Embracing Love (Tainted Love Book 3)

by Lily Zante

  Tanya huffed. “Let’s not waste the day talking about Gabriel. You’re here, it’s almost the end of the day, I’m sure you’re tired. Have you checked into the hotel yet?”

  Nadine shook her head. “My luggage is waiting in reception. I wanted to come and see you first.”

  “Good. You’re staying at mine tonight. You can save the hotel for when Ethan gets here, but we still have to catch up. I’ll make something nice to eat.”

  “Let’s go out,” suggested Nadine, “I love being in Paris. And the weather is perfect.”

  The moment his eyes made out Tanya, his heart began to race. Was that Nadine next to her? The familiar shock of her auburn hair confirmed it, and he saw the two women about to get into a taxi.

  “Tanya!” his walking pace sped up to a run. “Tanya, wait!” But he was too far away. She didn’t hear him and the taxi drove off.

  Damn.

  Too late.

  Gabriel wiped his hand over his face and glared at the car now almost out of sight. He’d only just missed her by a few seconds.

  Damn Russell and his conference call.

  He felt the tightness close over his eyes as it occurred to him that Tanya now knew everything.

  She would have heard from Nadine and she’d be wondering why he hadn’t told her a thing.

  The only reason he’d held off calling her as soon as the news broke was because he wanted to tell her face-to-face. She deserved that much.

  He wanted to tell her there were no legal problems standing in their way anymore. That her ad campaign could continue and, he hoped, so could they.

  But these were words he wanted to say to her face, so that he could read her reaction, so that he could ward off her denials, and answer her concerns. He already knew she was mad at him, and the only way he would get through to her would be to talk to her in person.

  But she was probably even madder at him now.

  He assumed Nadine would have told her everything. Even his suggestion about the four of them getting together. He hadn’t made any fast plans, but had seen the opportunity for the four of them to meet up.

  He’d assumed that he and Tanya would have had time to meet and talk about things by then.

  But it had all gone completely wrong.

  So much for the euphoria he’d felt earlier.

  Chapter 33

  “Are you sure you won’t have dinner with us tonight?” Nadine asked as she nodded at the taxi driver who eyed her, not without impatience. She had her luggage ready and was leaving to check in at her hotel.

  “I’m sure. I need to take it slow today, to recover from last night.” She’d taken Nadine to the small tavern near Notre Dame, the one they’d gone to for Thierry’s birthday. With wine on tap all night, and hearty food that flowed all evening, the two of them had stayed there until the staff had had to lock up.

  They were now caught up on everything. But she didn’t agree with Nadine’s assessment of Gabriel, and after a few mild disagreements, they had made a promise not to talk about him for the remainder of the night.

  Nadine frowned. “Ethan will be disappointed.”

  “What time does he land?”

  “Around eleven.”

  “Tell him we’ll be meeting soon—once your friend Gabriel organizes this so-called get together.” Her voice was bitter.

  “Like I said, I don’t know much about it. He and Ethan were discussing it.”

  “I’m sure you’ll let me know before Gabriel does.”

  “Don’t say it like that,” replied Nadine. The taxi driver beeped his horn angrily. “I’m coming,” Nadine muttered, and gave him a wide smile. She hugged Tanya. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

  “Anytime.”

  Nadine walked towards the taxi, wheeling her luggage behind her. “I’ll call you later,” she yelled, and held her hand to her ear, making a phone-call gesture.

  Tanya waited until the taxi had gone then walked back into her apartment where the sound of her ringing cell phone made her rush around her apartment, trying to locate the damn thing.

  By the time she leapt across her bed to reach it, it stopped ringing. She did a double take when she saw Gabriel’s name on the display.

  When her cell rang immediately again she jerked her head back and her mouth fell open. She didn’t know what to do. Putting a hand to her chest, she answered it with trepidation.

  “Hello?”

  “Tanya? Hi, it’s me, Gabriel. I’ve been trying to call you.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Could we talk?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I meant face-to-face.”

  She wrapped her arm around her stomach and considered her options as she tried to think of something fitting to say.

  “Okay,” was the only thing that came to mind.

  “Good,” she heard the surprise in his voice, and waited for his suggestion.

  “How about the Place Dauphine? It’s not far from the Notre Dame—that’s near you, isn’t it?”

  She knew exactly where it was. “How do you know it’s near me?” She didn’t recall mentioning anything about where she lived.

  “Nadine mentioned it.”

  The idea of the three of them talking about her, without her, leaving her completely in the dark, enraged her.

  “What time?” He asked.

  She thought about it. “Four o’clock?” It would give her time to calm down, to recover from last night, and to make herself look presentable. More than that it would show him she wasn’t in a rush to see him.

  “Four?” He sounded disappointed.

  “Five?” She suggested.

  “Four is good. There are some benches in the center. I’ll be waiting there.”

  “I’ll see you then.” She hung up, and immediately wished she’d arranged to meet him within the hour. Waiting until four would kill her and as much as she tried not to get too excited, she was desperate to hear what he had to say.

