Keepin' The Faith

by Beth Rinyu

  The last thing I felt like doing was socializing tonight. I just wanted to go home and wallow in my misery over this failed business deal. “Oh shit, I’ll definitely try and make it.”

  “Dude, I’m really getting a complex. First, I have to track Faith down to invite her, now I have to beg my best friend.”

  Suddenly my ears perked up with just the mention of her name. “Oh, is Faith there?” I asked, trying to act as if I didn’t care one way or another.

  “Yeah, she showed. Now it would be nice if you did too.”

  “All right, I’ll be there in a few.”

  ***

  “Gabe!” Jane greeted me with a hug and kiss. “I told Chad you wouldn’t miss his birthday.”

  I smiled and scanned the room full of people, looking for Faith, becoming disheartened when I didn’t see her at first glance.

  “Happy Birthday, man,” I said once I reached Chad, still keeping an eye out for Faith.

  “Woo-hoo, now the party can begin,” Chad shouted.

  Jane rolled her eyes and smiled at me. “Gabe, this is my friend Danielle. She’s an attorney with Westbrook Pharmaceutical.”

  I hated when she and Chad did this to me, always trying to ambush me by setting me up with one of their single friends.

  “Oh, hello.” I extended my hand to the very attractive brunette standing next to Jane.

  “It’s very nice to meet you. Janie’s told me a lot about you,” the woman responded. She continued to ramble on, telling me all about her education and her job as if she were at a job interview. I tuned her out, still holding out hope Faith was here.

  “Isn’t that right, Gabe?” Jane chimed in, breaking me from my daydreaming.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. What?”

  Jane widened her eyes over my aloofness. “I was just telling Danielle about how dedicated you are to your company.”

  “Oh…yeah. I guess.” I tried to hide the smile on my face when I saw Faith working her way through the crowded living room.

  Surprise and sadness washed over her face when her eyes met mine before forcing a smile. “Hey,” she mouthed with a wave of her hand, turning around and striking up a conversation with the person next to her.

  “Umm…if you’ll excuse me for a second. I have to talk to Faith about something on my schedule for next week.”

  “See what I mean, Danielle, he’s always talking shop. You guys would be the perfect match.” They both broke out in laughter as I made my escape.

  I tapped Faith on the shoulder. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Oh, actually I was just about to get going.” Tears pooled in her eyes. Something was definitely wrong.

  “Okay…well, then can I walk you to your car?”

  “Sure,” she whispered.

  “Yo, Gabe!” Chad shouted just as Faith and I reached the front door. “Tell me you’re not leaving already!”

  “No, I just had to get some work papers out of my car for Faith.”

  Faith rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed breath.

  “Well, get the papers, then get your ass back in here. That fine looking woman Jane just introduced you to wants you, and she wants you bad…this is gonna be your lucky night.”

  Sometimes I just wanted to smack Chad, but I knew this wasn’t his fault. He was clueless to my relationship with Faith. Faith pulled in her bottom lip and shook her head.

  “Don’t worry about the papers, Gabe. I wouldn’t want to stand in your way of getting lucky.” She quickly wiped away the tear rolling down her face and stormed out the front door without another word.

  “What the fuck?” Chad muttered.

  I rushed outside and caught up to her just as she reached her car. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I grabbed her arm and spun her around, forcing her to look at me.

  “Nothing’s going on. I just want to go home.”

  “Why are you so upset?”

  She sucked in a breath and stared up at the street light. “I thought I could handle this arrangement we have going on, but I can’t.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I want more than you can give. I deserve more, and so does my daughter. I’m tired of having my co-workers talk behind my back. I’m tired of lying to my friends, and most of all…I’m tired of lying to myself about how I feel for you.”

  My jaw went slack over her last admission.

  “I’m sorry, but you asked. I know I’m not in your league, and I’d never expect you to reciprocate those feelings.”

  “Not in my league? Faith, what the hell are you talking about?”

  She shook her head and bit her lip. “I don’t have money. I don’t have a powerful job. I don’t look like a model. I’m just a stupid girl who believed in fairy tales. Well, I finally realized I’m not a princess, you’re not a prince, and happily ever afters only exist in storybooks and movies.”

  My thumb reached under her eye, catching the teardrop trailing down her face. “Who says you’re not a princess?” I whispered in her ear, causing her to cry even harder. I titled her chin, needing to feel her lips on mine.

  It had only been two days since I’d last held her in my arms, and here I was yearning for her in every way possible. Little did she know, but I was reciprocating those same feelings for her. I never felt like I needed a woman emotionally. After Alyssa, I never attached feelings to sex. But Faith was so different. I was finally put out of misery when my lips reached hers and my arms pulled her closer. I needed to come clean with her and put any self-doubt she had about us to rest, but I knew admitting my feelings would open up a part of my heart I vowed to keep sealed. Our tongues began to mesh while my hands moved about her body like they were exploring it for the very first time.

  “I want you so bad,” I whispered as my teeth grazed her earlobe.

