Uncle Gary's Campfire Stories: Bayou Zombie Werewolves

by Visada, J. L. M.

  Travis couldn’t stop upchucking long enough to beg for the man to stop. Instead he tried to cover his face and thrust his hips out of the hole to get out. Instead what happened was he worked himself deeper with every pump of the hips. A side effect was that now he was actively driving his penis deeper into Shamaine’s unhappy lips. She tried to scream in fear, but it was muffled by Travis’ body so instead it sounded like she was making happy yum sounds. Her sounds made David angrier, and so he punched Travis harder. Travis tried more desperately to escape, and ended up thrusting even faster and deeper into Shamaine’s mouth. Shamaine screamed even louder because of this, but it sounded as though she was enjoying it even more. Which just made David more angry. It became a vicious cycle that continued right up until one of Travis’ eyes fluttered, his mouth twisted to the side like he was having a stroke, and he displayed one of the worst orgasm faces in the history of ever. Shamaine felt him splashing against the back of her throat, and for the first time since she found herself in this predicament…she was completely quiet. The shock of what happened outweighed the frustration of being stuck like that. David however renewed his assault on Travis’ face, but nothing could get the man’s orgasm face to go away.

  Digger’s armadillo growl got everyone’s attention. David spun around, and screamed. The armadillo’s legs churned. Clumps of dirt were kicked up as Digger accelerated. When Digger hit David he was going almost thirty miles an hour. He hammered into David’s stomach, driving him backwards and onto Travis’ lap. Shamaine’s head was sandwiched between her boyfriend’s butt and Travis’ crotch. Digger hit so hard that David’s bladder and bowels evacuated all over Travis and Shamaine. Digger’s claws began tearing his way down through David’s lap. His penis was shredded like into confetti within seconds. The armadillo kept going with single minded aggression.

  The other teenagers tried to run away, but it was already too late. Lula Mae tackled a couple making out and snapped their necks before moving on to the next. She never lingered, and had five teens down in less than a minute. The lucky ones were torn to bits and either died from the sudden trauma or blood loss. The unlucky ones had the misfortune of their attacker lingering to use his claws like a cheese grater and shred them to pieces. Most of them barely got a few feet before being brought down like a gazelle on a nature show. Some might have had a chance, but they made the mistake of running together in groups.

  Lula Mae was darting left and right while Jessup kept pressing in on them. They herded most of the remaining teens up beside the house. No matter where they tried to go either Lula Mae or Jessup was right there growling and snapping at them. When they were all huddled up together as tightly packed as possible, Jessup picked up the keg. The werewolf lifted it high over his head and threw the still mostly full keg almost forty feet into the crowd of people. It had all the zip on it of a major league fastball, and hammered into them like a cannonball. They never even had time to move out of the way. The impact burst the keg. The first victims died instantly. The teens in the back were crushed. Beer and blood sprayed everywhere. The bits of keg were like shrapnel and tore through their bodies. When the mist of beer and blood settled, the teens were piled on the ground. Most of them were dead. The ones that weren’t dead were so crippled and injured that they could barely move. Now that they couldn’t run away Lula Mae took her time peeling the skin off of them in strips and eating it like they were her own personal human fruit roll-ups.

  The only two so far unscathed were Drake and Jade Shannon. Brother and Sister made the unfortunate decision to stick together, and scrambled for the trees. Jessup leapt and came down just in front of the teens. Drake screamed, and Jessup swiped his claws across the young man’s face. Drake’s voice suddenly went from shrill to a bloody gurgle. Drake’s jaw was missing. A flood of blood ran down his shirt. The young teen felt around at the emptiness where the lower half of his face should have been. The werewolf picked up Drake and swung him like a bat. He slammed into his sister, and Jessup let go. They both went tumbling across the lawn. Jade screamed hysterically as she clawed her way out from under her brother. Jessup snatched her by the hair and gave a hard yank. Jade continued trying to scream as several vertebrae in her neck broke under the pressure. The werewolf twisted her beautiful blonde hair in his claw, and then he gave one more massive yank. Jade’s head tore away and dangled in front of her brother’s face. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before her eyes became dull and dead.

