Queen Witch

by Amy Boyles

  "Thank you again for destroying that flaming pig." He turned to Sera. "I need to meet with my men." He glanced at me. His cheeks reddened. "They may or may not still think there's a flaming pig running around."

  I quirked a brow. "Oh?"

  He scratched his head. "Yeah, I haven't had the chance to tell them there's not." He smiled at Sera. "I'll catch up with you later."

  She gave him a shy smile and said, "Okay," in a sort of husky, breathless voice.

  When he walked off, I said, "Is it getting hot in here or what?"

  Sera laughed. "Yeah, it could. I mean it might, except that Celeste is always around, butting in at just the right moment."

  I glanced over my shoulder and caught Celeste staring at Sera as if she wanted to hurl some throwing stars into her heart.

  "She must have a thing for the monkey king," I said. "Too bad for her. He seems pretty keen on you."

  Sera's eyes sparkled. "You think?"

  I nodded. "Definitely."

  She crossed her arms. "Speaking of hunky guys, where's Roman?"

  I tucked my chin into my chest. "To be honest, I don't know and I really don't care right now."

  Sera swatted my arm. "Oh, Dylan, you're being ridiculous. He doesn't care what you look like."

  I threw up my hands. "That's a terrible thing to say. I hope he cares a little bit what I look like."

  She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

  I clicked my tongue. "Anyway. I hope he stays away while I look like this. I don't want him anywhere near me, thank you very much."

  She shrugged. "Maybe he's out finding clues."

  "I hope so. The sooner they catch the killer, the better."

  Sera frowned. "It is weird about that bubble gum, though."

  I shook my head. "What? What do you mean? And when did you become so interested in solving crimes? Aren't you usually telling me to stay away?"

  She threaded her fingers through the ends of her hair and sighed. "I guess you've been rubbing off on me. Anyway, I was just thinking about the gum. It wasn't as if it was poisoned. It had to have been spelled. Gertrude wouldn't have done it herself, so someone must have given it to her."

  "You think, Sherlock?" I said.

  Sera pressed her lips into a thin flat line. "So did they give it to her in the ballroom?"

  I shook my head. "No, I don't think so because she pulled it out of her boob. Wait a minute. What am I saying? I'm done with all this craziness."

  Sera rubbed a spot behind her ear. "Okay, just for conjecture's sake. Say she didn't receive it after she won. Say she had the gum before then."

  "So where would she have gotten it? Who would possibly know something?"

  We both thought about it for a moment. I gazed around the room, watching as servants offered plates of drinks to the attendees. It hit me. I swiveled my neck toward Sera, who did the exact same thing.

  "The maid," we said in unison.

  "Do you think she would have seen anything?" I said.

  Sera shrugged. "It's worth asking."

  "But Roman would have already asked her."

  "Maybe not. He might be more interested in who was in the voting room than what happened before. After all, didn't you say he focused on the thread he found?"

  I nodded. "Good point." My thoughts drifted. "But it doesn't matter. In a couple of hours I plan on being safely back in my own bed."

  Sera grimaced. "Looking like that?"

  I shifted on my hip. "The uglies will wear off eventually."

  "That they will," said Roman.

  I froze. Literally froze. Couldn't move. Didn't want to move. In fact, I wanted to disappear to Fairyland and never return.

  I felt his hand on my shoulder. Warmth spread over my skin at his touch. It almost made the situation better. Almost. Then I remembered I looked like a wicked witch from a Disney cartoon, and I realized my life really couldn't get much worse.

  "Want to dance?" Roman asked.

  Scratch that. It could always get worse.

  "Um. I'm not really feeling up to it," I said.

  He strode around to face me and gave me a warm smile. Roman's eyes reflected a sympathy that made me want to fling my arms around his waist.

  But I didn't. You know, being in public and all that.

  "You're looking better," he said.

  "I'm going to attempt not to be too humiliated by that comment."

  He laughed and pulled me close to him. "I came because I thought there might be something you'd like to see."

  I quirked an interested brow. Going off with Roman would certainly give me an excuse to leave the ball. "And what would that be?"

