Heavy (Heavy Hearts Book 1)
Page 12
“Is that for me?” My butt makes contact with Ayden’s couch as drool practically falls from my mouth.
“It is.” His simple response is all I need.
Reaching forward, I snatch up the plate, sitting it on my lap, ready to dig in. I hesitate, remembering that I’m in Ayden’s company.
“Is something wrong?” He dips his head to catch my attention. I give it to him momentarily.
“Look, I’m just going to apologise right now because what you are about to witness will not be pretty.”
My face is serious, and Ayden’s is too. He studies me, and then… lots and lots of laughter. He falls off the couch, clutching his stomach, nearly hitting his head on the old brown coffee table. While he’s busy laughing at my expense, I waste no time digging in, my taste buds having a party of their own.
Ayden eventually calms down and stops laughing, and I remain focused on cleaning every drop of food and gravy off the plate. The only time I ever get to eat food like this is when I go to Abbey’s for dinner. My mum has never cooked for me. On the rare occasions that dad, or should I say the man that used to be my dad, would come home from the city, he would cook for me. Come to think of it, more than a year has passed since that has happened.
Putting the plate down on the coffee table, I use my sleeve to wipe my mouth in a most unladylike manner.
“Good?” Ayden has been watching me the entire time. I should feel self-conscious, but it’s amazing what a full tummy can do for a girl’s mood, so I smile and nod. He’s lounging back in the corner of the couch, his arm resting on the back of it, and one leg is propped up on his other knee. He looks super yummy right now.
“You okay?”
Is he asking if I’m okay after my feeding frenzy? Or is he asking if I’m okay after the day that I’ve had? When his face turns serious, I figure it’s the latter.
“I guess,” I shrug, unsure of how I feel. Numb is a good word to describe it, or maybe pissed off is even better. Exhausted is definitely one of the feelings overwhelming me. As if my brain goes with that notion, I yawn.
“Bed?” Ayden asks, standing up from the couch, and I nod.
I follow him through the curtains into his bedroom. Standing at the foot of his bed, I watch as he goes to his dresser and pulls out a couple of items, placing them on top. When he pulls his hoodie off, I worry that perhaps I wasn’t meant to follow him in here. My feet shuffle nervously on the spot, my eyes acting like a peeping tom ogling at the way his body moves as the hoodie comes off. When the t-shirt he is wearing underneath rides up with the hoodie, I’m rewarded with a glimpse of bronzed smooth skin on his back and the edge of an intricate tattoo.
“How do you have a tattoo? Aren’t you too young?”
Turning, Ayden eyes me smugly as he slips into a new hoodie. This one is green. He looks good in every colour, it seems, and can make the simplest clothing item look freaking hot!
“I’m eighteen.”
I knew he was older than me, but eighteen in year eleven is unusual. Walking back to me with the hoodie he just removed, he holds it out between us.
“I thought you might like to wear it to bed. It’s thicker than the one you have on, and a lot bigger, so you don’t have to wear your jeans.”
Hesitantly, I take his hoodie offer and hold it to my chest, knowing very well that he didn’t answer my question with his vague answer. Or maybe it’s that his answer only asks more questions.
“You didn’t have to take off the one you had on. I could have worn a different one.”
He shrugs and waits for me to put it on. Ayden isn’t to know that I only have a bra on under my hoodie, so I step away from him and turn to face the wall. Without hesitation, I slide my hoodie off over my head and drop it by my feet. The airs chill hits my bare skin, causing small goosebumps to form, and I hear Ayden inhale sharply.
At first, my stupid brain thinks he’s ogling me the same way I was ogling him and likes what he sees. Perhaps my pale skin doesn’t look so bad in this light? Yet when I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder and the strain of his voice, I can tell he wasn’t standing there ogling me as I did him.
“Lex, your arm.”
My eyes fall shut as his warm, gentle hands turn me slowly to face him. I keep them that way as he lifts my arm with such care as if I were made of glass and could shatter at any moment.
