by Xana Jordan
Xana and Noel are loading up her laundry basket when Stace wakes up. “Hey, sleeping beauty. I was beginning to think I was gonna have to kiss you awake,” I tease, kissing her forehead.
“Cade,” she croaks in a sleep-filled voice, then stretches her limbs. “Mmmm, what time is it?”
“Time to go eat,” Xan chimes in. “Let’s go, Hooker.” She tosses a brush at her, causing Stace to groan.
“But, I don’t wanna,” she complains while snuggling further into my side.
“Well, suck it up, buttercup. We’re all going to eat,” she states, moving to grab her overnight bag.
Looking up at me for cooperation, she says, “Please?” It’s the most pitiful thing I’ve heard.
“Sorry, babe. You need to eat,” I lean closer, “and pack a bag. You’re coming home with me.”
She studies my face for a moment and, seeing my determination, sighs, “Okay.” The worry in her eyes isn’t lost on me, so I lean in further to run my nose along hers.
“I’ve got you,” I say before pulling away and standing to address our friends. “We’ll meet you at the house.” They nod in return, and Noel carries the laundry basket out after her.
Once we’re alone, I look back at Stace only to find her huddled up on the bed, arms wrapped around her middle. Kneeling on the floor in front of her, I take her hands in mine so that I can tilt her bowed head upward, allowing me to see her eyes. Running my thumb across the lip she’s chewing on, I can’t read the expression on her beautiful face.
“Cade.” Her voice is almost childlike, and it stabs at my heart.
“Yeah, babe?”
“I’ll understand if you...you don’t,” her words fade away to nothing and her breath hitches, more tears threatening to escape.
“If I don’t what? Just tell me,” I beg quietly.
Inhaling deeply with her eyes closed, she then releases that breath in her next words. “If you don’t want to do this with me anymore. I’ll understand why you need to leave.” She casts her head down to avoid looking at me, and it just pisses me off more. Surely, I didn’t hear what I thought I did.
“What the hell are you talking about?! Why would you even think I’d leave you now?” I try to control the anger in my voice, but I’m not entirely successful, and her gaze shoots up to me, eyes wide with shock. “Why?”
“Because I’m damaged goods,” she whispers, tears falling from those brilliant green eyes. What. The. Fuck?
Lurching up from my position on the floor, I yank her forward and place her in my lap as I sit us down on the bed. Automatically, she straddles me and I grab her face forcefully in my hands, her nose to mine. “Look at me,” I demand. “Don’t you ever let me hear you say that again, do you understand me?!” Her lips tremble, but she gives me no other response. “Do you?” I, again, demand an answer.
Her focus is entirely on me, but I can see she’s truly struggling to make herself answer. She swallows hard a few times before nodding her head slowly.
“Words, babe.”
“I understand.” Her voice quivers, full of unshed tears, and I raise my brow, waiting for her to continue. “I’m not damaged.”
“Damn right, you aren’t!” I brush stray hairs from her face while simultaneously tracing her brow with my fingers, my agitation lessening as I look at her. “You’re the strongest person I know, but you have to let me help you. You need me, and I’m not leaving.” I pause to wipe away more tears and place a brief kiss on her lips. “Please?”
“Oh, God,” she cries, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face into my neck, her tears damp on my skin. “Help me,” she whispers, finally willing to entrust me with all of her.
Having Cade know my deepest shame and not run away is more than I could have ever asked for. My therapist was right. I should have known he’d never turn away when I needed him most, much less afterward. He’s always been the steady one, the anchor when my ship is adrift.
“We’ll get through this.” He rubs circles along my back, causing me to sink into his embrace further.
“Together?” I say, more of a question than a statement. Why, I’m not entirely sure.
“Yeah, babe. Together.” Cade kisses my head and I breathe deeply. In. Out.
Several moments pass before I’m able to pry myself away from his comfort. Laying my hands on either side of his rugged face, I cup his jaws so that my thumbs caress his slightly stubbled cheeks.
