January Dreams

by Carrigan Richards

  “You aren’t going to believe this.” I relate my evening to her, except the sharing dreams part. I’m not sure I want to tell anyone that. I tell her about Vincent this morning and the near face-off between him and Casper.

  “Why is Casper being so nice to you? I’m glad you forgave Vincent.”

  “I can tell he really loves me. I really love him. I mean, when we kiss, it’s intense.”

  Cherry’s face lights like a sparkler. “After this morning, I know he loves you a lot. So, what about Casper? Why’s he suddenly paying attention to you?”

  “He says he likes me,” I keep my voice barely above a whisper. I don’t want people to listen. Although, if they do hear us, they’ll spread rumors that Casper likes me, and he’ll ignore me. That isn’t a bad idea. I still haven’t made up my mind about him. But I love Vincent and I don’t want to mess it up.

  “What?” she asks a little too loudly.

  “Do we have a problem?” Mrs. Edwards asks with a cocked eyebrow. Her hand is poised in the air about to write on the board.

  “No, ma’am,” I tell her, and she turns back to writing.

  “Sounds like Vincent’s got some competition,” Cherry whispers. “You don’t believe Casper, do you?”

  “No.” Because the dreams are making him feel that way. He can’t like me. I’m with Vincent. Even though it still bothers me that he ignored me for two weeks.

  “How’d you do on your chemistry test?” Casper asks as I take my seat in English. He smiles and I can’t help but notice how sexy and genuine it is. My stomach does a flip.

  “Good. Thanks for your help.”

  The rest of the class he tries to talk and flirt with me, but I tell him we have to work on the assignment. Once the bell rings, he walks beside me to my locker like we’re dating or something. It annoys me, but it doesn’t.

  “Have a good day?”

  “Sure. You?”

  He shrugs. “Yeah, I almost got into a fight.”

  I close my locker. “Well at least you don’t have a swollen cheek.”

  “Touché.”

  “Besides, you shouldn’t have antagonized him.”

  “Antagonize him? Please. He was looking for a fight. But if you were my girlfriend, I’d react the same way. Though if you were my girlfriend, I wouldn’t keep you guessing.”

  Casper meets my eyes and places his hands on either side of the lockers, blocking me from going anywhere. He likes preventing me from running. I look to the ground or his chest or his arms. I can’t seem to handle his heated gaze. My heart summersaults and I steady myself against the lockers. He leans closer, dangerously close, but my hands half-heartedly push against his chest stopping him. We both know he can easily ignore my pressing hands, but he doesn’t. I want him to kiss me, but I don’t. I can’t. What is wrong with me? Are the dreams making me feel this way? Are my issues with Vincent making me feel this?

  “Casper.”

  He drops his hands. “Sorry. That-that was weird. I just-it felt…” He lets his words trail.

  It felt natural. Comfortable. I shake my head as if trying to get these thoughts out. “Look, after you drop me off today, that’ll be it. We can’t talk anymore okay?”

  He straightens his stance. “So that’s it. We can’t be friends?”

  “I’m tired of fighting with you.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “Then stop being a jerk. Stop acting like we’re together.”

  He nods and holds his hands up in defeat. “I know. I’m sorry. Come on, I’ll take you to get your car.”

  The ride is rather quiet, but he keeps music playing, which I like. At least he has good taste in music. He pulls up into the mechanic’s place and I’m shocked to hear how well my car sounds. I actually squeal. I hug Casper. When we touch, I am content. Like before, it feels natural. Like in the dreams. I have never felt anything like this in real life. I don’t want to let go and the way he holds me tells me he doesn’t either. We probably hold each other longer than necessary.

  “Why does this feel so right?” he whispers in my ear, making my body shiver with pleasure.

  My heart fumbles to find a beat and I end the embrace. What would Vincent think of me? Having such thoughts about someone else. This is insane. I feel awful. How can I be Casper’s friend with these thoughts looming around my mind?

