Journal of a Lifetime (Journals of Love)

by Wolfe, Lisa M.

  Lindsey was comforted by her mother’s predictable run of questions.

  “Yeah, Mom. I’m doing fine, the weather is beautiful and the scenery is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.”

  “I’m so relieved to hear your voice. Helen keeps calling me with this unusual concern, and at least now I can tell her I’ve spoken with you.”

  “What else did Helen say?” Lindsey felt atightness in her throat, confusion still overwhelming her.

  “She just keeps telling me that this trip is no good and you’ll come back changed because of it. I have no idea what she means, but the way she says it, it doesn’t sound like a good thing.”

  “I am changing, Mom. I feel closer to God and am humbled by His awesome power and design. This is truly beautiful country here and … I wish you had come with me.”

  Did I really say that?

  She must’ve surprised her mother too, because there was silence for half a minute.

  “Oh honey. You know how I feel about traveling,” her mother finally responded, but Lindsey could tell she was touched.

  Lindsey wasn’t ready to share anything else with her mother yet. “I just wanted to check in. How’s Dad?”

  “Oh, he’s fine. He’s out puttering around the garage. It is bed time for me, and now I can sleep knowing that you’re safe.”

  “Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow. We’re heading into the town of Jasper, so it’s going to be a full day. I can’t wait to show you the photos.”

  “Be careful honey. Make sure you pack sunscreen and enough water for the day.”

  Almost made it, Lindsey thought.

  “I will Mom. Bye.”

  She spent ten minutes wandering around the gift shop and picked up some magazines for Steve senior. When she checked back at the desk, they told her he had been given a room on the fourth floor, so she headed up and gently knocked on the room’s door.

  “Can I come in?” she asked through the small crack in the door.

  “Sure Lindsey. Come on in,” Steve said. “Grandpa’s feeling much better now. The doctors don’t think that it’s anything serious. They said it might just be stress. He has been working a lot of hours at the store to cover for my cousin who’s been out of town.”

  Lindsey knew it was more than that. “Can I talk with him for a minute?” she asked.

  “Yeah. I’m going to run outside and call my dad. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Oh, and Don’s on his way, too.”

  She sat down on the edge of the bed and placed the magazines she bought for him onto the bedside table. “Better?” she asked.

  “Oh yes. You and I both know it was that cross that took me out. I certainly never expected to see it again.”

  “Will you tell me about it?” Lindsey asked. She sounded braver than she felt, and didn’t really know if she wanted to hear the truth.

  Grandpa sighed, reminiscing. “Adele was a passenger on one of my tours, years ago. She was so beautiful and kind … I wanted to spend time getting to know her. I know it sounds like a fairy tale, but we fell in love within a week. My wife had passed years before from a rare cancer, and I hadn’t planned on ever falling in love again.”

  Lindsey remained silent, but nodded her head for him to continue.

  “Adele and I had to find secret moments. The tour company frowns upon guides getting too personal with the passengers. The feelings I felt, though, were strong enough for me to risk losing my job. It almost happened too. Don’s grandfather and I were partners, and he handed me over to our bosses. If Adele hadn’t stepped up and explained that it was her idea and she didn’t want me to get a reprimand, I would have been fired.”

  “Wow. I had no idea.”

  Their conversation was interrupted when Steve’s doctor came into the room. He had a thick Scottish accent.

  “I’m earning my pennies today! Is it a full moon out there or somethin’?” he said to no one in particular.

  Lindsey took note of his bright, blond, spiked hair and freckles. He didn’t look older than twenty, but she knew that he had to be.

  “This young man here is going to be fine. Ok? I’ve reviewed his test results and everything’s clear. He’s just a little unlucky today.”

  “When can he go home?” Lindsey asked.

  “We still want to watch him overnight, but he’ll be ready to leave in the morning, ok?”

  “Thank you, doctor. We’ll take care of him,” Lindsey said.

