At This Moment (Of Love and Madness #1)

by Karen Cimms

  “Well, thank you! Aren’t you sweet?”

  Billy was shooting daggers, but Robbie grinned. “This is our own Miss Mississippi right here,” he said proudly. “Runner-up in the Miss America pageant three years ago.”

  Kate blanched. Billy had forgotten to mention that, too. He conveniently also refused to catch her eye when she glared at him.

  Joey was gushing. “I thought you looked familiar! What was your talent—and don’t tell me just wearing your swimsuit, because honey, I’d believe you!”

  “She sings,” said Robbie.

  “Is that how you two met?” Joey asked, looking from Billy to Luann.

  Luann shook her head. “We met in high school, right after I moved to Kansas from Mississippi. I don’t sing Billy’s kind of music.”

  “Luann sings opera,” Robbie explained. “She could’ve turned professional if she wanted.”

  “Katie loves opera,” Billy said.

  Luann beamed at her. “You do? That’s wonderful.”

  “You do?” Joey gave her an incredulous look. “Since when?”

  If Joey was closer, Kate would have pinched him. Instead, she blushed. “I liked the part in Cats when they sing opera, and I love ‘Nessun Dorma’—not that I have a clue what it’s about. But I think I’d like to see a real opera someday.”

  “Billy,” Luann scolded. “You have the Met right here. Why haven’t you taken her? He could explain it to you, Kate.”

  Kate looked at Billy, surprised.

  “He’s not a fan,” Luann continued, “but he understands it well enough.”

  “Time to go,” Billy announced, making a valiant attempt to change the subject as he steered them toward the door. He snatched Kate’s sweater off the end of the sofa and settled it over her shoulders.

  “So Robbie, you think Derrick Thomas can pull the Chiefs out of the toilet this year?

  Knuckling under to Joey’s nagging, Kate agreed to spend the night in a hotel—the same hotel where everyone was staying but Billy, who insisted on driving her himself after the rehearsal dinner at their favorite pizza restaurant. She tried to convince him it was silly when she could’ve hitched a ride. But truthfully, she was glad he did.

  Billy was kissing her good-bye, a kiss that suggested he might not be leaving so soon, when they were interrupted by a knock.

  “C’mon, buddy,” Robbie said when Billy opened the hotel room door. “Time for your bachelor party. Luann’s going to help Kate unpack while you and I throw back a few. Then I’m sending you home for a good night’s rest.”

  “I guess that’s my cue.”

  Kate settled for a quick kiss before Robbie pulled Billy out the door.

  Luann rested her hands on her hips. “You look exhausted. Go slip into your jammies and get comfortable. I promised I’d take good care of you.”

  Kate stifled a yawn. “I’d argue, but that sounds wonderful.”

  “How about something to drink?” Luann asked. “I could go for a Coca-Cola myself. There’s a machine down the hall, or I can call room service. How about some herbal tea?”

  Surrendering to another yawn, Kate nodded. “Chamomile, if they have it. You know, I was afraid I might not be able to sleep without Billy, but I’m beginning to think that won’t be a problem after all.”

  Luann insisted on unpacking for her, so after she removed her makeup and slipped into one of Billy’s old T-shirts, she climbed onto the king-sized bed to watch Luann bustle about the room.

  “We’re just so tickled,” Luann said as she smoothed out the special slip Kate would wear under her gown. “Robbie worries about Billy. We both do. To see him happy is just wonderful. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him smile as much as I have tonight, and we dated for almost three years.” Luann’s face fell. “I hope you don’t mind me sayin’ that.”

  “No, although I didn’t know that until this morning.”

  Luann’s eyes grew round. “You’re kidding!”

  “Nope. It kind of stunned me, but it’s okay. He’d told me he had two long-time girlfriends—one in high school and his first year of college—which I guess was you, and then another girl he dated for a while afterward.”

  “Samantha.” Luann’s nose crinkled. “Robbie said she was pretty but a little rough.”

  “Rough?”

  “Let’s just say she didn’t bring out the best in him. He had enough problems. Lord knows he didn’t need her encouraging him to do things that were bad for him.”

