Solving Us

by Susan Renee

  This time I chuckle as I sniff my nose and wipe my tears. “Yeah I trust you…and I’m glad I don’t have to be there. At least I have something to do a few miles away to keep me busy.”

  “Okay I’ll find out what’s going on, and I’ll keep in touch with you if I can. Where are you staying tonight?”

  “Umm...I don’t know yet. I’ll just find the closest one.”

  “Liv, stay at the Hilton. It’s connected to the airport, and it’s where I stay when I’m there for business. Just find the indoor walkways. That way, you don’t have to worry about cabs or being out late in the city by yourself. You just travel safely and try to relax on your trip. Drink some extra wine, and if you do need someone, call me. I’ll be on the next flight out there.”

  “I love you, Abs. Thanks”

  “You’re welcome. Love you too, Liv,” she says sympathetically before she hangs up.

  I spend the night in Chicago, in a hotel as close to the airport as possible, so I can be ready to go in the morning. I already have my new boarding pass for the flight I was supposed to take as my layover flight tomorrow, so I don’t have to be up too early in the morning. I haven’t heard anything from Abby throughout the night and have purposely not checked my phone for texts or emails. I know I’ll have more missed texts from Finn that I don’t want to see.

  By noon Pacific Time I’ve landed in Sacramento. I spot the man who is my driver from the Seal Lake Winery almost immediately after walking off the plane. He is an older man, grey haired and short in stature, wearing a dark green Seal Lake Winery polo shirt with dark blue khaki pants. He introduces himself to me as Tom Haught and escorts me to a Lincoln Navigator SUV waiting outside.

  Once I’m in the car, I open my phone and email Karen quickly to let her know that my plane landed, and I’m on my way to the winery. I’m praying that Finn didn’t get so worried that he called kingdom come searching for me. I don’t need people thinking I disappeared. I have faith that Abby will have set everyone straight. The drive to the winery takes almost two hours, so I lay my head back and catch a quick nap before starting my day. I’ve gone over all my plans, so I feel more than prepared to meet my clients. The music Tom has playing in the car is just relaxing enough to lull me to sleep peacefully. I awake as we are pulling into the winery, quickly adjust my clothes, and gather my belongings. I braided my hair earlier in the day, so I knew I would at least look presentable stepping out of the car after a long morning of travel.

  17

  “Good afternoon, and welcome to Seal Lake Winery,” a smiling young man greets me from the front desk. He looks like someone I might see if I Googled “California surfer dude”. He’s tall and obviously lean with shaggy blonde highlighted hair that hangs over his ears. I almost laugh at the cliché of him but bite the inside of my mouth to keep focused on why I’m here.

  “Hi.” I smile at him. “My name is Olivia McGuire. I’m the marketing photographer from The Kellan Agency in Boston. I have a meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Taylor.”

  “Oh yeah, right. They’re expecting you, sorry.” He holds his hand out to shake mine. “My name is Jason. Mr. and Mrs. Taylor are my parents. Welcome. I can take you to the conference room.”

  “Great. Thank you very much.”

  We walk through the main lobby and outside onto the lake side of the estate. From where we are walking, I have a perfect view in front of me of Seal Lake, but I can also see fields of gardens all around us. There’s a field off to my left of nothing but what I can only guess is lavender; the light purple blooms sway effortlessly in the breeze off the lake. The entire estate seems to be nestled between what looks like dry rolling hills. I wonder to myself if the winery might look sort of like a desert mirage from a helicopter view. I can’t wait to get a tour of the place. The grounds around me are breathtaking. I secretly wish I would have reserved a room here instead of a local hotel nearby.

  “This is all so beautiful here. How do you not just want to sit outside and breathe this all in everyday?” I ask Jason.

  “Many people do want to just sit outside and breathe it all in every day. I imagine that’s why we keep a full calendar of visiting guests all year round. There’s never a time during the year when it’s not beautiful here, and there’s rarely a time when we aren’t booked to capacity. We get a lot of honeymooners and retired couples looking for new travel adventures, and execs from the city are constantly bringing clients here for business meetings.”

