Toxic

by Jacqui Rose

  Walking into the room, Bree sat down on Ryan’s bed. She smiled, watching him sleep. Then she heard voices; Ma and Johnny were coming down the passageway. About to call out a greeting, Bree stopped herself, suddenly curious to hear what they were saying.

  ‘… It ain’t my fault you know. So, stop saying that.’

  ‘If you’d done it properly, then I wouldn’t have to, would I? You got somebody else to do your dirty work because you were too much of a coward. And yet again, I’ve had to pick up your pieces.’

  ‘I did what you asked.’

  ‘Don’t kid yourself. Ryan was perfectly fine after the crash. In fact, he felt better than ever, couldn’t wait to tell me how he and Bree were going to leave.’

  Bree froze, her eyes wide, her body rigid as the enormity of what Ma and Johnny were saying began to sink in. Afraid she was going to cry, she put her hand over her mouth as she continued to listen.

  ‘You don’t get it, do you?’

  ‘What don’t I get, Johnny? Because I know Ryan was going to leave us. He was going to break your heart. Your own brother was going to leave you.’

  ‘Ma, look …’

  Angrily, Ma raised her voice. ‘No, Johnny! I told you what I wanted. I told you after the crash I didn’t want him to be able to walk away, but that’s not what happened, is it? The doctors said he was fine, that he was going to make a full recovery. So, whether you like it or not Johnny, you’re to blame … You.’

  Bree flinched as she heard a loud slap before craning to hear the rest of the conversation.

  ‘Don’t hit me, Ma, you got to stop, you hear me? I ain’t Ryan that you can just knock about when you feel like it.’

  ‘Get off me!’

  ‘Then you need to calm down and listen. Big Billy tried his best, but there’s a fine line between injuring and killing a person when you’re speeding round a track. It’s not like ordering a pizza, Ma. We told you we couldn’t guarantee what would happen, but you still wanted us to go ahead. The only thing we promised was we’d keep Ryan alive, which we did, Ma. We did.’

  ‘And I had to make sure he couldn’t leave you. So you need to be thanking me for clearing up your mess … He ain’t going to leave you now, Johnny, not no more. I’ve given you your brother back.’

  The bile flooded into Bree’s mouth. She felt sick. She could hardly breathe. It all made sense now. Ryan had warned her, and she’d just ignored it. But if she’d listened, Ryan wouldn’t be lying here now, lost forever.

  She heard Johnny going into his room and Ma leaving to go back to her mobile caravan. Bree tried to push aside the pain that was coursing from her stomach right across her back. She struggled as she attempted to hurry across to Ryan’s drawers. She pulled some clothes out quickly before quietly and gently shaking him awake.

  ‘Ryan, it’s me, Bree. Wake up, honey.’

  He opened his eyes and grinned, but the recognition wasn’t there.

  ‘Ryan, I need you to get dressed. We got to be quick or Ma will catch us.’

  He looked at her, then slowly said, ‘Big trouble.’

  Bree’s face lit up, she hugged him, then stroked his face, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

  ‘You are there Ryan, aren’t you? I knew it. But that’s right, there’ll be big trouble, so come on … And Ryan, I love you; whatever happens, I’ll never leave you.’

  With shaking hands and tears running down her face, Bree helped Ryan to get dressed as silently as she could, not being able to contemplate what would happen if she got caught.

  Part way down the corridor, Bree, holding Ryan’s hand, stopped as the flu-like symptoms came on hard and fast and her pains began to get worse. A sudden thought struck her. The medicine. Ryan’s medicine. She couldn’t leave without it.

  Smiling at Ryan, she pulled him back towards the kitchen, putting her finger to her lips.

  ‘Shhh, we have to be quiet, Ryan. Really quiet.’

  The kitchen was dark apart from the light from Ma’s caravan opposite. Bree began to look around the kitchen. She knew Ma kept it in here, but where?

  Going to open the cupboard next to the stainless-steel oven, Bree realised it was locked by a small gold padlock. Yanking open the cutlery drawer, desperate not to make a sound, Bree grabbed the penknife as pain gripped her and the cold sweat continued to pour down her face and down her back.

