by Xana Jordan
Her nails find themselves embedded in my bare back, pushing me to give her the release she craves. Pushing up her shirt with one hand, I pull a nipple between my teeth, applying gentle pressure as I pull on it. Her back bows, giving me better access to lavish the other with equal attention. Sliding her legs to behind my thighs, she increases her movements against my leg harder than before.
“Please, I need you,” she pleads between ragged breaths.
“Just let me give it to you.”
“No, I need you. Please,” she pulls my mouth away from her breasts to look me in the eye.
“Are you sure you want this right now? I don’t want to rush you.” I’m worried how her emotions are going to affect her.
“I need us. Together,” she explains with watery eyes that break through any traces of resolve I have left.
She releases me to remove her own sleep shorts, pushing me backward so I can do the same. Shirt following her shorts and underwear to the floor, she falls back onto the sheets, taking me with her. Lying skin on skin with my girl connects us in ways I never imagined were possible. Moving inside her fully, she sighs, meeting my thrusts with her own. Her inner muscles are squeezing me so tightly, I know I won’t last long.
“Yes,” she near yells, before I absorb her cries with my mouth. She returns my kiss with clashing teeth, pushing me over the edge of my control.
Slamming harder together, I can feel when she finally reaches her breaking point, because her core begins spasming around me violently so much that I can’t hold back any longer. With a few more jerks, we release together, staying connected until we catch our breath.
Once I’ve calmed from my orgasm, I get her cleaned up, then settle in bed beside her. Molding around her backside, I wrap my arms around her body and hold her tightly. “Sleep, babe. I’m here.”
“Just us together,” she sighs before drifting off to sleep.
Finally, she understands just how things are. Watching over her until I’m positive she’ll remain asleep, I let myself follow her into oblivion, content to have her here with me.
The weekend flew by with the Homecoming game and everything I confided in Cade about. His constant support has helped me feel a bit more normal, his sixth sense of when to give me space making things that much less stressful.
He has remained adamant about going to therapy with me, as long as my counselor thinks it will help. That’s where I am now, waiting in my usual room in the campus library for Lainey to Skype me while he waits in a study carrel outside the room.
I’m really nervous about having him sit in on my sessions, but I know he just wants to learn how to help me deal with all of these terrible memories. His depth of concern for me is overwhelming at times. He is just amazing.
“Hi, Stacy,” Lainey greets me when I answer her call. “You look good. How was your weekend?”
“It was busy.”
“And? You look like you want to tell me something.” She is extremely observant. It’s kinda freaks me out.
“I told Cade.” I look down at my fingers, picking at my nails. “And then I told Noel and Xana some of it.” She is quiet for a moment, making sure I’m finished talking.
“How did that go?”
I explain what frame of mind I was in after our last talk. How Cade confronted my elusiveness, causing me to breakdown. Everything we talked about, along with my conversation with Noel and Xana.
“Well, that seems like things worked out pretty well. How are things with them now?”
“They’re okay, I guess. They don’t push me for information and give me space. They are the same, really. Just like always.”
“Good. How about Cade? I know you were very distraught about him knowing. How is he handling everything?”
“He’s been amazing. Like you said he would be. In fact, he wants to come to one of our sessions with me.” I look toward the door where he waits on the other side. “He wants to help me.” My voice is quieter now.
“How do you feel about that? Do you want him to come with you sometimes?” Her tone remains neutral, but I can sense her smiling on the inside.
Looking up at her questions, I bite my lip while exhaling loudly. “I think I’d like that.” I look to the door and back. “I need him here.”
“He’s outside, I take it,” she smiles and nods to where I’ve been gazing. Nodding in confirmation, I smile, if not a tad bit goofily. “Go get that boy. I’d like to meet him.”
Cade is sitting beside me in record time, enticing a tiny laugh from Lainey. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Cade.”