“Lex,” Ayden whispers, and I open my eyes to see his own looking almost broken.
“It will fade, just like my eye will.”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “This is from your dad?”
He knows it is, but I can see he is struggling to accept that a parent can inflict this on their child.
“He was trying to stop me from running off. I guess he grabbed me a little too hard.”
“A little,” Ayden hisses, “Lex, what else has he done to you?”
I get it. He thinks my dad is abusive, and I probably would, too, if I were in his position. If my dad were an abusive father, this whole situation would be easier to handle, but he has never shown such aggression in my presence before, never behaved so selfishly as he did tonight. That’s what makes this so much harder.
“My dad has never hurt me.”
“Until today?” Ayden’s nostrils flare in anger, “The same day your brother hits your mum, and your dad gets sprung with his mistress?”
My eyes glass over at his harsh comment, even though I know it’s the truth. His bitterness sounds like he’s having a dig at me, and I don’t like how that makes me feel. My face must give my emotions away, and Ayden curses, pulling me gently into his arms. I blink away the pesky tears not letting them win, and I hug him close, needing the care he is offering.
I should probably care that he is now embracing me while I clutch his hoodie to my bra covered chest. The strange thing is, I don’t. I don’t feel exposed when I’m with him. The warmth of his embrace is welcoming, and I’d be happy to stay like this with him all night.
Ayden eventually loosens his hold on me and moves back a little, gently gliding his thumb over the bruise by my eye. He doesn’t speak as he takes his hoodie from my grip and slips it over my head, helping me slide my arms in. I’ve never been handled with such care, never known how loved it can make me feel. Not that Ayden loves me. He likes me as a friend. Maybe more, maybe not.
“You look good in my hoodie.” He smiles with pride, and my cheeks redden like a twelve-year-old girl in the schoolyard. “I think you should keep it.”
“I can’t keep your hoodie Ayden.” Although I want to, it smells like him. I would be forever happy walking the earth in his hoodie, wrapped in his scent; fashion trends be damned!
“It’s yours. I want to know you have it, that you’re wearing it to bed.” His eyes roam my face in that concerned, caring way again, not at all bothered about how forward his comment is.
“Why?” I ask.
Ayden shrugs, “Honestly. I don’t know. I just like the thought of it.”
I smile because I like the thought of it too.
CHAPTER TWELVE
I can’t breathe. My lungs ache and struggle to do their job as my chest heaves. Exhaustion burns my legs as they push off hard to run. It’s so dark, almost black. I’m not sure what I’m running from or running to, but terror grips me like a vice. Is someone chasing me? I think someone is, but I can’t tell because it’s too dark. Then I hear it—his voice. Terror turns me to see my dad’s face, but when he speaks, it’s Mike’s voice I hear.
“You’re going to die, you little bitch!”
A scream rips from my throat, and uninvited hands are on me. My name is called over and over, but I can’t focus enough to hear the voice. I blink my eyes rapidly, trying to see through the thick darkness. As the haze clears, my eyes slowly take in my surroundings. There’s a bed and a chest of drawers, both of which I don’t recognise, and my fear turns into terror when I see the dark silhouette of someone hovering over me.
“Lexi, wake up.” A deep voice rumbles.
“Shit, Lexi, it’s me, Ayden.”
Light suddenly fills the room from a bedside lamp, illuminating a man who is standing by it. I blink again, trying to focus as he holds his hands up as a show of surrender. Ayden.
Oh. My. God. I’m a freak! Tears stream down my face, and my body quakes with fear. Ayden’s concerned blue eyes remind me that I’m safe, but my body is having a little trouble catching up to my brain. Wave after wave of trembling shakes me. Ayden, still with his arms outstretched, takes a few cautious steps towards me.
“Shh, Lex, it’s okay.”
A sob escapes when I try to speak, “A-Ayden?”
Upon hearing his name, Ayden closes the distance between us, kneeling to meet me as he cautiously takes my trembling hand.