  She’d slipped on a pair of jeans and a navy blue slightly see-through top that reached her waist, under which her long white strappy vest top could be seen. It was a layered look, and made her feel confident. She’d left her bed covered with a pile of dresses and linen pants all of which looked too dressy.

  On a sun-drenched July day, full-bloomed and vibrant against the backdrop of an azure blue silkscreened sky, Tanya walked along the cobblestone streets wondering what her meeting with Gabriel would bring.

  The Place Dauphine was a pretty little square almost in the center of Paris; more a triangle than a square, it was surrounded by imposing buildings, a mixture of red brick and cream walls.

  She neared the park area and saw people still milling around on their checkered colored blankets, relaxing after a feast of delectable meats and cheeses with wine and fruit, while others played petanque in the distance.

  Gabriel was already standing up and looking at her when she noticed him. As she neared, her body began to wake up. She forgot all about the picnic blankets and the people around her. She heard and felt only the banging of her heart as it spiraled around inside her chest.

  He looked sharp in his camel-colored chinos and navy blazer, the light blue of his shirt a sharp contrast of color. The man was pure, understated chic and he stood out a mile with his classic French-inspired look.

  Feeling breathless and almost dizzy to see him again, she had forgotten how he made her feel.

  “Thanks for coming,” he said, and remained standing. She kept her distance, a clear meter between them, but as their eyes locked together, memories, as thick as honey, swirled around them.

  She forced herself to look nowhere else, but at his eyes. Dared not to look at his lips, nor his hair, or his jaw. She especially didn’t want to run the risk of her hands touching him, or his face, or his body, so she wrapped one arm around her stomach, like armor, and kept the other on her handbag.

  “Did you want to sit? Or we could walk? It’s up to you.” His gaze fell to her lips, then carefully raked
all over her face. “What did you want to do?” he asked gently, when she still hadn’t replied.

  “Let’s walk.” It would mean she wouldn’t have to look at his face, and that might make this easier.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I’ve been distant with you lately.”

  “If?”

  “Okay. I have been distant. I know I have. But it was because of the legal problem. I didn’t want to drag your name into anything. I tried to tell you that the lawsuit had been dropped.”

  She stopped and faced him. “Tried? When?”

  He stopped walking, and they faced one another. “I came to your office yesterday but I just missed you. You and Nadine got into a taxi. I ran to catch up but you’d gone.”

  She tried to recall that moment. “You did?”

  He nodded. “I wanted to tell you in person, not over the phone. I had, I have so much to tell you. I didn’t think it would be right to do it over a phone call.”

  He paused, as if waiting for her reaction.

  “Nadine already beat you to it.”

  “I guessed as much.”

  “She told me all the many things I didn’t know. About the lawsuit, about Ethan coming over, about this so-called get together, the four of us? Yeah,” she said sarcastically, “It was enlightening.”

  His gaze darted to a point behind her, as if he was thinking things over. “I know what you’re thinking,” he said, and then turned to her once more. “I didn’t want to drag you into the mess with Spiral and Flight. I know how much your job means to you. I know I already made things hard for you in the beginning, I was trying to look out for you.”

  She heard the genuine concern in his voice.

  “Don’t you have anything to say, Tanya?”

  Grudgingly, she gave it up, then started to walk. “I hear you. It just seemed that you closed off. I thought I might have heard from you—after the Stormont, while you were in San Francisco. Even a call, late at night or early morning.” She’d waited for him.

  He sighed, “I know, but if you only knew how crazy that whole week was. It was nothing but endless meetings with Russell and the other managers, then with the Zimmerman Group and the constant going out, the late nights didn’t end until early morning. I had so much stuff going on back in Paris and I had to deal with that. And the problems with Spiral erupted out of nowhere soon after.”

  “I guess it all happened around the same time,” she said, more to herself, than to Gabriel.

  They stopped again, and this time Gabriel stood with his hands on his hips. “I took my cue from you. At the Stormont, the morning after—after—you know, the next day.” He looked at her with such intensity, that she wanted to believe for a moment that she’d meant something to him after all.

  “What cue?”

  “You said it was awkward, difficult, us—and being seen together at work. I got that. I understood. But I went back with Russell and I was with him most of the time, if not with Michael and Nadine and Sandra. I didn’t want to risk calling you from there, or emailing. And I knew even if we spoke once, I’d want you—I’d want to speak to you over and over again. It seemed better to just cool it while I was there. Don’t you see that?”

  Yes, she did. “So what are you saying, exactly?”

  “I’m saying that I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. And if I did anything that might have hurt you, it was unintentional. It was only because I thought I was looking out for you. I care about you, Tanya. I’ve come to care about you a lot.”

  Whooooshh.

  That was the sound of her stomach almost falling to the ground. She felt her chest rise and fall like a roller-coaster; his words had done that to her.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  Her mouth fell open, and she dared for her gaze to drop to his lips. Oh god, those lips. Silk-winged butterflies danced inside her belly and her head felt light, as though she were in a dream.

  “I want you back, Tanya. I want ‘us’ back. I’m not in my twenties, so I’m not going to dance around, hiding my feelings from you and pretend you don’t mean anything. I’ve lived enough of my life to know that when you want something, sometimes, you have to go for it. I’m telling you now, I want to carry on from where we left off after the night at the Stormont. I want us to forget all about Flight, and the Zimmerman Group, and Spiral and the ad campaign. I want ‘us’ back. Is that what you want?”