  He pays the mechanic and I nervously walk to my car. I fumble to get it unlocked and open the door. “Thanks, Casper. Really. I appreciate it. I don’t know how I can repay you.”

  “You don’t owe me anything. And you’re welcome. Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says and he leaves. My heart sinks and I don’t know why I feel sad. What am I expecting to happen? I got my car back and I have no reason to be around him now.

  But I want one.

  Chapter Seventeen

  When I get home after work, luckily, my parents have gone to bed, but Jonathan is still awake and sees me in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge looking for something to eat. Mom and Ron suck at grocery shopping.

  My hair still covers half my face, but it annoys me, so I pull it back.

  “Hey, I brought home some McDonald’s for you,” Jonathan says. “It’s in the microwave.”

  “Thank god. I take it Mom and Ron went out?” I open the microwave and find a bag with a cheeseburger and fries inside.

  “Yep. I wasn’t invited. How was work?” He leans against the counter with a bottle of Gatorade in his hand and a rolled-up sports magazine in the other.

  I shrug. “It was work.”

  “What happened to your eye?”

  “Nothing,” I mumble.

  “Run into a pole again?” he teases. He will never let me forget the time when I was a kid, while reading a newspaper I ran right into a pole.

  I groan. “No.”

  “What happened? You okay?” He lowers the magazine.

  “Yeah. I bumped into a cabinet at work.”

  He studies me. “How are you and Vincent?”

  “Fine. Why?”

  He takes a long swig of his drink and starts fiddling with the corner of the magazine, which means he’s going to say something that makes him uncomfortable. “You know, if something’s wrong you can talk to me.”

  I stop mid-bite of a fry and stare at him, confused.

  He cocks his eyebrow like he knows I lied about my eye. I hope he doesn’t think it was Vincent. He knows I’ve been kinda moody. “I’m fine, Jon. Promise. But Thanks.”

  “It’s just since we went to Dad’s. I don’t know. You seem distant or something.”

  “Just school. Usual stress.”

  He nods, but I know he doesn’t believe me.

  I forget how perceptive he can be and how much he knows when I lie. I grab my pajamas and check my phone for messages. There is one from Casper.

  You really didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends anymore, did you?

  I sit on the edge of my bed, thinking. Savannah waits for me by the door. I see no problem in us being friends, but I still can’t shake the feeling that it’s all a game. No matter how comfortable I feel around him.

  I bite my lip as I type my answer.

  No.

  Great. Sweet dreams.

  I don’t reply but I shower, letting the water wash away the confusion and stress. Only they congregate as soon as I go back into my room. I slide under the covers, pulling them to my chin. My phone vibrates and I reach over and grab it from my nightstand to answer it.

  “Hey, you,” Vincent says, and I immediately smile.

  “Hey. What did you do tonight?”

  “Not much. I wrote a song.”

  “You did? About what?”

  There is a pause. “You.”

  “Me?”

  I can hear him laugh. “Yes, you.”

  “Play it for me.”

  “It’s not ready. But I will when it’s finished.”

  He releases a heavy sigh.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s
just everything going on. Can’t we be like the people in your story? Escape from everything? Live our lives without drama and pain?”

  “I wish.”

  “Why don’t we? We can be immortals, never afraid of death.”

  “Are you okay?” I ask. He doesn’t sound right, and part of me wonders if he’s on something.

  “Megan, I love you so much. I don’t want to be here.”

  “Everything’s going to be okay,” I say. I don’t know how to comfort him, and I hope he isn’t talking about suicide.

  “One day, it will be. You’ll come with me to live out our fantasy of being immortal Sprites and dragons and be happy forever?”

  I smile. “Of course, I will.”

  When we hang up, I feel sad because there’s nothing I can do to help him. Part of me wonders if I should’ve told Vincent about the dreams, especially now that Casper and I are sharing them. But he’ll never find out.

  Chapter Eighteen

  It isn’t unusual for me to wake up with my heart jabbing my ribs, but how can I possibly dream about something that I have never done? Casper and I…made love in my dream. How can I face Casper now that we did that? Yes, it was a dream, but still. It feels real. I hope I didn’t moan or anything for anyone to hear. I wince at that thought.

