Toxic

by Jacqui Rose

  ‘The point is, my life’s a bit of a mess at the moment, and like I said, I was embarrassed.’

  Alfie nodded thoughtfully. ‘I have to give it to Sandra, she said as much. She said you probably had stuff you didn’t want to talk about. She was right, and there’s me steaming in like a bleedin’ gorilla. I’m sorry.’

  ‘It’s not your fault. I just didn’t want you to think … well, I didn’t want you to think badly of me. My ex is trouble and I thought if I told you …’ Bree trailed off, biting her lip.

  Alfie gently put his finger underneath her chin, lifting her face up to his. ‘That I would be put off?’

  She nodded, feeling sick at his kindness. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Bree, baby, you don’t have to impress me. You should see some of the birds I’ve been with … No, that sounds bad. What I mean is, I ain’t nothing special. I’m Alfie. Alfie that used to hold yer hand, Alfie that used to distract the ice-cream cart man whilst you and Sandra nicked the 99s. And Alfie that missed you when you went away, girl.’

  Bree burst into tears, sobbing loudly, her body heaving. Alfie passed her a tissue which she gratefully took.

  ‘That’s the second time you’ve done that to me. You alright, Bree?’

  Bree managed only to nod her head then quickly opened the car door and promptly vomited, her nerves playing havoc with her. ‘It must’ve been something I ate.’

  Alfie grinned. ‘Now that’s more like it. I’m home from home now. I’m used to birds and old Toms throwing up on me. Makes me think I’m back in Soho.’

  Wiping her mouth, Bree shivered, but smiled. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘No need to apologise. A bit of sick always breaks the ice. Did he do that to you? This Mick? Did he hurt you?’ Alfie gently touched her face, moving his finger down her bruises.

  Picturing Johnny in her head, Bree spoke sincerely. ‘Yes, he did. He’s hurt me a lot.’

  ‘I want to kill him. I want to wring his neck. Let’s see if he’s so handy with his fists when I go round. Tell me where he lives.’

  Bree put her hand on Alfie’s clenched fist. ‘It’s fine, well, it is for now. Let’s not talk about him … What did you mean when you said “if only I knew”?’

  Alfie said nothing, trying to push doubt away, but he was tired of not having anyone to share how he felt with. He was hurting from Franny, stressed from everything that was going down with the diamonds, pissed off with Vaughn and fed up of Janine. So maybe having someone to talk to, someone gentle, someone beautiful, someone he’d known when life seemed so much simpler, was just what he needed. Maybe he needed Bree.

  Bree shrugged. ‘No, it’s okay if you don’t want to answer. Forget I said anything. I don’t want to pry.’

  Firmly, Alfie said, ‘No. It’s fine. Fuck it. Why shouldn’t you ask. I spent me whole life being paranoid, looking over me shoulder, checking what I say and who I say it to. The business I’m in makes you like that, it plays with your mind, but I’m sick of it, and why should I be paranoid about you? It’s just you and me, ain’t it? Just Alfie and Bree.’

  He paused, watching as Bree’s eyes slowly fixed on his, a smile beginning to pull at her lips. And with that, Alfie Jennings closed his eyes, feeling a sense of real happiness as he leant in for a warm, long, sensual kiss.

  50

  ‘I will kill him. I will bleedin’ well kill him.’

  ‘I’ll second that.’ Janine stood looking at Vaughn as he paced along the worn-out carpet of the B&B.

  Ignoring Janine, Vaughn looked at Frankie who sat smoking yet another cigar. ‘He knew that we were waiting on a call. You told him that you had contacts who were interested in buying the stones but they wouldn’t wait around. And now, Perry wants us to meet him and Alfie’s nowhere to be seen. He ain’t answering his calls and his car’s gone.’

  Frankie, usually the one to let his temper have the better of him, inhaled deeply and calmly. He blew the smoke out with his words. ‘You think he’s gone to see Sandra? She was hurt after all, and he did say he was going to call her. Maybe she needed to see him.’

  Vaughn scowled. ‘What? A little bit of glass in her arm, it’s hardly Vietnam. And anyway, he could’ve phoned on the way. Plus, he knows to stay away from that part of Essex. He’s going to fuck everything up if he don’t start toeing the line. His head’s all over the place.’

