An Unexpected Hunger

by Rosa, C.

  “I’m fine…why?”

  “Stay right where you are. I’m coming over.” The line went dead.

  “Shit!” I yelled.

  “What’s wrong?” Mia shuffled into the kitchen, slumping in the opposite chair.

  I got up to fix her a cup of coffee, needing to expel my nervous energy. “Did you talk to your brother last night?”

  “Ugh…yes. He called me a million times before I finally picked up. I thought he was going to have a stroke.”

  “You didn’t tell him what happened, did you?”

  “No way!” she said. “I might have been drunk, but I wasn’t completely out of it.”

  I slid the coffee in front of her and sat back down.

  “Casey! I didn’t tell her.”

  “She can’t be that dense!” Mia said.

  I shot her a look.

  “Oh my God…you’re right,” she muttered.

  I ran upstairs to take a shower, change, and brush my teeth. Mia had stayed behind as my buffer, and I told her to help herself to whatever was in my closet when she got out of the shower.

  Thirty minutes later, Ricky pulled up. He barely parked the car before he jumped out. My pulse quickened as he made his way to the porch and knocked on the door.

  His eyes were dark and steely, matching the overcast sky outside. He walked past me, grasping onto my bruised wrist as I gave the door a good push shut.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked. His grip was secure, but not tight. My bruised wrist hurt like hell as I followed him to the living room.

  “We need to talk.”

  A lump formed in my throat; the first four words that usually preceded bad news.

  Ricky paced up and down, his eyes shifting across the room. I noticed his fist was covered in cuts and bruises.

  “What the hell happened to your hand?” I asked.

  “Nothing…” he mumbled, still pacing.

  “Ricky, what is it? Spit it out already! You’re worrying me sick!”

  He cradled my hands in his, pressing his lips on each one. It’s then when he saw the bruise.

  “What’s this?” he asked, looking at it closer.

  “Nothing,” I said, pulling away. “I knocked it against the shelf in your office.”

  He bought the story, giving me hope that Casey didn’t blab after all. That’s when my nerves kicked into overdrive. Not in a million years could I have predicted the next words out of his mouth.

  “Toni kept calling me and calling me. I kept ignoring her calls, but it was no use.”

  “And?”

  “And she came to the bar early this morning and told me…”

  “What? Told you what?”

  “She’s pregnant.”

  The words hit me right in the gut and knocked the wind right out of me. I stumbled back, my hang-over now turning into the beginning of a migraine.

  “Pregnant?” I whispered, looking away from his face.

  “Lex…I’m so sorry. I never imagined in a million years that was what she was going to tell me.”

  My thoughts exactly.

  “I asked her how sure she was, and she said pretty sure, and that she’s got an appointment with the doctor in a couple of weeks.”

  “Pregnant?” I sat down on the couch, and Ricky sat beside me. He tried to touch me, but I swatted him away. At first at thought I would cry, but no tears came. Instead, I felt rage…but not at Ricky, at myself. I knew full well this would end badly, but I still went against what I had been telling myself for the last six months.

  “Didn’t you use condoms?” I asked, stunned.

  “Every time. Always. Never with out-”

  “I get it!” I said, holding up my hand.

  “Plus, she told me she was on birth control,” he continued.

  “This doesn’t make any sense,” I said. “How could this happen?”

  I had been so phobic about getting pregnant with Danny that I went on birth control for extra back up. I was pretty sure I wanted kids, but wasn’t anywhere near ready.

  Mia finally strolled down the steps, slowing her pace the closer to us she got.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked Ricky. She took one look at my face. “Dammit, Ricky. It’s not like it was her fault.”

  She ran to my side of the couch, shoving Ricky away. “That guy was a total perv.”

  Ricky’s eyes squinted in confusion. “What are you talking about Mia? What is she talking about?” he asked me.

  “It’s nothing, Ricky,” I said. “I think you should leave.”

  “What happened, Lex?” he asked again.

  I ignored him.

  “Mia! Tell me what happened! What are you two talking about?” he insisted.

  “Pregnant?” I whispered again.

  “Who’s pregnant? You’re pregnant?” Mia asked me, shocked.

  “No!” Ricky said. “Toni. What happened last night?”

  “You’re fucking joking, right?” Mia got up from the couch. “Since when?”

  “Since…I dunno! What does it matter? ”

  “Well,” Mia continued, “You really fucked this one up!”

  “Can somebody please tell me what happened last night?” Ricky shouted.

  “Some guy was all over Lexy, but then she stabbed his dick with her shoe,” Mia said non-chalant, like it happened all the time

  “WHAT?” Ricky said.

  I cringed, my headache even worse than before.

  Ricky turned from upset to enraged, and the pacing recommenced. “I can’t fucking believe this,” he mumbled. “I swear I haven’t touched her in months.”

  It was all so confusing. If Ricky was telling the truth, which I believed he was, then I couldn’t be mad at what he did before I came into his life.

  “Please…just go. I need to process all this,” I muttered.

  Mia went back upstairs to give us some privacy, but it didn’t matter to me whether or not she heard every word.

  “Just tell me that we’ll get through this…no matter what.”