  “What kind of problems?”

  “Oh, you know. With his mama and daddy.”

  Kate nodded, even though she knew nothing about Billy’s parents.

  “It’s a shame, really.” Luann busied herself as she spoke. “I never knew his daddy. He took off long before we met. From what I’ve been told, he was a real S.O.B., and that was when he wasn’t drinking. When he was—which was most of the time—he was a nasty drunk. That last time, he beat Billy so bad his grandfather ran him off with a shotgun. Ain’t nobody seen or heard from him since.” She turned toward Kate. “Rumor was their grandpa shot him and buried him in the cow pasture.”

  Kate’s mouth went dry.

  “Their grandfather thought the sun rose and set on Billy,” Luann called from the bathroom as she unpacked Kate’s makeup case. “Took care of him like he was his own, ’specially after his mama ran off.”

  A lump formed in the pit of her stomach. Billy had never spoken about his parents other than to say they were gone. She had assumed that meant they were dead.

  “What’s his mother like?” She asked when Luann rejoined her in the bedroom.

  “Oh, she’s a beauty. Tall, blond, blue eyes like Billy. Just picked the wrong man, I guess. She also likes to drink, among other things.” Luann gave her a wink and a nod, as if she would know what that meant.

  “When Grandpa ran his daddy off, she went with him. She’d come home every now and then, when she’d run out of money, but Grandpa put a stop to that. After he died, she started coming around again, playing on Gram’s sweet nature, but she’d disappear soon enough. Last time I saw her, Billy and I were still dating. She stayed a few days, and then one morning, she was gone. So was Gram’s jewelry, a few of Grandpa’s guns that were supposed to go to Robbie and Billy, and the guitar Grandpa gave Billy.”

  “The Martin?”

  Luann nodded dramatically. “Yep. Gram went to every pawn shop within fifty miles till she found it and bought it back.”

  No wonder the guitar meant so much to him.

  “His mama would call now and then after that, try and talk Gram into letting her come home, but Gram would just hang up, then cry for days. When she died, there was no one to protect Billy anymore. He stayed with Robbie’s parents before he went off to college, but he already had a pretty big chip on his shoulder by then. He didn’t like anybody telling him what to do.”

  The more Luann talked, the broader her accent became. After a while, it was like they were sitting on a porch overlooking the delta, swatting mosquitoes.

  A knock from room service interrupted Luann’s story. While she poured the tea, Kate tried to nudge her back on track.

  “So, Billy’s mother?” She wrapped her hand around the warm mug, hoping the tea would settle her churning stomach.

  “Awful. How she could live with herself, I have no idea.”

  “What happened?”

  There was another knock. Luann scrambled from the corner of the bed to answer it.

  “I thought you were going to help Kate unpack and then let her get to sleep,” Robbie scolded after Luann let him in.

  “We just got to talking.” She smiled apologetically. Robbie planted a kiss on her forehead, then turned to Kate. “Billy’s on his way home. He only had one beer.”

  Luann stashed Kate’s empty suitcase in the closet. “Is there anything else I can do before I go?”

  She shook her head and thanked her, still feeling a bit uneasy.

  “We’ll see you in the morning,” Robbie cal
led. As he ushered Luann toward the door she pulled free.

  “I just wanna give you a li’l sugar.” She kissed Kate on the cheek. “Sleep tight, honey.”

  Kate’s tea had gone cold. She knew that because her hands were shaking and several drops sloshed from the cup onto her wrist. She tried to imagine Billy as a little boy, but couldn’t. There were no pictures of him. She didn’t even know if any existed. The more she thought about it, the more she wished he had told her himself. She not only felt horrible about his childhood, she felt guilty knowing something he clearly hadn’t wanted her to know. He’d just let her believe his parents were dead.

  When she was finally calm enough to stand, she slipped the chain lock into place, then she brushed her teeth, turned out the light, and slipped into bed. The sheets were cold, and she was lonely. She’d been exhausted earlier, but now she doubted she would sleep. When the phone rang a short time later, she was still wide awake.