  She grabbed my face in her hands and stared up at me, only intensifying my want for her, forcing me to crash my lips onto hers once again. I quickly backed away at the sound of voices coming up behind us. Raking my hand through my hair, I pulled it together.

  “So we’ll start working on that on Monday,” I said to Faith, acting like we were discussing business as two of my employees walked past us to get to their car.

  She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “Yeah, I’ll see you on Monday.” She turned around and opened her car door.

  “Faith? What’s wrong now?” I gripped her arm and turned her around.

  “That right there.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m not married and neither are you. So why are you so afraid to let anyone know about us?”

  “Come on, Faith. It’s none of their business.”

  “Is that what it is or are you just embarrassed to admit you’re with someone like me? I really, really have to go.”

  I loosened my hold on her, and she slipped into her car. I watched her drive away. Angry at myself for not stopping her, and angry at myself for not admitting to her how I truly felt.

  ***

  I spent the morning at the gym, trying to put last night behind me. I wanted to call Faith and set things straight, but I wanted to give her time to cool down too. Maybe I’d wait until tonight or just deal with it tomorrow at work. Chad had joined me in working out this morning, although I would hardly consider his routine any type of workout. I had finished up and was standing around while he bench pressed, getting in my digs as he groaned each time he’d lift the weight.

  “So what the hell was Faith’s problem last night?” Chad asked, his voice straining as he exerted himself.

  “No idea.”

  He placed the weight down and sat up, rubbing his hands together. “Well, I know what it could be.” He smirked.

  “What’s that?” I asked, taking a sip of my water.

  “She’s pregnant.”

  “Get the fuck out of here. Stop making up shit like that.”

  He shook his head and stood up. “Dude, I’m being totally serious.
She is. I know for a fact.”

  I felt like I had been kicked straight in the gut, and I was hoping Chad didn’t notice my uneasiness.

  “I went over to her house the other night to invite her to my party, and I had to use the bathroom. There was a positive pregnancy test sitting right on her bathroom sink. That would explain why she’s been acting so emotional lately. Wonder if it’s with the father of her kid? I sure hope not. That guy’s a dick.”

  My head was spinning. How the fuck could she let this happen? She said she was on the pill. “How the hell do you know it was positive?” My last hope was maybe Chad was wrong.

  “Umm…I’m pretty sure I know how to read those things. Jane and I have been trying for the past few months.”

  I zoned out completely. I didn’t hear or see anything going on around me.

  “You okay, bro?” Chad asked, waving his hand in front of my face.

  “Yeah, I just gotta get out of here.”

  Chad studied my face a little longer, shaking his head in disbelief. “Holy shit! You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you?”

  “I’ve got to go, Chad.”

  I reached my car and rubbed my hand down the side of my face. I was so pissed I couldn’t even think straight. I couldn’t believe she’d straight-up lied to me about being on birth control. This was my fault for letting my guard down with her and being too trusting, and the fact she didn’t come clean and tell me last night instead of hinting around she wanted more from me.

  “What the fuck?” I whispered, throwing my head back on the seat. I didn’t like failing at anything. I always knew my limits, and fatherhood was one I never planned to take on.

  Chapter 34

  Faith

  Who said Sunday mornings were peaceful? It was only 10 a.m., and I was already fielding phone calls from my sister who was looking for my niece, airing out my house from Joey’s attempt to make pancakes, and dealing with my emotions that were still running high from last night. On a positive note, Jenna broke the news to Wyatt, and they were going to get through it together. He seemed mature for his age, and I only hoped he remained true to his word and followed through with actions.

  After Joey’s breakfast fail, she and Jenna decided to go out to breakfast and then to my mother’s for a visit before Jenna headed back home to face the wrath of my sister. I used the time they were gone to finish cleaning up Joey’s mess in the kitchen and shower. I had just gotten dressed when I heard a knock on my door.

  “Shit, fuck, damn it!” I whispered when I saw Gabe’s car parked outside.

  I took a deep breath and composed myself. Without saying a word, I opened the door and allowed him to walk in. “What the fuck, Faith?”

  “Excuse me?” I creased my eyebrows in confusion.

  “You told me you were on the pill. You know I don’t want kids, and you went behind my back and got pregnant anyway just to trap me.”

  My jaw lowered over his frivolous accusations. I was at a loss for words, and all I could do was stare at him with my mouth agape. Everything I had feared. Everything I had been trying to convince myself wasn’t going to happen, just did. A suffocating weight rose to my chest as I reached deep inside of me to find some type of response. “What the hell are you talking about?” I shouted.

  “Come on, Faith. I know you’re pregnant. Chad told me he saw the test. When were you planning on telling me? Or were you gonna wait until it was too late to do anything about it?”

  I sucked in a deep breath and bit my bottom lip until it was numb and was instantly promoted to president of the Gabe Samuels is a dickhead club. “Everything they say about you is true, and I hate myself for even thinking I could have fallen in love with someone like you.”

  His eyes softened, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

  “I’m sorry, Faith. I shouldn’t have said that.” He brushed his hand through his hair and looked away.

  I knew just by his guilt-ridden face that he truly did regret his words.