“Thank you. I appreciate all you’ve been able to do to help Stace,” he returns her greeting. Sitting next to me, he takes hold of my hand, lacing our fingers together. This simple gesture settles the butterflies that have taken flight in the pit of my stomach. Why have I pushed him away for so long?
The remainder of our time is spent discussing the things Cade and I have talked about and any questions we had about how to handle it all. We explored what to do about my grandparents knowing what happened to me. I’m still torn as to what I should do about that. Both Cade and Lainey made pretty good points about at least seeking a protective order. I know they’re right, but I just can’t explain how I simply want to forget it all.
“I promise to think about it more, but right now, I’m not ready for that.” Cade squeezes my hand and the topic is tabled for a later date.
“I’m glad to hear that,” she looks to her watch with surprise. “That’s it for our time today. I feel like we’ve worked well on a few things. I think we can wait until next week to talk again. How do you feel about that?”
Sharing a look with Cade, I feel reassured that things will be just fine now that I’ve entrusted him with everything. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be alright.” He leans over to place a kiss on my temple, making her smile at us.
“That’s great to hear. I’ll email you later this week with some times I have available and we can go from there.” I nod in agreement, leaning into Cade as he wraps an arm around my shoulders. “You have my number if there’s an emergency, but I imagine you’ll have more support than you need.”
“Yes, she will,” he agrees before we end the call.
Closing the laptop, he gathers our things so we can head out of the library. Walking hand in hand, we make our way across campus to my dorm, my laptop bag sitting over his broad shoulder. Xana is with Noel somewhere, so we’ll have the room to ourselves. I’m grateful for that.
“You’ve been awfully quiet,” he observes as we walk into the room.
“Just thinking about everything...and nothing at all.” Closing the door behind him, he places the laptop bag on Xan’s bed, then pulls me to him.
“Thank you for allowing me to be there with you,” he whispers against my hair, “It means everything.” Hugging him tighter, I breathe in his cologne and body wash, letting it soothe my nerves and runaway mind.
Tilting my chin up and away from his body, we stare at one another, words unnecessary. Taking my face in his hands, he brushes away the stray hairs and says, “Enough of responsibilities. You. Me. Movie night.”
“But, I have to study,” I try and argue, but it does no good.
“Not tonight. We’re just gonna have fun and enjoy being irresponsible. Now, go freshen up and get ready. I’ll be back to pick you up at six, after I get out of study hall.” He gives me that goofy, lopsided grin that I love so much, making it impossible to deny him anything.
“Okay,” I give in, his face lighting up like he’d just opened the biggest Christmas present imaginable.
“Thought I’d have to fight you harder,” he laughs. I shrug, smiling back at him.
“Maybe I should, but screw it. Let’s just have fun.”
“There’s my girl!” He hugs me, lifting me off my feet, “Now, come check me out so we can get this party started.”
Giggling as I look down into his eyes, “Well, put me down and I will, you big goof.”
&nb
sp; “But I’m your goof, so...” he sets me down on the floor, “let’s go.” He pulls us out of the room, laughing along the way, carefree and happy.
Stace and I grabbed the biggest, juiciest cheeseburger and loaded fries at Swaffar’s before heading to the movie theatre. We picked the newest comedy out, pigging out on popcorn and candy, regardless of what we just ate. We made fun of the actors, the plot, and even the moviegoers who laughed at the least funny parts. There’s been so much going on in our lives the past year, we haven’t had much of a chance to just be a regular couple. It was good for her, for us, to let go and just be.
“The stars are so beautiful tonight. You can see so many without all the clouds,” she sighs, leaning on my chest as she sits between my legs. We’re sitting in the back of my pickup at the lake, enjoying quiet time alone. I brought her here after the movie so that she could continue being free, unweighted down by all the drama.
“They’re pretty, but not nearly as beautiful as you,” I whisper honestly in her ear. “You always are.”
“You’re biased and have to say that, but sometimes I just need to hear you say those things,” her voice tapers off so much I can barely hear her.
