Love and Death in Blue Lake

by Cynthia Harrison

  “Oh that. No, you’ve always been a little nuts.”

  Edward, always with the joke to deflect from the serious situation at hand.

  But then he got serious. “Is it the baby?”

  “Oh, no, I don’t think so. But maybe…” She thought it was very sweet that he cared about the baby. If only it was his. God, he was right. She was a little bit nuts. This was happening way too fast.

  He had told her almost nothing about himself, but he knew everything about her past, present, future. He had followed her career, told her so. But would he let her in? Would he say one thing about the music or why he didn’t drink anymore or a special woman? Maybe there wasn’t one. Maybe nobody, not even she, got in. Her fault? Maybe. He’d asked her for four days, but that was before the baby.

  She stood, shook him off.

  “Sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, oh yeah, I’m fine.” Her phone chimed. A text. She checked. California.

  “See you later, then,” Edward said. And before she could stop him, and why would she anyway, he was gone.

  Seeing Xander’s name, she knew. He was not The One. Edward was The Only One Ever. Damn. Her eyes swam with tears as she blinked to read his text. Something about how much he loved her.

  She didn’t reply. She’d just bought a house. Spence had promised to fast track the sale. The family needed the money. Even if the paperwork took time, she had the rent-to-own agreement and could establish residence sooner that way. How long until she could get her license to practice here? She had to find out. Make it all legal and right.

  Courtney got in her car and headed toward Port Huron. She needed a bed. Two beds. It was time to stop sharing a room with Ruby in her mom’s house. She’d tried to find her daughter earlier, but her mom said she’d taken off with her guitar. Courtney looked toward the beach and punched in the line for Ruby’s cell.

  “I bought us a house.” Courtney heard the waves in the background. Ruby was at the beach. “Where are you? In town? By the park? Do you have a cover up? Flip flops?”

  “Mom, what? A house?”

  “Maybe we need a vacation place. A place of our own.”

  “Yay!”

  “So you want to come furniture shopping with me?”

  “No, I’m, um, I have a thing. I’ll pick out some stuff online and send to your phone, okay?”

  “Okay, but what is this ‘thing’?”

  “Grandma said it was fine.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  “I’m taking guitar lessons, okay?”

  “Oh.” Courtney thought for a minute. Edward would not take on Ruby. Never in a million years. “With who?”

  “Sorry, Mom, my battery is, like, dying. I have to find those pics to send you. Do not choose a bedroom for me!”

  The phone went off, the radio went on.

  In Port Huron, she found a furniture store and picked out stuff, including things that looked close to Ruby’s pictures, asking for Monday delivery. “Not a problem,” the guy said, taking her credit card.

  At dinner that night, her folks were beyond pleased that she was moving back to Blue Lake. Gwennie had heard the news and brought over a huge stack of shelter magazines that the sisters went through after dinner, Courtney picking out paint colors and ripping out pictures of furniture and appliances. Ruby shrugged when Courtney asked how she liked the retro-looking kitchen appliances in one of the magazines. “Just get us in there, so I can finally get some rest. You snore, Mom!”

  “I do not!”

  Nobody said anything about Xander. He’d never even tried to get to know her family. Never came for a visit, even at Christmas. It was like he didn’t exist here. It felt so easy to erase him.

  Ruby asked to be excused. “I’m going to call Juanita and tell her every single thing to pack.”

  “Hold on, honey. You don’t want to go back to San Diego for school?”

  “Naw. I think it would be cool to start over here. Or did you forget I start high school this fall?”

  “No, I didn’t forget…I just…” Now was not the time to mention the baby. “Won’t you miss Xander? Your friends?”

  Ruby snorted. She tossed her hair and left the room.

  “Come back.” Courtney jotted a quick list and handed it to Ruby. “For Juanita. This stuff too.”

  Her mom and dad had finally finished the dishes and came to sit in the front room with their daughters.