  “I was never gonna tell you because it was never your problem.” I wasn’t sure if he was relieved or hurt. “Unless of course you had sex with my teenage niece to whom that pregnancy test belongs.”

  An exhausted breath escaped his chest.

  “I’m glad to see how supportive you would have been if it were me who was pregnant.” I shook my head, fighting with everything I had to remain strong. “But I do understand why you would be upset…because then you’d have to admit to the rest of the world that you actually slept with someone like me.”

  “Faith, will you stop with the inferiority complex!”

  “Oh. Okay, because you always made me feel so special. You reduced me to feeling like nothing more than your slut. Everything those girls said about me the other day was true.”

  “What girls?”

  “I’m so stupid. I mistook sex for something else. And all it ever was for you was sex.”

  “That’s not true, Faith, and you know it.”

  “Do I? Because even if I thought it for a minute, your words and actions just now proved to me differently. So, now that you know you’re off the hook, you need to leave. It’s Sunday, and the last time I checked I don’t work on Sundays.” I wanted him to hug me. I wanted him to tell me he was feeling the same way as I was for him, but all he could do was give me a curt nod and walk out the door, leaving me a sobbing, confused, angry mess.

  ***

  Calling out wasn’t an option. I needed to face this disaster head-on. I cared for Gabe immensely, but I needed more than he could ever give, and he had proved that to me with his behavior yesterday. I took a deep breath, psyching myself up to remain strong. I held my head up, walking past Regina and one of the other receptionists, certain I’d be giving them even more to talk about after today.

  My heart raced and my knees began to buckle when I stepped into my office and inched closer to Gabe’s. He looked up at me in surprise as I stood in the doorway. He didn’t look like his perfectly put together self. Dark circles encompassed his eyes and he appeared to have a million thoughts on his mind.

  I wanted to burst into tears, but I couldn’t. Not now. So instead, I swallowed the lump in my throat and pulled it together. “I think it would be best if I resigned effective immediately.”

  “Faith. Don’t do this.” He sighed.

  “Don’t do what, Gabe? I can’t work here anymore.”

  “Why?” He raised his voice in annoyance.

  “Because you and I—” I closed my eyes, not wanting to say it out loud because that would make it real.

  “Faith, I’m sorry. I know the way I handled that was wrong. I was having a really bad day and—”

  “Don’t.” I held up my hand to stop him. “Don’t make excuses. You don’t want children. I know that. So why would you ever think I’d do something as undermining as getting pregnant to trap you? You really know nothing about me. Do you? I didn’t start this up with you because I was looking for a husband or because you had money. I did it because I liked you a lot. You made me happy. You made Joey happy, and I was foolish to think that maybe…” Deep breaths, Faith. Deep breaths. Pull it together. “Maybe you felt the same way about me. I never asked for anything from you, except a little piece of your heart.” My burning eyes shot to the ceiling, blinking away the tears. “I just need you to know I didn’t have any hidden agenda. I never cared about how successful you are or how much money you have. I couldn’t care less if you lost everything you owned tomorrow. I would still feel the same way for you.”

  “Faith, I...I...you knew going into this who I was. I never tried to be anyone different.”

  “I know, and I guess I let my overactive imagination get the best of me from watching all those Disney movies. I was foolish enough to believe maybe I was the one who could make you change. I care about you a lot, and these past few months, I’m pretty certain I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as if my words pained him.

&
nbsp; “But I know what I want from life for me and my daughter. Just like you know what you want. So let’s not try and pretend it’s the same thing, when we know it’s not.”

  He stared into space, deep in thought. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted, Faith. I know it was wrong.”

  “Don’t apologize for who you are, Gabe. Just know this; one day you’ll be a lonely old man, and your bank account may be full, but what good is it if your heart is empty?” I bit the inside of my cheek, willing myself not to cry. I didn’t want him to feel guilty over something I’d brought on myself. He was right. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when we started this up. “Thank you for everything.” My stomach dropped with the finality of it all, but there was no way I could continue with this. I wanted more than he could ever give and seeing him every day was just a painful reminder of the unobtainable. I forced a smile through my tears. I had never seen his eyes so filled with emotion. They seemed to be changing colors right in front of me. Keeping in typical Gabe form, he remained silent. “Goodbye, Gabe,” I whispered.

  He shook his head and threw his head back on the chair, letting out a frustrated breath while staring up at the ceiling. That was the best I would ever get from him…and I knew I deserved so much more.

  ***

  “Did you take the day off?” Sylvia asked as we sat down to lunch.

  I shook my head and stared down at the menu. I didn’t want to talk about it, not even to Sylvia, but I knew there was no way of getting around it.

  “Oh, so you’re on your lunch hour?”

  I shook my head again.

  “What’s going on, Faith?”

  “I quit,” I whispered.

  “You what?” she shouted just as the waitress came to take our order. She told the waitress what she wanted then huffed and puffed the entire time she waited for me to order. “Why’d you quit?” she blurted out as the waitress walked away.

  “Because I”—I sucked in a deep breath, angry at the tears streaming down my face— “I can’t continue to work for someone I’ve fallen in love with when they don’t feel the same for me.”