Dropout

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do?” she whispered, looking down at her iced coffee once Rae sat back down in her seat. “Denver is probably the best one for me academically, and the area is large enough for me to find the perfect schools for the kids and for them to find friends. Plus, it’s so pretty, and I’ve always wanted to live there. But…”

  Rae’s eyes saddened. “But Grayson lives there, and now you’re thinking about what that means for you and him.”

  “Exactly. I mean, it’s hard enough thinking about a move in general when I just uprooted the kids a couple of years ago back to Catfish Creek after the divorce. Now, I’d be transplanting them once again, and for the first time, out of Texas completely. But I don’t think I can stay here, Rae. It’s killing me.” Every time she went to work, she felt like more and more of a failure. Her parents weren’t helping, and other than Rae and Tessa, she didn’t have anything holding her here.

  How her hometown had become the one place she knew would slowly suck the life out of her, she didn’t know, but what she did know was that she couldn’t stay here anymore.

  And that meant a move to one of the three places that wanted her. Only, the location that sounded perfect was the one place that might end up hurting her in the end. If she moved to Denver, a small part of her might always wonder if it was for him instead of for her. She’d already disrupted her life for one man; she wouldn’t do it again.

  “I think you need to do what feels right to you,” Rae said after a few moments. “And while you’re thinking about that, think about this: you applied to those schools before Grayson came back to town. So there was something pulling you there without him. If he happens to be in a place you want to move to, maybe that’s for a reason.”

  Kate let out a breath. “But what if it’s the wrong reason?”

  “You can’t let what happened with Jason dictate how you choose to spend the rest of your life.”

  Rae might have a point, but that didn’t make things any easier.

  “Kate, you liked Grayson in high school, and I think that also worries you. He’s not the same man he was, but you aren’t the same woman either. Maybe you should keep seeing what happens.”

  Kate closed her eyes. “I was with Jason at the time. I didn’t like anyone else.”

  “No, you did, you just didn’t do anything about it because you’re a good soul. You’re also human and can see potential with more than one person at a time.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does. Because that means whatever you’re feeling now isn’t as new as you’re trying to make it. You feel this connection you do because there was always something there.”

  Once again, Kate could have said the same thing about Rae, but she didn’t want to hurt her friend. Some things were meant to stay in the past. They said their goodbyes and headed back to work. Anton was his usual surly self, and it just made Kate want to make a decision about schools sooner rather than later.

  By the time she got home, the kids were packing for their night with Jason at his parents’ home, and her babysitter was out the door in a flash. Summers were truly hard on Kate’s schedule, and sometimes, she felt like she never got to see her babies at all.

  “Mom, do you know where Binky is?” Lili yelled from her room. Binky was her stuffed elephant that she brought with her when she slept over at someone else’s home. She hadn’t always needed it, but after the divorce, she’d clung to it. Kate didn’t blame her, though; and while Jason thought it unseemly, Kate knew everyone needed his or her special comforts sometimes.

  Instead of yelling back, Kate walked to the back of the house where the kids’ rooms were and leaned against the doorjamb. How on earth had her children gotten so big, so quickly? She could have sworn her babies had been just that, babies, a few short minutes ago.

  And yet, here they were. West was about to hit the double digits, and Lili acted as if she were a teenager going on forty instead of Kate’s sweet baby. Though her life choices in the past hadn’t been what she’d expected them to be, Kate knew she wouldn’t change any of that if it meant she wouldn’t have the most precious parts of her heart with her. West and Lili meant everything to her—and that was why she needed to tell them about the things going on around them.

  I might keep Grayson to myself, though, she thought quickly. She wasn’t quite ready to tell them about a man that might be a fling, even though something deep inside begged for it to be more.

  “I think you might have left it at Grandma and Grandpa’s, baby. I don’t remember seeing it when you came home. Do you want me to call them?”

  Lili bit her lip before nodding. “If that’s okay.”

  Kate walked into her little girl’s room and hugged her close, a little clutch hitting her right in the heart when Lili hugged her back just as hard. “I’ll call right now, baby. Don’t worry.”

  Lili moved back and rubbed the back of her hand over her cheeks. “I’m sorry I’m crying.”

  Kate frowned and pulled Lili over so they sat side by side on her princess bed. “Why are you sorry? Crying is natural, honey. We all do it.”

  “But Daddy says crying is for babies, and I’m too old to be a baby.”

  Kate bit her cheek so she wouldn’t say something mean about the kids’ father. She’d done her best to keep the worst of the divorce proceedings away from her children, but Jason hadn’t been as careful. Damn him, she thought for the thousandth time. Damn him.

  “Even adults cry, Lili. It doesn’t make you a baby, and there is nothing wrong with showing your feelings.” She kissed the top of her daughter’s head and held her close as Lili hugged her back.

  “She cried in school today, too,” West said from the doorway. “But she wouldn’t let me hit the boy that made her cry.”

  “Tattle!” Lili screamed, and Kate held her daughter in place while looking up at West.