  Pushing the tip of the blade into the padlock, Bree pressed down with the end of the knife, feeling the springs and the tension of the lock. She wiggled the knife and a moment later the lock came open.

  Inside the cupboard there were various everyday medicines, but right at the back, marked clearly, were Ryan’s medications.

  Grabbing the packets of pills, Bree’s hand banged into a bottle, but before she managed to catch it, it dropped out, rolling onto the floor. Thankful it hadn’t made too much of a noise, she picked it up, placing it back in the cupboard, but as she did, she noticed her fingers were wet. The contents of the bottle were leaking out. About to push it into the cupboard anyway, Bree suddenly stopped. She smelt the air, then put her fingers to her nose, smelling the medicine, which had covered her hand.

  It was the same pungent, fruity smell as the drink Ma gave her. The same nauseating aroma that always made her feel so sick. She put her tongue to her fingers, tasting it. And yes, although it was usually mixed with water in the drink Ma brought her twice daily, there was no denying the taste of the bitter medicine.

  Curiously, Bree turned the bottle round to see the label. She stared, blinking, not quite believing what she read.

  Morphine Sulphate, oral solution.

  Morphine! Ma had been giving her morphine! The whole of her pregnancy she’d been given this. Her tiredness. Her lethargy. Her confusion. Was it all down to this? When Ma had been late bringing her drink, she remembered the restlessness, the cold sweats, the cramps and the pains. Like now … She hurt so bad.

  A thought crossed her mind and quickly unscrewing the bottle, Bree took a swig, careful not to take too much. If she was right, it would help and take away some of the pains, making it easier to get away.

  Throwing the leaking bottle into a bag, along with Ryan’s medicines, Bree hoped the morphine would kick in soon. Then opening the back door and taking Ryan’s hand, Bree ran out into the night.

  54

  ‘Result! Result!’ Frankie, raising a plastic cup full of brandy, grinned at the others as they stood in the B&B, which suddenly didn’t look so bad. ‘I knew old Perry would come through. But fuck me, it was proper squeaky-bum time, Alfie, when I thought you were going to blow it. Everybody knows Perry loves his football, the geezer’s obsessed with it, and he don’t do business with anyone who doesn’t love the beautiful game or who supports Millwall.’

  Alfie sat down, slightly distracted. ‘Yeah well, I was tempted to give him a bit of grief, but the idea of having to put up with you bunch of muppets giving me the chip-chop and chewing me ear off, well, it was worth pretending I was a football fan rather than a rugby man. And at least now we can sort out what’s needed to be done.’

  Frankie nodded. ‘I’ll second that because we are back, son. We are back. I think we should raise a toast to Reggie Reynolds! Our empire awaits.’

  Lola raised a can of Fanta orange. ‘This is one of the best days I’ve had for a long time. Me boys are back where they belong and on top of that me bunions ain’t giving me any grief.’

  Alfie placed a kiss on her cheek. ‘Well that’s a cause for celebration if ever there was one. Of course, we still have to do the handover of the diamonds, which is planned for next week. We’ll obviously lie low till then, because the vultures will be out in force, especially as Perry can’t keep his trap shut. But then, boom baby, we’re on it. Actually, I better call Sandra, stupid mare ain’t picking up her phone. But I just wanted to bring her in on it.’

  Janine scowled. ‘Why?’

  Alfie, his good mood beginning to subside, put his plastic cup down as he walked over to Janine. ‘Why wha
t?’

  ‘Why you bringing her in on it? I don’t see her putting any hard graft in. I told you before, I ain’t sharing my readies with her.’

  Alfie burst out into scornful laughter. ‘Your readies? Janine, darlin’, you’ve lost your fuckin’ mind. Let me just remind you that those stones actually belong to her husband, so by rights they are actually hers. In fact it’s us jumping on her bandwagon, not the other way around.’

  Janine poked Alfie hard in the chest. ‘Finders keepers, losers, and it ain’t my problem you weepers.’

  ‘Shut up, Janine. Most, if not all, of that money will be given to Reenie Reynolds, but Sandra will certainly be having a cut of the business once it takes off, whether you like it or not.’

  ‘I don’t like it, and I’ll tell you something, it’ll be over my dead body.’

  ‘Don’t fucking tempt me, girl.’

