Lost To The Bear (BBW Bear Shifter Romance)

by Ariana Hawkes

  He sped off in the direction of the Special Ops headquarters. He needed to debrief them as soon as possible.

  “I’m sorry that I failed to complete the mission,” Rockland said, two days later, after his medical assessments had been completed and he’d been thoroughly debriefed by his Commander. “But I determined that removing Blake and taking out the entire unit was the only way that I could prevent the ringleaders from discovering that the gang had been infiltrated.” The commander nodded. Then he stood up, walked around to Rockland’s side of his desk and squeezed his shoulder.

  “Rockland, there’s no need to apologize for anything. You’ve done an excellent job, and we have all the information that we need to take down the entire supply chain. As a mark of our gratitude, the division would like to grant you two week’s paid leave, to be spent as you choose.” Rockland nodded calmly.

  “Thank you, Commander. I’ll be glad of the time,” he said. “Can I also request the access code to the safe deposit box?”

  “Of course, Rockland. I’m glad it’s finally going to be of use to you.”

  As Rockland walked out of the headquarters, his heart leapt. He finally had a use for his secret stash.

  11

  How do you find a man when you don’t even know his name?

  “You don’t,” Paige told her wildcat repeatedly. But it was no use, the little animal prowled inside her non stop, demanding that she find her mate. She scoured the newspapers, looking for something, anything. They were full of reports on the biggest drugs bust in national history, but there was nothing about either Axel, or the hard-faced man who’d come looking for him in the bar.

  Days passed and hope turned to despair. She’d fallen hard for him, and her heart ached like crazy and her mood was low. After spending the first night without him above the bar, lying in sheets that smelled so deliciously of his incredible scent, barely sleeping, and hoping against hope that he’d return and decide it had all been a big mistake, she went back home to face mama’s anger.

  After a tirade of fury, mama let her back home, and little by little Paige managed to get her to agree that she’d actually coped just fine by herself, and that Paige hadn’t been abducted or murdered.

  “Mom, I’m going to try to start college next semester,” she said gently when she felt that she was calm enough to take it. “I have to move away though. Living out here is too far for me. We can either move to Gladstone together, or I’ll just come see you at weekends and whenever I can find time.”

  “I’m not leaving here!” mama kept insisting.

  “Option B it is then,” Paige said, looking around the untidy house in dismay. She’d never understand why her mom was so attached to the lonely, dilapidated old place.

  The house had gotten way worse while she’d been away. The number of random things that mama hoarded seemed to have doubled, covering every available surface. Paige did her best to tidy up, taking bagfuls of junk and hiding it in the trunk of her car when mama wasn’t looking. She filled out an application to the college in Gladstone, and to her amazement, they accepted her. She was happy, and tried to be excited for it, but her heart still ached for Axel, and her little wildcat still scratched and scrabbled and called for him.

  One evening, Paige was busy spring cleaning the house. As she scrubbed the kitchen sink, muttering to herself at the stinking bottles of potions lying everywhere, she heard a very strange sound. It was like a man yelling in pain, but much deeper and wilder. And it was quickly followed by a wild scream from her mother, coming from somewhere inside the house, as if she was yelling out of the window. A second later, mama hurtled downstairs, and burst out of the house, tripping on her long skirts all the way. Paige dropped her dish cloth and ran after her.

  “I’ve caught one!” mama shrieked in glee, pointing to something on the grass. As Paige emerged from the house and looked where mama was indicating, she got the shock of her life. It was Axel, slumped on the ground, rubbing his ankle and groaning.

  “Axel!”

  “What the hell was that?” he said. She started to run over to him, until he yelled at her to stop. “Something shocked me. There’s an electric current somewhere here.”

  “I caught him with my magic spell!” Mama shrieked triumphantly. Paige turned around and glared at her in horror.

  “Mama! What have you done?”

  “I made a force field to keep bad spirits out.”

  “Where? Show me.” Cackling happily, mama showed her a series of wires that passed along the edge of the garden and went to a power socket behind the house.

  “That’s not a magic spell – it’s an electric fence!” Paige bellowed. “Turn that off.”

  Mama gave her an evil look, her green eyes wild. But Paige returned the look, holding eye contact. Mama was the first to look away. With a groan of defeat, she turned and shuffled toward the house, grumbling all the time. Immediately, a buzzing sound that Paige hadn’t previously registered stopped. She ran over to Axel and squatted down, staring into his face, then down at his leg.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine now,” he said. Paige pulled the leg of his pants up and examined the dark red burn mark running across the front of his ankle.

  “Does it hurt?”

  “A little. But I think my pride is hurt more than anything. Imagine that. I’ve defeated I-don’t-know-how-many criminal enterprises over the years. Only to be taken out by your mother.”

  “She’s a menace,” Paige agreed, shaking her head. “And very paranoid.”

  “I guess she’s just defending her property.” All of a sudden, Paige burst out laughing. She was so shocked at seeing him, and so horrified at what her mom had done, that her emotions just spilled over, and she laughed hysterically, until tears ran down her cheeks. Axel started laughing too, and Paige got so weak from laughter that she collapsed against him, and he held her tight, pressing her against his strong chest.