Turning her face to mine, I hold her by the chin and say, “I’ll say them anytime you need me to, but hopefully I’ll say them often enough to convince you of it.”
“Gah, you say the sweetest things.” She leans into my hand and exhales. I swear I can see tears forming in her eyes.
“Only for you. Everyone else doesn’t matter.” It’s true. Other than my mother, she’s the only one I say things like that to. It’s easy to say them for her, because she owns my heart.
Sitting relaxed in the truck bed gazing at the stars, keeps us quiet while we relish our alone time. I can feel her tension slip away as her body goes limp in my embrace. I could sit here, just like this, all night if my ass wouldn’t go numb and the mosquitos would disappear.
“I think I might change my major,” I say against the silence.
“What’s making you second guess your choice?”
How do I answer that, when I’m not even sure myself? “I don’t know, really. This semester has just felt wrong. Like, I’m not living my life doing what makes me happy.”
“What do you imagine yourself doing? What would make you happy?” She holds my arms lying around her waist, giving them a comforting caress.
Placing my chin on top of her head, I think about my future and what it might look like. I really enjoyed working with the local kids this summer during summer ball season. Seeing their grinning faces when they mastered something new was about the best feeling I’ve had. I was proud of them, and even prouder what I had done something right to help them learn the skills they needed.
“I don’t know. I loved working with the kids playing ball this summer. It felt good. I can’t believe I’ve never done it until now. Noel would always be so excited about volunteering and I couldn’t understand why.”
“Now you do.”
“Yeah.” I release a deep breath and close my eyes, remembering the little guy that hit his first ball ever. His excitement and wonder was contagious, and I found myself a little more enthusiastic than he was, I think.
“Have you considered teaching or coaching?”
Huh. What about that. She is beautiful and brilliant. “I never considered that.”
“Seriously? Not once?” she asks, her voice laced with disbelief and amusement.
“No. But now I’m thinking that sounds like a great idea.”
“Maybe you should look into it. Talk to your advisor, maybe?”
“I think I’ll do that. Couldn’t hurt, right?”
“Not a bit. If they can’t help, I’m certain they can send you to someone who can.”
“That’s true. I think I’ll do that this week,” I reply, leaving us in silence once again.
I’m unaware of how long we’ve been here when she begins to shiver beneath my arms. “You ready to head home?”
“I guess. Wish we could stay here, though. It’s so peaceful,” she sighs once more.
“I want you to stay with me for awhile, so I can help you. Please don’t fight me on this.” I’m worried about her taking those sleeping pills and the nightmares she still could have.
“Okay,” she relents, slipping out of my lap. “Take me home,” she commands while helping me to my feet.
“As you wish, Scarlett,” I answer, bowing before her.
“Oh, Jensen. You had me at ‘hello’.” Laughing at each other’s movie references, we climb out of the truck bed and into the cab to leave the deserted lake behind.
“Thank you for tonight. It was wonderful,” her voice carries over the music of the radio as she rests on my side.
“I’m glad you had a good time. We’ll have to make it a point to do things like this more often.”
“Yeah, we do.” She changes the radio station to a Keeley Rose song that’s been popular lately, and returns to my side. “It’s gonna get better, right?”
“It will in time. We’ll make sure it does.”
“Okay. I’m glad you’re making me stay with you. I feel safer that way.”
“Then that’s where you’ll be.”
The past few days have been hectic, what with band, classes, and study groups filling most of our time. Tonight is the first time in two weeks Xana and I have had to ourselves since she and Noel learned some of what happened to me because of my sperm donor. It’s an extremely welcomed break from the chaos.
“What do you feel like doing?” Xan questions as she puts her band shoes in her closet.