  “I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too.” Desperately.

  “Were you asleep? I wasn’t sure if I should call.”

  “It’s okay. I’m glad you got home safely.”

  He chuckled. “I’m safe.”

  “Good . . . Billy?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I love you.”

  His voice grew lower. “I love you, too.” They were silent again. “I guess I should let you get some sleep.”

  “I guess. This was a dumb idea. I don’t think I’m gonna get much sleep.”

  “Me either.”

  She felt even lonelier after hanging up. The bed was harder than the one at home, and she couldn’t get settled. She lay on her back, then rolled to the side and stuck a pillow between her knees. Even when she found a spot where she was somewhat comfortable, her mind replayed Luann’s story.

  She loved Billy. Deeply. She might be just a stupid kid who got herself knocked up, and maybe she didn’t know much about anything, but she knew she loved him. She also knew there was something dark living inside him, although she didn’t have a clue as to what it was. But it was there among the things he kept hidden; the things he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—share with her. Maybe that was what had connected them in the first place—those dark, secret places. The ones they both kept hidden.

  She knew he loved her, too. And if she was going to have a child, she wanted it to be with him. He was the one who wanted her; who loved her right back. This she was certain of. Not just because he couldn’t keep his hands off her, but because he literally could not keep his hands off her. If they were sitting in a restaurant, or surrounded by his bandmates, if she was close enough to him, his hand found hers, or it rested on her knee. Or his foot snaked beneath the table until the toe of his boot connected with hers. It was as if he didn’t touch her, she might float away on him. Would she? Not on purpose, but without him to anchor her, make her feel wanted, maybe she would slip back into her old life. A balloon. Untethered. A shrug and she’d be gone. It was a scary thought.

  She loved him, and not just because he was insanely attractive and talented. She loved him in spite of that, for all the things he wasn’t. She loved the boy she’d come to know in that crummy motel room, the one who’d listened to her. The one who taught her what love is.

  If she’d had a way to get home, she would have gone, just to hold him and tell him again how much she loved him.

  Forcing her eyes closed, she tried to think of happy things. Like the first time he danced with her, and all the times since when he’d pull her to her feet and twirl her across the living room or up the canned goods aisle at the A&P. Watching him perform and knowing that someday, the world would know how talented he was.

  And how he always made her feel cherished and safe—although tonight, that thought hurt. Thinking of Billy as a little boy with an abusive father made her stomach turn. Her parents hadn’t been much better, but she couldn’t remember them ever laying a hand on her.

  She was debating getting up to see if she could find some ginger ale when she heard a soft tap on the door. Joey, she assumed, or maybe Toni. She climbed out of bed and peered through the peephole. She hurriedly dragged the chain from the lock, then turned the deadbolts.

  “You never went home, did you?”

  A sly smile worked its way across his lips.

  Grabbing Billy by his loosened tie, Kate pulled him into the room. Before closing the door, she hung the Do Not Disturb sign on the doorknob. As she kissed him, her fingers tugged on the buttons of his shirt.

  “I guess you’re not upset I didn’t go home,” he whispered between kisses.

  “Nope,” she answered, relief and happiness washing over her. “Definitely not upset.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Having started their honeymoon a night early, they slept late. Kate opened her eyes to sunlight streaming through the slatted blinds, and a loud, persistent knock.

  “Uh-oh,” she mumbled, pulling on her robe. “Who is it?”

  “Me!” Joey’s voice rang out, loud enough to wake anyone still asleep on the third floor. When she opened the door, he burst in like a dervish, then came to an abrupt halt.

  “Are you kidding me? One night? You couldn’t leave her alone for one lousy night?” Billy shrugged and stretched lazily. “Out! Don’t you know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding? Let alone do what you two have been doing!”

  “We didn’t do that this morning,” Billy pointed out. “We were interrupted.”

  “Besides,” she assured Joey, “our bad luck is behind us. Relax.”

  “You two are unbelievable.” Joey began bundling in his bags and cases.

  “Why do you need all that stuff anyway?” Billy asked. “Look at her. There’s no improving on that. She’s more beautiful than any woman deserves to be.”