  At last, they pulled apart.

  “You came back,” she said, gazing first into his eyes, which looked stormy gray in the darkness, then flickering all over his face, drinking him in. His jaw tightened.

  “I came back to give you something.” He reached out for a small holdall that was lying on the ground nearby and handed it to her. She took it hesitantly, watching his face, unable to tear her eyes away.

  “What is it?”

  “You’ll see.” She unzipped it and peered inside. And then her eyes widened and her lips parted, and she shook her head several times.

  “This isn’t monopoly money is it?”

  “It’s real, Paige.”

  “And why are you giving it to me? Wait –” She arched an eyebrow. “Is this money from drugs or something?”

  “No. Of course not.”

  “Axel – actually, I can’t even call you that – who are you?” He sighed.

  “My name is Rockland.”

  “Rockland,” she repeated, rolling the word around her mouth. “It suits you. Way better than Axel, actually.” He shrugged.

  “You did pretty well, considering what you had to work with. I’m a secret operative, Paige. Working on behalf of the government. I belong to a task force that infiltrates criminal gangs and discovers how to destroy the entire supply chain. As you can imagine, it’s dangerous work.”

  “Which is why someone ended up cracking you over the head.”

  “Exactly.” He gave the ghost of a smile. “But not knowing that I’m a bear, they underestimated my resilience.” She looked at him worriedly.

  “Are you still in danger?”

  “No. The entire gang has been subdued or imprisoned, and my mission there is complete. I’ll be starting my next mission in two weeks’ time.” He took her hand in his, and a little glow of pleasure ran all the way through her at the sensation of those big, warm hands enveloping hers. “This money is mine. I’ve been accumulating it for the past few years. My salary, really. But I have no need of it. I get paid my expenses, and apart from
that, there’s nothing I need. I don’t have a house, my own car, any of the things the average person needs. So I want you to have it. Please use it to pay for college, so you can have your dream.”

  Paige’s mouth opened and closed several times.

  “You’d do this for me?” she stuttered.

  “Of course. You’re the best person in the world.”

  She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. And then she handed the bag back to him.

  “I can’t take it. I haven’t earned it,” she said firmly.

  “Paige, please. No-one deserves it more than you. It makes me sad that you’ve lived until the age of 24, being deprived of the things that a normal person should have. Now it’s time for you to enjoy yourself, and fulfill your dream of becoming a crime scene investigator.” She nodded.

  “I am going to go to college, starting next semester. I’ve been talking to mama, and she agreed that the world didn’t end when I stayed away from home last week, so I’m going to live above the bar on days when I have to go to college, and visit her in the forest whenever I can. I’ll work almost full-time hours in the bar, and go to school full time, and I’ll manage somehow.”

  “I’m so happy you’re going to college. But it doesn’t have to be so hard. Please, take the money, and then you’ll be free to study to be the best CSI that ever lived, without having to worry about working in the bar.”

  Paige pursed her lips, turning her thoughts over rapidly.

  “Okay, I’ll take the money. On one condition,” she said.

  “What’s that?”

  “That you share it with me and we buy a bar and run it together.” His eyes filled with sadness.

  “Paige, nothing would make me happier than spending all my days with you. But I can’t do that. I’m not a normal guy. I’m a secret operative. We live like ghosts in the world.”

  “But you said you’d be happy with me, running a bar together.”

  “That’s before I remembered who I am.”

  “But you’re still the same person. I can feel it, Ax – I mean, Rockland. It’s not like you lost your personality too.” She held his face between her hands, looking deep into his eyes. His lips quirked at the corners.

  “Paige, the truth is that I’ve never been my own person. My parents gave me away to the agency as soon as I was weaned. I’ve been brought up by an organization. It’s all I’ve ever known.”

  “Rockland, listen to me. You told me you’re not starting your next mission for a couple of weeks, right?” He nodded.

  “I won’t take your money. But I’ll take a week of your time instead. Darlene is crazy short staffed. Just give me seven days working together in Darlene’s Bar. And if you don’t like it after that, you can go back to your life in the shadows.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she shushed him with a raised hand. “You owe me this. I scraped you off the road and saved your life, remember?” A reluctant grin spread across his face.

  “Of course I remember. What do you think I am? An amnesiac?”

  “Idiot!” she swatted him. “Is that a yes?”

  “Paige, when I walk away from you in a week’s time and go back to my career, it’s going to be even harder to be parted from you than it is already.”

  “It’s a risk worth taking,” she said. But her breath hitched in her throat. He was right; she knew he was. And she knew that he wouldn’t stay with her at the end of the week.

  “Okay, seven more days,” he said. And he took her into his arms and kissed her tenderly. The whole world melted away, and time seemed to be suspended in the trees all around them. All Paige was aware of was the sensation of his mouth on hers, his strong protective arms around her waist. And then a wild shriek tore through the air. Paige pulled away and looked back to the house, where her mama was hanging out of the upstairs window, glaring at them.