  "Squawk! What would that be?"

  Milly, my grandmother Hazel, and Reid walked up to us. As soon as Polly Freaking Parrot saw me, he flew off Milly's shoulder and flapped his wooden wings toward mine. I wanted to backhand the stupid bird across the room. I barely managed to control myself.

  I steeled my back as the bird dug little wooden claws into my shoulder.

  "Dylan, you're looking much better," Grandma said. "That one huge wart on your nose is almost completely gone."

  "Yeah," Reid said. "I think it's small enough to laser off now."

  "Thanks," I said. "Any dermatologists around?"

  "You're looking at the next best thing," Milly said. "I could burn that sucker off your nose right now with the tip of my finger. That is, if you wanted."

  "I think I'll pass," I said.

  Grandma blinked rapid fire. "Roman, it is so nice of you to stick by Dylan, what with her looking like she got raked over the coals a couple of times and wrung out in the rain."

  Roman nodded. "That's what I'm here for."

  She fluffed the ends of her wiry gray hair. "It is? I thought you were here to guard her physical body."

  My face burned. "He's not my bodyguard anymore, Grandma. He watches over us, but not like he did that one time."

  Grandma patted down the scarf around her neck. "Course, ugly as she is, we really don't have anything to worry about, do we?" Grandma tapped my cheek with the flat of her hand. "There. There. Don't be unhappy. There have been plenty of ugly queens. I don't seem to remember any of them right now, but I'm sure their names will come to me."

  Speechless. Absolutely without words. My mouth hung open, ready to catch a swarm of flies.

  "Where's Nan?" Roman asked.

  Thank goodness someone had sense enough to divert the conversation.

  Grandma whirled her head around the room. "She's over there with the other protectors."

  I followed her pointed finger to a group huddled in a corner. Nan wore a black skirt and jacket with an insignia ironed on one of the lapels.

  "Why hasn't she come to see us?" I asked. "That's very strange."

  "She's been catching up on all the things they want her to do, I guess," Grandma said. She slapped a hand into her fist and started whistling.

  "Grandma," I said. "What aren't you telling us?"

  She looked at us with innocent doe eyes. "What do you mean? What aren't I telling you? I guess if I'm not talking, I aren't telling you anything."

  "Stop it," Sera said. "Now we know for sure you're hiding something."

  "Yeah," Reid said. "What's going on?"

  Grandma shot Milly a look, and Milly sighed. "Since she's not going to spill the beans, looks like it's up to me."

  "Up to you to tell us what?" I asked.

  "The protectors are taking Nan back," she said.

  "What are you talking about?" Sera asked.

  Grandma's voice wavered as she said, "She won't be coming home with us. Nan will be staying here. For good.”

  bookmark:Chapter Thirteen

  THIRTEEN

  "What do you mean Nan won't be coming back with us?" I asked later in the quiet of our shared room.

  Grandma smeared lotion over her face. "The protectors decided she's to stay here until they find suitable replacement work for her."

  "But we need her," Sera sa
id, shimmying into a pair of white pajamas pants with ebony piping. "She's your bodyguard."

  Grandma rubbed a glop of lotion into her wrinkled hands. "They don't think I need her anymore. I can work magic, so I can defend myself."

  That was true. When Nan had first come to us, my grandmother had been in a deep sleep. At the time we didn't know her semicoma was magically induced, but it was. Actually back then we didn't know anything about our powers. Ah, what bliss it was to be young and ignorant. What I wouldn't give for things to be that way again.

  "But Nan is part of the family," Reid whined. "I look forward to spaghetti-out-of-a-can night."

  "That's every night," Sera said.

  Reid sniffed. "I love every night, then."

  I pulled the ponytail holder out of my hair and scratched my scalp. "Isn't there someone we can talk to about this?"

  Milly rose from the edge of the bed. "I doubt it. Those protectors are a stubborn bunch. Don't listen to anybody but themselves."

  "Well, I am Queen Witch," I said.

  "Only for the moment," Milly said. "You don't carry any weight."