  ‘Then if he ain’t with Sandra, where the hell is he?’

  Irritated, Vaughn looked bemused. ‘Well that’s what I’m trying to work out, ain’t it, Frank?’

  Lola pulled a face. ‘Maybe he’s had an accident, Vaughnie.’

  ‘He’ll wish he had one when I finish with him. The meeting with Perry starts in an hour and we ain’t got anything to show him. Alfie’s the only one with the tester stone. I should’ve thought to get it from him.’

  Janine slumped on the bed, eating her way through a family-size packet of Maltesers. ‘Then you’ll have to postpone.’

  ‘We can’t. If we don’t go or we call to cancel they’re going to think we’re just taking the piss. We ain’t got many options at the moment, and if we want to offload them as soon as we can so we don’t mess up the Reynolds deal, we can’t get mess this up.’

  Janine, incensed by Alfie, grabbed her phone, dialling Alfie’s number. ‘I’ll call him again.’

  Vaughn sighed. ‘It’ll just go to answer machine.’

  ‘Then I’ll leave him a message, won’t I?… Alfie, it’s your wife. Ex. Where the fuck are you? You need to call us and sharpish, and you better have a good explanation as to …’

  ‘Where you been?’ Vaughn spoke as Alfie walked in.

  The grin on Alfie’s face quickly disappeared as Janine, Lola, Vaughn and Frankie stood facing him off. Throwing his keys on the side, he said, ‘What’s going on?’

  Vaughn stepped forward but was held back by Frankie. ‘Oh, nothing Alf, everything’s just cushty with us. Everything’s sweet as.’

  Alfie held Vaughn’s stare. ‘Then there’s no problem, is there?’

  Janine, unable to contain herself, exploded. ‘No problem! You are about to lose your second chance, so you need to pull your head out of your arse and get it together.’

  Alfie looked dumbfounded. ‘What the fuck is she on about?’

  Vaughn, deciding it was best to take the lead on this one, put on his jacket. ‘We ain’t got time to go through the ins and outs, we got to go if we’re going to get to this meet. Perry Wickes is wanting to see us, but you know he don’t like people being late. So, if we want to turn this round, and get out of this shit hole and be able to put our heads above water again, then we need to make this work, because if we don’t, we are all well and truly fucked.’

  Sandra Styler could hear a voice but she couldn’t tell quite where it was coming from; she didn’t bother opening her eyes to find out. Every single part of her hurt. She’d tried to move but the attempt had caused crippling, throbbing pain. Her tongue felt swollen and her lips were parched and she could feel the dry blood stuck on her face.

  ‘Here.’

  A tray of food and a bottle of water was thrown down, slamming on the floor next to her as Eddie Styler stood by the door. Seeing no movement, Eddie walked over and prodded Sandra in her side with the toe of his shoe.

  ‘Fine, have it your own way. Don’t talk. Don’t eat. You’ve always made the rules, only this time Sandra, you’re not going to tell me what to do. In fact, you ain’t going to tell me what to do ever again. And by the time they find you, I’ll be long gone, and you, darlin’, can rot in hell, the place I’ve been living for the whole of this marriage.’

  And with that, Eddie Styler, feeling exceptionally pleased with himself, slammed and locked the door of the basement, leaving Sandra in the cold darkness.

  51

  ‘Is he going to bite?’ Johnny stared at Bree as she finished locking the chickens up in their coop.

  She nodded, not wanting to look at Johnny as she thought about Alfie. ‘Yeah, I think he is.’


  ‘You only think?’

  Trying not to aggravate Johnny, Bree attempted to be more specific. ‘Sorry, I meant I’m sure he will. I’m certain of it. He started to open up to me. Answered my questions, but I didn’t want to push it. I need him to trust me. I don’t know how long that will take.’

  ‘Bree, how many times have I told you, you ain’t got time. I need to be able to tell me men that the job’s on, everyone’s looking at me to get this sorted. There’s a lot of money involved, let alone what might happen to Ryan, but you don’t seem to get that.’

  Bree flinched. ‘I do. Of course I do. How can I not, Johnny?’

  Johnny’s eyes went cold. He pressed his temples, the white noise in his head getting louder.

  ‘Don’t give me lip, Bree. Never give me lip … I tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to shake it up, because no matter what you tell me, I don’t think you’re taking this seriously. I don’t think you’re trying.’

