Lost To The Bear (BBW Bear Shifter Romance)

by Ariana Hawkes

  “I’m sure that’s not true.” Paige lingered by the door, suddenly shy.

  “Hey, come here.” He held his arms open, and she ran to him, throwing herself down on top of him. He kissed her tenderly on the mouth. “I swear you’re even more beautiful than a week ago.” He brushed her bangs back and gazed deeply into her eyes. She flinched under his scrutiny, having the sensation that he was looking right into her soul. “And so’s your kitty.”

  “What? You can see her?”

  “Yup. She’s watching me avidly, wondering when I’m going to mate you again.” Paige gasped and pretended to slap him, but in truth, the mere mention of mating instantly lit a fire deep inside her. A fire had come into his eyes as well, but they softened again, and he drew her over to the side of his body, tucking his arm around her. She repressed a sigh of pleasure at being held like that. So safe and protected.

  “Paige, I’m sorry that I’m not the man we both wish I was. And I’m so sorry for running out on you the other day. But there was no time to waste. As soon as I recognized the guy from the photo you showed me, I knew I had to take him out before he came back again. He was a very dangerous man.” Paige blinked hard.

  “It’s okay. I know you were just doing your job.”

  “Keeping you safe was my main priority. As soon as I remembered who I was, the last thing I wanted was you being dragged into what I do.” Paige stroked the stubble on his jawline.

  “Do you take a lot of people out?”

  “Only as a last resort. And only the bad guys. Drug cartels, terrorists. Underworld families.”

  “Do you enjoy it?”

  “No. But it’s all I’ve ever known. The agency always owned me. I never thought that there could be another way.”

  “And now? Now you’ve spent those days not knowing who you were? Wondering what your past held?” She watched him staring at the ceiling, those gray eyes troubled with thoughts she could only guess at.

  “It’s what I’m good at. It seems crazy to leave all of that behind. Anyway, the agency won’t let me out.”

  “Have you ever asked them?”

  “I don’t think anyone has.” And then he gave her a look that was so sad and dark that she couldn’t bring herself to ask him any more. Instead, she slid her hand underneath his shirt and stroked his taut, muscular belly, and the sexy line of hair that ran from his belly button to the zipper of his pants. He let off a small rumble, and moments later, she saw his cock begin to swell beneath the fabric of his jeans.

  “Paige, this isn’t a good idea,” he said, catching at her fingers.

  “Yeah, it looks like a terrible idea.” She gazed openly at the bulge that continued to grow.

  “We shouldn’t be mating.”

  “Because?” She leaned forward and ran her tongue along the side of his neck. He gave a louder rumble.

  “Because I can’t be your mate.”

  “Rockland, we’ve been through this already. It doesn’t matter to me right now. I want you. So does my animal. This is what matters.” His eyes darkened, the pupils flooding the irises.

  “I want you too, Paige. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I don’t believe you,” she said in a taunting tone. His breath hitched in his throat.

  “I want you so much that if you kiss me right now, it’ll probably all be over before I even get my clothes off.”

  “Is that so?” She pulled herself up onto her hands and knees, and, hardly knowing what she was doing, she arched her back, so her ass was angled suggestively in the air. It’s my cat, she realized. It’s taking control of my body. And I actually really like it. It was making a sound, deep in her chest – a throaty kind of purr. More of a call, actually. She gazed deep into his eyes, challenging him.

  With a growl, he snatched her up into his arms, squeezing her tight, crushing her mouth against his.

  “Paige Flanagan, I’ve never wanted anyone in my entire life the way I want you,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “I can’t stop thinking about you. Every thought I have is full of you.” Then his hands were everywhere, caressing her breasts, her soft hips and generous thighs, making her moan and sigh in pleasure. Arching over her, he pulled her clothes off impatiently, until she was lying naked, exposed to his hungry eyes. While his gaze roved all over, coming to rest on the dark triangle of hair between her thighs, he stripped off his own clothes, and she drank him in. There were no longer any signs of his injuries. Just absolute, masculine perfection.