  And why on earth would we do that in the middle of a war? That sounds crazy.

  I get ready for school, putting makeup on my cheek, which somewhat helps but is still blatantly obvious. Luckily, my parents haven’t seen it yet. My hands shake as I pick up my phone. Casper sent a message, and it scares me that I’m excited to read it.

  Well. That happened.

  haha yeah… I reply. I don’t understand what it all means. It feels so real.

  Can you meet me before school?

  Why?

  I don’t know. This is driving me crazy. It’s seriously messing me up. Like, I can’t wait to see you each day yet you are with someone else. But I’d rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.

  I think about it, but I don’t know what to say. I feel there is no harm in talking to him before class. I can still meet with Cherry after, but can I really face him after the dream we had?

  Ok. Meet me by the picnic table @ the theatre entrance.

  Ok. See you soon.

  My stomach won’t calm down. I hate the reaction I have. I have to keep telling myself who I’m meeting, but it only makes me more excited. How can I feel this way toward him? It’s nothing. It’s the dreams getting to me. I am with Vincent and I need to stop acting like this.

  “Hey,” Casper says with a sweet smile. His hat blocks the morning sun, but I can still see his brown eyes. He gazes at me like he can see into me. Like he knows everything about me. I avert my eyes.

  “Hey,” I say.

  “I feel awkward now.”

  “I know.” I sit down. “I think I’m leaving though. In the dreams.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I kept thinking that I have to go back in order to keep you alive. But I know that going back won’t end the war. I want to keep you alive.”

  “The thought of losing you gets my stomach wound up. In my dreams,” he quickly adds.

  “What if there is some strange link between us? Like in another life or something? I don’t know. It’s bizarre enough that we actually have the same dream. You know time has passed in the dreams. I wonder how long we’ve been together.”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “I’m glad no one is trying to kill me. Those dreams haunt me.”

  “Me, too, actually. It’s like my love for you in the dreams carries over and I fear losing you. But when I see you, I know it’s all in the dream.”

  “That’s how I felt when I came to your house that day. I was so scared that I lost you. I actually cried waking up that day.” I fidget with my fingers, avoiding his eyes as we sit across from each other.

  He places a hand on mine, softly. “You won’t lose me,” he says.

  I tug my hand slightly toward me and he lifts his. We are quiet for a moment. Probably both thinking about how strange everything is between us. He is easy to talk to, which makes it better since Cherry doesn’t understand.

  “How are things going with you and Vincent?”

  “They’re fine. I haven’t talked to him much.” I want to talk to him all the time, and I know I shouldn’t complain given the situation with his mom.

  “I’m sorry.” He genuinely seems to mean it.

  “It’s okay. I work all the time and we have no classes together. I think we might go out again this Friday.” I’m really speculating this, but I want to make sure Casper knows I’m taken. Or maybe I’m reminding myself.

  He nods. “Your cheek isn’t as swollen. Have your parents seen it?”

  “No. They’re usually in bed by the time I get home from work.”

  “Why were you so adverse to telling them what happened that day?”

  I take a deep breath. “My parents are weird. I don’t know. They never believe anything I say and always assume I’m lying. If I told them some psycho girl at school hit me, they’d probably think it was Vincent or something.”

  “What?”

  “My mom would probably believe me. My stepdad wouldn’t. He would think it was all my fault. I’m grounded all the time for stupid stuff. I hate it so much. It’s like I have to walk on eggshells all the time because I don’t know when I’ll get grounded and for what. I mean, one time my mom grounded me for three months over the summer because I had an attitude. But she didn’t understand that I was so stressed out. And when I get grounded, I can’t talk to my dad or anyone. I can’t even go to his house. My stepdad adds to the stress because I’m never good enough for him. Not that I’m trying to impress him, but he always assumes the worst of me. Like I’m some crazy teenager.”

