Queen Witch

by Amy Boyles

  A firepig?

  Yes, you heard correctly. A pig. Made of fire. The thing stood something like six feet tall. Smoke drifted from its nostrils while the rest of its body was made of flames.

  "How're negotiations going?" Roman called.

  The pig swung its head in our direction, opened its mouth and shot fire toward the door. Roman pulled me behind the wall, out of the thing's reach.

  "Not well," Grandma yelled.

  "I can see that," I called.

  "Have you tried talking to it?" Roman said.

  "No, we've been offering it ice cream," Milly shouted back.

  "And that didn't work?" Roman said.

  "It's beyond reason," Grandma said. "The thing won't let any of us finish a sentence."

  "My monkeys are on their way," came another voice.

  "Brock?" Roman said. "What are you doing here?"

  "I was around when it happened," the monkey king said in that buttery voice of his.

  I wiggled around Roman and saw Brock shielding himself with my family. All right! Way to go, Sera! She and the monkey king were getting some face time. I made eye contact with my sister and shot her a thumbs-up right before Roman dragged me out of the doorway. Polly Parrot dug into my shoulder. I shoved the wooden bird until he softened his grip.

  "So the monkeys are on their way?" Roman asked.

  "It's gonna take them a while to get here," Brock said. "I'm thinking about getting comfortable."

  "We don't have a while," Roman replied. He turned to me. "I'm going in there to try to talk to it. I want you to stay here."

  "Are you kidding? I know you're kidding. That thing will roast you."

  He shook his head. "No, it won't."

  He moved to swing inside the room. I clutched his shirt, smacked a kiss on his lips and said, "Good luck."

  Roman entered the room. The pig squealed. I peered around the corner and watched as the giant animal regarded my boyfriend.

  "You're destroying this room."

  The pig snorted and swung its fire tail over some pots and pans on an industrial-sized stove. They clattered to the floor.

  "You're scaring people," Roman said.

  The pig responded by opening its mouth and blowing a line of fire onto the ceiling.

  "You know, you're going to end up hurting someone, like another firepig."

  The swine cocked its head to one side. Now Roman had its attention.

  "Hear that?" Roman said. "That's a pig howling. It's sad that you're acting this way."

  The flaming creature frowned.

  "You didn't hear it, did you? That's because you're too loud. You've got to settle down."

  The pig's ear pricked up.

  Roman patted the air as if calming a dog. "You have to settle down. To make the other firepig happy."

  I shook my head. This was some crazy kind of psychology. Here was Roman talking to a magical pig constructed of fire. Trying to talk it into destroying itself. What was going on in this crazy world? Literally, this was just one more ticker on my conscience convincing me that I needed to get out of Castle Witch as fast as I could.

  "You have to settle down," Roman cooed. Yes, the ex-assassin cooed like a pigeon.

  The pig placed one hoof over the other and eased down to the floor.

  "Good. You have to calm down even more or else you'll keep hurting the other pig's feelings."

  The pig rested its head on the floor, the licking flames receding. It shrank. I held my breath, watching as the thing deflated to the size of a football.

  He was doing it! Roman was convincing the fire to extinguish itself. A few more seconds and the thing would be gone for good.

  The firepig closed its eyes as if preparing for an infinite slumber.

  "Squawk!"

  Roman whipped back in my direction.

  He didn't see what happened next.

  The pig's eyes popped open. Its lips twisted into a snarl. In less than a second the animal inflated to the size of a grizzly bear. I mean, it was probably the size of a grizzly. I don't really know. Never seen one up close, but if I had to imagine the size, then it was about right.

  Its belly ballooned as it inhaled a well of oxygen. The pig's mouth opened, and a stream of flames leaped out. Straight at Roman.

  I didn't think. Time had vanished. I shot out from behind the door, lifted my hands and said, "Freeze!"

  I had hoped or expected the pig to pause midstream, like Sera was supposed to have done to Reid before she turned her into a giant paperweight.

  But that's not what happened.