  I looked him dead in the eye. “I just don’t know Ricky. After what I just got over…I don’t think I can take anymore.”

  I buried my head into my hands. “Just…go. Please.”

  “Okay. Can I come back later and spend the night with you?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. My mom’s coming home tomorrow.”

  Ricky waited for a few more minutes, probably hoping I’d give in to him, but I didn’t. Eventually, I just walked away.

  Chapter 16

  The Aftermath

  MIA EVENTUALLY LEFT to go to work. I balled up in bed and hurled into a crying, slobbering mess. To put the icing on my cake, my mother would be home tomorrow fresh off a four week break of snide comments and unrequested advice.

  Ricky called and texted all day and night. I waited for skywriting and carrier pigeons, but it didn’t happen. Sometime the next day, he stopped calling and texting all together.

  I was scheduled to work that day. I thought about calling out, but thought better of it. I didn’t want everyone else to suffer just because Ricky and I weren’t speaking. I called Nick to see if he could give me a ride.

  Just as I was walking out of the door, my mother pulled in.

  “Hi mom,” I said, trying to sound happy. Nick got out of the car to give her a hug.

  “Are you leaving already?” she asked.

  “I have to work.”

  “Oh, okay honey. Try to smile. You’re so much prettier when you do.”

  I smirked. “Sure mom.”

  I sat in Nick’s car, waiting for my mom to stop doting on him.

  “It really makes me sick, how much more she loves you,” I said.

  “That’s not true,” he laughed. “Besides, you were always dad’s favorite, and he wasn’t half as crazy as mom.”

  “You’re right,” I said. Thinking of my dad brought a small smile to my face.

  “Mia told me what happened,” Nick said.

&
nbsp; “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Okay, I understand.” He paused. “I just want to let you know that Ricky’s not as bad as he use to be…and that Toni girl is one crazy bitch.”

  “Thanks, Nick,” I said, smirking.

  “I’m serious,” he said. “I’m here if you need anything.”

  I smiled and thanked him again, this time meaning it from the bottom of my heart.

  * * *

  I could deal with the incessant staring of everyone as I worked. I could even deal with Ricky treating me like a china doll. But what I couldn’t handle was Toni storming into the dining room, yelling and screaming, waving her finger in the air. She was a crazy bitch.

  Ricky used all of his body weight to push her out the backdoor while she hurled insults, calling me everything from skank to whore. I was rather unimpressed with the range of her name calling. I smiled at my customers as they watched the drama unfold, embarrassed once again that my personal life was on display to complete strangers.

  The panic started to rise as I thought about the memories of that night in Danny’s kitchen, his wife charging after me. I ripped off my apron, and threw my order book back in Ricky’s office, not bothering to see where it landed.

  “I need to get out of here,” I told Mia. “I already asked Casey if I could leave early.”

  “You want me to take you?”

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll call Nick.”

  I just about made it out of the door unnoticed when Ricky came barreling through.

  “Where are you going?” he asked me out of breath.

  “Home.”

  “Let me take you.”

  “I’ll walk.” I would call Nick on the way.

  “Walk? You can’t walk. It’s too far and it’s late…and dark!”

  “I’m aware of the time and distance, thanks. I need the fresh air.”

  He kept following me until I gave up and sat on the sidewalk. I called Nick and told him where I was.

  He sat down next to me. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “Believe it,” I replied.

  “I miss you.”

  I wanted to tell him that I missed him too, because I did. But I said nothing.

  “Can you talk to me please?” he said.

  “What’s there to say? I hoped this would work. I even believed it for a while. But this…this is too much to handle right now. She’s having your BABY. Our relationship has barely even started and already it’s…failing.”

  “Is that what you think?” he asked.

  “It’s what I know.”

  Nick pulled up. I stood, and walked to the car in silence.

  “Ricky,” I said as he walked back in the direction of the bar. “I quit.”

  Chapter 17

  Second Chance

  THE WEEK DRAGGED on. I had no job but managed to save most of my money I had earned. Ricky called me at least once a day. Mia came over often to check on me, and Nick even called a few times to make sure I was okay. I appreciated the concern, but assured them that I had been through worse.

  Being in a relationship again was an exciting thought, especially since a relationship with Ricky didn’t need to be a secret. I could kiss him and hug him whenever I wanted to, without ever worrying about what other people suspected. I knew that once the initial shock wore off that I would be fine. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.

  I strolled around the house in my pajamas all day, my mother eyeing me suspiciously as she made her carrot and blueberry blend.

  “Why haven’t you been at work?” she finally asked.

  “I quit.”

  “Oh? And why is that? Ready for bigger and better things?”

  “No,” I exhaled. “I slept with my boss.”

  She inhaled sharply. “Alexa Marie Stanton!”

  I took a sip of my coffee and headed back to my room, smiling for the first time in days.

  * * *

  Just about two weeks had past since I quit waitressing at the Mug. Two weeks of moping around the house, and eating to my heart’s content. I actually got so desperate to do something the other day that I had mom drive me to the grocery store so I could cook us both dinner. I couldn’t remember the last time she had something I made.