“You must be the most insane person in the world, you know that?” I say, amused at the cocky expression he gives me.
“Only insane over you,” he retorts making my heart beat faster. “My crazy needs your crazy.”
“Shut up!” I slap his shoulder, “You just had to go and make me laugh when we were having an honest, romantic moment.” Shaking my head, I say, “But, I love that about you.”
“You do?” I nod. “What else do you love about me?”
“Cocky much?” I laugh at his usual, easy-going demeanor. “I love the way you just let me be, even if I do drive you crazy. The way you just know what to say when I need it, and not pick on me about the rest.”
“I am pretty amazing, aren’t I?” His grin lights up his whole face. It’s so infectious I can’t help myself as I return that wonderful smile.
“Yeah, you are, Hot Stuff.” Leaning forward, I take his mouth in mine, letting my issues and fears slip away, for just a little while. He always helps me get outside of my own mind and thoughts.
“You ready to head out?” He asks when our kiss ends.
“I think so. They know, don’t they?” I could tell by the way Xana looked at me before leaving that she and Noel knew something of my current breakdown. Just how much they know, scares me.
“They have a pretty good idea, yeah. She’s put a few things together, we all did, but I wasn’t completely certain until today.” He stands us up from the bed and places my feet on the floor. “Don’t freak out over it. You’re always in control over what and when you tell them anything else about it.” I know he’s right, but I can’t keep from worrying over how they’re going to act around me now.
“I suppose. Help me gather up my stuff?” He nods and we grab up a few things, plus some dirty laundry, before leaving the dorm. For the first time in months, I finally have a little hope that I can really handle the drama that seems to have become my life.
“It’s about time you got here,” Xana calls out as Cade and I enter the kitchen. “We were getting ready to eat without you. You know I can’t resist pizza.”
We laugh when Noel adds, “I almost had to put it on top of the fridge to keep her out of it.” She bops him in the gut and pretends to be mad, but we all know she isn’t from the grin trying to break free.
“Don’t hog the pizza, Hooker,” I warn. “I’m starving.” I just hope I can keep it all down this time.
“Me, too,” Cade chimes in, grabbing up plates while I fix our drinks.
“Like that’s anything new,” I roll my eyes while pouring our sweet tea.
“Truth. You two are always hungry,” she agrees, pointing to our boys.
Noel walks behind her and slaps her butt, grinning the whole time. “Hungry for sugar,” he says, then pecks her on the cheek, causing her to smile stupidly at him.
“You two are disgustingly sweet. Give it a rest,” I make gagging noises at their display. It doesn’t even phase them, though. At least they aren’t tip-toeing around me.
We spend our dinner time eating and catching up on our week. Between Dillon acting like a jerk, sorority drama, and baseball woes, it seems like I really missed a lot while trying to avoid my friends.
Once we’ve finished eating, and are sitting on the couch cuddled up to Noel and Cade, Xana decides to address the elephant in the room. “I’ve missed you Stace.” she says, nudging my side with her elbow. “Are you alright?”
Looking at Cade for the support he readily gives, I take a deep breath and turn to face her. “No, but I will be.” Cade takes
my hands in his, interlocking our fingers. “The dreams I’ve been having are about me and my...dad when I was little. He did some things that I apparently blocked out. I guess being attacked at the library and during that safety demo brought the memories back.”
Her hand flies to cover her mouth, and Noel holds her tighter, his jaw clenched like Cade’s was when I told him. “Stace,” she whispers in a teary voice.
“I kinda freaked out when they pretend attacked me. The counselor that was there, Lainey Cassiano, took care of me and I’ve been Skyping her for some counseling.” Cade kisses my ear while I give our friends a few moments to digest what they’ve just heard. It’s hard not to start crying again, but I’ve cried enough for the day, so I do my best to ignore the tears as they threaten to form.
