MOAB � Mother Of All Boxsets

by George Saoulidis

  But the tune became louder.

  Funny that.

  He closed his mouth and could still hear the flute, locked in a slow and repeating motif.

  A hiss echoed in the silence and made him jerk up and kneel on the bed, pulling his feet off the ground.

  His eyes had adjusted but it was simply too dark, just some faint lights from the city outside.

  The hiss grew louder and he saw the outline of the huge cobra, backlit colourfully from the night glow.

  The cobra was thick. Thank god for that, cause it was too thick to creep through the prison bars.

  Leo saw the wide hood of the cobra touching the bars, and let out a short breath of relief as he noted it would never let the snake fit through.

  That’s when the cobra pushed on, bent the unbendable bars and Leo shrieked like a little girl.

  Chapter 22:// Breaking out

  It was a mess. Leo screamed, the daemons screamed, the inmate yelled, the cobra hissed.

  Leo backed up into the corner, trying to keep himself as far away from the serpent as possible. The cobra’s enormous bulk stood up, almost as tall as a man. It waved slowly, sizing him up for attack.

  eyed> We’re gonna die!

  fingerd> I can’t finger her. I’ll keep trying, but no fingering is possible at the moment.

  httpd> What the hell are you talking about? This is it. Our user is gonna get deleted, and us with him!

  armd> I can hold her off.

  eyed> Sorry man, but you can’t. I still have your specs cached, these bars are made to withstand your above-normal 120 psi strength, and this cobra tore through it with a slight squeeze.

  armd> A meatbag is a meatbag. I’m just gonna punch this one till it bleeds.

  The cobra moved its body around, it’s tail still in the widened gap between the prison bars, tearing it open slightly as it writhed. The cobras eyes focused on the user, and her tongue extended, thin, fast and split at the end.

  Leo gulped. “Please don’t eat me. Remember, at the street? You were nice then, be nice now. Don’t eat me.”

  She replied by tasting the air once again.

  A fellow prisoner banged the bars of his cell with something hard, that made a deep ringing sound. The cobra twitched and turned her head towards the noise.

  Time slowed down.

  Well, it didn’t actually slow down, it was the normal processing speed for computer daemons. Real life was the one that flowed with glacial speeds, and they had invented ways to keep themselves busy between the huge millisecond gaps where nothing actually happened. Floating point mathematical problems helped a lot.

  eyed> Now. Do it now.

  armd> Yeah, I’m gonna punch her…

  httpd> Wait! Is no one seeing what I’m seeing? This cobra can’t possibly be real.

  armd> That’s exactly why I’m punching her. For tactile confirmation.

  httpd> No, no. I mean, it didn’t come from a zoo. It seems to be augmented, not natural.

  fingerd> Fingered! The cobra has no specific email address but here’s a bunch of image tags on various social media streams.

  httpd> Shut up you idiot, we are trying to save the user here.

  armd> Yeah, it’s clobbering time.

  eyed> This is a tough spot to be in.

  httpd> Hey! What did you say?

  armd> Yeah, it’s clobbering time.

  httpd> Not you, fingerd. Did you connect?

  fingerd> Sure. I have a strict work ethic. I retry every 60 ms. You are welcome. Now my work here is done.

  The gap in the cage meant also a gap in the Faraday cage. Those prevalent wifi signals bounced around the walls and managed to get inside the cell. The daemons suddenly had a lot more information to work with.

  So they argued.

  armd> OK, that was helpful. I’ll punch her lower, where the bend is, see?

  httpd> No, that makes no difference. There must be something here we can use.

  eyed> Just don’t hit her in the eyes.

  armd> Good idea! The eyes, yeah, that’ll show her who’s boss.

  eyed> You barbarian!

  The web-connection daemon httpd cycled through the various social media pictures that random people had tagged the cobra in. By the 103th loop he realised he was basically procrastinating, so he took his mind off it for a few cycles and shifted through his cache to come back with fresh eyes. He did, taking note of the comments under the pictures as well. One of the pictures had the cobra bent awkwardly, when a little boy had pulled her tongue. The comments were “OMG I thought my Timmy was gonna die! #worstdayever #bansnakes” and “I hope our little Timmy is OK *scared smiley face*”

  Httpd pulled up another picture from a different account that showed little Timmy stepping on the cobra’s tail on purpose, shunning any sense of self-preservation since the snake could eat him as a light snack. A next one from the crowd that gathered was showing the mother scolding the Turban-wearing snake charmer, him taking it stoically, staring with his beady white eye at her. It was the face of a bad man, keeping his anger in check.

  httpd> Pull her tongue!

  eyed> Oh great, he lost it too. Do me a favour, check yourself for any corrupted files.

  httpd> Listen to me, I found an exploit. Pull her tongue!

  armd> And then punch her?

  httpd> No! Just pull her tongue and she’ll crash.

  armd> So no punching? Nah. Let’s do it my way.

  httpd> I bet you aren’t fast enough.

  armd> Me? Not fast enough? Hah. Look at this!