“It was just a dream. I’m sorry I scared you.”
“I-I’m sorry. I swear I’m not normally such a freak.” He must think I’m a madwoman. I hate how pathetic and out of control I am.
“Lexi, don’t say that!” Ayden scolds, frowning, not happy with me. He must regret letting me stay here. He’s probably trying to figure out how to get rid of me.
Not able to bear to see his distaste for me, I look away from his intense eyes, annoyed at myself. Why can’t I just be someone else—someone normal?
“Hey,” Ayden’s warm fingers caress my chin to gently lift my head, causing my eyes to find his again. “You’re not a freak, Lexi. You’ve been through an ordeal, and I’m guessing you’ve been through a lot more than you let on. You had a bad dream, one that terrified you. Don’t apologise for things that are out of your control, and please don’t apologise for how you need to handle the things done to you by people you should be able to trust. You need to cut yourself some slack.”
I don’t know where this guy came from and why it took so long for our paths to cross, but I sure as shit am glad they did. I know I shouldn’t want someone to save me or protect me, and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone to do that until the day Ayden Mitchell walked into my life. Why he gives a shit about me is beyond me. He’s taken an interest in me for some strange reason. Whatever his reasons for pursuing this friendship, I’m so grateful.
His concerned eyes roam my face as if trying to read my thoughts. Knowing I need affection, he pulls me slowly to his chest and wraps his strong arms around me. I instantly relax into his embrace, wrapping my arms around him and holding tight. We sit in the hug for a few minutes before Ayden runs a hand soothingly over my back and places a soft kiss to the top of my head.
“Let’s get you back to bed.”
I move with him, letting him gently tug me towards the bed. Climbing back into its warmth, I get comfortable, and Ayden turns off the bedside lamp. I think he’s going to leave and return to the couch where he’d been sleeping earlier, but he doesn’t. The bed shifts behind me, and Ayden slips under the blankets, laying down. Looking over my shoulder to see what he’s doing, I catch a small smile tug at his lips before he reaches across my body and pulls my back against his front. Holy shit! Is he… spooning me?
Oh my god, he is! And I LIKE IT!
My heart races with anything but fear when all it should be doing is calming down for sleep. I can’t stop it, though. I’ve never been spooned by a guy before. The fact that it’s Ayden hugging me close in this position sends me into a spin, and my body responds in a way that leaves me needing something more. I don’t understand what’s going on between us, and right now, I don’t want to overthink it.
“Just try to relax. I won’t let anything happen to you.” The warm breath of his whisper dances over my ear, and I have to fight off a shiver.
I try to convince myself that he’s just a friendly person who genuinely cares for the people in his life, and that's all that’s going on here. In this very moment, I can’t let myself think it’s anything more, otherwise, there is no way I’m going to relax in his arms. I try to focus on how warm I feel in his embrace, how comforting it is to hear his breathing next to my ear.
Ayden shifts his arm, and his hand finds mine, linking our fingers together. That’s how I fall asleep again, in Ayden’s bed, being spooned, holding his hand. No more bad dreams come for me. I sleep so heavily that I don’t even notice when he moves out of the bed at some point, returning to the couch.
When I wake next, the soft glow of morning filters over the top of the screen and curtain that divides Ayden’s bedroom from his living area. I’m about to let out a big loud yawn when I hear voices and still.
“You fall asleep on the couch again?” It’s a lady’s voice, and she sounds amused.
“Uh- yeah. Must’ve fallen asleep watching TV again, I guess.” Ayden is quiet for a moment before continuing, “How was your shift?”
“Good. Busy. There was a big car accident out on the freeway about an hour into my shift. It went crazy after that.”
“Shit, is everyone okay?” Ayden’s concern is real, and I’m reminded again that he is genuinely a caring person.
The lady, his mum, I assume, sighs, “Language Ayden.”
“Sorry,” he chuckles, and it makes me smile.