  “Ok,” he called out as he exited the room and nodded to the man standing just outside the door.

  Lindsey turned her attention back to Steve. “So, please tell me more,” she begged.

  “I bought her that cross at the Banff Springs Hotel. We had a beautiful, romantic dinner there in the hills, and I wanted her to have a reminder of our first and, I didn’t know it at the time but, only kiss. I haven’t kissed another since.” Steve’s voice lowered. “Adele left and took my heart with her.”

  Lindsey knew it was true for her grandmother as well. When the two spoke of love, Nana always got a gleam in her eye and described in detail the perfect romantic kiss.

  “Why didn’t you stay together?”

  “There were many reasons. On the trip, Adele saw that she came between D.J. and me, and didn’t want to live with that. Also her family, life, and you were all in Michigan, and mine were all here. We couldn’t leave the lives we had made, so we had a love affair from a distance. We wrote letters, and supported each other through cards and phone calls. I still have the letters if you’d like to see them.”

  “Thank you. I would love that.”

  “We would go on long distance dates. We would both go to see a movie at the same time and then come home and talk about it over the telephone. Sometimes, we’d watch a television show together and fall asleep with the phones to our ears.”

  “Eventually, as the years passed, the letters were less frequent until … .” Steve’s eyes glistened a bit. “Her final goodbye shattered what was left of my heart. I came to the funeral home and asked the director to let me sit with her when your family wasn’t there. I said my peace, but the loss will leave a hole in my heart until I see her in heaven.”

  The tears that had welled up in Lindsey’s eyes were now spilling down her cheeks.

  “I know. Love seems easy when you’re young and just beginning,” he took her hand. “As we get older, life sometimes gets in the way. D.J. was so jealous of what Adele and I found that he never got over it. He saw the truth in what we had.”

  “Wasn’t the family concerned?”

  “They knew something had happened, but we didn’t speak of it. D.J.’s wife would be devastated to learn that he didn’t feel as deeply for her as she did for him. He was forever searching for what we saw in Adele. I often wonder if he had wanted it to be him instead of me and that he was jealous I was free to love her. Jealousy is a painful emotion and can change people as much as love,” he finished.

  “I wish I had known,” Lindsey said as she wiped her tears with one hand and fingered her cross with the other. “At least to have spoken with her and learned about her love for you.”

  “I haven’t told Steve. I’ll leave that to you.”

  “Why do you think she never told anyone?”

  “She justified that she didn’t want the family to feel sorry for her. She made her choice and would live with it. She didn’t want to burden the family or upset them. She told me once that our relationship had to be all or nothing, but that she wasn’t prepared for either. So, we both muddled around in the middle somewhere, giving to each other what we could.”

  Lindsey was silent for a few moments. “Do you have any regrets?” She finally found the courage to ask the question.

  “I think it all happened the way that it should have,” Steve admitted. “I know I’ll see her again and we’ll have eternity to be together. This is my life and I live every day full of praise, and I’m thankful I had the chance to meet her. My life would have been very empty without her.”


  Lindsey admired his attitude. What seemed funny to her was that neither of them addressed the fact that now she was here and had met his grandson. For them, it all appeared to be choreographed by someone much larger.

  “Are you two getting cozy in here?” the grandson asked as he walked in the room with his partner. “I found Don in the hall,” he added.

  “You two look comfortable,” Don said.

  “We’re getting to know each other,” Lindsey smiled.

  “Are you ready to get that delicious cafeteria meal?” Steve asked, smiling.

  “You two should go out someplace better,” Steve senior interrupted. “I’m fine and just want to rest a little anyway. Is your dad on the way?”

  “He said he’d be here in fifteen minutes.”

  “Go. Go and enjoy. I’ll see you this weekend,” he insisted. “Are you sure, Grandpa?”

  He smiled. “Yes. Please take this beautiful woman out for the meal that she deserves.”

  “Do you want me to stay?” Don asked.

