At This Moment (Of Love and Madness #1)

by Karen Cimms

  Joey had outdone himself. The only thing he couldn’t do, was fill the hole created by the absence of her parents, but he was sure as hell trying.

  There was a knock at the door. Luann entered, all smiles in mint green with a big pageant hairstyle. For a moment, Kate was afraid Luann would outshine her, but Joey’s expression as he looked at her a few seconds later assured her that wasn’t the case.

  “I hope Romeo realizes what a gift he’s getting today.” Joey’s voice was uncharacteristically low, and his soft gray eyes were awash with tears. “It would break my heart to give you to anyone who won’t love you at least as much as I do.”

  Tears stung her eyes as well, but before they could fall, he pinched her.

  “Ow!” She rubbed at the bright red patch blooming on her forearm. “What’s wrong with you?”

  Joey’s hand flew to his mouth. “I’m sorry! I didn’t want you to ruin your makeup. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “Well, I don’t think being black and blue is better.”

  “Sorry. If I pinch you again, I’ll find a part that’s covered.” He scanned her body, searching for a likely spot.

  She pictured herself covered with bruises for her honeymoon. “How about not pinching me at all?”

  “I’ll try.” He didn’t sound too convincing.

  Outside, the clock tower chimed three times.

  “You ready, sugar?” Luann asked.

  Kate rolled her lips and nodded.

  “Lipstick!” Joey called.

  Leslie responded like a surgical nurse, slapping the tube into his hand. “Don’t do that!” he scolded as he twirled a brush in the peachy shade he’d chosen, then swiped it over Kate’s lips.

  She glanced over at Luann. “How did you deal with this on a regular basis?”

  “Are you kidding?” Luann said. “I’d have paid big money to have someone like him trailing me around, making sure I always looked my best.” She turned to Joey. “You should think about that. There are good jobs for stylists on the circuit. You’re a natural.”

  “Worth thinking about,” Joey grumbled. “At least I’d be appreciated.”

  Kate wriggled under his artistic assault. “Can I smile if I feel the urge?”

  “Yeah, but let me rub some Vaseline on your teeth.” He snapped his fingers at Leslie.

  Kate yanked her head back and waved her arms so hard several petals detached themselves from her bouquet and fluttered to the floor at her feet. “No! Enough!”

  Luann hid a smile as she guided them into place. She opened the doors to the nave, which cued the music. First a cello, followed by violins. Then more strings filled the small church.

  The music was Billy’s gift to Kate. He had chosen all of it, as well as the musicians to perform. When she recognized Pachelbel’s “Canon in D,” she let it embrace her. The tiny hairs on her arm stood up as Toni took her first steps up the aisle.

  “There’s even a harpsichord,” she exclaimed, dabbing carefully at her eyes with a tissue that had appeared out of nowhere.

  Joey also seemed overcome. Unable able to speak, he mouthed the words, “I love you.” Then he straightened his back, readying himself to do what he had warned her would be impossible.

  The soles of Kate’s feet vibrated with the first notes of the “Trumpet Voluntary,” the swell of the organ and the timbre of the trumpet resonating through her body. As they stepped out onto the runner and she saw Billy waiting for her at the end of the aisle, the tears threatened again.

  Joey shot her a sideways glance. “I just realized we never had the honeymoon talk. Are you good? If not, I’ll try to explain quickly, but it might be a little different from what you’re used to.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh, and as she did, the nervousness faded away. “Thank you,” she whispered, squeezing his arm.

  He patted her hand. “Any time.”

  When they reached the altar, Billy looked down at her, his eyes shining. “Hello, beautiful,” he whispered. Her heart was about to flutter right out of her chest.

  “Friends,” said the minister, “we are gathered here together in the sight of God to witness the joining together of William and Kate in Christian marriage.”

  Billy leaned forward. “Billy. And Katie.”

  “Sorry,” the reverend whispered.