  Heat radiated through her chest and her hands tingled as though a million silverfish danced all over them.

  “You want us back?”

  He blinked at her, then rubbed his chin. “Don’t you?”

  Of course she did.

  He moved forward then and she thought he was about to touch her face, but he put his hands into his pocket trousers instead. “Are you scared, Tanya? Because sometimes I get the feeling that you are.”

  She was scared. She was scared of falling in love again. Scared of being hurt again.

  Scared.

  Scared.

  Scared.

  Her lips trembled, and she crossed her arms, looked over to see boats docked along the sides of the river. People sat on the embankment with their legs dangling over and they didn’t seem the slightest bit afraid of falling in.

  She turned to Gabriel. “I am scared. I’m scared it won’t work out. I’m scared to try. I don’t want to go through the pain again.”

  He laid his hands gently on her folded arms. “I get the fear. I have it too. For the longest time, I didn’t dare to believe I could ever be as happy as I had been in the past. But sometimes, you have to be fearless and just try. I’m scared too. But right now I’m more scared that you’ll say ‘no’, more than I’m scared of anything else. But, here’s the thing. I feel that I have a chance to be happy again, because you make me happy. You make me happy even when you’re not around; I just have to think about you and I’m happy. I’m finally giving myself permission to be happy. To embrace this thing we have between us. It feels real. It feels good. When I’m with you, I feel as though I could fall in deep and stay there forever.”

  She stared back at him in a daze. This man wasn’t holding back. He didn’t hide his innermost feelings, not this Gabriel Valois; so different from the man she’d first met and despised.

  She felt all drippy inside as though her very soul was melting away. The feeling was all gooey and sweet, and runny, like chocolate. She was falling for him.

  But he still didn’t know many things about her. “You talk about your son, and how much you’re going to miss him. You talk as though you want children,” she stared into those chocolate brown eyes, “and I can’t have them, Gabriel.” She looked up at him with sorrowful eyes and her heart felt hollow and empty. To say this out loud to someone who hadn’t shared a large part of her life felt like walking on a tightrope. There was no safety net here. He tilted his head back slightly, lifting his chin, looking at her differently, she thought, and her eyes glazed over.

  He didn’t say a word and she talked, to fill the silence as much as to get the heaviness off her chest. She’d already said too much, and if he couldn’t handle it, he could walk away. “We couldn’t have them, and he left, and found someone else. Now they have a family. I’m not planning ahead, or presuming too much—but I want you to know this about me.”

  “Hey, hey,” he whispered gently, sliding his hands to her shoulders. “I never talked about wanting more children. I already have a son and he is enough.”

  Tears welled in her eyes and she looked away, praying he wouldn’t force her to look at him. “You’re not like Vanessa, or anyone I’ve known before. You are you. And I…love being with you. Getting to know you has been like peeling back the petals of a flower; every time I get to discover something new about you. You make me want to protect you and be there for you even though sometimes I know it’s the last thing you probably ever want.”

  She listened to him, felt the mesmerising power of his words as they fell around her ears. Words whose meanin
gs rolled around in her head. She listened to him speak from his heart and she stayed silent because she needed to hear how much she meant to him.

  And she understood—because she’d begun to feel those very things for him.

  When her tears settled back and didn’t fall, she turned and faced him.

  “What are you going to do, Tanya? Run away from this?” he asked, “Because wherever you go I’ll follow. Unless you don’t want me to.”

  She smiled. “This isn’t a game of tag,” she told him.

  “It doesn’t matter what you Americans call it. I’ll chase you. Until and unless you tell me to go away.”

  She nodded her head. “I won’t tell you to go away. But it won’t be easy.”

  He frowned, and waited for her list of obstacles.

  “How will it work?” she asked, thinking about her move to Milan in the coming months. “How will we ever make it work?”

  “The way most people do, when they have no other choice but to make it work. People can do almost anything they put their minds to. It depends how badly they want it. I want you badly, I want you enough to make it work.”

  “But I’m not even based in one city for most of the year. I’ll be flying between Paris and Milan and Michael is talking about opening offices in London. Every now and then I’ll have to go back to San Francisco. What sort of man would put up with that?”

  “The man you’re looking at,” he replied. “But the question is: are you brave enough to want to try? I know I am. Right now, Tanya, I would go as far as to say that I would do anything to be with you.”

  Her eyes widened at the enormity of what he had just said. In the distance, someone shouted and she could have sworn they said her name. But her attention was riveted to Gabriel. “You can’t mean that, you barely know me.”

  “I do mean it, and I do know you. It wasn’t just that one night. I feel I know you here.” He placed a fist over his heart, “and that has nothing to do with the length of time we’ve known each other.” He looked at her in a way that made her want to cry—from happiness deep within. “I was willing to wait for all the dust to settle before we spoke, because I wanted you to know how I feel. We might not have known each other very long, but I have never felt like this before. And I don’t want to lose you.”