Escaping Me

by Cat Mason

  Landon hasn’t moved from his knees on the floor. He looks up at me in complete disbelief at my outburst. I can’t help but laugh at him. “I have things I need to say Daisy.”

  Knowing that I need to let him say whatever it is that he needs to say, I perch up on the counter. “Go on then Landon. I don’t have all night. I should’ve gone to the bar with Hunter.” I mumble the last part under my breath making him jump to his feet.

  “You would punish me like that Daisy?” He asks as if I just said that the sky was pink.

  “Why would you care if I did Landon? You don’t want me. You push me away then you run to Tad. He gives you what you need, so go on.” I shout as I fling my arm at the door.

  “Daisy, you don’t understand. I never wanted to break your heart.” He says dragging his hand through his shaggy hair. “I…”

  “You what?” I scream loudly. “I’m tired of the secrets, the games. I’m sick to fuckin’ death of you not talking to me Landon. This is not what I signed on for.” I say pulling my ring off. I let the light catch it as I hold it between my fingers for a second then toss it at his feet. “For some reason Landon I didn’t feel heartbroken when I saw Tad with his hand down your pants.” I start and he winces. “I felt betrayed, lied to, angry as hell because I figured out some of what you couldn’t tell me but my heart never cracked. That says something doesn’t it?”

  Bending down, Landon picks it up from the floor. He stares at the ring between his fingers obviously understanding the finality of what I’ve just done. When his eyes finally meet mine they are full of tears. For a minute I feel bad because this is Landon and he is hurt. It must be the alcohol making me brave because I hop to my feet, push past him going down the aisle then slam the door behind me. “Daisy! Daisy please don’t do this.” Landon sobs as he bangs on the door. “Just let me in please. We can fix this. I love you, please.” Tears stream down my face because I love him too. I really do. Don’t I? I mean he is everything that I wanted for my list to be executed perfectly. I just don’t know that we can fix this. I don’t know if I want to anymore either. I feel the struggle inside myself pulling me in all directions but I know it is so far beyond repair that it’s useless to pretend. I love Landon but does it compare to anything like I am starting to feel for Gray? I do know that I don’t feel enough for Landon to put forth the effort to make this work after all this. Not now, maybe not ever. Too much has happened…so much has changed.

  Turning I open the door, meeting Landon’s tear stained face. I lose it. I walk into his arms and cry. “Baby, I promise it will be okay. We will fix this. It’s all going to be just fine.” He coos as he nuzzles my hair.

  I sob into his shirt. I am crying for all the things that I wanted. Those things on my damn list. All the things that don’t seem reachable anymore because of what Landon has done, what I have done. Pulling away, I look at his face. He is smiling. He looks relieved, like a huge weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. “Landon listen to me. I’m not taking you back tonight. You aren’t welcome in our bed right now. I don’t know if you ever will be again. You need to be honest with me but most importantly with yourself about what you need then we can talk. There is a lot we both need to work through Landon. Us may not be what either of us wants let alone needs. Until then there is nothing more to say.” I say, knocking the wind out of him.

  He nods sadly and leaves. Then I watch from the window as he walks from the bus. Landon goes back into the building, I assume to find Tad. Less than a week ago I felt so close to Landon that I thought nothing could hurt us. I thought we were impenetrable. Now, it feels like there is a canyon growing between us getting bigger by the minute with no way to stop it.

  The door closes behind me then I feel Gray’s warm arms surrounding me. I turn in his embrace, meeting his eyes. “You did good baby.” He whispers.

  “Of all the things that he said or tried to say, he never once said he was sorry Gray. That was why I couldn’t even talk to him. He isn’t sorry for what he did, though he may be sorry he got caught. Maybe he’s sorry because he didn’t want to hurt me but he isn’t sorry for what he feels for Tad. Why should he be? If he loves Tad then great, love doesn’t need excuses. That’s why I said he needs to figure his shit out. I won’t share. I don’t want to spend my life being afraid that I’ll walk in on my husband being unfaithful to me. I can’t.”