  “Well, I can see why.”

  “Don’t worry,” Jason says, chuckling at my obvious tourist-like behavior. “You’ll like where you’re staying tonight. It’s one of our more popular bungalows.”

  I frown at Jason in confusion but keep walking. “Oh you must have me confused with someone else. I’m reserved at the Hilton this evening.”

  “You were, yes. But someone called this morning and asked that we reserve a bungalow for you. Mrs….” He couldn’t remember the name, but there was only one obvious choice.

  “Hoover? Mrs. Hoover?”

  “Yeah that’s it. Mrs. Hoover called to make the reservation. She said Mr. Kellan thought you deserved to experience everything we have to offer while you’re here.”

  I narrow my eyes at Jason’s mention of Finn. As much as I want to be in charge of my own plans, that’s not how it works when you’re on a business trip; and I certainly don’t want to be rude to anyone by refusing to stay here just to spite Finn. That would make the company look bad as well.

  “Oh. Okay, but didn’t you say you guys are always booked to capacity?” I ask.

  “Yes, but we were able to pull some strings for Mr. Kellan. No worries. You’ll love it; I promise.”

  I nod my head thankfully. “Sounds absolutely wonderful. Thank you.”

  My stomach knots all of a sudden, and anxiety washes over me.

  Please tell me Finn isn’t coming here…

  “Umm...there isn’t anyone else staying here is there? From the Kellan Agency, I mean? It’s just me right?”

  Jason looks at me almost annoyed with my question, which in hindsight does sound a bit crazy. You would think I would know if someone else from my own agency had traveled cross-country with me.

  “You’re name is the only one on the reservation. It makes sense really, that you stay here on the property. You’ll have anything you want at your fingertips for this ad campaign,” he explains. Jason is right, and I’m relieved. I’ll be able to take pictures all afternoon and evening and then have some private time to work on a layout. We make it to the conference building where Jason introduces me to his parents and owners of the winery.

  “Pleasure to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. I’m Olivia.” I say shaking both of their hands. “This place you have here is absolutely breathtaking. You both must be so proud.”

  “Pleasure to meet you as well, Olivia, and yes. Kate and I are very proud of what we’ve been able to accomplish here at Seal Lake. It was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up.” Mr. Taylor wears a smile that can light up a room as he puts his arm around his wife.

  “Thank you, Olivia, for traveling all this way to meet with us. We know the Kellan Agency is one of the best in the country, and Mr. Kellan sent us your name under his highest recommendation.”

  I’m sure he did...

  “Well, I’m looking forward to this project very much. I’m excited to get to work.”

  We spend the next hour going over ideas and plans for pictures around the winery. The Taylors are looking to focus on their newest organic approach to farming the ingredients used in their wines, from soil choices to compost production. Every aspect has an extraordinarily natural feel that I find to be exciting and innovative. From there, I help them brainstorm ideas on how to emphasize their organic farming to best suit their wine brand. When we’re done talking, it is then up to me to spend the remainder of my day and part of the day tomorrow walking the grounds to take pictures of the natural aspects of the winery so that I have an array of images to work with when I
get home.

  “There are still several hours of sunlight left, but when the sun sets, it creates a beautiful color palette over the lavender fields! You won’t want to miss it,” Mrs. Taylor explains excitedly.

  “Fantastic. Then I’ll be sure not to. Thank you both very much for meeting with me.” I shake both of their hands again. “I’ll get to work and let you know if I need anything.”

  “Sounds great. Enjoy your stay, Olivia. We’ll have your bags delivered to your bungalow. Just stop back at the welcome house to get your key when you’re ready.”

  “I will. Thank you again.” I smile. I take my camera out of my bag and get to work. This should be the best part of my day. I need time to be alone, to work, to think...just my camera and me. I’m too afraid to turn my phone on at this point because I don’t want to deal with the hundreds of text messages I’m sure are waiting for me from Finn, or Abby, or Mandy, or even Karen.