  "Thanks," I said. "So glad to know that I've been given a role that doesn't even do anything."

  "You did something tonight," Grandma said, raising her fist. "You rang in the solstice as good as any queen I've ever seen."

  I edged under the downy comforter. "Me and the moles on my face are forever grateful to you."

  Reid glanced up from some book she was reading. "They're almost gone," she said.

  "Yeah," Sera said. "Your face is pretty much back to normal."

  "Well, normal for your face," Reid added.

  I threw a pillow at her head. It missed.

  Grandma rose from the dressing. "If there's nothing else, I'm going to retire to my room with Milly."

  They crossed to the door. I glanced at Polly. The bird had perched on top of the dresser mirror. "You going with them?" The bird stared at me. "I guess that's a no."

  We said our good nights, and Sera snuggled under the covers of her bed. "Looks like you've got a new friend."

  "I wish he'd go and be somebody else's friend," I grumbled.

  "Hey," Reid said from a chair in the corner of the room. Her long legs were draped over the side. She looked quite comfortable, if I did say so myself.

  "What is it?" I asked.

  She jabbed a finger in the book resting on her knees. "Isn't this that butler guy?"

  I glanced up. "I don't know. I can't see who you're looking at."

  Reid answered by lifting the book in the air.

  "I still can't see."

  She hoisted the book into the crook of her arm and crossed over to the beds. "You need glasses."

  "Thank you."

  "You're welcome." Reid flipped the book open and spread a palm over the page. "That guy. Isn't it the butler who's still here?"

  "What book is that?" Sera asked.

  "It's some book on Queen Witch history. I picked it up in the library."

  She frowned. "They have a library here?"

  I nodded. "Yeah. It's pretty big. Lots of books." My gaze brushed over the old photograph.

  "That's him."

  Reid crinkled up her nose. "He doesn't look good."

  Even though the picture was black-and-white, you could tell that Bannock either was at the time, or had been sick earlier. "Yeah, he looks really thin. Roman said that for a long time he was sick."

  "Roman knows him?" Sera said.

  "Yeah. Roman grew up here, remember? He's known Bannock ever since he was a little kid. Anyway, he said he was sick and then he got better, I guess."

  Sera peered over Reid's shoulder. "Who's that in the picture with him?"

  Reid mumbled for a moment. "The caption says Richard Bane."

  My hands flew to my face. "Oh my gosh."

  "What?" Sera said.

  I looked at both my sisters before answering, "It's Roman's father."

  "But this is a book about the queen's history," Sera said. "Why would there be a picture of those two men in it?"

  I turned to Reid. "Read the caption out loud, will you?"

  Reid cleared her throat as if she were getting ready to sing the national anthem. "It says, ‘Bannock the house butler and Richard Bane, the husband of Queen Catherine, a few days before the murders.’"

  None of us said anything. "Is that all it says?" I said.

  She nodded. Flipped the page. "Here's another one. But this time it's only of Bannock."

  I pulled the book toward me and took a look. Sure enough, there stood Bannock all alone, clearly going about his duties as butler. But he didn't look nearly as thin. He looked as if someone had slapped him with a hambone and some of the leftover meat had stuck to his ribs.

  In other words, he'd gained a few pounds.

  "Does it say how long after that is?" Sera said.

  I shook my head. "No. Could be a year later. No way to know."

  "But why would it be in here? In a book about queens?" Reid said.

  I shrugged. "Probably because the book was written by a woman and she had to have something juicy to gossip about."

  Reid yawned and shut the book. "You're probably right." She collapsed onto the bed. "I really don't want to stay here another night. I'm sick to death of this place. I mean, I don't even know why I'm here. I don't have any powers. In this world I don't even matter. All I want to do is go home."

  I pushed back the covers and smiled. With all the talk about Nan, I'd nearly forgotten. "Do both of you want to go home?"

  Sera shrugged. "I'm kind of enjoying getting to know Brock."

  I shimmied into a pair of black sweatpants. "Listen, if that guy's worth anything, he'll come find you at home and court you."