  Ice, girl. I mean straight-up popsicles flew from my hands, creating a shield that arched out, protecting me and Roman from the flames. Heat from the pig made sweat drip down my forehead. I watched as the edges of the shield melted. Water puddled on the floor.

  I braced my legs and pushed my body forward, following through all the way to my toes. The ice buckled around the pig, wrapping it up in a cocoon. The flames stopped.

  The pig looked scared.

  I could see the red of the flames as they slowly melted the ice. "Now, sleep," I said. "You're tired. There's no reason to be so tired. Sleep and see the other piggies. They're waiting for you."

  The pig stared at me blankly.

  "Sleep, darn it."

  The pig yawned, closed its eyes and snoozed. In less than a minute it had shrunk until all that remained was a tiny ember.

  Which I marched over to and squished with my shoe.

  Applause erupted behind me. I whirled around. Half the castle stood in the doorway, eyes gleaming, mouths gaping.

  "What a witch," one said.

  "Best craft I've seen in years."

  "I knew we'd picked the right person for queen."

  I clenched my fists and glared at them. "I'm not a witch."

  "Stop it," a woman said, rushing up to me. She clasped me by the shoulders and said, "You've just saved the castle. Long live Queen Witch!"

  "I'm not a witch! All of you stop calling me that."

  They stared at me as if I'd screamed at them in German or something.

  My head felt light. I pressed a finger to my brow, and my knees swayed. I didn't know if it was the energy I'd expended or what, but I threw a warning glance to Roman.

  "I don't feel right," I said. I could hear my words slurring as they left my mouth. Roman crossed over as I collapsed down onto my knees.

  Then everything went black.

  ***

  I awoke in bed. My family surrounded me, staring as if I were an alien they were considering dissecting.

  I pressed my knuckles into the bed and sat up. "Why are y'all looking at me like that?"

  "We were making sure you were going to wake up," Grandma said.

  "I'm awake. I'm good. A little tired, but that's all."

  "That was so awesome," Reid chirped. "How you did that to the flame pig or whatever. How'd you do that with the ice?"

  I rubbed the back of my head. "No idea. I saw that Roman was in trouble. I raised my hands and was going to freeze the pig like Sera had tried to do to you. Then all that other stuff happened."

  "Natural witch," Milly said.

  "Natural!"

  I twisted my neck and saw Polly perched on the bed frame. I glared at it. "This is all your fault. That pig was about to go away and then you opened your big mouth."

  Milly frowned. "Polly's wood, Dylan. It can't help the things it does."

  "Should have let the pig set it on fire," I mumbled. I turned to Sera. "What happened in the kitchen? Where did the pig come from?"

  A deep blush smeared my younger sister's cheeks. "Oh, well. Brock and I were talking about some food and I said I'd whip something up and the next thing anybody knew, the pig appeared."

  I paused. Waited for a longer explanation. "Is that it?"

  She raked her fingers through her glossy brown hair. "That's it."

  I rubbed my temples. "Well, something's seriously screwy with your magic."

  "You don't ha
ve to say that again," she said.

  "For everyone's safety, can you please not do anything for the rest of the time we're here?" I said. "I may not be a witch, but I'd like to stay alive."

  Grandma patted my hand. "Oh, you're a witch, dear. I think you proved that today."

  "As always, thank you but no thank you."

  Grandma flapped a hand to my forehead.

  "What are you doing?" I said.

  She jiggled her head. "Making sure you're feeling okay."

  "Why?"

  She glanced around the room at the rest of my family. Grandma looked guilty. The rest of them looked guilty, too.

  I gritted my teeth. "What's going on?"

  "Nothing," Grandma said.

  Sera rolled her eyes. "Everyone's waiting downstairs for you."

  I pulled my legs up to my chin. "What? Why?"

  She folded her arms over her chest. "Because it's the solstice dinner."

  Milly caned over to me. "If you bothered to meet with your advisors, you'd already know that. The queen presides over the dinner every year. It's your night to preside over this one. The entire castle is downstairs waiting for you."

  "I thought the whole solstice thing was last night?"