  “I want to take my time with you, Paige. To worship every inch of your beautiful body. But my bear’s pushing me too hard.” With a shy smile, she spread her thighs a little, as her wildcat was urging her to, and she was rewarded with a deep growl, low in his throat. When he reached out and touched her, running a light fingertip between her sensitive labia, she gasped. She was so wet and sensitized and ready for him.

  “Turn over,” he commanded. “I want you just as you were before.” Before she had time to think, her cat flipped her over, and waited, quivering in anticipation. His fingertips traced over the globes of her eyes, while he made little sounds of appreciation, and she instinctively arched her back further, moved her legs a little wider apart. His hands grasped her hips, and she felt his cock brushing at her entrance, and then he began to slide inside her.

  This time it was easier, but he was still so big, still so much to take. Her muscles gripped him tightly, yielding bit by bit until he filled her completely. Her cat hissed and clawed at the bed sheets while she cried out.

  He felt so good inside her, moving rhythmically, his hips butting against her ass as he went in deep, then pulling almost all the way out until she moaned in frustration. He was teasing her, taking his time, when she wanted it fast and hard. But it was such a sweet frustration, so much pressure building up inside her. And then when he finally let go and took her rough and hard and fast, she exploded, orgasming around his thick shaft. At some point she collapsed onto her front, lying spread-eagled as waves of pleasure rolled through her body. He gave her time, murmuring sweet nothings into her ear, waiting until she was spent, and then he rolled her onto her side and spooned her, his arms wrapped around her, kneading and caressing her breasts, his face buried in her neck, while he fucked her again and again. She felt so desired and cherished, and by the time he came with a fierce roar, her eyes were misting with tears.

  “Did I hurt you, baby?” he said worriedly, licking them off, kissing her cheeks.

  “No, just the opposite,” she said, sighing happily, her whole body glowing with pleasure and satisfaction.

  They spent the rest of the evening in bed, only getting up to pick up a pizza from downstairs. They didn’t watch movies; they just lay in each others’ arms, talking, then mating all over again.

  “This is bliss,” Paige said sleepily, when they’d finally decided to turn off the lights and get some sleep. “I feel like I could do this every day of my life.” As she said the words, she felt him stiffen. “But failing that, I’ll settle for a week.” He pressed his lips to her forehead.

  “I’ll do my absolute best to make it the most perfect week I can,” he said. She snuggled closer to him, forcing herself not to think about the future, and to focus instead on how perfect the moment was. It was amazing to be held in his arms, now his ribs had healed. To fall asleep listening to his regular, rumbling breaths, and to inhale his incredible smell. And that was all she could hope for. She wasn’t about to ruin things by feeling sad for the future.

  The next four days were as happy as the first. She and Rockland worked together all day, and they had a ball. Darlene was ecstatic. Somehow earnings were up and the bar became a warmer, livelier place. The regulars gossiped about the two of them non-stop, and Rockland was gathering a fan club – an entourage of women who started to come in every day, bringing more and more of their friends with them to stare at the handsome stranger, and try to get drunk enough to pluck up the courage to ask him on a date. Although Paige’s wildcat flexed
her claws and twitched her tail at the sight of them, her rational, human side didn’t care. She knew he only had eyes for her.

  In the evenings, Rockland asked her what she felt like doing – going to the movies, having dinner, going out in Gladstone. But all she wanted was to spend the evening in bed with him again.

  Under his praise of her body, and his evident desire, she grew more confident in her skin, and when she got upstairs, she could hardly wait to strip off. They always got in the shower together, washing off the day’s grime in preparation for their endless lovemaking. Sometimes they didn’t even make it out of the shower before the mating began. Rockland would lift her up in his strong arms, pressing her back against the wall, and she’d wrap her legs around him, and he’d take her like that, their bodies slick and steamy. She loved the way he always mated her like he owned her. There were lots of tender, gentle moments, but at the point of climax it was rough and real and possessive.