  I walk down through part of the lavender field, snapping several shots along the way. The smell coming from the field is magnificently sweet. Eventually, I end up on the pier at the lake. Looking out at the water reminds me of my apartment view of the river, except that here, everything is calmly quiet. There is no traffic noise, sirens, car horns, or even helicopters. I did, however, notice on my walk down here that the winery has their own helipad. I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m sure some of their executive clientele take advantage of it regularly, especially given the lengthy drive here from any major city.

  I walk for a while, taking advantage of the sunlight to snap pictures of some of the other gardens in the area. I see vine gardens, flower gardens, walnut gardens, and vegetable gardens. I photograph the free roaming chickens and a small group of sheep. I even find the compost piles. By sunset, I’m back at the lavender fields, and just as Mrs. Taylor had told me, the colors emanating from the field are stunning. Beautiful shades of purple, gold, green, yellow, and pink reflect off the water as the sun sets behind the lake and shines through the fields. It is a glorious evening.

  I eat a late dinner on the winery’s restaurant patio so that I can enjoy the ambiance around me. I’ve even found my favorite new wine here. It’s a Muscat canelli wine that has a sweet peachy flavor, something I’ve never tried before. It’s delicious, and I can easily see myself drinking the entire bottle, so much so that I purchase the entire bottle rather than just a glass so that I can take it back to my bungalow with me. I make a mental note to pick up a bottle, or seven, for Abby before I leave. My dinner is five-star, which doesn’t surprise me at all. I even take a minute to snap a few pictures of my food before I eat it, thinking I can somehow use the images in my project.

  Do you always take pictures of your food?

  Finn…

  I’ve been able to distract myself for most of the afternoon, but now I sit at my table feeling more alone than I’ve felt in a long time. The events of the last twenty-four hours come crashing down on me. I can feel the tightness in my chest, as my anxiety grows stronger. I bring my feet up to my seat and wrap my arms around my legs, resting my chin on my knees. I stare out at the lake for long minutes. Sighing to myself, I replay everything that I remember happening yesterday in my head a few times. Opening the door and seeing Max, no, Toby. Was that even his name? Who was the woman who had the dog with her, and why was she even there? The more I think about it, the more I just don’t understand.

  How did he know about Max?

  Who would have possibly told him?

  Why?

  What was he trying to prove?

  I loved him.

  Correction…

  “I still love him,” I whisper to myself. “That’s why this hurts.”

  I sigh again, wipe the tear from my cheek, grab my camera and my bottle of wine, and start my walk down to the lake where my private bungalow is located. The smart me would’ve gone to the welcome house to ask for a golf cart ride down there, as I’m positive I’ve had at least two too many glasses of wine. Being inebriated on the job isn’t very respectable, though, so I decide to walk it off so nobody sees me. I’ve done enough work for the day. It’s time to drown my sorrows in the rest of this wine and sleep my heartache away. Maybe I’ll turn my phone on and call Abby first to let her know I’m okay and see if she spoke to Finn today. Hopefully, I’ll be strong enough to avoid Finn’s messages. I fear if he calls, I won’t be strong enough to not answer it.

  18

  It’s dark as I make my way to my bungalow, but the pathway down to the lake is lit with antique hanging lanterns. It’s like a page out of a magazine, which makes me chuckle and shake my head as that’s what I’m doing here in the first place. The pleasant weather and the sweet smells coupled with the warm glow emanating from the lanterns create a beautiful, dream-like atmosphere. It’s like this is my private little aisle of Heaven, and at the end of my walk, I’ll find the love of my life waiting for me.

  “If only,” I say to myself.

  I reach my bungalow from the back and walk around the building, grabbing the key out of the pocket of my dress. I raise my head to see the steps leading up to the porch so that I don’t stumble, and I immediately know the beautiful little dream I envisioned during my walk here has either just come true or is about to become another nightmare. Finn is standing at my door. He’s facing my door with his hand raised, like he’s trying to decide just when to knock. He must not know I’m not in there. Well, obviously, he doesn’t know, or he would’ve come looking for me. Do you know that feeling you get when you’re about to be pulled over for speeding? The anxiety, the racing heart, the adrenaline rush, the fear…whatever it is. That’s me right now. I’m not sure whether to be afraid or excited. Did my white knight just come to rescue me, or are we about to end whatever it was we had?