  We sat at the kitchen table together, each quietly eating the sea bass I made with sour cream and chive mashed potatoes. I wish I had taken a picture of her face when she took the first bite. I don’t think I had ever seen her happier.

  “Honey…this is excellent!”

  “Why do you sound so surprised?” I laughed. “I only went to one of the best culinary schools on the west coast.”

  “I know,” she said, taking another bite. “It’s just…” Her eyes started to reddened and twitch. I was worried she was having some kind of spasm when I realized…

  Holy shit, she was crying.

  “Mom,” I said. “It’s okay.” I’ve seen my mom lose it before, but it was usually over something Nick did. I got up from my chair, and rubbed her back. “Don’t cry.”

  She grabbed the napkin and dabbed under her eyes. “I’m just so proud of you,” she said. “And I don’t think I ever told you that.”

  I sat back in my chair, almost falling over in shock.

  “Thanks, mom,” I said. “It really means a lot to me. Especially since I’m such an epic failure right now.”

  “Oh, Alexa! You are not a failure. We all fuck up in life every now and then. What’s important is that you pick up the pieces and move on.”

  I sat in my chair, stunned, holding my fork in mid air with a piece of sea bass barely holding on. Hearing my mother say fuck was like seeing a leprechaun prance around the house with a pot of gold…perplexing yet completely amusing.

  “Take your father and me for instance.”

  “You and dad hated each other. You were divorced before I even realized you were married.”

  “We didn’t hate each other. We just didn’t pick the pieces up and move on.” She hesitated. “It’s something I’ve always regretted.” She casted her eyes downward, new tears welling around her lashes.

  “So why didn’t you?”

  “Well…because your father made a mistake and I could never forgive him for it.”

  I sat at the edge of my seat. “What did he do?”

  Mom let out a sigh. “Things had really gotten bad between your father and me and…he had an affair.”

  I dropped my fork to my plate, my mouth hanging open. “What?” I whispered. “With who?”

  My mother looked away. “With someone he worked with...at the restaurant. He said it was only a one time thing, and I could tell he felt so guilty about it. I was devastated. He begged for my forgiveness, but I was too upset.” She fiddled with her hair. “I just wish…we could have had a second chance. It might have made all the difference. Don’t ever miss out on giving yourself a second chance.”

  We finished the rest of the meal in silence, while I thought about how I had more in common with my mom than I ever imagined.

  * * *

  Six o’clock on a Saturday night, and there I was, polishing my toenails with nowhere to go. I applied for a job at some stores in the mall but still hadn’t heard anything. Without a car, I wasn’t even sure how I would get to and from work. The fall semester started last week and Nick hadn’t been home since.

  After my mom’s startling admission over dinner last night, she offered to take me shopping. It was nice spending time with her, even when she decided to become the Simon Cowell of shopping. I just played along and let her take over. Thank God her taste in clothes was pretty good.

  Mia called late last night to see if I wanted to get together next week. She moved back on campus for the new semester and didn’t mention Ricky at all. We decided to do dinner on her next day off, and I was looking forward to getting out of the house.

  Just as I put a dot of polish on my pinky toe, my phone rang from somewhere under the bed. I hobbled over and felt on the floo
r, trying not to smudge the wet paint.

  It was Ethan.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey Lex!”

  “Ethan, how’s it going?”

  Since I declined a second date, I didn’t think I’d hear from him again.

  “Wanna get something to eat?”

  I looked around my room. “Sure.”

  “Ok, great! See you in twenty minutes?”

  “Ok.”

  I hung up the phone. “Well, that was random.”

  But I didn’t care. I needed to get out of the house and carry on a conversation with someone other than the cat.

  Ethan pulled in the driveway just as I made it down the last step. I threw on a pair of jeans and a snug fitting top. It wasn’t fancy, but I thought it was the right blend of comfortable yet sexy with the low scooped neckline just grazing around my collarbone.

  “Where are you off to?” mom asked. She sat on the living room sofa, both her and the cat staring down my ensemble.

  “Getting a bite to eat…with a friend.”

  Ethan knocked on the door.

  “Gotta’ go! Love you!” I turned to escape when I heard my name.

  “Alexa! Don’t I get to meet your friend?” She looked up at me from her reading glasses perched just at the tip of her nose.

  I huffed. “Sure.”

  Knowing my mother, she would be referring to Ethan as my boyfriend by the end of the conversation.

  I swung open the door. Ethan was dressed down in jeans and a graphic tee. His usually combed back hair was loosely pushed back.

  “Ethan! It’s great to see you. Come in!”

  He smiled, stepping in the foyer. My mother had already made her way off the couch and by my side. Poor Ethan didn’t stand a chance against my mother’s life mission of finding me a suitable husband.

  “Mom,” I said, gesturing with my hands. “This is Ethan. Ethan, this is my mom, Reagan Stanton.” I always found it funny that my mom never changed her married name.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” Ethan said, offering his hand.

  “Ethan.” Mom said his name as if she were thinking how it would sound with mine. “I’m afraid Alexa’s never mentioned you.”

  I rolled my eyes. Leave it to my mother to make an already awkward situation even more so.