  Things couldn’t have been more perfect – except for the fact that Rockland held back a lot during conversations about their lives. He couldn’t talk about his job, at all. And it made her sad. But as she reminded herself often, she’d barely had a life until she met him. Her stories were all about making spells and potions with her mom, and all the kooky things her mom used to do. And she cringed as she told these stories, thinking that he must think her life was unbelievably dull.

  “Your mom’s a real character,” he said one night as they shared a tub of caramel fudge ice cream.

  “That’s an understatement. Sometime she’s so hostile and mad at the world that it really freaks me out.”

  “Do you know who hurt her all those years ago?”

  “She never speaks of it, but I think she got attacked by a stranger in the woods.” Rockland ground his jaw and his features turned hard, his bear beginning to push through.

  “I can’t stand to hear about men hurting women,” he growled. “I’d like to get hold of that asshole and tear him apart. Do you have any clue where it happened?”

  “There’s a big house, two towns away, in a place called Devil’s Creek, owned by some family that no-one knows anything about,” Paige said slowly, thinking. “She seems to hate them more than anyone else in the world, but has never given me a reason why. She just says they’re human garbage.” He nodded thoughtfully and she slid him a sideways look.

  “What are you thinking?’

  “Nothing much. Just wondering how people like that can live with themselves and the terrible things they do.”

  “Me too. I feel real bad for mama, and I wish she could find some peace for herself.” She snuggled closer to him. “I’m just glad that you’re here to show me that there are some good guys in the world.” And then her heart clenched at the reminder that he wouldn’t be in her world for much longer. She climbed on top of him and pressed her mouth on his desperate to push that thought out of her mind.

  13

  Several hours later, Rockland lay in bed, listening to the regular sound of Paige’s breathing. She was a deep sleeper and never stirred, even when his nightmares jolted him out of sleep and he woke up ready to fight, fists swinging. He slid out from between the sheets and got out of bed. Then he dressed as quietly as possible and slipped out of the bedroom door, casting Paige one last, longing look.

  Outside, the night was crisp and the moon was high in the sky. He opened the maps app on his phone, scrutinized the surrounding area, then began to drive fast toward his destination. Ever since Paige had told him about her mom, he’d been consumed with anger, and he wanted to take a look at the house she’d mentioned for himself.

  Half an hour later he pulled up 100 yards from a large plot of land, with a single, large building in the center. He got out of the car and walked toward it, his feet soundless from years of practice. It was a forbidding building, which instantly gave off a bad vibe, he thought as it came into view. It was flat-fronted, with narrow windows and huge iron gates at the front and back. The walls surrounding it were 12 feet tall and topped with razor wire. His bear’s hackles rose and the fur at the back of its neck stood on end. Bad things happened here; he was certain of it. But had someone who lived here once hurt Paige’s mother? He had to find out. But not right now. However skilled an operative he was, the place was like a fortress and if he was going to get inside, he’d need some support.

  He walked around the building one more time, memorizing every last detail of it. Then he got back into his car and drove back to Paige.

  Even though he’d only been away from her for an hour and a half, his heart leapt at the knowledge that he was about to see her again. Just the image of her lying in bed, so sweet and fragrant and naked made his bear howl out loud.

  But in two days, their time together would be up, and he’d return to his life in the shadows. The thought of being apart from her was a physical pain, as if he was being torn in two. He’d fallen for her hard, and with every hour he seemed to love her more and more. She was life; she was everything to him. What was the point of having this career that took over his entire life when it meant he couldn’t be with her? He’d been turning these thoughts over more and more frequently, and now, in the clarity of the moonlit road, it all suddenly made sense.

  By the time he was walking up the stairs to their room, he’d made another, very important decision.