  ‘That’s not true!’

  Slamming Bree hard against the chicken coop, Johnny spoke in a whisper. ‘You calling me a liar, Bree?’

  ‘No, no. I’m just saying what you think isn’t right. I’m doing everything I can. I’m trying, Johnny.’

  He breathed hard and Bree could see the cocaine residue sitting at the bottom of his nostrils. ‘Then try harder! And the next time you go and see Alfie, I want you to find out exactly what he’s doing with those diamonds. And if you don’t, then Ryan gets hurt.’

  ‘No! No! No! That’s not what you said, you said if I broke your trust you’d do something to him.’

  Screaming in Bree’s face, Johnny spat out his words. ‘And now I’ve changed the rules!’

  Covering her face with her hands, Bree broke down. Her tears seeping through the gaps between her fingers. ‘Please, please, I’m begging you. Don’t do this. Don’t do this, Johnny.’

  Taking her in his arms, Johnny stroked Bree’s hair. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. ‘There’s no need to cry, Johnny’s here … Hey Bree, stop crying … I said stop crying … That’s it … Look, nobody loves Ryan or you more than I do, so it’s going to be alright. You do trust me, don’t you?’

  In a whisper, Bree said, ‘Yes, Johnny.’

  Johnny pulled Bree’s hands away from her face and stared into her eyes. ‘Because you’ll do whatever it takes to save Ryan and then I won’t have to hurt him. Promise me, Bree, that you won’t make me hurt him. Promise me.’

  ‘I promise, Johnny. Whatever it takes.’

  He nodded and this time, it was Johnny who began to cry. He buried his head in her shoulder. ‘I love you, Bree. I love you. Now say it.’

  ‘I love you too.’

  ‘No, not that, say it!’

  Bree closed her eyes, her body rigid. ‘I’m never going to leave, Johnny.’

  52

  In the large study of his ten-bedroom house on the edge of the village of Layer de la Haye, a few miles from Colchester, Perry Wickes sat in his claret and blue wheelchair. He wore a custom-made blue velvet flat cap along with a claret Ralph Lauren tracksuit he’d had imported from the States. A lifelong supporter of West Ham, everything Perry was able to pimp out in the Hammers colours, he did.

  Perry grinned, taking a sip of coffee from a Millwall FC mug. He gestured to the cup. ‘Me brother thought it’d be a laugh. He’s got a hundred-pound bet that I won’t last more than a month drinking from it. It’s been a week, and I have to tell you fellas, I feel sick every time I put it to me lips. I feel like fucking Judas at the last supper drinking the old Calvin Klein.’

  Frankie and Vaughn laughed, but Alfie kept quiet. His mind was on Bree. And it pissed him off. Not that she’d done anything. He was pissed off with himself. It was stupid, but he could feel himself falling for her already. Or perhaps it wasn’t so much him falling for her as just a classic rebound caused by the pain from Franny. Maybe he needed to find something, or rather someone, to fill the void inside him which seemed to grow bigger every day.

  But whatever it was, she made him feel good. He didn’t know if it was just about the memories they shared, or it was something more, but he felt so relaxed in her company. He’d been able to talk to her. Open up. He was able to be himself without worrying she was going to judge or try to pull one over on him. And he certainly respected her for admitting the truth of why she’d lied about her ex. That can’t have been easy for her, but it went a long way with him. Which was ironic really, because the truth and him rarely walked hand in hand.

  But everything about Bree was so refreshing and although it was the earliest of days, and Franny was still very fresh in his mind, perhaps he and Bree might have some mileage. Maybe they could make a go of whatever it was they had.

  He already wanted to talk to her again, and he knew that was stupid, but what could he do? He’d felt like that since the moment she’d driven off. He’d wanted to call her but thankfully he’d resisted and he’d called Sandra instead, wanting to share what had happened, knowing his sister would love hearing every gossipy word.

  Annoyingly he hadn’t been able to get through, so now he was fit to burst wanting to tell somebody how he felt about Bree, that maybe she could help heal his battered heart, so the very last thing he wanted to do was stand and hear Perry reminiscing about West Ham’s 1978 victory against Millwall.