  Sliding his arms around my waist, he kisses me. Gray’s tongue dives into my mouth, taking no prisoners. He pulls me tightly against him as his lips move against mine pushing back the pain in my chest. My hands dive into his hair desperate to keep his mouth on mine. I need to feel something other than the sting of not being enough for Landon or the anger of being lied to over and over. I know that I shouldn’t feel this way but he couldn’t even say the words. I should’ve told him about Gray. I should have said that I am guilty too. I should have but I didn’t.

  Landon made his bed. I know that I shouldn’t care about how he feels anymore but I do. It would upset him to know that I went right into the arms of his brother. It would hurt even worse for him to know that his actions are what put me here. The fact that I want Landon to pay for what he did is one thing, but like this? I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. Yet here I am with my hands holding Gray’s mouth to mine. So what does that say about me?

  Pulling back, Gray smiles at me. “Alright. Now we gotta talk.” He says, taking a few steps back from me. I instantly miss his warmth when sits on the bed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I want nothing more than to touch you Daisy.” He reassures me, obviously reading my mind.

  “We gotta talk.” I repeat his words making him chuckle.

  “Last night we didn’t use a condom.”

  The world blurs around me as I think back to last night. I sink to the floor as the thoughts of having unprotected sex with a rock star creep into my head. Did I seriously let him fuck me bareback? How many sluts has he…

  “Daisy?” He interrupts my thoughts as he slides to his knees on the floor in front of me.

  “I’m on the pill Grayson so you don’t have to worry about me trying to trap you.” I blurt.

  The growl that roars out of his chest makes me jump in shock. “That is not what I was fuckin’ getting at!” He booms, jumping up, to pace around me. “I have never fucked anyone without rubber between us. I also don’t fuck around like Hunter does. I just wanted to make sure we discussed it.” Throwing his hands up in the air, he glares at me. “Communication obviously is not my brother’s strong suit. Neither is honesty for that matter. I guess we’re truly polar opposites because those are deal breakers for me Daisy.”

  Stopping in front of me, he pulls his shirt over his head. “This,” He points to the shield tattoo on his chest. “is because I don’t let anyone into my heart. I fight hard as fuck to keep everyone out Daisy. I don’t want anyone to answer to. I want to live my life, do whatever the fuck I want without someone getting hurt because of me. With you though it’s different. I want to protect you. I want to shield you from all of this shit with my brother. I want to make it all go away. I want to see you smile, hear your laugh. I haven’t even known you a week but I want you. I want you so bad it’s all I fuckin’ think about.”

  Standing to my feet, I slide my hand up his arm. Letting my fingers spread along the barbed wire as I move higher. I drift along his shoulder, touching every inch of his ink as I come to the shield. Gray closes his eyes. His breathing accelerates as I trace the shield with my fingers. I place my palm against it, feeling his heart beat wildly against my hand. Leaning in, as I move my hand I kiss along his ink. I let my tongue run along the shield making the breath rush from his chest. My name on his lips is the sexiest sound I have ever heard as my fingers run along his arms, taking in every inch of him.

  “I’m done talking tonight Gray. Take me.” I whisper touching my lips to his.

  His eyes drop to my mouth. Just as I expect him to kiss me, his hand slides into my hair, pulling my head back as he goes. G
ray runs his tongue up the length of my throat making me shiver. “I love your mouth but I want mine on every inch of you baby. I want every inch of you.” He growls then bites my shoulder.

  “Ah!” I cry out.

  Gray runs his tongue along the bite, soothing then sucks lightly. Walking us backward Gray’s lips move along my collar bone and I swear I purr. Then we are falling onto the bed, tangled in the sheets, our hands and mouths all over each other. Our clothes flying across the room in every direction as we frantically try to get skin to skin.

  Gray’s mouth nips down my chest, skipping my breasts completely he slides further down. His tongue darts out licking the inside of my thigh. Without a word, he sucks my clit into his mouth making me arch off the bed. “Oh my God.”

  “Yeah you might as well get started thankin’ him now baby. It’s going to be a long, hard ride.” He says with a wicked chuckle.

  Gray pumps two fingers, curling them as he teases my clit with his tongue. My hips jerk frantically. Reaching above my head, I fist my hands in the pillows. Gray pumps harder with his fingers, his mouth doing things I never knew possible. I scream out his name as my orgasm hits me, rattling me to the core.