  “Katie, will you have Billy to be your husband, to live together in holy marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him for as long as you both shall live?”

  Her throat dry, she croaked out a weak “I will.”

  The reverend posed the same questions to Billy, who answered in a clear, loud voice.

  The minister turned to Joey. “Who presents this woman for marriage?”

  When Joey didn’t move, Kate nudged him gently. Reverend Ohlsen eyed him nervously. “Go ahead, son.”

  Silence. Billy glared at Joey over Kate’s head. The minister spoke louder.

  “Who presents this woman for marriage?”

  Joey seemed almost catatonic. Kate handed her flowers to Billy, then reached over and pinched the soft skin on the back of Joey’s hand.

  “Ow!” he cried, snapping out of his trance. Muffled laughter filtered through the nave. Reverend Ohlsen rolled his eyes heavenward, sighed heavily, and posed the question a third time.

  “I do,” Joey whispered, rubbing his hand.

  The minister turned and proceeded up the steps toward the altar. Kate passed her flowers to Toni and linked her arm in Billy’s. They began to follow the reverend until she was jerked back sharply. Joey still had a tight grip on her arm. When the reverend turned and saw what was happening, he motioned with his eyes and a tilt of his head for Joey to step back.

  “Joey, please,” Kate whispered.

  He didn’t budge.

  Billy leaned around her. “Dude! Step back!”

  Kate looked helplessly at the minister, who came down the steps and whispered in Joey’s ear. “Your part is over, son. Now you need to step over there.”

  The low murmur of voices rippled through the church.

  “Joey, please let go.” With her free hand, Kate reached over to peel his fingers away.

  The look on his face was heartbreaking. At that moment, she saw the little boy she’d grown up with. The one who had woken up one morning and no longer had a mother. The one who’d been teased and bullied for the way he dressed and the way he spoke, yet was the first to battle for her when she’d been tormented in high school because her mother was the reviled Dragon Lady. She saw the twelve year old boy, all arms and legs, sitting on the floor of her bedroom, styling the hair on dolls she hadn’t played with in years, and the teenager, tall and handsome, who gently rebuffed her clumsy first attempts at flirting.

  Joey. Her first love.

  She pressed her forehead against his shoulder. “No matter what, you know I’ll always love you. Nothing is going to change that.”

  Slowly, she felt his grip relax. Then he leaned down, placed a gentle kiss in the center of her forehead and let go.

  When it was time to recite the vows they had written, Kate was so nervous she was afraid no sound would come out. But when Billy took her hands and looked into her eyes, it felt as if they were the only two people in the church.

  “Katie, not too long ago you thanked me for rescuing you, but in truth, it’s you who rescued me. Until you came into my life, I was free falling. I had goals, but no direction. You threw me a lifeline, and now you’re my anchor, my rock. It’s for you I want to reach those goals, for you I want to succeed, and it’s with you I want to share my life, whatever comes our way—both the good and the bad. In the words of Pedro Calderon de la Barca, ‘When love is not madness, it is not love.’ You are my madness and my love.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek. He wiped it away, then touched his fingers to his lips, sharing the intimacy of that tear.

  “Billy,” she began. “You are my Mr. Darcy, my
Beowulf, my Prince Charming all rolled into one.” He was grinning at her literary references, and she began to relax. “You make me feel safe and secure and loved. I trust you not only with my heart, but my life. I promise to follow you wherever you go and be by your side always. I promise to love you until my dying breath and if possible, until the end of time.”

  The rest of the service flew by without a hitch. When the minister pronounced them married, Billy took her face in his hands and kissed her. It wasn’t an innocent, church-approved peck, but a passionate promise. She hadn’t known it was possible to love someone so much that her heart actually hurt.

  Instead of fireworks and rockets, electric guitars and cymbals burst forth from the choir loft with a heavy metal arrangement of the “Wedding March.”