  Janine bit into her cold cheese-and-ham panini and narrowed her eyes. ‘You’re mugging yourself off anyway. She’s obviously blanking your calls. If she wanted to talk to you, she would, but you still want to play the generous brother act.’

  ‘If it wasn’t for her, I might not be here. I might’ve had a bullet in me head.’

  Janine pulled a face. ‘How convenient.’

  ‘Convenient? What are you talking about?’

  Janine looked at the others. ‘It ain’t just me that thinks it, it’s a bit odd that Sandra just so happened to be around when those geezers came to blow you away, and then she came away without a scratch.’

  ‘Apart from a piece of glass in her arm.’

  Janine shrugged. ‘That’s just collateral damage, ain’t it? Come off it Alfie, she’s married to Eddie, ain’t she? Her loyalties lie with him, not you. She’s proper shady.’

  Alfie stared at Janine then gave a piercing look to the others, none of whom could look him in the eye. ‘I understand why Janine would think that, cos apart from the fact she’s never got a nice word to say about anybody, she’s never liked Sandra from the day she’s known her. But you lot? You’ve all been slagging me off behind me back? If anybody’s being shady, it’s you guys. You all know her and she’d never backstab any of us and it fucking hurts to know that’s what you think.’

  Vaughn spoke evenly. ‘We thought Franny wouldn’t do the dirty, but look what’s happened there.’

  Joining in the conversation, Frankie said, ‘Alf, listen. You know I like the girl, and we ain’t been bad-mouthing you, but we just reckon you should be careful. Especially when we’re so near to pulling this off with Perry. See it from our point of view, you could end up trusting her when all the time she’s in Eddie’s corner.’

  Alfie’s face was red. He pointed at Frankie. ‘You bastard. That’s my family you’re talking about. So do yourself a favour and keep out of it mate, unless you want me to put you against that wall.’

  Lola walked up to Alfie. ‘Sweetheart, we’re only worried about you.’

  ‘You’re not worried about me, you lot are only worried about the money.’

  Vaughn snarled. ‘Do you blame us?’

  ‘I tell you what, I’ll prove it to you that she ain’t a grass … Where’s my phone? I’ll call her, shall I? See what she has to say.’

  Alfie punched out the numbers, staring hard at Vaughn. The phone rang then switched onto answer machine. He tried again, and again it went to voicemail. He looked around the room.

  ‘So, she don’t answer her phone, that don’t prove anything.’

  Vaughn said, ‘Are you sure about that?’

  Alfie took a deep breath, refusing to let the doubts seep in. ‘Have you thought something might’ve happened to her, rather than she’s plotting something? Cos it just don’t make sense, if she was plotting something, don’t you think she’d answer?’

  Vaughn stepped in close to Alfie. ‘Fuck this deal up and I’ll kill you.’

  Fuming, Alfie grabbed his bag, storming towards the door. ‘Well I’m worried about her even if you lot aren’t. But in the meantime, I ain’t staying here. You guys make me sick, so I’m going to find meself a room, don’t matter what, because sharing a bed with fleas and cockroaches would be better than seeing your boat races right now. And before you say it, don’t worry, I’ll be there next Tuesday with the rocks, but till then, it’s good to know that I have mates like you. Thanks for nothing.’

  55

  Alfie Jennings lay on his bed watching the sun rise in the small, but surprisingly clean room of the quaint bed and breakfast on the outskirts of Southend-on-Sea. Sighing, he looked at his phone, then angrily threw it against the wall. There were several missed calls from Vaughn and Frankie, a couple from Lola and a stonking message from Janine, but nothing at all from Sandra.

  He’d tried several times to get through to her, but he’d had no luck. He’d even tried the home phone, withholding his number in case Eddie had picked it up, but again, there’d been nothing.

  He’d flitted in and out of sleep and in the end, he’d got up, taking a stroll along the front to try to clear his head. Walking down to the pier with its locked-up fairgrounds and sweet stalls, watching the sea, watching the boats and the early morning walkers. But it hadn’t helped, not one bit, in fact it’d made it worse. He’d even tried to call Franny, and he’d left an angry, vicious message which he regretted the moment he had done it. And now all he could think of was what the others had said about Sandra. And, like so many things, doubt had started to creep in, which pissed him off no end.