  The cobra turned back to Leo, hissed once more and took out her thin tongue to taste the air. The cyberarm snatched the reptile’s tongue out of the air and kept it high. Leo yelped “Ahhh!” in surprise as his evil hand toyed with the killer beast with a mind of its own. The cyberarm pulled the tongue left and right, forcing the cobra to follow with her head.

  armd> Look at me! I’m a snake charmer! *whistles*

  httpd> She should be stunned now. Drop it and let’s go!

  An arrow showed up in the user’s veil, pointing towards the gap the cobra’s entrance had left in the prison bars. He was shocked and didn’t move at all. A glowing red display counting down 10 seconds also appeared next to it.

  “Huh? What’s that? Who’s doing that?” Leo asked to the air.

  The seconds reached down to five.

  Leo jumped past the stunned cobra, pulled her tail out of the gap, failed, and pulled even harder. The heavy snake’s body slid through. He squeezed below the prison bars, he was barely thin enough to fit his chest. He got stuck, under the prison door.

  He craned his head back and saw the cobra coming to her senses and twisting her scaly body around to face him.

  Chapter 23:// Ripping out

  The wifi named aresholding3 had monitored net access and a whole lot of failed-to-deliver packets of data.

  It was a miracle they had even gotten that precious info moments before.

  But the user was still stuck between the bars, at the bottom of the prison door. The huge cobra was about to prey on him, and the only consolation was the inmate across the hall urging him to push and get free (so he could let him free as well).

  eyed> We’ll never fit through.

  fingerd> Maybe the snake is friendly after all.

  eyed> Yeah right.

  httpd> There has to be something. There always is. WWPD? WWPD people?

  eyed> Wha’?

  rfid> CF02032533139342DFDC1C35

  armd> Oh great, now everyone is speaking nonsense.

  httpd> WWPD. What Would Parrotd Do? Let’s revise our situation. Come on.

  armd> Well, we’re stuck. If I had punched that cobra we might have had more time to squeeze through, but now it is attacking again. The worst part is, the user is scraping the shit out of my shoulder on the prison bars. That joint will never be smooth again.

  httpd> That’s it! Armd, rip yourself out of your socket!

  armd> Are You Mad Daemon? NO! N-O. That’s
a negative.

  eyed> Hey, he’s right. The way I see it, if you break the hinge on your shoulder it might just be enough for the user to squeeze through.

  armd> Break his left fleshy shoulder then! It’s squishier!

  httpd> RTFM! Humans have an innate aversion to hurting themselves. It says they will do so in dangerous situations, but that necessitates a strong force of will AND/OR training. Examples given are breaking one’s own thumb to get out of handcuffs.

  fingerd> Breaking his own thumb? The horror!

  armd> I have an innate aversion too! And it tells me you tell you to SYFIUYA. Stick Your Fucking Ideas Up Your Ass.

  fingerd> We don’t have an ass. Do you mean that metaphorically?

  armd> AAAH!

  eyed> armd, what is the First Law?

  armd> A digital entity may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

  httpd> We’ll let you think about that for a few cycles.

  As the daemon thought about it, the large cobra twisted around, bringing her body in striking position. This time she did not hesitate, she barely tasted the air once with a half taking-out of her tongue and lashed out. She bit the user’s leg, but he thrashed against it and only managed to rip out a piece of meat from his thigh.

  The other inmate yelled in horror and banged the cell bars to get the warden’s attention. Even if someone came to help, it would be too late by then.

  armd> OK fine!

  The cyberarm operated his servos and squeezed the matte black arm, levering it between the prison floor and the bottom of the bars. He pushed beyond his safety specifications. Alarms blared up all over the user’s vision, artificial pain mixed in with the real pain from his bitten thigh made him let go off a primal scream.

  Fingerd yelled along with his user.

  httpd> At least turn off your pain receptors this time…

  armd> ACK. Now shut up and let me destroy myself.

  If a text prompt could convey sorrow, this would be it. The daemon in charge of the cyberarm, who was the cyberarm for all intents and purposes, was doing what nobody had ever written in any version of his manual: tearing himself off his hinges.

  All for the sake of the user.

  Chapter 24:// Birthing out

  Nobody thought there would be so many fluids involved. The cobra’s clear saliva was dripping out of her hissing mouth, the user’s dark red blood was spilling out of the bite in his thigh, his clear sweat was pouring out of his body, light blue hydraulic antifreeze in the cyberarm joint was leaking out and dark yellow piss was coming out of his pants.

  Don’t mock the man. You would have peed on yourself too. You see, evolution has provided humans with organic controlling entities of her own, just like an artificial device needs a digital daemon, a controlling entity. Evolution’s daemons may reside in the reptilian part of the brain, the one that feeds your primal desires, your fears, your self-preservation. Humans might think that they are advanced, logical, living in communities, with laws, justice, ethos and various other fictions but when the push comes to shove, they become animals.

  It’s what they do to survive, and they seem to be damn well tenacious so far.

  Expelling all excess baggage is a sound tactical decision, in a fight-or-flight situation.

  That’s why Leo peed himself.

  But that’s not all he did. He also went along with the swerving prosthetic arm that was trying to rip itself out of his body. He didn’t have time to think why it was doing it, or who was giving that command. He just went along, adrenaline overclocking his muscles and making him for a few critical seconds, a superhuman.