Xan crawls out of his lap and scoots beside me, pulling me into a hug, We rock back and forth gently, me, letting myself accept her comfort, returning her near bone-crushing hug.
“I’ve been so worried about you,” she cries in my ear.
“I know. I just...didn’t know what to do.” It’s the truth, and I can’t hide anymore.
“You’re going to stop pretending to be invincible,” she scolds, “and let us help. We’ve got you.” She smiles after releasing her hold on me enough to look me in the face. “We love you, you stubborn hooker.” A small giggle escapes us, and it makes me feel that much lighter. I have the best support system there is and didn’t want to admit it.
“I love you guys, too. Even if Caveman over there is a bossy pain in the ass,” I tease, lightening the bleak mood we’re currently engulfed in.
“The feeling is mutual, Sybil.” Noel’s multi-personality nickname for me seems pretty accurate right about now. I’ve felt like at least three, if not four, different people lately.
“Enough waterworks,” Cade declares, “Action movie time.” He moves to grab the remote from the coffee table and takes control, making the two of us laugh.
Xana and I remain sitting close together as the movie starts and it feels so good to be surrounded by people who truly care about me enough to just let me be in peace. I know they understand why I hid things from them, but I’m disappointed in myself for not trusting them in the first place like I knew I could.
It’s not too long before we’re pulled back into the guys’ lap for the rest of the movie. Cade curls me into his arms, my head resting under his chin, and runs his hand over my hair in a soothing motion. I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it, but the action warms my heart, just the same, and I let his touch ground me to the here and now. Everything done with Cade is so much easier. I love him so much.
Yesterday was a very long day. Finding out all the things Stace’s been hiding wore her completely out and she slept like the dead until almost noon, and probably could have slept longer. Having a ball game today, Homecoming to be exact, has kept us all busy thus far, and Stace’s behaving more like herself. Some of the tiredness has left her face, her sassy sense of humor coming back, little by little. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so glad to see her smile.
We haven’t had much time alone to talk more about things, but I’m fine with that for now. She needs a break, and I’m not denying I need time to deal with the anger I have for her having to endure that as a small child. I still want to kill him.
“We’re going back to our room to change”, she informs me, placing a swift kiss on my cheek. “Meet y’all back at your house in about an hour?”
“Hour and a half,” Xana overrides, smiling like an innocent child, making Noel and me laugh.
“Sure thing,” I reply, leaning down to kiss her. “Go. Get ready, or whatever it is you two need to do.” I give her a thorough smooch once more before smacking her ass while she turns to walk inside their dorm.
Noel and I wait for both of them to enter before walking back to the band hall parking lot to get his car. The game went into overtime, which we dominated, and we’re all more than exhausted, but wired at the same time. I’m not sure we’ve ever played that hard during a game. We won with a field goal and everyone in the stadium was beyond excited right along with us.
By the time we reach the car, Noel’s already stripped out of his uniform, tossing it into the back seat. “These damn uniforms are so hot. I don’t sweat this much during a ballgame and I’m the one running,” he complains, climbing in the driver’s seat. “I’m so damn glad I thought to wear shorts underneath it.”
“Need some cheese to go with that whine?” I tease, throwing my uniform coat and hat in the back with his.
“Shut up, clown,” he growls grinningly. “You’re just irritated you didn’t think about wearing shorts.”
Shaking my head, I climb in the passenger’s seat and shut the door. He’s right. I’m kicking myself for not wearing them under my uniform, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. “Whatever. Just drive.” I shoot back, buckling my seatbelt. “You still stink,” I inform him while rolling down my window. It really shouldn’t be this hot at the end of October.
Laughing we ride the short distance back to the house, relaxed and ready to have fun.
“You looked beautiful tonight,” I whisper as Stacy and I lie in bed after the celebration party we attended afterwards. We came back early, Stace being worn out after not sleeping well for several weeks.
“You always say that,” she smiles against my chest.