  Planting his hands on his hips, Joey turned to Kate. “Leslie will be here any minute. Do you want him to see the dress?”

  She grimaced as she turned to Billy.

  “Okay, okay, I’m going.” Billy looked at his watch, the only thing he was wearing, then got up and walked into the bathroom.

  Joey let out a long, low whistle once the bathroom door closed. “Sometimes I can almost see what attracts you. Straight men should not be that good-looking.”

  She flashed him a smug smile. “I’ll bring him his clothes so you can keep your composure.”

  “Thank you,” he said, fanning himself.

  There was another knock and Joey answered it, stepping aside for Robbie and Luann. Fresh-faced with her hair pulled into a tight ponytail, she looked as beautiful as she had the night before.

  “Mornin’, sugar.” She kissed Joey on the cheek. “Kate, honey, we brought you some breakfast.” A waiter followed with a cart. When he left, Luann lifted the silver dome. “I ordered you an omelet for protein, with a slice of ham—I thought bacon might upset your tummy—two pieces of whole wheat toast, herbal tea, and orange juice. Folic acid is good for the baby.” There was even a red rose in a vase.

  At the third knock, Kate began to wonder if she’d woken up in Grand Central Station.

  “Here you are!” Toni walked in and looked at Joey. “I went to your room and there was no answer. Then I went up to see you guys, and you were gone. I didn’t want to wake Kate, but you’re all here anyway.” She looked at the tray. “Breakfast! I’m starving.”

  “We’re heading to the dining room,” Luann explained. “I just wanted to make sure Kate got off to a good start.”

  “She almost got off to a great start, right Kate?” Joey batted his eyes. “I wasn’t planning on breakfast, but I guess Kate wouldn’t mind a few minutes alone, would you dear?” He looked at her pointedly, his eyebrows inching toward his hairline.

  She tried to look demure, but then the bathroom door opened.

  “Oh jeez!” Billy said.

  “Billy!” Luann cried. “What’re you doing here?”

  “What do you think?” Joey answered, dryly. “At least he finally put some cloth
es on.”

  Billy shrugged as he slipped his arms around Kate. “I’m in love.”

  Luann clucked her tongue. “Well, I hope you let her get some sleep.”

  “We slept very well,” Kate assured her.

  With the door still open from Toni’s entrance, Leslie’s arrival with the dress caused an even bigger stir.

  “No!” cried five voices. Leslie spun on her heels and marched back into the hallway with Joey right behind her.

  “What the hell?” she cried from the hallway.

  “The groom is here!” Joey began regaling her with their supposed indiscretions of the previous evening.

  “I’m going,” Billy yelled from within. “But if you all don’t mind, I’d like to kiss my fiancée good-bye.”

  “C’mon,” Luann said, ushering the rest of them out of the room. “Billy, you’re hopeless.”

  He looked down at Kate and spoke so low, only she could hear. “Hopelessly in love.”

  Kate’s eyes filled with tears, threatening her carefully applied makeup, as she stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror in the pastor’s office.

  “Cry and I’ll pinch you!” Joey threatened.

  “I can’t help it.” She pressed a finger into the corner of her eye, hoping to stem the tide. Joey shoved a tissue into her hand. When the threat was over, he took it back, dabbed it on his tongue, and wiped the black eyeliner from the tip of her finger before she could yank it away.

  “Ew!”

  “Hush. Close your eyes.” He angled her face toward him so he could repair the damage.

  “You two are like little kids,” said Leslie, offering a rare smile.

  Although Joey’s classmate cultivated a dark, Gothic look, the dress she had designed for Kate was perfect.

  Kate smoothed her hand over the soft, ivory charmeuse, almost afraid to touch it. The gown featured cap sleeves of Battenberg lace and a lace-covered bodice. It flowed softly to the floor, concealing her growing belly. Joey had styled her hair into a loose bun at the nape of her neck and fastened two small gardenias above her ear. She carried a bouquet of gardenias, lilacs, and sprigs of lavender that matched Toni’s tea-length dress to perfection.