  “I’m calling movers to come in, box, and ship. Just have Juanita get everything together when Xander’s in L.A. this weekend.” She would have to call him first and tell him that he could stay in the San Diego house for one more month and then the lease was up to him. She would not be coming back. What would he say about the baby? He’d been pleased when she took that pregnancy test and it came out positive. But they hadn’t discussed financials, and that was huge. She didn’t want to continue to support him while his ex-wife lived in over-medicated splendor in Beverly Hills.

  “So when I start high school, it will be here.” Ruby was back, assuring Courtney that Juanita had it under control. “I told her we’d give her excellent references and a big bonus.”

  “Good thinking.” Courtney felt that now she had her family’s blessing, she must surely be doing the right thing. Ruby had wrapped her head around the new situation with aplomb that belied her age. Courtney hugged her daughter. “I’m so glad you’re taking this so well. It’s really cold here in winter.” All talk of “vacation home” had disappeared. They were staying. Courtney felt as if she were escaping from a life she had never really wanted. Xander had been the one who had moved in on her six years ago. No invitation necessary. She’d been living a version of her life another person had created. Not that it had been a bad life—she’d done very well as a life coach with impressive credentials—but this was her own vision. A new start.

  “Are you kidding?” Ruby jumped up and down with irrepressible enthusiasm. “I can’t wait for snow!”

  Courtney knew she’d have to tell her parents and her daughter about the baby, but that could wait a day. Or two. After the reunion on Saturday.

  Her mom was saying that she and Dad had talked it over and wanted to have the house painted for her as a house-warming gift. They knew a painter who could use the work. Courtney handed over the color swatches she and Gwennie had collected.

  ****

  Eddie left the dry cleaner and was getting into his truck in the town lot when he’d spotted a girl who could only be Ruby on the beach, flirting with some older guys who were pretending to admire her guitar. They weren’t local, and their eyes were not on her guitar. He felt immediately protective, knew at once the girl with the guitar was Ruby. She was California sun-tanned with long shiny dark hair when every other girl on the beach was a pale blue-eyed blonde.

  Courtney had been on his mind, he’d just seen her, spoken to her, and now here her daughter was, getting into trouble. Apparently, Courtney didn’t realize that the town had changed since they were kids, and that fourteen-year-olds had, too. He hung his plastic-wrapped clean shirts on the truck hook and went down to the beach, taking the guitar from Ruby and asking the guys if they knew she was only fourteen. They left soon enough.

  “Why’d you do that? My grandma’s at the hair salon. She said I could come down here for an hour. Just because you’re married to my mom doesn’t make you my dad.” She grabbed for her guitar, and he gave it back to her, stunned she knew about him. Recognized him.

  “Oh, uh, I didn’t think, well, Ruby, I’m Eddie.”

  “My mom calls you Edward in her journals.”

  “So that’s how you know we’re still married?” This girl was all Courtney as far as attitude. He liked her sass. Some of that had gone out of Courtney and into Ruby. Or maybe it was just the age. “Your mom would be pissed if she knew you were reading her diaries. She didn’t even want me reading them.” He’d forgotten all about how Courtney wrote back then, just scribbling, she called it. He’d never looked. If sh
e wanted him to know something, she’d tell him. When she’d left, she’d taken the diaries with her. And apparently she’d kept them all these years. “Anybody else know? Your grandparents?”

  “Xander.” Eddie nodded, but Ruby, lost in thought, didn’t notice. “My mom doesn’t know I know. She doesn’t know I know anything. Except we’re moving here. She told me that. But not about the b—uh, anything else.”

  He figured Ruby didn’t need to know he knew about the baby. It was hot in the sun. He was used to being behind the bar this time of day. “Well, if your grandma says it’s okay, I guess you’ll be fine. It’s just…tourists. Until you get to know the locals, people aren’t gonna be looking out for you.”

  “How’d you know me?”

  “Your mom showed me twenty-five pictures of you on her phone.”

  Ruby nodded. “Hey, will you give me lessons? Some girls I was talking to said you teach people how to be musicians. Like, real ones.” She strummed a few chords to that old song “Ruby, Ruby,” but she didn’t sing any words, just grinned at him and said “Hey, hey,” at the perfect time with sweet clarity. Girl knew her roots.