“Honestly, I really don’t care, as long as I don’t have to leave this room,” I whine, yes, whine, while taking my band uniform and hanging it up in the closet. Even though we’ve just take a shower, I still feel...hot, sweaty, and my body aches from the week’s activities. The hot steam of the shower did nothing to ease my stiff muscles and joints. The football game this afternoon pushed my body over the edge. I’m done.
Apparently, my suffering amuses her, judging by the way she throws her head back in laughter. Hooker.
“Oh, shut up, heifer. I’m glad you find my pain so entertaining,” I spout off in response, but that encourages her to laugh more.
“Give it a rest, whiny pants. I’ve got some cheese for ya.” She’s such a smart ass sometimes.
Rolling my eyes, I move on, putting away the rest of my dirty clothes and toiletries, my mind spinning circles over how to approach my much needed conversation with her. She’s been so patient when it comes to what happened with my dad, she deserves to know more than she does. I want her to know, to talk to her like I always have.
“At least, this was an afternoon game, so we have the rest of the day left to do whatever we want.” She smiles, running fingers through her damp, curly hair to remove the tangles before she puts applies product.
“Thank coconuts for that,” I agree, throwing my body on my bed. Damn, that feels like fluffy pillows of heaven. “The guys are bringing over food before they leave, right?”
“Yeah, Noel said they’d bring some pizza and fried ravioli,” she grins, grabbing the remote to click the television on.
“How did you manage that?” I’m, for some reason, surprised she talked him into that. Lord knows I shouldn’t be, though.
“I didn’t have to do anything,” she denies, the smirk on her face telling me otherwise.
“You keep trying to convince yourself of that.”
“My stomach may, or may not, have growled..loudly,” she jokes, her face blushing rapidly to a vibrant shade of maroon.
“That’s the more likely story.” She giggles, clicking through channels until she decides on a syfy movie. We do have a penchant for a good, creature flick.
“When are they coming back?” I know they have things to help their dads with, bank property upkeep or something, but can’t remember the details. Bad girlfriend, I know.
“Tomorrow night, probably late.�
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“You have any restrictions while he’s gone,” I tease.
“Just to travel in groups and only in daylight. The usual,” her casual response not quite what I expected.
“You don’t mind being bossed around like that?” She shrugs, tossing her wet towels in the hamper.
“Eh, it’s only the smart thing to do until it’s safe to go out at night. Why be bothered by it?”
“True,” I agree then plug my phone in to charge.
Before too much time has passed, Xana is called to the lobby to retrieve dinner from Cade and Noel, leaving at my refusal to move from my comfortable position, curled up in my comforter. It’s a blessing Cade doesn’t expect me to see him every minute of the day. I think I’d throw a very unattractive hissy fit of epic proportions if he ever pulled that crap on me.
“Food is served,” she announces, waltzing into the room, flourishing her hand in front of the carry-out like Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune.
Sitting up in bed, I hold out my arms to wiggle my fingers at her. “Gimme.” She gives me a sack of food, and I tear into it like a starved dog with a bag of dog chow. “Aaah, soooo good.”
“Save the sex sounds for Cade, hooker face. I’m trying to eat.” She makes a disgusted face, mouth and forehead scrunched up, pretending to gag a little. She’s so funny.
“You’d do well to remember that the next time you see Noel,” I warn, waggling my brows. The amusement vanishes from her smart-mouthed expression, leaving her speechless and me laughing like a hyena. “Yeah,” I state between gasps for air, “I’ve, we’ve, heard you two. Get it girl.” The look on her pale, ghost-like face, priceless.
“Uhm,” she stutters, grasping for a response, but I save her the trouble.
“Don’t apologize. Unnecessary.” I refocus my attention on the ravioli, watching the movie as I eat.
Finished with our meal, I throw our gathered trash to throw it away in the dorm’s garbage chute. Leftover food, or containers, do not make for a sweet smelling, pleasant dorm environment. When I return, I grab my toothbrush to scrub away the strong garlic breath I’ve acquired, before setting back on my bed. It’s now or never.