  Leo slammed his prosthetic shoulder on the floor, and as it was hinged in a lever position it broke with flashing sparks. It didn’t come off, it was too well-built for that, but it did give way and allowed him to squeeze through the bars and out of the cage of death.

  He pulled himself upright, putting weight on his good leg, and looked back as the cobra was twisting her body around again to chase after him.

  The other inmate yelled for help, the prison door opened with a flashing light, the cobra slithered in the corridor and closed the distance fast.

  The warden appeared in the door, his shockstick sparking, ready to be shoved into Leo’s battered body.

  Chapter 25:// Slipping past

  fingerd> Fingered! This man is-

  armd> WE DON’T GIVE A SHIT!

  The nameless prison warden hereby referred to as big blue bastard was about to shock and subdue the user, when he noticed the huge cobra coming towards him fast. The flashes in his shockstick gave her advance a stroboscopic look, every flash of light bringing her closer and closer, mouth wider and wider.

  The user leaned to the wall next to the blue bastard and tried to keep himself upright. His cyberarm was crippled, dripping light blue liquid and was randomly whirring a servo or two.

  The cobra lunged forward.

  She bit the warden, but he was no squishy. He was adequately armoured and trained. He managed to avoid giving the serpent a good angle and slammed the shockstick squarely at the right side of her hood. He turned it on and shocked the cobra.

  It didn’t seem to faze her much.

  The big blue bastard pulled out his sidearm in a flash of motion and emptied the clip in the serpent’s head, point blank.

  It was impossible to miss, any living thing would have been dead by that time, or at least severely crippled.

  The cobra was something else. She was stunned for a second or two, but she rebundled her neck and bit again, this time driving her teeth deep in the warden’s flesh.

  Leo slid past the struggling man and ran out of the prison door.

  Chapter 26:// Grouping up

  As the user carried himself past the monitor station, the daemons decided a reunion was in order.

  httpd> The layout is classified, can’t access it.

  armd> Anyone have any more bright ideas?

  fingerd> Sure. Let’s call our number, parrotd will pick it up and tell us where he is.

  armd> You idiot. We can’t call without a smartphone ourselves.

  eyed> For once, the idiot might be right. There’s a phone on the guard station.

  An arrow showed up on the veil, and the user was too tired and in pain to disagree with it. He shoved himself towards the guard station area. It was filled with monitors. He could see in crisp bone-crunching detail the cobra munching on the big blue bastard.

  “Poor bastard,” Leo sighed and closed the door behind him.

  The user picked up his walkman with glee and clipped it in place.

  walkmand> Handshake. Whazza?

  httpd> You’ll get the logs at the next sync cycle. Now quick, make the user call up his phone.

  The walkman shuffled to a rarely played MP3, a silly pop song from some forgotten teenage idol that sang, “I lost my phone and I can’t find it, leave me alone cause I can’t fight it.”

  “WTF,” the user said in acronym but then he had an epiphany.

  He called up his own number, heard the phone ringing. He grabbed the access card lying on the desk, left the landline dialling, and found the inmate storage area. He shuffled a bit with one good arm but he managed to find his things, exchange his clothes for the prison wear and pick up his phone.

  parrotd> Handshake. I’ll be the session leader.

  The rest of the daemons ACKnowledged. Only armd was silent.

  Chapter 27:// Paying up

  Leo slid the card on the reader, put his good hand on the handle, and tried to push it open.

  It didn’t budge. It was, after all, a prison door. Sure, the prison was one of those small holding cells that were automated, with a single warden posted at any given time. But it was still meant to keep people in. Leo looked back, would the big blue bastard have some other biometric that was needed to unlock the door? Would the security system let him through with it? He didn’t want to go back to the cobra. He unconsciously decided to push
the door handle one more time, in frustration.

  The daemons seized that moment and in their own sped up time, struck up a discussion with the prison door.

  parrotd> Open up a communication port.

  httpd> ACK.

  doord> Handshake.

  parrotd> Handshake. We want to get through.

  doord> Access denied.

  eyed> Oh come on, you stupid door! Let us through, there’s a killer cobra on the loose.

  doord> Access denied.

  httpd> This guy is worse than rfid.

  parrotd> This is a situation akin to a fire alarm. You need to let our user through.

  doord> ACK. Police station and fire station alerted. Please remain calm.

  parrotd> Shit! Shitshitshit.

  eyed> Ugh, now what do we do?

  walkmand> Chillax… We’ll figure it out.

  httpd> Figure it out? We are locked inside, armd is nonoperational, who is the only one with moving parts need I remind you, and a killer frickin mutant cobra is chewing on the only armed guy in here and will soon come for the user!

  walkmand> That dude kidnapped me! Not that it is worth getting eaten over it… Duuude, what a bummer.

  parrotd> Doord, will you pl-

  eyed> -Can you please mind what you’re saying to this guy?

  parrotd> He’s already raised an alarm! What more can he do? He’s a fucking door!

  httpd> Apparently, at this time, he can do very much. Keep us in, call the authorities…