  Eddie liked that. She had talent; he was willing to bet on it. But he could not get involved. “Sorry, kiddo. I don’t think your mom would like that.”

  “She already said it was okay.”

  Eddie doubted that. He just shook his head and walked back to his car. “Careful now, you hear?”

  ****

  Eddie watched his staff handle shift change. He’d offered the bar for a party tonight. All graduates from the nineties, not just his class. He had free drink tickets for them, a buffet full of food, a hand-picked band. Extra staff were at the moment being organized by his manager. Amid all this Ruby walked in and sat right down at the bar. She put her guitar on the seat next to her, like it was a third person. The two live people stared at each other across the thick wooden barrier for a few minutes.

  “My grandma dropped me off. She said you better give me lessons or your name is mud in this town.”

  Eddie laughed. If Courtney’s mom said it was okay, then he surrendered. He’d always admired that woman and never been intimidated by her. Now Courtney’s dad was another story, but that was ancient history. The man had mellowed from all accounts. Not that he ever set foot in Fast Eddie’s. He shook his head at Ruby as a smile couldn’t help twisting up his face. “From the sound of it, you don’t need to know any chords.”

  “I don’t. But I want to try out for American Prodigy next year, and I need stage presence. Grandma says you teach that kind of thing. Plus you gotta say yes cuz I figure besides me, you are the most important person in my mom’s life. She’s been different since we got back. We’re staying, you know.”

  Eddie took that in. He wondered if it would really happen or if this Xander guy would lure them back to the land of never-ending sunshine.

  “Your grandma know about the baby?”

  “I—I shouldn’t have said that.” Ruby blushed. Maybe he could teach her a few things about what emotions to let out and which ones to conceal. Fans wanted happy confidence, not nervous tension.

  “No, don’t worry, kid, you didn’t. Your mom told me.” He didn’t know why this girl got to him. She looked like him, hell, she even had a part of him, a younger version of himself with her musical ambition. “And your mom says it’s okay, about me taking you under my wing?”

  “So, that’s yes? You will?” She’d placed her guitar on the stool next to hers.

  Again, he wished she was his daughter. Ruby laid it on the line. Just like her mom. Eddie was not used to doing that. People told him their problems. He listened. But Ruby didn’t have a problem. She was making observations and planning for a future. She seemed far too astute for a girl her age.

  “You want a cola or something?” By law, she shouldn’t be sitting here at the bar, but he happened to be good buddies with the police chief in town, and the place hummed with a few locals and daytime drunk tourists, so he wasn’t worried.

  In response to his offer, Ruby made a rude noise, but he saw that it was fake, followed by a well-rehearsed line. “I don’t drink that crap.” Then a surprise. “Wanna get out of here? I need to see this glass house you live in.”

  “Absolutely not. I always give lessons here at the bar. You learn stage presence on a stage.” He nodded toward his state-of-the-art platform. Then he rethought his words. She was underage. In a bar. Maybe not the best environment for Courtney’s daughter, or anybody’s daughter, for that matter. “Oh hell.” He didn’t like all these people coming to his house, which for all that it was built of glass was still in the middle of nowhere, his solitary sanctuary. But what was his choice? Say no and see those eyes fill with tears? “Okay, yes, under one condition. Call your grandmother and tell her where you’re going.”

  She hopped off the bar stool, took out her phone, and walked toward the stage, speaking into it clearly enough so that he knew she was really on the phone with Courtney’s mother. Where Courtney was, he had no clue. And he wasn’t going to ask.

  Chapter Four

  “Wow this is awesome.” Ruby slowly twirled, taking in the big room with wide-eyed wonder.

  Eddie thought about Xander. The guy was crazy to let Ruby and Courtney out of his sight for one second, let alone an entire summer. Eddie had a million questions, but Ruby was a kid. It wasn’t fair to ask her, so he swallowed the words stuck in his throat.

  “I always wanted to meet you—even before I found out my sperm donor dad had like four hundred kids.” Ruby the irrepressible. Said what she was thinking. So like her mom.