  “I’m fine, really. You go too.” He made a shooing motion with his hand. “We’ll catch up this weekend.”

  Don patted him on the shoulder. “Glad you’re alright, Grandpa.” He looked up between Steve and Lindsey, studying them. “Have a … nice night, you two.” He passed Steve without another word and exited the room.

  Lindsey leaned in and kissed Steve senior’s cheek.

  “Look up Matthew 6:34. And don’t forget to live, Lindsey,” he whispered to her.

  Those words were something her Nana had said to her often. She didn’t know why she hesitated at life. There was something freeing about taking a risk and seizing the opportunities. She knew that Nana must have told Steve senior about her hesitation and he used Nana’s words to give her the kick in the pants that she so desperately needed.

  Fifteen

  DO YOU LIKE Italian food?” Steve asked Lindsey as they left the hospital.

  “Very much. Italian restaurants usually have a large selection for vegetarians!”

  “Giorgio’s has the greatest food and it isn’t too far from here. Would that be ok?”

  “Sounds great. I’m so hungry right now. This day has taken a lot out of me.”

  “I’m sorry that it ended up being so messed up. I don’t know what came over my grandpa. I’m worried about him, though.”

  “I know. I’m sure he’ll be fine. He seems like a pretty tough guy.” She punched him in the arm and added, “Just like you.”

  Was she flirting with him? It had been so long since she’d tried that she’d forgotten what it was like.

  “Oh yeah. I’m so tough!” he yelled, and suddenly picked her up and carried her over his shoulder.

  “Hey! Put me down!” she screeched.

  “Not until you pay the penalty for making fun of your dedicated servant.”

  “I wasn’t making fun of you, I promise!” Lindsey’s giggles were giving her away.

  “Ah, my lady forgets that I know her so well and right now I know that she’s not telling the truth.”

  The passersby on the sidewalk stared at them in wonder. Lindsey’s usual reaction of embarrassment was quickly replaced with amusement. She did want to live. She wanted to have fun and laugh and be silly.

  She swatted him on the behind with her black purse. “Take that. And, that. And that,” she bantered.

  “Thank you my lady. Any gesture of affection from you is always welcome!” By now, Steve could barely contain his own laughter. “Here we are. Just in time.”

  He set her down in front of Giorgio’s. “Allow me,” he said as he opened the door for her.

  Lindsey stood still for a moment and made an effort at smoothing her clothing and hair back into place.

  “Oh, forget it,” she said and instead un-tucked his shirt and messed his hair. She grabbed his arm before he could fix it and said, “Let’s go.”

  Once they were seated in a booth next to a window, he opened her menu for her and placed it in her hands.

  “The cannelloni is delicious,” he suggested. “The bread’s mouthwatering too.”

  “Will you order for me?” she asked as she stood up. “I really do need to freshen up a little after being at the hospital.” Thanks Mom, she thought to herself. The germs that her mother imagined lingering in a hospital were enough to send her into a Lysol bath. And of course, Lindsey had touched the elevator button with her bare finger instead of pulling her shirt over top of it. She knew her mother would be sickened at the thought.

  Lindsey spent an extra minute staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her blue eyes were sparkling—something she hadn’t noticed before. Her curls were surprisingly still in place, and her cheeks had a glow to them. If this was falling in love, she was all for it. She placed her hands together and said a small prayer of thanks and praise.

  She was thankful that her Nana had paved the way for her. It still saddened Lindsey when she thought of all that Nana had missed out on. She hoped and prayed she wouldn’t make the same mistakes.

  As she opened the bathroom door, she ran directly into someone. “Oh, I’m sorry!” she apologized and looked up.

  It was Don.

  “Oh. You startled me,” she said.

  He grabbed her upper arm and pulled her down the hallway toward the payphone. “I don’t know what else to do,” he growled. “I’ve already warned you about getting close to Steve and you’re not listening. What is it going to take to get you to leave him alone?”