  Sera quirked an eyebrow. "Court me?"

  "It's a figure of speech."

  "Yeah, from like 1820."

  I exhaled. "Do you want to break out, or would you rather stay here for the rest of your life while our businesses fail because no one is there to keep our stores open?"

  Sera opened one of the dresser drawers. "Good point. Let me get dressed."

  That's what I thought.

  ***

  We lay in the bushes outside the castle—me, Reid and Sera. It didn't take any convincing to get Reid to join us. After all, she was still pouting about missing her date with Rick. She wanted to return home more than any of us.

  "See that guard over there?" I said, pointing in the distance.

  "Yeah," Reid whispered.

  "He's guarding the curtain."

  "The what?" Reid said.

  I thumped her on the forehead. "Shh, keep it down."

  She rubbed her face. "Ouch."

  "We need him away from there so that we can slip in and get out of here."

  Sera tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Great. How are we going to do that?"

  I knuckled my chin and realized there was only one way. "You have to go talk to him. Distract him."

  She nodded. "Okay. Then how am I going to slip into the curtain or whatever?"

  I frowned. "I don't think you are. You're going to have to stay here."

  "But now I want to go home," Sera whined.

  I scratched an itch on my calf. "You can't. There's no other way for me and Reid to get out of here." I patted her shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll watch the store for you."

  "What about Polly Parrot?" Sera said.

  I craned my neck at Polly, who of course sat on my shoulder. I'd been smart this time, though. I'd taped his mouth shut so that he couldn't give us away.

  "I guess Polly's going with me. Milly can pick him up when she gets home." I glanced at both my sisters. "Is everybody in?"

  "I'm in," Reid said.

  "I guess," Sera grumbled.

  "Look on the bright side. You'll get to see Brock at least one more day."

  "Yeah, and you get to blow this joint."

  I smiled. "My plan. My way."

  She raked her fingers through her hair. "
All right. Let's just get this over with."

  A couple of minutes later Sera was slinking toward the other side of the lawn.

  I pointed to the row of singing roses. "Okay. When Sera gets the guard's attention, you and I are going to walk past the hedges and over to the curtain. So you need to be quiet."

  Reid shrugged. "I'll do my best."

  Sera approached the guard. The guy shifted his weight as if he was unsure about talking with her, but then my sister pulled a tissue from a pocket, honked her nose and burst into tears.

  "Oh, that's good," Reid said. "She's playing damsel in distress. I never would've thought about that."

  "That's because you're not a damsel," I said.

  "Hey—"

  I yanked her wrist. "Come on. No time to argue."

  Reid locked her legs. "I am too a damsel."

  I rolled my eyes. "Okay. You're a damsel who might or might not find herself in a heap of trouble in about three seconds."

  She threw me a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

  "I'm about to leave your rear end stuck here at Castle Witch. That means the guard will find you, and who knows what will happen then."

  Her eyes grew wide with fright. "Okay. I'm coming."

  "Great," I hissed. "Keep it down and follow me."

  I beelined straight toward the singing roses or whatever they were called. Might consider renaming them the burping roses. Hmm. I should've left that note somewhere, suggesting it. It would've been my final act as Queen Witch, and probably the most important thing I would've done during my reign.

  I might actually have gotten my name and picture in that book about queens. Maybe I needed to stay one more day and make it official.

  Reid tugged on my sleeve. "Are we going or not?"

  I shivered out of my thoughts and said, "Yes. Right now."

  We made it to the hedge. The low buzz of the roses filled my ears. I kept my back pressed against the flora. Their song hummed in my back. It felt like I was sitting in one of those massaging chairs they set up in malls. You know, the kind where you put a quarter in and you get a ten-minute massage. It's usually what the old men do while they're waiting for their wives to hurry up and shop.

  I rubbed my hands together. "Okay. This is it. You ready?" My eyes were superglued to our target. I elbowed Reid. "Are you ready?" She still didn't say anything. What the heck? Could the kid not pay attention for, like, two seconds? I twisted my neck to see why she wasn't answering.