  All he needed to happen was for Sandra to pick up the phone and just speak to him, so he could put his growing suspicion aside. But the longer the silence went on, the longer he thought that perhaps, just perhaps, the others might have a point. After all, it was true they hadn’t been close for a while.

  Would he blame her for betraying him when that’s essentially what he’d done by not being there for her? Marrying Eddie because she’d just needed somebody, anybody, to be there. When he’d been living the life in Soho, he’d seen her, but he’d been so wrapped up in himself, living it large and becoming a face, that Sandra’s feelings weren’t ever a concern. Yes, his betrayal of her was bigger than anything she might’ve done, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

  A knock on the door saved Alfie from his thoughts.

  Carefully, he slipped the gun off the bedside table and eased himself up from the bed. He tiptoed across, pressing his eye against the door viewer to see who it was.

  Throwing the gun on the bed behind him, he opened the door and smiled. ‘Thanks for coming, I didn’t think you would.’

  Bree Dwyer smiled at Alfie. ‘Well thanks for inviting me, it was a lovely surprise.’ She craned her head, looking around. ‘I’m impressed though, a room instead of a car, you’re spoiling me, Alf.’

  He laughed. ‘Come on in, let me show you my palace, and no, that ain’t an innuendo.’

  It was Bree’s turn to laugh as she stepped into the room. Then taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she sat on the bed. ‘So, what’s with the bed and breakfast by the sea?’

  ‘Just like to get away sometimes.’

  Bree raised her eyebrows. ‘To here?’

  ‘Well you know what they say, it ain’t the place, it’s the people …’ Alfie slumped down on the chair. He looked at her intently. ‘You don’t believe that any more than I do.’

  ‘You don’t have to say. We can just sit here or go for a walk, watch TV. Whatever makes you comfortable.’

  ‘That’s what I like about you, Bree. Ain’t no pressure. If you were Janine, Christ almighty, I’d be having me ear chewed off now whilst you try to find out every last detail about me business.’

  Thinking about Johnny and Ryan, Bree knew how carefully she had to play it. ‘Well, I know what it’s like when you don’t want to say, but I’m here if you want to talk.’ She looked at him, her big, beautiful eyes drawing him in.

  Pushing back his hair, which flopped across his face, Alfie shrugged, pulling out a cigarette from the box on the t
able. Lost in thought, he lit it, inhaling deeply as he gazed at Bree.

  ‘Can I ask you something?’

  She smiled. ‘Anything.’

  ‘Would you say Sandra was trustworthy?’

  ‘Sandra? I mean, I don’t know her now, but she was one of the most trustworthy people I knew. I loved her, I would’ve done anything for her. She was a fantastic best friend.’

  Alfie beamed. ‘Thank you. That’s just what I needed to hear.’

  Curiously, Bree said, ‘If you don’t mind me asking, what’s this about?’

  ‘It’s difficult, cos there are some things that I can’t say but let’s put it like this. The people I thought were me friends have proper mugged me off.’

  ‘Has this got something to do with why you’re staying here?’

  ‘Kind of. But like I said on the phone Bree, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell anybody I was here.’

  ‘Like who?’

  He winked at her, saying nothing but knowing it felt good to talk.’

  ‘Can I ask you another question then?’

  ‘Anything. Well, you can, but I might not answer.’

  Bree, feeling her heart race, thought again about Ryan. Thought again how she needed to feel nothing for Alfie and yet she did. It felt so good to talk to him, to be in his presence. But she needed to think not about that, but how much Alfie was her enemy. Ryan’s enemy. ‘Do you trust her, Alf? Do you trust, Sandra, because if you need to ask me, it’s like you’re having doubts about your own sister.’

  ‘It sounds terrible Bree, but I don’t know anymore. I don’t know who to trust. And I know that sounds fucked up, but it’s true.’

  ‘You can trust me.’

  Quietly, Alfie said, ‘Can I?’

  ‘Of course. You can tell me anything you want. We go back such a long way Alfie, and we went through such a lot, it’s like you …’ She stopped to take a breath. He was her enemy, that’s all he was. That’s what she had to keep saying to herself. ‘… It’s like you were the family I never had back then. You saved me, and I loved you.’