  “I’m glad you didn’t hit him, West. Violence isn’t the answer.” She looked down at Lili. “Who made you cry and why?” She’d be calling parents and teachers soon to figure it out because no one hurt her babies.

  “It was just Trevor,” Lili whispered. “He said that I was a poor kid since my daddy doesn’t live with me, and that meant you liked to go to sleep with bad boys. But I don’t know what that means because you just sleep at home and sometimes on the couch if you fall asleep before you go to bed. I’ve never seen a bad boy.” She glared at her brother. “Except West.”

  West narrowed his eyes, and Kate held up a hand. Dear God. What were these parents teaching their children? Because Trevor didn’t learn those words on his own, Kate was sure. She hated gossip, but it seemed that with the reunion riling everyone up, she wouldn’t be able to escape it.

  When Kate gestured for him, West came and sat on the other side of her so she could hold her two children close. “I don’t want you to pay any mind to what those kids say. They’re using mean words that they shouldn’t be using and not being very nice to you.”

  West kissed her cheek. “If you want a boyfriend, though, you can have one. Meggie’s mom has a boyfriend. He’s really nice and takes them for ice cream.”

  Kate crossed her eyes. Meggie’s mom was on boyfriend number seven since her divorce last year and had her own issues besides, but Kate couldn’t really judge, could she? Hell, she needed to get her head on straight.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready for a boyfriend, you guys.” That much was honest.

  “So you’re not dating Grayson?” Lili asked, and Kate froze.

  “What? Where did you hear that?”

  Lili ducked her head, and West answered for her. “Dad was saying something about you and a druggie named Grayson.” Color flashed over his cheeks, and Kate felt the need to strangle her ex once again.

  “First, you shouldn’t be listening in on conversations,” she bit out, trying to calm herself.

  “He said it to us,” West said, tears filling his eyes.

  Kate held back a curse and hugged them
close again. “Well, that’s something I’m going to have to talk to your dad about. But Grayson isn’t a druggie. He’s a…he’s a friend from high school who’s back in town for the reunion.”

  “Do you like him?” Lili asked, her eyes bright again.

  Kate bit her lip, not sure how she was going to answer until she spoke. “Yes, I do,” she whispered. “He’s a nice man. But we’re friends, and I’m sorry that you had to hear such mean things.”

  West kissed her cheek again before bouncing to his feet. There was only so much snuggle time he’d take these days. She was surprised at how long he’d lasted.

  “Well, if he is your boyfriend, I hope he’s better than Karly.” He rolled his eyes, and Lili giggled.

  Kate couldn’t really disagree there, but still. “Be nice. Karly is going to be your stepmom.” Her stomach rolled at that thought.

  “Yeah, like Cinderella’s stepmom,” Lili sing-songed.

  Kate rolled her eyes and stood up. “Okay, you two, be good. I’m going to call Grandma and Grandpa about Binky before your dad arrives.” She kissed the top of their heads and made her way into the living room to make the call. She’d also be having a little chat with her dear, old ex-husband because he’d stepped in it this time. He was fucking marrying another woman and had the gall to comment on Grayson?

  Kate might not know what she was going to do next with her life or with Grayson, but she’d be damned if she let Jason cloud a single bit of it.

  By the time Jason picked up the kids by honking in the driveway rather than daring to come to her door, Kate had a headache and really just wanted to eat ice cream and ignore the world. However, the world wouldn’t ignore her, and she had lists upon lists of things to do. That’s why when the doorbell rang, she almost hid behind something so whoever it was wouldn’t know she was home. Sadly, she wasn’t that much of a coward.

  She looked through the peephole and froze, her body going numb before heating up far too quickly. Kate looked down at her worn leggings and tunic and sighed. Well, he’d seen her naked after all, he’d just have to get used to seeing her like this.

  Not that he was staying in town and would have time to get used to such things.

  Damn it.

  She opened the door and frowned at Grayson on the other side. “I didn’t know you were coming by,” she said awkwardly.

  He stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared at her. “You said the kids would be with Jason tonight, and I figured you might not want to be alone since they aren’t here with you.” He paused. “Or I completely misread the situation, and you want to spend time by yourself.”

  She gripped the edge of the door, so many emotions warring inside her. “I had planned on doing bills, laundry, and cleaning the bathrooms.” She grinned. “I know, so glamorous.”

  He reached out and brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. Goosebumps rose along her skin, and she did her best not to shiver from his mere touch. “I think you’re pretty glamorous no matter what you do. Need help?”

  She blinked. “Seriously?” She moved back and winced. “Sorry, let’s get you inside and off the front step.”

  He shrugged as he walked inside her home. He was just so big that he filled up the space quickly. “I took the week off and headed down here to make sure Leah was okay, and now she’s off doing her own thing, and I have nothing better to do than sit in my hotel room and watch TV or play on my phone.”

  “Are you and Leah close, then?” she asked and could have kicked herself.

  Grayson gave her a soft look. “She’s my best friend. We both ended up in Denver after high school and things just stuck. We’re not sleeping together and never have. She’s like family, you know? I didn’t want to come to the reunion at all, but she signed me up and bugged me until I came.”