  Gray meets my eyes as he continues to slide his fingers in and out of me. Watching my eyes as I come down from my climax. “That was fuckin’ gorgeous.” He says hoarsely.

  “Need a raincoat for the beast baby.” Gray says pulling back to get off of the bed to get a condom.

  I grab his hand, pulling him back to me. “I’m on the pill Gray. I trust you, please. Nothing between us.”

  He looks at me wide-eyed. I can see the wheels turning in his head like he trying to decide what to do. I push him to his back, sliding down onto him making the decision for both of us. His eyes close, his mouth goes slack as I roll my hips against him. “Fuck!” He moans making me smile.

  “Watch me Gray.” I moan rising up almost losing him completely only to slam back down onto him. His eyes snap to mine almost immediately. Grabbing his hands I slide them along my thighs. Moving up over my hips, Gray takes in every inch of skin as his finger tips touch it. My entire body trembles with every touch of his fingers as they move over my body. When he squeezes my breasts in his hands, I tilt my head back as I cry out.

  “Watch Daisy.” Gray says, mocking me.

  My eyes meet his as if on command. Leaning up Gray takes my mouth with his, stealing my cries. I moan against his mouth, his hips pumping against mine, giving just as much as he is taking. There is no build up to the orgasm as it crashes over me. It hits me like nothing ever before making me scream out his name as my body flies over the edge. I think that my heart may have stopped because I barely hear Gray cursing as his climax over takes him. I can feel him thrusting against me, my walls clenching around him but I can’t move. I know that I stop breathing for a minute because Gray has to tell me to take a breath which makes me laugh.

  Gray pulls me onto his chest, kissing me slowly then slaps my ass. “Get dressed. I want food.”

  Climbing off of the bed he pulls me with him. “Shower baby. Fast. I want to go eat with you. Be with you away from all of this.” Gray says lightly kissing my lips. I nod, grab some clothes and head to the bathroom.

  Chapter Eleven

  Mapping out the Territory

  After a quick shower, I throw on a hoodie with some jeans to go eat with Gray. Since Henry is still out with Hunter we end up just taking a cab. I look around at the nearly empty diner once we are sitting in a little corner booth. Gray has me pulled up against him while he looks through the menu he is holding. “What’s with you guys always wanting to hit these little places anyway?”

  “When we first started touring every single night there was a fight over where to eat. It was hard to find a place that we could agree on since we all like different shit. Aiden won’t eat anything with vegetables in it. Hunter, well you already know about his obsession with bacon.” He says winking. “Henry, he just eats the spiciest shit ever. Not to mention the portion sizes. I mean that motherfucker puts shit away that would eat through a cement block.”

  “You’re so full of shit.” I giggle, making his face warm.

  “You watch Wildflower. When he brings in some superhot shit to eat Cunter comes out full force trying to out-do the big man. It’s funny as hell.” He says shaking his head. “The last time Hunter ended up in the bathroom sick for three days. I had to call in someone to clean the fuckin’ bus. We had to stay in a hotel for three days while the shit aired out. Anyway, these little truck stop diners always have a little of everything.”

  I laugh as Gray tells me about touring while we eat. They are always playing pranks on each other or getting into trouble. “I can’t believe you three played naked on stage to sell out a show.” I say laughing so hard at some of the stories that I nearly choke on my tea more than once.

  Gray shrugs, “Since I play guitar, I was mostly covered. It was no big deal. Except Aiden nearly beating his stick with his sticks.” He blurts making me laugh.

  “Oh my God.” I say gasping for breath.

  “You say that a lot.” I glare at him as the grin spreads across his face. That sexy face of his melts my annoyance instantly making me lose the battle to keep a straight face. “She’s smilin’ at me.” He whispers leaning in to touch his lips to mine. “Tell me something about you Daisy.”

  I sigh. “Up until yesterday the list was all that mattered.”

  “Fuck the list Daisy. Gimmie that damn thing.” He says yanking my pad from my bag. “Ah okay.” He continues, his eyes scanning the page. “So you’re officially at marriage, career, with a partridge in a pear tree?”

  “It’s not funny Gray.” I snap, trying to yank the pad from him.