“I always mean it.”
“I know.” Her finger traces patterns over my left peck, her mind obviously working in overdrive again.
“What are you thinking about?” I hope she’ll start communicating with me again, and her silence worries me.
“I got a letter in the mail this week,” she says quietly. “It was from...my dad.”
WHAT. THE. HELL? How did he know how to reach her here? Why did he contact her?
“A letter. I see.” I try and keep my voice steady and normal but I barely succeed.
“He sent me a picture of the two of us when I was little. Maybe three of four. I can’t be sure. He wrote on the back,” she pauses drawing patterns on my skin. My first instinct is to hold her tight and never let her go, but that’s not what she needs.
“What did he have to say?” She buries her face into my shoulder and inhales deeply.
“He said I’d...that I’ll always be his baby doll.” Her whispered words take a stab at my heart. Struggling to control my response with a count to ten, I feel her tears fall upon my bare chest. This time I do hold her closer and place ghostly kisses along her forehead.
“Anything else?” I ask, praying with my soul her answer is ‘no’.
Shaking her head against me, she says, “Why did he contact me? What does he want?”
“I don’t know, but I can guarantee he’ll never get near you again.” I place a small, but meaningful kiss on her forehead.
Shaking her head she says, “How, Cade? He just showed up out of nowhere at Tina’s funeral, and now the letter. He found me again,” her shaky voice growing higher pitched with every word.
“Sssh. First off, we’re going to talk to your counselor, together. I’m not letting you go through this alone anymore.”
“But,” she interrupts, until I place my fingers on her lips.
“Then, we’re going to talk to your grandparents and see about getting some sort of restraining order or charges brought against him to protect you.”
“No!” she argues. “I don’t want them to know! It would kill them! Please,” she begs, more tears flowing from her wide eyes.
Cupping her cheek, I try and reason with her. “Babe, I have to keep you safe. Telling them will help do that.”
“No. They’ve made it clear over the years just how much they hate him. He took my mother down with him, getting her hooked on drugs and alcohol. They’ve never forgiven him for that, for taking her away and ruining her life. They still love her so much. Telling them about this? It might break them.” She leans into my hand and the terror in her eyes nearly kills me. I can’t
stand to see her so frightened.
“How about we put off this discussion for a little bit? Talk to your counselor and revisit this conversation then?” Looking into her eyes I can see the relief wash over her features.
“Please.”
“Okay, but I just want to keep you safe. I’ll do whatever I need to make that happen.”
“I know. I love you for that. How did I get lucky enough to have you in my life?” She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I wonder the same thing about having you in my life, too,” I admit, not caring how cliché or sappy I sound. I mean every word of it. She’s the other half of my soul and doesn’t even realize it. Yet.
Pulling her head to mine, I run my tongue along her lips, urging them to open, and they do, immediately. Our tongues slide together as one in a familiar rhythm that makes my need for her intensify. My hands tangle in her soft, damp hair as our kisses grow more passionate, more intimate.
“Please,” she breathes between kisses and nips at my lips, need coloring her voice. Everything in my body wants to give her what she wants.
I flip us over so I lie on top of her, my knees between hers. Kissing my way down from her mouth, I move across her jawline, skimming my way down her throat to end at her shoulder blade. The smell of her strawberry body wash fills my nose, causing me to nibble on the silky smooth skin I find there. She tastes like the best strawberry dessert I can imagine. Liking what I’m doing, Stace holds onto my shoulders, keeping my head in place, while locking her legs around my waist. Our bodies move as one, rocking back and forth, taking what our bodies want. Even clothed in pajamas, I can feel her wetness on my leg, my cock hardening in response. I want to become one with her, sinking into her warm heat fully, but I force myself to think only of giving her what she needs. She always comes first.
“Cade. I need you,” she exhales.
“Sssh, babe. Just take what you need.” I firmly press my knee into her mound, giving it the friction she needs, encouraging her to move faster.