  “I’m sorry if I sounded jealous. I’m not that woman, and hate that I sounded like it.”

  Grayson lifted a brow. “No, you sounded like someone who wants to know if I’m sleeping with someone else. I get that. Not everyone gets my relationship with Leah right away, and hell, I’ve had past women in my life who wanted me to kick Leah out just because they were insecure. Leah lasted. They didn’t.”

  Kate shook her head. “I’d never ask that of you, you know. It seems like you guys have been friends forever. And I hate that I even questioned it for a moment.”

  Grayson reached out and slid his hand over hers. “Like I said, you can question. If you didn’t believe me, then we’d have a problem. Leah’s been with me and has helped me through most of my life. As you probably figured out, my childhood wasn’t the best in the world, and it was always nice to know I had a friend.”

  Kate squeezed his hand. “Do you want to talk about it? I mean, I know you’re leaving soon, and this isn’t—”

  He put his finger over her lips. “I can talk about it with you. I don’t know why I feel like I can, but you feel this connection too, right? There’s something between us even if we’re both fighting it. So how about we stop talking about how much time we have left and just work with what we have, okay?”

  She nodded and pulled away slightly. “Okay. How about we have something to drink? I have a feeling we might need it.”

  Grayson leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. “Sounds good. Sorry I didn’t kiss you when I first saw you. I wanted to, but I also figured you might need space.”

  She kissed him back a little harder this time. “Kissing I can do. Kissing I like.” Everything else might feel up in the air and a little crazy right then, but kissing Grayson didn’t seem wrong in the slightest.

  He smiled. “Good.” So, thankfully, he kissed her again. When he pulled back this time, they were both breathless, but she still felt a tension in the air that said they needed to talk.

  When they were both seated on her couch with a glass of wine near her on the table and a beer near him, she let out a breath. “You don’t have to talk about things if you don’t want to,” she said finally.

  Grayson reached forward and cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb along her jawline before moving back. He seemed to settle his shoulders before beginning, “I didn’t drop out of high school like so many thought I did.”

  She nodded. “I know. This town can be so mean sometimes.” Hence why she was planning on leaving.

  Wait. Planning? As if she’d already made a decision? She pushed those thoughts from her brain, but she knew the conversation she’d had with her children that night had done something to her thought process.

  “Not just this town, Kate, and you know that. But, yeah. Anyway, I didn’t drop out, I just finished my courses—barely—and got my diploma in the mail due to extenuating circumstances.”

  Kate reached out and gripped his hand. She’d walked the stage at graduation, had done her speech in front of the full class and countless others. It had been one of her crowning achievements after years of hard work. Yet with all of that, she’d ended up here on the couch with Grayson, neither of them who they once were.

  Circumstances made the person, but how they dealt with them defined who they truly were.

  “I worked two part-time jobs during high school because, without my income, we wouldn’t have been able to keep the roof over our heads. I just couldn’t keep up with schoolwork, and I was always exhausted, so the teachers thought I had an attitude problem. Only the Ball Buster ever paid much attention to me since he wanted me to play ball. I just didn’t have the time.”

  Kate’s eyes widened. “I haven’t heard Coach called Ball Buster in years.”

  Grayson snorted. “Apparently, some things in high school stick even after all these years.” He blew out a breath. “So, anyway, I worked my butt off and didn’t sleep much. People thought I didn’t care, but I did. I cared so much that I hurt myself in the process. I didn’t give a shit what they thought, though. I didn’t have time to. I had to support my mom and three sisters, you know?”

  Kate’s heart hurt for him. “You’re a good brother and son,
Grayson.” She paused, remembering gossip from around the time she’d moved away with Jason. “Did your family move?” She frowned. “I don’t know why I would know that, though.”

  Grayson let out a rough laugh. “You would because it was a thing back then with all the adults. You see, my dad left us when I was about thirteen or so. Just walked out and never looked back. I was fine with that because he was a son of a bitch to my mom and worse to me. When he started to look at my sisters like they could be punching bags, I figured I needed to bulk up to fight back.”

  “Jesus, Grayson.”

  He shook his head. “But then he left, you know? It sucked because he refused to divorce Mom so we couldn’t get into programs we needed to, and he didn’t pay child support because, hey, not divorced, and it turned into a whole helluva lot of drama. Mom worked herself to the bone until I was old enough to get a job. Started out early enough that I wasn’t really getting paid legally, but it kept the girls fed.”

  “The town should have done something for you, damn it. Someone should have done something.” She hated that Grayson had gone through any of the things he had, and it just made her want to wrap her arms around him even more and never let go.

  “Some might have but, Kate, honey, we were poor white trash living in a freaking trailer park. We were living up to our true potential, cliché and all. Every once in a while, the booster club would show up to give us food and get their names where they needed to be and in the good graces of those who mattered at church, but it never amounted to much. I learned early on that if we wanted to do something with our lives, we had to do it on our own.”

  She shook her head, angry all over again. “It’s still not right.”

  “And the fact that you believe that and would actually do something about it tells me those kids of yours are damn lucky they have you as a mom.”