  She clung to Billy’s sleeves, stunned, gaping up at the choir loft.

  “I had to have a little something for myself, didn’t I?” Billy grinned down at her.

  Laughing, she took his hand and pressed it against her belly.

  “Here’s a little something else for you.”

  His eyes widened, and she could feel the baby moving against his palm. He dropped to his knees and kissed the spot.

  “Fuck, yeah.” He grinned up at her. “You’re both my family now.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The honeymoon was to last for three months, at least for Kate. Not wanting to go out on the road and leave her behind while she was pregnant, Billy booked Viper at a Pocono honeymoon resort for the entire summer. A small apartment was afforded them as part of the contract he negotiated, while Denny, Steve and the rest of the guys were given rooms in the staff quarters.

  For their actual honeymoon—five days—Billy reserved one of the regular guest suites.

  They stood in the doorway, Kate’s eyes widening as she surveyed the large round bed with mirrored headboard, the heart-shaped tub, and the mini indoor pool. There was so much red—on the floor, on the walls, on the furniture—it made her eyes hurt.

  “This has to be the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Billy said finally.

  “There’s a fireplace,” she said, pointing to the brass box tucked into a faux marble wall and surrounded by Grecian columns. She pushed the door closed behind him. “This is great. I love it.”

  He gave her a look that indicated he didn’t believe her for one second.

  “Seriously,” she said, slipping off her sweater and tossing it on a table near the door. “What are you supposed to do on your honeymoon?”

  His mouth opened, but she didn’t give him a chance to answer.

  “Have sex. Right? If nothing else, this is a great place to have sex. Lots of it. We can have sex in the tub, in the pool, by the fireplace.” She pointed to each area of the room.

  “And if we don’t fall off the edge,” she added, wondering how one doesn’t fall off a round bed, “maybe even on the bed.”

  To prove her point, she dropped her bag and purse on the red velvet sofa and jumped on the bed. Giving him a wicked smile, she shimmied into the center and patted the space beside her.

  She gasped when she looked up at the ceiling. “Oh dear, God.”

  “What?” he asked, putting down the bags and joining her.

  “How about that?” He grinned at his reflection in the large mirror positioned over the bed. “This place may not be so bad after all.” He began humming a familiar refrain from “Hotel California.”

  Kate squinched her face up at the ceiling. “Too bad I can’t have any of that pink champagne.”

  In spite of being holed up at a resort, the next three months turned out to be mind-numbingly boring. It rained almost every day and the novelty of unlimited ping pong and air hockey wore off pretty quick. The only bright spot of the summer for Kate was her birthday. Since it fell on a Thursday, Billy took the night off. And since she had scheduled an appointment with Dr. Landry, they would spend the evening in their own apartment.

  Billy offered to take her wherever she wanted for dinner but she had insisted on Palermo’s. Not the most romantic choice, but she was craving French fries with brown gravy and a meatball hoagie. That was all she wanted; that, and to sleep in her own bed.

  “Do you want your present now?” He looked like he was about to burst.

  She stopped chewing and looked up in surprise. “I thought this was my present.”

  He shook his head. “Now don’t be mad.”

  “The last time you said something like that I ended up half-naked, hanging from a trapeze.”

  “I think you’ll like this.”

  “Do I get to keep my clothes on?”

  “Only when we have company.”

  Kate wiped her hands on her napkin and waited.

  He flashed a wide grin as he drum-rolled his index fingers on the table. “We’re moving.”

  She felt a flutter of panic. “Moving? Where?”

  “Up.” He pointed toward the ceiling. Her eyes followed.

  “Above the restaurant?”

  “What?” Confusion flooded his face. “No. Our building, just a bigger apartment. Up. Three floors to be exact. Obviously we need more room. I spoke with the building manager last month, and asked him to let me know if anything bigger comes up. He left me a message a few days ago saying that a two-bedroom will be available at the end of the summer. I went to look at this afternoon while you were napping, and it’s great. I went down to the realty office and signed the lease.”

  Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Kate. Even when that horse signs a lease without discussing it with you.

  “Well?” He was looking a bit nervous.

  “Can you afford a bigger apartment?”

  “Yeah, I think so. It’s not that much more. Same layout, not much bigger, but the baby will have its own room. Right?”

  “Right.” She forced a nervous smile. “When?”

  “October first.”

  Her hand slid over her belly. “The baby’s due on the second.”

  “I know, but we have plenty of time to pack. And didn’t Dr. Landry say first babies are usually late?”

  He sat forward and threaded his fingers between hers. “So. Good present?”

  After making him wait, she finally let him off the hook. “Yeah. Great present.”

  He pumped his fist.

  “Don’t get carried away.” Grabbing a French fry, she waved it in the air. “I love the idea, but you’re officially on notice: We should be making these decisions together.”

  He drew a cross over his heart with his index finger. “Promise.”

  That finger touched her heart as well. The last time she’d seen him do that, he’d promised Toni he’d get Kate home safely. And she loved the way that had turned out.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “I hate country,” Billy said. He folded his guitar strap into the pocket of his case, then lowered the Stratocaster into place. “I’d rather puncture my own eardrums.”

  “I know, man, but it’s all I have right now for the hours you’re willing to work. The only artists booking studio time during the day play country,” said Steejan, holding up the studio schedule. “Slither wants you, and you’d be a perfect fit for them. You just have to be available to go on tour if they’re happy with your lead work.”

  Billy shook his head. He’d told Steejan about a thousand times already.

  “I’ve got my own band. That’s why I’m not available in the evening, remember? Which also means no touring. At least not with someone else’s band.”

  Steejan tossed the scheduling book on the table near the console.

  “Well, then all I’ve got is country. The rest of the artists I got booked are repped by Bennett-Friedman, and you’re a no-go as far as they’re concerned.”

  “Fucking Christa,” Billy muttered.

  “That’s exactly what you should’ve done—fucked Christa,” Steejan said. “There are far worse things if you want to survive in this business, my friend.”

  There was a knock
on the door to the control room. “C’mon in,” he called, lowering his voice as the engineer entered. “Plus, I hear she’s a pretty hot piece of ass.”

  Billy scowled as he hoisted his guitar case.

  “I’m married now, remember? And I’m also one talented sonofabitch. I’m not fucking my way into or out of anything.”

  “Suit yourself. So I guess I’ll be seeing you Tuesday with the Lonesome Rangers?”

  “I guess I don’t have a choice. Not if we wanna eat.”

  “Eating’s good,” Steejan called after him. “But fucking’s better.”

  An hour and a half later, Billy was sitting in rush hour traffic on 278, still trying to get out of New York. His only night off all week, and he couldn’t even get home. As he stared at the endless line of red taillights, there was a small part of him that wished he’d finished college and was just doing the nine-to-five gig, teaching or something. He cursed as he inched along the highway. Too much time to think. It was the last thing he needed.

  He’d spent too much money on the wedding, and that had come back to bite him in the ass. Because of all the favors he’d traded, he would have to work for nothing a few days a month for who knows how long. Going on the road wasn’t an option, and the money he made playing locally wasn’t cutting it. On top of that, he’d had to put a security deposit on the new apartment, as well as first and last month’s rent. He would get some of that back after they vacated the old apartment, but still. Money was tight, and he was supporting two people; in a few weeks, it would be three. At least Kate was planning to breastfeed. He wouldn’t have to worry about feeding it right away.

  He was being torn in two. Part of him was crazy in love, blown away by the knowledge that his baby was growing under Kate’s heart. Then there was the part with all his dreams. If he’d listened to Christa, he’d be on the other side of the country by now, maybe even with a recording contract in his pocket.

  The best he could hope for today was to get home, eat, stretch out on the couch, and drink himself numb.