  “Don, you’re hurting my arm.”

  He released her with a shove. “Don’t tempt me, little lady. I have Steve’s interests at heart and I will not see you messing up the rest of his life, and mine.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just having dinner together.” She tried to think of anything to get her out of this situation. “You said so yourself. I live in Michigan. What type of relationship could we possibly have?”

  “Just remember that!” he exclaimed, and nudged her into the wall as he walked out.

  She massaged her arm, and waited for the adrenaline in her system to calm down. Something was definitely wrong about that guy … Lindsey had to admit he had frightened her.

  “What’s the matter?” Steve asked when she returned to the table.

  “Nothing. I’m fine. I think I’m just a little hungrier than I thought I was.”

  “I ordered for us and the service here is quick, so you shouldn’t have to wait too much longer.” He paused for a drink of his iced tea. “Thank you again for coming with me today. My grandpa really seemed to enjoy your company.”

  Lindsey wasn’t ready to tell him about their grandparents just yet. She wanted to keep the secret to herself until it settled within her. “I enjoyed talking with him too. He seems to have done a lot in his lifetime.”

  “I know. He’s been able to adapt at each stage of his life. When he got too old to do the tours, he started working part time at my uncle’s video store. He helps out with the grandkids, and he makes some amazing wood carvings.”

  “Is the whole family here?”

  “None of us want to leave. We all feel very connected to the earth and to God when we’re here. We’ve also been able to create professions for ourselves, the school systems are great for the kids, and we can have the best of the small town and big city life.”

  “Do you have a large family?” Lindsey was doing her best to shake off Don’s words still lingering in her mind.

  “I’m one of five brothers. My father has three sisters and they have a total of fifteen children between them. One of my cousins just had a baby, so she made Grandpa a great-grandpa last month. He was pretty excited about it and carries that baby’s picture everywhere with him. I’m surprised he didn’t show it to you.” He laughed.

  “Wow. That is a big family.” She paused. “You’re lucky to have many people around to care about you and take an interest in your life.”

  “Oh sure. It’s nice now, but
as a young teenage boy, it was terrible. I couldn’t walk from one street to the next without the family knowing where I was, or who I was with. All in all, it was probably a good thing since it kept me out of trouble.”

  Steve had taken Lindsey’s mind off Don and she began to relax and enjoy the dinner. She reached for a breadstick.

  “These are delicious,” Steve said. “Sometimes I just get a bag of bread for dinner.”

  Lindsey loved her breads. She would never do well on a low-carb diet. Other than vegetables, her pastas and cereals were mainstays. Steve was correct about the breadsticks. The garlic flavor was wonderful.

  When the rest of their food arrived, Steve continued the conversation. “What about you? Do you have a big family?”

  She finished chewing her mouthful of food. “No. There’s only a few of us cousins and I’m an only child.”

  “Really?” Steve asked, surprised. “I wouldn’t have thought that of you. Did you ever wish for brothers and sisters?”

  “Only all the time,” she admitted. “Although, it was nice to have all of my parents’ attention and time. It did get lonely sometimes, but it helped me to make friends easier.”

  Their conversation continued as they talked about their friends and the few people they had dated. After dinner, Steve excused himself to call his grandfather. Lindsey watched Steve walk outside where he could use his cell phone. She was impressed with his thoughtfulness concerning his grandfather and also with his consideration for the other diners.

  The restaurant wasn’t too crowded, which she hadn’t realized until now. All of her concentration had been on Steve. The older couple sitting next to her smiled when she looked their way. She smiled back when the gentleman reached across the table to hold his wife’s hand.

  That simple gesture of affection filled her heart with the hope that love could and did last for a lifetime of memories. She knew that she couldn’t settle for a long-distance love as her Nana had done. She wanted the “in your face” day-to-day ups and downs relationship. She yearned for the small gestures of affection, such as a kiss on the cheek or holding hands across a restaurant table.