I’m afraid he’s going to associate it with the day his mother died, and I would like to do something really special. Do you have any ideas?’

  ‘That will be a difficult day.’ Dieter nodded in agreement. ‘Fortunately it is a Saturday, so I shall be able to spend the whole day with you.’

  ‘That will be lovely.’ So he had already been thinking about it, and worked out which day it would be. She then told him about Sally’s suggestion that they give him a big party, with Joe doing magic tricks for the children.

  ‘That I must see!’ The sadness and worry cleared from his face and he laughed. ‘I think this is a good idea. And perhaps we could take Danny to a concert somewhere in the evening. Make it really special by allowing him to stay up late. Just this once.’

  ‘He’d love that. Will you see what you can do?’

  ‘Of course. I should be able to find a show of some kind.’ He stood up. ‘Now I must leave you to get some rest.’

  At the door he hesitated, looking down at her upturned face. He said softly, ‘You are very understanding, Angie, and so lovely.’ Without touching her, he lowered his head and kissed her, his lips lingering on hers, then he stepped back. ‘Thank you for being someone I can come and talk to; someone who can make me laugh when I’m sad; someone who loves and cares for my son as much as any mother would.’

  Then he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

  She gazed at the door with unseeing eyes. The kiss had been so gentle she had wanted to wrap her arms around him, hold on tight and never let him go. It had only been his lips that had touched hers, but the warmth and tenderness had made her head swim. But he had quickly stepped away.

  The joy she had felt when he’d kissed her now evaporated, and she bowed her head in sorrow. Gratitude, that’s what he was saying he felt for her, but she wanted more than that from him – much more. It had been foolish to complicate her life like this, but how did you stop yourself from falling in love? She certainly didn’t know the answer.

  There was a bright moon shining, but Dieter was oblivious to the beauty of the night as he walked back to the farm. He hadn’t been able to resist kissing Angie as she had gazed up at him with compassion and understanding. The desire to stay there with her, to hold her in his arms and make love to her, had been overwhelming, but somehow he had managed to control himself. They had a sound relationship now and he didn’t want to ruin that by showing her attention she might not want.

  Lifting his head, he looked up at the full moon hanging in a clear sky. She hadn’t resisted, though. She could have stepped away at any time, but she hadn’t moved.

  Two days later Bob walked into his house, dumped his bag in the hall and headed for the library. He often wondered why they had such a large house, when they used only this one room all the time.

  ‘Robert!’ His mother put down the newspaper she had been reading. ‘What a surprise. I wasn’t expecting you.’

  ‘Managed to wangle leave at the last minute.’ He bent and kissed her cheek. ‘And I cadged a lift on an RAF flight.’

  ‘But your father has taken Gerda back to Frankfurt, and said he was going to visit you.’

  ‘He arrived and I spent a few hours with him. He’s staying with General Steadman, and I’ve left Hunt to look after him.’ Bob poured himself a small whisky and held up the decanter. ‘Do you want a drink?’

  His mother shook her head. ‘Do you know how long he’s staying?’

  ‘Only a couple of days.’ Bob sat down, chuckling. ‘He’s thoroughly enjoying himself.’

  ‘I expect he is.’ She gave a faint smile. ‘He misses the life, you know. Never says as much, but I know him too well to be fooled. Now, how much leave have you got?’

  ‘Seven days. I thought I’d go down to Somerset for two of them, spend two with you, then I’m meeting father in Frankfurt before returning to Berlin.’ Bob changed the subject. ‘How did Dieter cope with his sister leaving?’

  ‘He was very sad, of course, but he hid it well. He knew she wasn’t happy here and had to let her go. That young man has had a lot to cope with in his life, but he has great courage, I think.’

  ‘Must have been hard for him.’ Bob finished his drink and put the glass on the small table beside him. ‘I’ll set off early in the morning and see everyone while I’m in the country. Then I’ll come back here and take you out for a slap-up meal.’

  ‘That would be lovely, Robert. I’ll look forward to it.’

  He hauled himself out of the chair. ‘Now I’m going to have a long soak in the bath to ease my aching bones. There were only bench seats in the plane, and it was a damned uncomfortable journey.’

  ‘Don’t make it too long. Dinner will be in an hour. I’ll warn Cook you are here and see if she can rustle up some of her famous apple pie. I know how much you like it.’

  ‘I think she’s already making it. I saw her when I arrived and she muttered something about apples.’

  The train was crowded, but Bob found a carriage with only four people in it. Throwing his bag on to the rack, he sat by the window. He always found the rhythm and sway of trains soothing, and his mind wandered to the time when Angie and Danny had been sitting opposite. Little had he realized then how much he was going to be drawn into their lives, or how fond of them he was going to become. He had been giving Angie a lot of thought. He was attracted to her, but it wasn’t love. To be brutally honest with himself, being single suited him and the kind of life he led. For a while the cosy picture of having a family of his own had tempted him, and Danny was a good kid, but it wouldn’t be right for any of them. And something had been niggling at him ever since they had all visited in the New Year. When Dieter had been playing, Angie had caught his attention. He had watched her through half-closed eyes and seen something she was trying to keep a secret. In that unguarded moment her feelings had been visible. Now that he had the time, he was going to get to the bottom of it, even if he had to force the truth out of her.

  Opening the window at the top, he lit a cigarette. If he had gone ahead and tried to persuade her to marry him, he would have made four people very unhappy – Angie, Danny, Dieter and himself. If what he believed was true, then his role in this complicated set-up must be one of friendship and to act as an uncle to the boy. He liked all of them f
ar too much to just walk out of their lives. A bond had been formed on that other train journey, and it was one he didn’t want broken.

  The train pulled into his station and he was surprised. He had hardly noticed the time passing.

  He was lucky and managed to catch a taxi as it dropped passengers at the station. It took him to the pub in the village and he booked in for two nights. Then he walked up the street to Angie’s.

  The door opened before he could knock.

  ‘Bob, what a lovely surprise. Come in. Is this a flying visit?’

  ‘I’m staying for a couple of days.’ He stood in the middle of the small front room and smiled down at her. ‘I’ve come to spend some time with my nephew and his auntie.’

  That made Angie laugh. ‘Well, your nephew is in the garden with Emma, and they’ll be as pleased to see you as I am.’

  ‘Good.’ His eyes took on a devilish gleam and he reached out to take hold of her arms, drawing her slowly towards him. ‘How about a proper welcome?’

  She placed both hands on his chest to make him keep his distance, shaking her head in mock displeasure. ‘I thought we’d settled this ages ago, Bob. We don’t love each other, and I will not be a convenient mistress for you.’

  ‘All I want to do is give a good friend a kiss.’ He pretended to be offended, but couldn’t hide his smile.

  Her look told him she was suspicious of such an innocent request, and he thought again what a damned shame it was that they hadn’t met under different circumstances.

  She tapped her cheek. ‘Just a peck, then.’

  ‘You’re a hard woman, Angie Westwood,’ he joked as he lowered his head.

  36

  Closing the front door quietly, Dieter eased the key out of the lock. So, the Colonel was back.

  Damn him! After the kiss they had shared, he was hoping for a chance to show Angie how much he cared for her, and to find out if she had any affection for him. Not as Danny’s father but as himself. He had been sure she did, but, after what he had just seen, he knew who had her love. The Colonel.