  Paige was still sleeping deeply. She hadn’t even changed position, and she was making adorable little snores, like a sleeping kitten. He stripped his clothes off and climbed back in beside her. She sighed and wrapped herself around him. He couldn’t get back to sleep. His mind was too crammed with thoughts for that. Instead, he lay awake, enjoying her closeness while rapidly making plans.

  “Paige, I’ve got to take off for a few hours this afternoon,” Rockland told her as they had breakfast together. “It’s a work thing, but I’ll be back in a few hours.” She opened her mouth, questions poised on her lips, then closed it again.

  “Sure,” she said instead. But her eyes were too bright. This is the last time I’ll ever hurt this woman, Rockland promised himself.

  In a few hours, he was pulling up at the entrance of the only place he’d ever called home in his whole life – at least, until he’d met Paige. It was a small, low-key compound of ugly gray buildings. The windows were narrow and mirrored, and the security was on another level.

  “Back so soon, Rockland?” the security guy said.

  “Yes, new mission,” he replied curtly, and leaned out of the window to allow him to perform a retinal scan.

  “You’re good to go,” the guy said and the high gate in front of him slid open soundlessly.

  He waited for an hour until the commander was free to meet him, and spent the time pacing back and forth, thinking about his past life in the place. The buildings were actually cozier on the inside than the forbidding gray walls suggested, but still it suddenly seemed strange, and a little sad, that he’d spent his whole childhood and youth in this militaristic compound. The little boy he’d remembered before he got his memory back was another orphan, given to the agency to be brought up by them. They’d lost touch a few years earlier, and he had no idea what had happened to him.

  “Rockland,” the commander said, opening the door to his office and extending his hand.

  “Commander.” They shook hands firmly. The Commander’s eyes were as steady and shrewd as they’d always been. Rockland had grown up thinking of him as a kind of father substitute, but there was really no softness, no nurturing quality to him at all.

  “You’re back early. Eager to begin your next mission?”

  “Actually, I had something I wanted to talk to you about.” Rockland watched the Commander’s face, but it remained impassive, his emotions concealed, as all the agents had been trained to.

  “You need more time off? That’s fine. As you know, you’ve been the most effective operator the agency has ever had. You’ve worked tirelessly, and been through a lot. If you’d like to take a couple more weeks, th
en consider it granted.”

  “No, it’s not that. Commander – you know that I can never thank the agency enough for taking me in and giving me all the opportunities I’ve had. And I will remain loyal to the agency to my dying day. But the fact is that I’ve spent enough of my life living in the shadows. It’s time for me to retire.” The Commander’s eyebrows shot up – the first spontaneous reaction Rockland had ever seen from him – and Rockland’s bear gave a low warning rumble.

  “Operators don’t usually retire from the agency, Rockland. I’m sure you know that.” Rockland nodded.

  “I do. And I know that I’m asking a lot. But I hope that I’ve earned the right to retire through the many dangerous missions I’ve undertaken.”

  “You have. None of our other agents have been tested to the level that you have. But the thought of you walking away saddens me a lot.” He fell silent, tented the fingertips of each hand together and stared into space. Rockland waited, grinding his jaw in frustration.

  “You can leave, Rockland. If that’s what you really want.”

  “Thank you –” Rockland started to reply, but the Commander held his hand up to indicate he hadn’t finished.

  “But I want you to carry out one last mission for me.” Relief coursed through Rockland’s body. He could do one more mission. He was dying to finish his employment right now. But if that’s what it took to be able to spend his life with Paige, then he’d do it. Hell, he’d do anything. He’d walk over fire for her, trek across the Antarctic, promise to spend the rest of his life in his human form. Whatever it took, he was determined to be with her. And then he had an idea.

  “Okay,” he said. “But can I make a suggestion about the mission?” The Commander raised an eyebrow. This was highly irregular.

  “Go on,” he said.

  “On my last mission, I received some intelligence about a criminal gang operating from a large property just outside a town called Devil’s Creek. I’d like to try to infiltrate them.” A light came into the Commander’s eyes.