  ‘Alf? Alfie? Did you hear what I just said? Bryan Robson’s shots, well, you had to be there to believe it. It was like the whole of Upton Park held their breath. All three goals Robson got. All three. Can you believe it?’

  ‘Not really mate, cos I weren’t there.’

  Perry Wickes stared coldly at Alf. ‘Are you being funny?’

  Alfie sniffed. ‘No.’

  ‘You know I don’t trust a man that doesn’t like football. It’s like he doesn’t like life. Something must be missing, something’s not right. I mean, what are you supposed to talk about with a geezer that don’t know about football? Seriously, what else is there. Fucking cooking? Embroidery? Emotions? Fuck that. Nah, it don’t sit well with me. Never do business with a man that don’t know his Bobby Moores from his Bobby Zamoras.’

  Alfie glanced across at Vaughn and Frankie who were giving him harder stares than Perry. He shrugged. ‘Pel, it ain’t that I don’t like football, I do. I could sit here and tell you how many times I’ve wept at the final whistles but it’s pointless, because what can you do if you have a shit manager and the people in the board room don’t want to listen to the fans.’

  Perry’s face lit up. He banged down his hand on the table before pointing at Alfie.

  ‘Exactly! Exactly!’ Perry paused, looking vindicated as he pushed back the thick brown hair from his forehead. ‘Anyway, we ain’t here to put the FA to rights, so let’s get down to business.’

  Turning his back to Perry, Alfie winked at Vaughn, who scowled as Frankie began to talk.

  ‘So, first off, I appreciate you seeing us Pel, especially as you know you weren’t the first person we came to. Though that ain’t nothing to do with respect, it just comes down to who was available in that moment, because as you know, and I ain’t going to make a secret of it, we need to get shut and quickly. But obviously we’re looking to get a decent price and to do that we’re calling in the favours.’

  Alfie placed the diamond on the table in front of Perry.

  ‘They’re all like this. All perfect. None of them have any visible hues, the clarity’s beautiful Pel, no natural flaws that you can see. They’ve got a brilliant cut and they hold some proper weight. You won’t find better.’

  Perry passed the stone to a small, wiry grey-haired man who began studying the diamond in earnest, looking at the colour, clarity, cut, and carat weight. ‘So, Frankie, if they are all pukka, and they all check out, you say you want to sell them along with pulling in the favours, which I suspect makes the price go up.’

  Frankie watched as the grey-haired appraiser nodded at Perry, passing the stone back to him.

  ‘Absolutely,
Pel. Stones plus favours. So, what do you say?’

  Perry glanced at the three men. ‘I have to say, they’re a tidy bit of stone. I ain’t seen such good ones for a while. I don’t suppose you fancy telling me your source?’

  Frankie grinned. ‘What do you think, Pel?’

  Perry chuckled. ‘Well, I’ll easily be able to knock these out.’

  ‘So, we have a deal?’ Frankie asked.

  ‘I think we do … and what do you say to two million? Two million big ones.’

  At this point Perry Wickes raised his Millwall FC mug, looked at it and said, ‘Cheers!’ before throwing it against the wall.

  53

  Bree got up. She could feel herself shaking. She was cold but her sweat-drenched nightie clung to her. Her pregnant stomach felt hard and her back ached as she attempted to wander through to the kitchen to get a drink.

  She felt dizzy and the continual flu-like symptoms racked her whole body. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been well. Each day she either slept or was violently ill, and usually Ma had to help her get up and walk anywhere further than a few steps.

  But tonight she’d needed a drink of water and there was no way she could get back to sleep feeling so thirsty.

  Halfway down the passageway of the large mobile caravan, at Ryan’s room, Bree paused to catch her breath. She leant on the wall, pains rushing through her sides as her whole body shook.

  She looked in, seeing him asleep, looking like he always had; so gentle, so handsome, but that was all she recognised. The person who’d come home from the hospital last week had been a stranger. The light in his eyes had disappeared. The understanding was gone.

  The sudden but not uncommon cerebral bleed had caused irreversible, irreparable damage. But she wouldn’t give up hope. She’d never give up. There was a chance over time things might improve, the doctors had said sometimes they did. And she was holding out for that. For the day when he would look at her and know who she was, because somewhere inside him, Ryan was still there. But nothing could stop her loving him. After all, she was still her and he was still him.