  “Wow. So why do you have to give them your paychecks?”

  “They bought me the car, but I didn’t get to look at it or pick it out. It showed up in my driveway and they said ‘okay, now you have to pay us back.’ So that’s why all my paychecks go to them.” I stop venting and look up. His brown eyes are apologetic. “Sorry I unloaded on you.” I bite my lip, feeling weird that I just told him so much about my life.

  “No, don’t be. I don’t mind. I’m sorry it’s like that for you. I take it there’s no way you can talk to them?”

  “No. I’m a child to them. Whatever I have to say doesn’t matter.”

  “That sucks.”

  “It’s okay. Once I go to college, I’ll leave this place.”

  My phone vibrates and I see Vincent’s name flash. “I gotta go,” I tell Casper and walk away from the bench as fast as I can. “Hey,” I answer.

  “Hey. Wanna play hooky today?”

  I chuckle. “You know I can’t. And you shouldn’t either.”

  “I don’t know. There’s this really hot girl walking toward me. I might have to grab her and steal her away for the day.”

  I look straight ahead and see Vincent leaning against his car, looking sexy in jeans and a black knit shirt that accentuates his muscles. My stomach flutters and I hang up, picking up my pace to meet him.

  His lips stretch into an alluring smile that makes my stomach flip. I wrap my arms around him, breathing in his warm, spicy scent. “Steal me away, eh?”

  “Yeah.” He kisses me like he hasn’t seen me in weeks. It almost makes me forget we’re in the school parking lot and make out with him. My knees weaken when his fingers barely graze my bare stomach.

  The bell rings and suddenly I hear voices from students around us. I haven’t paid attention to anyone walking by us and I can’t believe we made out with so many people watching us.

  He groans and breaks the kiss. “Curse that bell.”

  We walk hand-in-hand inside until we get to my locker where Cherry waits for me.

  “Hey, Cherry,” Vincent says.

  “H-hi,” she stammers.

  “I’ll see you in later,” he says
, touching my elbow slightly before walking away.

  I watch him then turn to Cherry, whose eyebrows are raised, expectantly.

  “Morning?” I smile innocently.

  Her lips stretch into a wide smile. “I love it.”

  “I’m crazy about him.”

  When I turn back to look at Vincent’s backside, Casper is walking toward us. My throat tightens as our eyes meet.

  “Hey, Megan,” he says. “Cherry. It was good talking to you this morning.”

  “Yeah, you too,” I try to say, but it doesn’t come out right. Heat spreads all over my face and I don’t want to face Cherry. Casper continues to walk down the hall.

  Cherry raises her eyebrows, grabs my wrist and pulls me into the bathroom. “Explain.”

  “I—” We hear the door open and immediately hear Amber talking to a friend. Both Cherry and I hurriedly squeeze into a stall before they come inside. She sits on the back of the toilet while I squat on the toilet seat. I don’t want to face Amber again. I especially don’t want her hearing me talk about Casper. That would only add fuel to her fire.

  “Omigod. Have you seen Megan Devereux?” It sounds like Trinity Taylor. Cherry and I exchange a look. Did they see us? “Ever since you gave her that black eye, she’s been wearing her hair like some emo kid.” Trinity laughs.

  “Serves her right. I mean, she still won’t leave Casper alone,” Amber complains. I hear her rummaging through her purse and spray something. It only takes seconds for the entire bathroom to smell like vanilla. “It’s like she can’t get the hint that we’re together. You know he gave her a ride yesterday?”

  “Why would he give her a ride?”

  “He says her car broke down, but her car is fine. I saw her driving it. She is so obsessed with Casper. You know she broke into his house to wake him up one day because he didn’t show up at school, right?”

  I stiffen and my stomach drops. I can’t believe he told them. I should’ve seen this coming. I knew it. I knew it was all a trick. After everything I told him this morning. My eyes blur but I force the tears away.

  “No!” Trinity laughs. “Seriously? What a freak! Ugh. Why does Casper put up with her?”