  “It is Wildflower. Life is not planned out on a goddamn legal pad. You don’t go through checking off things like you do at the grocery store. Fuck Daisy have you ever had one day of unplanned fun in your whole fuckin’ life ‘til now?

  I shove at his chest. “You’re an asshole. I have had fun. I’ve done lots of things. I just want my goals lined out so that I can see them.”

  “Where’s the main goal Wildflower?” He asks, flipping through the pad as if I had more there. “Where does it say ‘number one, Daisy is happy’? That’s all that fuckin’ matters. You lined your life out here page by page. What do you have to show for it all huh? Nothing on this list is worth shit if you aren’t happy. You need to stop hiding behind a damn piece of paper, Daisy. You are using it as an excuse to hold back, all so you can hide. Why should you duck your head, escaping all the real things in life? You should never hide baby. It’s time to do some shit to make the wildflower bloom.”

  Grabbing the pen from my bag Gray writes: Daisy’s List. Then he writes his previous number one below the title. “Let’s see here.” He starts as he chews the end of the pen. Shit everything he does is so fucking sexy. “Two should definitely be laugh. You need to laugh a lot.” He says as he scribbles on the page. “I think you need to get a tattoo.” He tosses out making me hiss out a breath. His eyes dart to mine, “What?”

  “I’m scared of needles Gray. I can’t do that.”

  “Oh that fuckin’ settles it. You eat my ink up Wildflower. You’re getting’ tatted so I can return the favor. Let’s go.” Shoving the pad into his pocket, Gray tosses some money onto the table. He yanks me from the booth almost dragging me out of the diner, hurrying to catch a cab before it pulls out. Opening the car door, he helps me inside then slides in next to me.

  Gray rattles an address from his phone to the driver as we pull out into traffic. My nerves are churning in my stomach like a typhoon. I’m concentrating on the street lights just to keep from hurling my dinner into the floorboard of the taxi. Holding my hand in his, Gray’s thumb makes tiny circles over my wrist. The feeling soothes me enough that I stop trembling.

  “Okay. Let’s get your mind on something else.” Gray says pulling me from inside my head. “This new list of yours…” He starts as he pulls
it from his pocket. “Does it include how to deal with Landon? Because my brother putting his dick in you now that mine goes there is a problem for me. Yeah?”

  My eyes meet his. Even though I can barely see the steel color illuminated by the street lights they pull me in as usual. “Landon isn’t welcome to warm my bed.”

  Gray’s smile spreads as we pull into a parking lot. “Is that so? Well Wildflower, who’s gonna be warming that bed of yours then?”

  “No one if he doesn’t stop being a dick.” I toss out with a smirk. “I could always let Cam bunk in with me.”

  “Now that’s a helluva idea.” He says rubbing his hands together. “Naked pillow fights. I’ll bring popcorn.”

  “Um, none of that shit in your head right now is ever happening fuck you very much. We enjoy the Shaft way too much.”

  Waggling his eyebrows, Gray pulls me into his lap. “Say it again.” He growls against my ear.

  “We enjoy the Shaft? Are you really that vain?” I murmur.

  “No smart ass. Right before that part.”

  “Fuck you very much?”

  “Don’t forget it either.” Gray whispers, kissing my neck.

  After paying the driver, we are sitting in a tattoo parlor looking through outlines. “This is so pointless. I’ll never find something good enough to permanently ink myself.”

  “Do you trust me?” He asks me seriously.

  “Yes.” I breathe.

  “Yo!” Gray shouts as he strolls over to the counter. “I think I’ve got an idea.”

  Finally after I watch as they go back and forth with ideas for a half hour he starts sketching. I have an outline but am only allowed to see the size. Lying back on the table, my nerves are churning again. Gray has my hands in his, my shirt tucked up nearly to my bra. My jeans had to go completely, but Gray demanded that I be covered. So with his hoodie as a blanket covering the essentials, I prepare to be inked.

  I watch as the tattoo artist, Kyle, cleans my skin. He discusses everything he will be doing to keep me relaxed but it only makes it worse. Just as he lifts the outline I jump. “Whoa there, just going to put the outline on.” Kyle says carefully.