  Eddie opened the fridge and poured sodas. The kind that were full of sugar and really bad for you. Ruby’s eyes lit like sparklers. He’d had a feeling they would.

  “I’m not supposed to,” she admitted.

  Eddie added a healthy shot of rum to his. He was not a drinker and contrary to rumor was not a former drunk. He just didn’t think it was good business sense to drink much when you owned a bar. But he needed this one. Ruby was still staring around, her head tilting every which way, when she took the soda he offered and sipped.

  She was elegant. Like Court. Every thing she did, every gesture she made, that deep twinkle in her shining eyes, Courtney, Courtney, Courtney. So he listened to her sing, and he gave her some tips, easy stuff, stand up, don’t sway back and forth so fast, shoulders back, feel the music. Relax. Feel the music deeper. Keep the emotion genuine. She sang and sang, and he thought she had the sweetest voice and a nice way with the guitar. She wasn’t flashy, but her deceptive simplicity was endearing and should be nurtured.

  She could be his daughter. She was easy to like, same as her musical style, she was bright, sweet with a slice of lime. He went off on an imaginary journey of her high school graduation, then college, of course she would go to Harvard or at least U of M, walking her down the aisle for her wedding, holding his first grandchild, swaddled in a baby blanket. Was it pink or blue? His imagination failed him there.

  “The thing with Xander is, she doesn’t love him.” It was like Ruby read his mind. “Not like she loves you. Or used to.” This must be more gleanings from the diaries. “She doesn’t know, and you better not tell. I think you won’t. I trust you because I know all about you, plus I get that vibe.” She came up for air, sipping her soda.

  “Xander blew his stack when he found out she never divorced you. Even though he’s still married! Mom never asked him to move in. They never had a thing when she was in L.A. He just showed up looking like a lost puppy dog, and she let him in. And he stayed. She didn’t even ask me because I would have voted no. He doesn’t even like me.”

  She set her empty glass on the counter and sat on a stool, propping an elbow on the island and cupping her face in her hand. “So now this wedding. It’s ridiculous. She wants one more baby before it’s too late. Hello? They are both married to other people. He’ll never divorce his wife. The wife gets half of his everything, which is not much. She’s one of
those stay-at-home types who can’t cross the street without him holding her hand. He still spends time at her place, fixing faucets and whatnot. To see the boys. And he brings them to my house. I don’t like it. But do I get a say? No. Xander’s giving Mom the life she always wanted, except it’s too late, and anyway she’s doing it with the wrong person. I mean, Xander is harmless, but he’s pedantic. That grates on my nerves just a little bit. Okay, a lot. Sure, we’re a family in a California way, but in another way, I know my real family is here. With Gram and Gramps and Aunt Gwennie and the twins and Uncle Kyle.” She took a breath and looked at him, and Eddie saw something vulnerable there behind the bravado. “And you.”

  “Pedantic. Now that’s a twenty-dollar word.” Eddie stalled, wished he didn’t have to drink all that soda to get to the rum. This is what he did at the bar all day. Listened, nodded, poured drinks. The bar…Angry Angels…the party.

  “Your mom is going to wonder where I am.”

  “Well, good. Maybe it will make her take a breath and think.”

  Eddie realized they’d been at this a while. A long while. “Don’t your grandparents expect you for dinner?” He guessed he’d expected Courtney’s mom would come over here and pick Ruby up, but he should have offered to drive her home before now. Time got away when music was the theme.

  “I can hear the river,” she said instead of answering. “The river was your special place until you got the apartment.”

  She had apparently memorized those teenage diaries her mother had written so long ago.

  She had tears in her eyes. “I feel like I need to write a song. Something’s too big inside, too heavy. It’s gonna sink or swim.” Her tears remained in her eyes, all shiny and unshed. His heart pierced. An arrow. “I don’t blame you for not wanting a kid back then. You were right. The timing was off. She’d tell you that herself now.” Ruby tilted her head toward the skylights.

  “I have always loved the stars up here,” she said, a few tears escaping down her cheeks. “I think we could have a good life here, and I think it’s what she wants. What I don’t know is what you want. Edward.”