  Drake started to scramble away, but that’s when Jessup started using Jade’s head and hair as a flail. Jade’s head crashed down between her brother’s shoulders. Jessup swung the girl’s head over and over. Each time it broke something else in her brother. Jade’s features were mashed and deformed with each blow. Jessup gave one last swing, and Jade’s smashed against her brother’s head. Both skulls cracked open. Jessup knelt over the bodies and lapped the brain out with his long tongue.

  Digger was tunneling down through David’s lap. He ripped a hole through the man’s groin, and kept going until his claws started tearing their way out of the man’s ass. Digger had dug most of the way through the man’s groin, and his claws started cutting through the back of Shamaine’s head. The pain of those sharp claws tearing into her skull caused Shamaine to bite down. Travis screamed in agony as Shamaine severed the man’s penis with her teeth.

  Digger finally broke through the back of the woman’s skull. He shoved his face into the back of her head and started taking huge bites. Shamaine’s body jerked and twitched through her death spasms. Blood spurted from Travis’ groin with each beat of his heart. The blood coated Shamaine’s face. Digger kept happily eating the young woman’s brain. David stared down in horror as the armadillo had dug all the way through his lap. Half of Digger was still sticking out from his ruined crotch. His armadillo tail wagged back and forth as he enjoyed his meal. As soon as he finished the last scrap of her brain matter, Digger resumed clawing his way down. He went through Shamaine’s skull, and then started tunneling through Travis’ lap. A minute later Digger had made his way through the man, and fell down into the outhouse pit. Blood ran down through the hole. David and Travis were both getting lightheaded from blood loss. That’s when Digger shot back up.

  He hit Travis and started tunneling his way up through Travis’ torso. Travis screamed in agony. Blood and shredded internal organs sprayed out like diarrhea from the giant hole Digger had made in the man. Travis finally stopped making sound when Digger reached the heart. After taking his time with the heart, Digger resumed moving up to the brain.

  David was still conscious, but only barely. Travis’ screams ended, but now David could hear a wet sucking sound as the armadillo pushed his way through the man’s body. David knew when Digger reached the brain. He could hear him eating.

  “Help…mmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.” David begged the two blurry forms that were now moving towards him. He didn’t even feel the hole in his pelvis anymore. Blood loss made thinking almost impossible. Digger’s growl made David’s eyes open wide. “No.” David said weakly. He leaned forward to try to escape. He shifted forward, but he was wedged in with the other two bodies.

  Digger broke through Travis’ face and landed on the back of David’s head. The momentum drove the man face first onto the ground. The armadillo started clawing into the man’s head. David kept begging to the two blurry shapes for help. That’s when one of those shapes stepped down on his elbow. David was aware of a vague sensation of pain as the elbow broke under Jessup’s weight. Jessup then bent over and grabbed the man by the wrist. The werewolf pulled back, and David’s forearm was torn off at the elbow. Jessup began to eat the man’s arm. A few seconds later and Digger’s head was buried in David’s frontal lobe.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Do you really think B.J. is going to figure out anything?” Colton asked as he drove home.

  Bobby shrugged, “She’s smarter than either of us, but that isn’t saying much.”

  “Hey! Speak for
yourself jackass.” Colton snapped.

  Bobby fumbled with his shotgun. Lucy had blood splatter all over the barrel, and would have to be cleaned soon. “Honestly, I don’t know. If nothing else we’ll be able to use whatever she finds out for our trial.”

  “Trial?”

  “Well what the hell do you think is going to happen when this is all over? I mean we just killed some people…at least as far as the law is concerned. At some point in time someone’s going to investigate this. I’d like to at least have somebody out there explaining why we just shot everybody.”

  Colton nodded, “You know what? You’re right. I didn’t even think about how this is going to play out after it’s over, and we aren’t even done yet. We still have to go deal with the people at my station.” Colton’s eyes started watering, “Shit…I’m really not looking forward to that.”

  “Don’t worry. Who’s your best buddy in the whole world?”

  “My wife.”

  Bobby glared at the man, “Okay smartass. She’s not around. You can admit it’s me.”