  Milly straightened her cardigan. "The celebration dinner is always the next night if there's an election."

  "Well I'm not going," I said rather smartly.

  "You have to," she said.

  "And why is that?"

  Milly grabbed a mirror from the nightstand. "Because unless you show up, you're going to look like an old woman."

  "What are you talking about?" I said.

  Reid smacked her lips. "You kinda look like a bag lady."

  Panic clawed up my throat. "You're joking, right?"

  "Not a joke," Sera said.

  I glared at Grandma. "What's going on?"

  She passed me the mirror. With a trembling hand I took the glass. After gulping down several deep breaths, I peered at my reflection.

  An old hag stared back at me. I had wrinkles on my chin, a parrot-shaped nose with a huge wart on it and eyebrows that hadn't been trimmed since the last decade.

  "Ahh!" I dropped the mirror.

  "Get your best dress on, toots," Milly said. "We're going to a witch ball."

  bookmark:Chapter Twelve

  TWELVE

  My family led me to the ball. I walked with my hand on Sera's shoulder. Being the appearance-conscious person that I am, I wore a black drape over my face so no one could see how hideous I looked.

  "So this is really tradition," I said.

  "Oh yes," Grandma said. "To ring in the new solstice. We must get rid of the old, let it slough right off. That's why the queen is spelled to be hideous, so that when she walks in, the solstice is announced. Then everyone watches as she becomes the beautiful woman she is."

  "But seriously the solstice was yesterday," Sera said.

  Milly snorted. "Things that are concrete in our world are a little more fluid in the witch world."

  "You mean it lasts as long as they want it to," I said.

  "You got it. I remember one time the solstice continued for an entire month. I believe it had something to do with the fact that the queen's new boyfriend had to return home once the solstice was over."

  "Why'd he have to go home?" Reid asked.

  "I think ’cause his mommy wanted him to," Milly said.

  "Was he young?" Reid said.

  Grandma laughed. "Not if you call two hundred years old young. But that's how it is under the earth's crust. The kingdoms below run a little differently. You'll see."

  "No," I said. "We will not see. In fact, I think most of us have seen quite enough."

  Sera leaned over. "You still trying to get out of this place?"

  I nodded. "Yes. I've got a new plan we can put into action."

  "When?" she whispered.

  "Tonight."

  "Oh," she said, sounding depressed.

  "What?" I said, my lips tight over my teeth. "Do you want to stay here?"

  "Well, I'm just getting to know Brock."

  "He can visit you in Silver Springs."

  She didn't say anything.

  "Can't he?" I said.

  "I guess," she mumbled.

  Sheesh. I was trying to get us out of here before somebody else got murdered. My family wanted to stay. Were they crazy?

  "Here we are," Grandma said, elbowing me. "Take off your shroud, Dylan."

  "It's not a shroud."

  "Then what is it?" she asked.

  "A veil."

  "Oh? I don't see Frankenstein around," Grandma said.

  "What are you talking about?"

  "You must be his bride."

  My entire family erupted into a fit of humiliating laughter. "Very funny."

  I have to admit the only plus side to this whole thing was that Polly Parrot had taken a break from my shoulder and was clutching like death to Milly's. Not much of a plus side, mind you.

  "Yoo-hoo, Mr. Counselor," my grandmother called out. "The queen's here. You can get started."

  I swear I heard the swivel of two hundred heads as they all turned to look at the hideous creature I'd become. I would get even with someone for this. Whoever murdered Gertrude was at the top of my poop list. Because if she hadn't died, I wouldn't be the substitute queen.

  Someone cleared their throat and started speaking. A man, from the sound of it. "The queen has arrived to ring in the solstice. Behold the old as we welcome the new!"

  Milly yanked the fabric from my head. I looked out into the crowd of expectant faces, clueless as to what I was supposed to do.

  Milly leaned over. "Walk to the front of the room."

  "No way. They'll all be watching."

  "They're all watching anyway."

  "No," I said.

  Milly thwacked my leg with her cane. I inhaled sharply and shot her a glare of death.