“Everyone is alive if that’s what you’re asking? But no, for one man, things don’t look good. If he pulls through, then he’s going to have a long and hard road ahead of him.” His mum’s voice sounds exhausted and holds the same care in it that I’ve become familiar with from her son.
“I’m sorry, mum. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m exhausted, though. Do you mind if I skip breakfast with you this morning? I want to fall into bed and sleep for a week.”
“Of course. You go to sleep.”
I hear a kiss and imagine his mum kissing the top of his head just like he did to me last night. When a door closes, I hear movement right before Ayden walks through the curtain.
“Hey,” his smile instantly warms me as he sits on the edge of the bed.
“Hey,” I try to clear my hoarse throat, “Was that your mum?”
Ayden nods, “Yep. She looked exhausted.”
“She sounds nice. Caring, like you.”
Ayden’s brows lift at my compliment, and he ducks his head, trying to hide a smirk. I see it, though.
“Did I say something funny?”
He shakes his head, “Nope. I guess I’m not so good at accepting compliments.” His bright blue eyes glance up at me through dark thick lashes, and I don’t miss the flush on his face. Oh wow. I think I just made him blush. Ten points to me! I can hardly contain my smug smile. I made Ayden Mitchell blush!
“Stop gloating,” Ayden shakes his head, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“What? I’m not gloating.” I totally am.
He shakes his head and changes the conversation, “How are you feeling?”
I consider his question. I feel well-rested, which is different, but my arm is sore, as is my throat. I feel safe, which trumps all the other feelings.
“I feel okay. Thank you, Ayden.”
“For what?” He looks confused.
“Making me feel safe,” feeling self-conscious, I focus on my fidgeting fingers in my lap, “I can’t even begin to explain how nice it feels.”
Ayden picks up my hand, and I glance up, meeting his intense eyes filled with concern. The care he shows brings tears to my eyes, having the power to unravel my control. The gentle squeeze of his hand offers unspoken support.
“I’m okay,” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince him or myself.
Cupping the side of my face with his warm hand, Ayden strokes his thumb gently over my cheek. “You will be okay, Lex. I won’t let anything happen to you” His words promise something I’m not sure he can deliver, but my heart wants nothing more than to believe him. A lone tear escapes, travelling down the side of my cheek, and he wipes it away before pulling me to his chest.
I hold back
any more tears even though they want to burst free. In this moment, I don’t feel anger. I just feel sadness, like a part of my heart has broken away. The man I’ve looked up to since I was a little girl has betrayed me and betrayed my mum. I feel like the man I knew has died. I’m not even sure if I ever really knew him. Maybe he has always been like this, and I was too naïve to see him for what he is—a monster. I know people change, but do they change into a completely different person?
My mum comes to mind then. She’s been sad for so long. I’d figured she was lonely, and that’s why she turned to drugs and alcohol, but maybe it’s more than that. Perhaps it’s been that way for longer than I can remember. There must have been a time when she was happy being sober, a time when loving life was drug enough.
Eventually, Ayden breaks our hug and gifts me with one of his adorable grins before insisting I use the bathroom first to get ready for school. School. It’s the last thing I want to think about, let alone do, but I don’t need to draw attention to myself, and if I’m absent from school, my parents will be notified. That scenario will just make things worse for me.
While Ayden goes into the house to get us something to eat for breakfast, I use his bathroom to get ready. The process is quick and simple with a dab of concealer to hide the bruise by my eye, some mascara to wake up my eyes, and a little lip gloss for no other reason than wanting to draw Ayden’s attention to my lips.
That is exactly what it does too. I feel all sorts of powerful when I catch him darting his eyes to my lips after he returns with a croissant and a banana. Trying not to smile at my secret success is hard as hell when his eyes keep flicking to my lips, even to watch me eat. Oh man, what have I done? A laugh threatens to burst free, and the last thing I want to do now is to draw attention to my evil trickery, so I duck my head, pretending to scroll through Instagram on my phone. This works, breaking his attention, and he excuses himself to take a shower before school.