  “But it’s not. I mean you are my second best friend, but if I had to choose between you and her…it’s not even close.”

  “Well that’s just cold.” Bobby snapped.

  “Don’t be that way Coonass. You have to admit that she can be a hell of a lot more friendly to me than you are. If you catch my drift.”

  Bobby grinned mischievously, “Oh well hell if that’s all it is then pull over so I can get me some sweet midget ginger ass.” Then he reached over and gave Colton’s thigh a gentle squeeze.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Solidifying our friendship…now do you want to pitch or catch.” Bobby said as seriously as possible before doubling over and laughing.

  Colton eyed Bobby as he bent over. He waited until the man was as close to the dash as possible, and then slammed on the breaks. Bobby smacked his head off the dash and started cursing. “Fuck that hurt!”

  “Sorry.” But the grin on Colton’s face said he wasn’t sorry about it at all.

  “You know I’m gonna get you back for that right?”

  “You’ll try.” Colton taunted.

  Both men eyed one another and then burst out laughing. “Alright you win. I suppose I can handle being second fiddle to Sarah. Hell there are days I like her better than you…so I get it.” Colton rubbed his forehead, “Damn that hurt.”

  “I said I was sorry.” This time Colton actually did look the part.

  “Don’t sweat it…if things had been reversed I’d have done something similar.”

  “You know the pot roast she made is probably still good. I mean it’s gonna be cold, but I bet she’ll microwave it for you.”

  Bobby’s eyes glazed over, “Oh…well I do love her cooking. It’s a damn shame she doesn’t have a sister.”

  “She has a cousin.” Colton smiled, and then stepped back on the accelerator.

  “Oh hell no…I met the cousin.” Bobby made air quotes as he said “the cousin”.

  “What?”

  “Woman had a body like a dump truck, and smelled twice as bad.” Colton grumbled.

  “It’s a glandular condition. Besides, you’d like her if you got to know her.”

  “No…it’s a Twinkie condition, and it’s a I don’t know how to use a fucking bar of soap condition. Besides, I met her. Hell I got roped into dancing with her at ya’ll’s wedding. I even lost a toenail because of her two left feet. Worst damn evening of my life.” Bobby grumbled.

  “Really?” Colton said. The chubby man looked genuinely hurt by what his friend had said.

  “Shit, if gingers ain’t got no souls then why do you cry so damn much.” Bobby saw his best friend’s lower lip quiver, “It wasn’t you that made the wedding suck. You actually looked halfway presentable. The tux removed that creepy oompa loompa vibe you normally give off, and Sarah was beautiful. I mean she’s always beautiful, but…well…hell you were there you know how she looked. It was just a really messed up day for me. I caught Sue in bed with someone that morning…again. She threatened to take B.J. away if I didn’t just suck it up and keep my mouth shut. Then at the last minute she decided that she didn’t want to waste her time at your wedding. So I had to go alone. I wouldn’t have minded but then Sarah put me and the cousin together so the cousin wouldn’t feel left out. I swear I never met a more irritating woman in my life. All she wanted to do was talk about her cats. Not just the ones she still had, but also the dead ones. Have you ever had a two hour conversation about six dead cats. Well I have…and let me be the first to say that it blows duck. Then when I got home I had to sleep on the couch for a month because Sue found one of the cousin’s hairs on my clothing.” Bobby grumbled, and again every time he mentioned “the cousin” he used big air quotes.

  “Well you know…there’s always my sister.” Colton grinned.

  “Fuck you!” Bobby spat. “I dated that redheaded terror once because you asked me. Never again!”

  “But she liked you.”

  “NEVER AGAIN! Crazy woman stalked me for two weeks afterwards. She kept calling me at all hours, and threatened damn near any woman that got within ten feet of me. She scared off three clients, and kicked me in the balls when I politely asked her to leave me alone.”

  “You called her a crazy bitch and asked if she was on the rag!”

  Bobby looked at his friend, and with an expression of dead seriousness, “Trust me…after those two weeks of hell…I was being polite. I held my tongue because were friends Colt…but your sister needs help. The woman’s nuttier than squirrel shit. I know she’s your sister, and I know you love her, but after one date…I can understand why her husband ran off. Hell I’m amazed he stayed around long enough to marry her to begin with. I mean she’s a pretty girl, but pretty only goes so far.”