  “Finn?” I say quietly from behind him, so quietly I’m not even sure I say his name out loud.

  I must have said it loud enough, though, or he heard me walk up to the porch. Either way, Finn turns away from the door toward me, his arm still raised in the knocking position, his eyes wide. I surprised him.

  “Therapy dog,” he says quickly.

  I’m standing approximately five feet from Finn, who is now standing on my porch steps. I stare at him blankly. I think I’m just as surprised to see him as he is to see me. Finn takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, steadying himself. His next words are so quick I’m not sure my fuzzy, wine-filled brain is keeping up correctly.

  “Olivia, Toby is my therapy dog. I’ve been spending time with him once a week, or sometimes more, ever since Sydney died. He’s my therapy dog, and that’s all, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that I didn’t know about Max. Please, Liv, he’s my therapy dog. He’s the only steady thing in my life besides you, Olivia. He’s my therapy dog. Please, Liv. Don’t run off, and don’t walk away. Please talk to me,” he desperately pleads. He could easily be on the verge of tears.

  I stand frozen. All I can do is stare at Finn. I can feel the emotions coming, but the wine I just consumed has blurred my brain enough that I’m actually having trouble processing what Finn just said.

  Therapy dog?

  “Olivia. Please, Beautiful...talk to me.” Finn starts to walk towards me but stops short when I snap my head up to look him in his eye. His proximity to me causes my adrenaline to spike, which helps my head clear a little.

  “You have a therapy dog? You got on a plane and came all this way to tell me that you have a therapy dog?” I need to try to put these puzzle pieces together.

  “Yes, Olivia, and his name is Toby. The woman with him yesterday was a friend of my mom’s and Toby’s owner. He’s a trained therapy dog, and once a week she brings him to my place to hang out with me. He calms me and brings me back to reality sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or stressed...or scared, especially when I’m missing Syd or my dad. My therapist recommended him, said I was experiencing PTSD sometimes, but I didn’t want medicine,” he quietly explains. He’s still trying to approach me slowly as he speaks. “He�
�s been in my life for years now, and I’m so damn sorry I didn’t tell you all about him before. I just…”

  Finn takes another deep breath and sighs heavily. He looks tremendously sad and bewildered. I begin to feel bad for him. “I can’t imagine many girls are attracted to a powerful young CEO who carries lots of excess personal baggage and has a therapy dog to help get through the stresses of life. I was scared you would leave and never look back.” He puts his hands out in defeat and shrugs his shoulders. “This is me, Liv. I love my job, and I’m good at what I do, but it’s not enough for me. Emotionally, I feel like I’m this little kid whose family has been leaving him one person at a time, and when they’re all gone, Liv, when my Mom is gone, it’ll just be me all by myself in this world, and I don’t want that, Liv. I want you. I love you, and I never, ever meant to hurt you yesterday. I just didn’t know. You never told me about Max, so I’m sorry. I just didn’t know.”

  My breathing is getting faster as I listen to him speak. Tears are falling off my cheek that I hadn’t even noticed I was crying, and my fingers are absentmindedly turning the ring on my finger that I wear in memory of Max. I shake my head to refocus on what is happening and stalk forward past Finn up onto the porch to unlock the door.

  “What are the chances, Finn?” I ask turning to look at him painfully, as I step into my bungalow. I’m so distracted by my emotions I don’t even take a minute to look around and take in the beauty of the room around me. I do hear a radio playing, though. I’m guessing the maid who was here earlier to prepare the room must’ve left it on, or maybe it’s what they do for all guest rooms. I try not to roll my eyes at the irony of the song I hear coming from the speaker, Pink’s “Don’t Let Me Get Me”.

  “What are the chances that your therapy dog looks exactly like my Max? A damn chocolate lab, Finn...really?”