  “I’d better go pacify her,” she said. “I wish I could invite you to stay tonight, but –”

  “It’s okay. She’ll probably Taser me in my sleep or something.” Paige giggled.

  “She’ll calm down in time. Baby steps. You should stay at the bar tonight if you want? I’ll let Darlene know you’ll be there.”

  “Thanks, I’ll do that.” She took his head in her hands.

  “I’ll come see you first thing tomorrow morning. And then I want to know everything about you, Rockland. Including your last name.” He grinned.

  “Okay, deal.” He got to his feet and she gave him a little push.

  “Now, go, before I tell you to abduct me from here!”

  Reluctantly taking the holdall from her, he went back to his car and drove along the dirt track in the direction of Darlene’s bar.

  “Will I ever see him again?” Paige asked herself as she watched his car disappear from view.

  12

  Rockland knew it was a bad idea. He knew it would be so much harder when they had to part again in seven days’ time, and he had to discard his identity and go undercover once more. But he knew that he couldn’t not see Paige again. He was willing to endure all the emotional pain in the world for the sake of spending seven more days with her. When she ran over to him, her face so full of concern, he thought his heart was going to burst with happiness. And he’d felt her animal. It was weak inside her, not like his bear, but it was coming to life, and it was calling out to him. Twisting its slinky body beneath her skin, urging him to mate her.

  When he arrived at Darlene’s bar, Darlene was expecting him. She was an attractive, dark-haired woman in her mid forties, who looked at him shrewdly but kindly.

  “So you’re the man who’s been putting a smile on Paige’s face,” she said, shaking his hand warmly. “Good to finally meet you.”

  “You too. Thanks for letting me stay above the bar.”

  “Hey, I’ve heard you’ll be paying for your keep in labor, so it’s me who should be thanking you.”

  Rockland dropped his things upstairs, then ordered a pizza and ate it in the room. This room is home, he thought, looking around. Paige had already improved it a lot since that disorienting first night when he’d staggered up there, unable to remember the first thing about himself. And now it felt cozy. The first place that had ever felt like home in his life.

  When he’d finished eating, he stretched out on the bed and watched TV for an hour or so, trying to get himself in the mood for sleeping. But Paige’s scent was everywhere, and it made him antsy, and his bear prowled and fretted beneath his skin.

  Paige’s mom had calmed right down when she explained that Rockland was a bear shifter. Who knew why, but that automatically made him a decent guy in her book. Paige breathed a long sigh of relief as she climbed into bed, glad that there wasn’t going to be a crazy night of spells and incantations and potions bubbling on the stove in an attempt to cast Rockland out of her life.

  But she didn’t sleep well at all. Seeing Rockland, when she’d never thought she’d see him again had thrown her emotions into a tailspin, and as the hours of darkness passed, she became more and more convinced that he wouldn’t keep his promise. I wish he’d never come back at all, she thought grouchily as she got herself ready for work in the morning. He just turned up to wring out my heart a second time.

  Her heart was beating fast as she locked her car and strode across the parking lot of Darlene’s. She tiptoed up the back stairs and tapped on the bedroom door. There was no answer. She waited and knocked again. Still nothing. And then a third time. Her eyes began to sting. Idiot! You knew he wasn’t going to be here, and you still let yourself get hopeful. She leaned against the door and blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill. But it was too late. A sob broke out of her throat before she had time to stifle it. I like Rockland way too much, she thought, clamping her hand over her mouth. However rational I try to be, it’s just no use.

  Slowly she forced her emotions back under control, and when her tears dried up, she trudged down stairs and stumbled over to the rear entrance to the bar.

 
And then her heart jumped into her throat.

  There was a man – a huge, powerfully built man – standing behind the bar and pulling beers, while chatting away to the customers. Bill, sad Charlie and grumpy-ass Jack seemed to be hanging on his every word. She slunk up beside him and listened, her tummy full of butterflies. Bill cocked an eyebrow, and Rockland spun around.

  “Morning,” he said casually, with that slow, sexy smile of his. Then his eyebrows drew together. “Is something wrong?”

  “No – I –” Her heart still pounding, she gestured toward the upper floor uselessly, incapable of explaining how ridiculous she’d been.

  “Darlene put me on an early shift,” he explained. “The more time I get to learn the ropes, the better.”

  “You look like you’ve been working in bars all your life.” He shrugged.

  “Guess I take all of my missions equally seriously.” She giggled, happy to be sharing the private joke with him, while Bill, Charlie and Jack goggled at them, uncomprehending.

  It was so much fun working with Rockland. He cracked jokes with the locals all the time, goofed around, and still kept the bar and tables immaculately clean. And Darlene loved him. She spent the whole day shooting Paige meaningful looks, raising an eyebrow, gawking at his incredible muscle tone. Paige couldn’t help glowing with pride. He wasn’t really hers, but for the next seven days, she was going to pretend he was.

  “Whew, hardest day’s work in my life!” Rockland exclaimed nine hours later, throwing himself down on the bed in the upstairs room.