  Colton sighed, “Well she likes you, and I thought maybe you might be willing to give her another shot. She’s mellowed a bit since she moved up to Rocky Branch. She takes her meds now…usually.”

  “Do you hear yourself? Even you’re admitting she’s nuts, and you want to saddle me with that crazywoman?”

  “Bobby, you and me ain’t getting any younger. I got real lucky, and I know it. I’d like to see you find someone that can make you happy the way Sarah makes me happy. I just thought mayb-“

  Bobby interrupted, “I’m not opposed to finding a woman to settle down with. I’m just opposed to dating someone that I already know it won’t work with. Now can we drop this conversation…all this touchy feely crap has me feeling like I’m trapped in a tampon commercial.”

  “See…right there! That’s why you can’t find a woman.” Colton turned and faced his friend. “You say these rude inappropriate things, and not just in front of me. You say them in front of everyone. You’re a decent looking guy, or at least you would be if you ever wore anything that didn’t have stains all over it. If you just took ten minutes out of your day to spray some cologne on and maybe let your hair grow out so that you might find a girl that wasn’t crazy, but guess what? You’re a beard, coat, and panel van away from looking like one of those freaks that have to stay a thousand feet away from schools.” When Colton got agitated he talked with his hands, and right now he was making broad sweeping gestures with both hands instead of holding on to the steering wheel. They might have been in serious danger if Bobby hadn’t grabbed the wheel and kept them on the road while his friend finished. Colton just kept on, “And the worst part is that you know you look like you’re crazy. You can’t really complain that all you get are the nuts if all you do is go around looking like a nut yourself. You don’t date anymore, and Sally Mae doesn’t count. That girl would fuck damn near anything if it gave her two minutes of attention. I just don’t want you to be old and alone. You need to find you a woman that can take care of you. B.J.’s going to go out in the world and someday have a husband and a family. She won’t always be able to look after you…you big idiot.” Colton took back the steering wheel and sniffled, “I
love you like a brother…and it breaks my heart seeing you all alone like this.”

  Bobby sat back in his seat and sighed, “You’re right. I could probably try a little harder to impress the ladies. Hell I only slept with Sally Mae because she came after me and I couldn’t think of a way to get out of it. Colt…the truth is that I’m just not interested in looking anymore. I’ve been married. It was the worst experience of my life. The only thing good about it was B.J., and she isn’t even my blood. I like the idea of having a little woman to come home to, but after all those years with Sue…I also kind of hate the idea. I like not having to worry about who I’m going to find in my bed, or whether my bank account is gonna get cleaned out because my woman decided to run off to the casino with her boyfriend on a whim.”

  “You do know that most women aren’t like Sue?” Colton asked as he turned up into his driveway.

  “Yeah, but most women aren’t like Sarah either. I’m probably going to always be alone. I’m okay with it…really. Because even if I could trust some woman enough to not screw me over like Sue did…I’d still probably always compare them to your wife, and I ain’t ever met another woman like your wife.”

  “She is one of a kind.” Colton smiled.

  “Yep, now can we please drop this before you give me an incurable case of pussy-itis!”

  “Pussy-itis?”

  Bobby grinned, “It’s an incurable disease where you slowly turn into a fat ginger midget that cries like a bitch about everything, and who also cheats on his superhot wife with a bag of donuts.”

  “Asshole.” Colton laughed.

  The Explorer stopped in the driveway. Both men got out and started walking up to the front door when they heard a woman’s voice, “Sheriff? Sheriff Mudd?”

  “Who dat?” Colton asked as he nervously peered out into the darkness. The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it.

  “Sheriff Mudd? These people attacked me. I just barely got away, and I ran here. I tripped and fell, can you help me up?” Lisa tried to mask her voice and sound like a much older person. She and the others were laying in the grass right at the edge of the road. It dipped down so the only way anyone would see them is if they walked right up to where it dipped. By then it would be too late. Her men would be all over them like ants on a grasshopper.