  "If you want another one like it, stay here awhile."

  Well, she didn't have to tell me twice. I hid my hobbled leg best I could as I marched through the sea of witches.

  The whole setup flustered me. Butterflies vomited in my stomach. I was a mess.

  Roman stood on the other side of the room. My heart filled with joy, and a laugh bubbled on my lips.

  Then I remembered I looked like an old crone. Could this day get any worse?

  I finally reached the front, where Em stood beside one of the queen's counselors. "Don't worry, chickadee," she whispered. "All this is about to be done up."

  I think she meant over with, for which I was profoundly grateful. Em waved her hands over me. My skin tingled as a wash of magic flooded my body from the tip of my head to the soles of my feet.

  "Let the solstice begin," the counselor said.

  "Um, wait," Em hissed.

  "What?" he said.

  She nodded toward me. "Oh no," he said. "Well, fix it."

  "I did," Em said between clenched lips.

  "What's going on, y'all?"

  Em rubbed my arm. "Nothin'. Nothin' at all. I'll do it again." The ex-queen smiled at me, beamed at the crowd and waved her arms once more. Magic brushed over me like a light fog. With a smile cemented on my face, I turned to her.

  "Well? Do I look the way I'm supposed to?" Em grimaced. That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all. "Em?"

  The counselor's gaze cut to me. His face paled.

  I started breathing hard, fast.

  Em took me by the shoulders and glanced out into the crowd. "Let the solstice begin. Yay!"

  The crowd paused for a second as if unsure what to do. I heard my grandmother shout from the rear of the crowd. "Let it begin!"

  "Yay!" cheered the crowd.

  "Don't worry," Em said. "The spell should wear off soon."

  "How soon?" I hissed.

  "By next week," she said.

  "What?"

  She nodded toward the crowd. "Smile for your fans, chicklet. They love you."

  ***

  "D
on't worry about the spell. When Roman and I were young, I worked some magic that made his lips pucker like a fish for an entire week." Brock planted a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

  I smiled. "So you two liked to get into trouble."

  At the point Em informed me of my predicament, I realized I had two choices: walk around looking like the bride of Frankenstein with a cover over my head, or suck it up and face the music—or witches, as it were.

  So I decided to be plain old hideous. Totally awesome, right? My first visit to Castle Witch was turning out to be quite the doozy.

  His dark eyes twinkled with mischief. "We were as bullheaded as most young boys are. You should have seen him try to talk with those lips. All he managed were a few quacks until it wore off."

  "Ha! I'm sure he hated it."

  Brock grinned. "He was pretty embarrassed."

  I slid a hand over my cheek and felt the indentation of a huge wrinkle. I shuddered. "So can you work magic?"

  Brock winked. "A little. Here and there. It's nothing like what you can do."

  "Trust me, I wouldn't have used it earlier if there'd been a different choice."

  He sighed, tapped a hand to his chest. "It seems like it's usually the worst times that bring people together. I'm sorry we had to meet under such unpleasant circumstances." His gaze slashed over to Sera, who stood talking to the grandmothers.

  A little smile burned inside me. Yay! They liked each other. "It's awful that Gertrude was murdered, but I don't think she had many fans here."

  Brock nodded. His dark locks were pulled away from his face, fastened in a thong at the base of his neck. "I certainly wasn't one."

  "Me neither," Sera said.

  Sera appeared on Brock's right. He flashed her a smile. She beamed back at him. At least someone was getting somewhere with something.

  The tall blonde approached Brock. Her face was pulled back so tight she looked constipated. "Your Highness, your servants are here."

  "Thank you, Celeste. I'll be out to greet them in a minute."

  Celeste cast Sera a scathing look and marched away.

  "She looks pleasant," I mumbled.

  Brock chuckled. "She's not so bad. Been in the family for years." He smiled. I had to admit, if I wasn't so hooked on Roman, it'd be difficult not to flirt with this guy. Well, I'd also have to look like a normal human being, and my sister couldn't exist either.