She’d even begun to question if she really wanted to forget. Cass had wondered constantly if she’d done the right thing in keeping Luke a secret from his father—though there was no changing that decision. Now she was back with a man who was both furious and determined to get her to marry him.
How could she do that, though? Marry a man who didn’t love her? Wasn’t marriage a risk even with love?
Cass had seen her parents’ marriage erode into rubble and she still had the emotional scars to prove it. She couldn’t set her own child up for the kind of hurt she’d once known. Sure, Jake was positive he wanted her and Luke here now. But what about a year from now? Five years? What if he one day decided he’d had enough and sent them away?
How could she live with herself knowing that she’d brought Luke the kind of pain no child should ever know? The pain of knowing that your parent didn’t want you.
To make matters worse, she couldn’t sleep.
Luke wasn’t the problem. He’d been sleeping through the night since he was two months old, bless him. No, it was her own mind that was keeping her awake. Thoughts of Jake refused to quiet down and go away.
This was not how she had expected her trip to Montana to go. Cass had been prepared for Jake’s anger, but the thought that he might now want to take custody of Lucas had never occurred to her. As for the proposal, that hadn’t been real and they both knew it. He was just angry—he had a right, she could admit that—but he didn’t want her, he wanted his son.
He couldn’t have Luke.
Even sharing her son was going to be hard at first. After all, since Luke’s birth, Cass had been on her own, doing everything herself. Yes, that was her own doing, but the fact remained that things were going to be changing now.
Remembering the last of their conversation hours before, she cringed.
“I know you believe that proposing to me is the right thing to do,” she said, struggling to keep a calmness she wasn’t feeling in her voice, “and I appreciate the thought. But this isn’t the 1950s and I don’t need you to step in and save my reputation. Luke and I are doing fine on our own.”
“But you’re not on your own anymore, Cassie,” he said, voice as dark as the shadows crouched in his eyes. “There’s me to contend with, too. And I don’t give a flying damn about some fifties ideal. I asked you to marry me because you’re the mother of my son and I figured you’d rather be where he is.”
“I will be. In Boston.”
“Montana. Get used to it.”
How was she supposed to get used to an ultimatum?
She flipped onto her side, facing the crib and the wall of windows, and punched at her pillow. It wouldn’t help her sleep, but it took care of a little of the frustration clawing at her.
How could you argue with a man who spoke in two-word sentences?
But he’d had more to say today, hadn’t he? And then the proposal? Her stomach swam with nerves and...pleasure?
Oh, God. She slapped one hand to her forehead. How could she even pretend to enjoy that dogmatic demand for marriage? She had to be as crazy as he was.
Desire was one thing, she told herself firmly—letting it get out of hand was something else. She had to remember what was important here. Luke. That’s why she’d come back to Montana. Keeping her son safe had been the goal.
Though now she had to worry about Jake’s trying to get custody, so had she really ensured Luke’s safety?
When the door to her bedroom opened quietly, a spear of light from the hallway slanted across her bed, lighting up the darkness. She didn’t turn to look. She didn’t have to. She could feel Jake’s presence. What she didn’t know was what he wanted. But she’d had enough of arguing for the night, so she feigned sleep, not moving a muscle as he stepped into her room.
The door remained open and the light looked like a golden slash through the shadows. He moved so softly, all she heard was the whisper of his jean-clad thighs. Holding her breath, she waited to see what he would do. If he came to her, if he kissed her, Cass knew she’d be lost. All of these months without his touch left her vulnerable to his slightest caress.
But he didn’t come to her. Instead, he walked to the crib. Cass heard Boston’s tail thump against the floor before Jake shushed him with a quiet command. Cass looked at the man in the shadows and watched as he bent low over the crib, reaching down to the sleeping baby. She saw him smooth his work-roughened hand over his son’s head and her heart twisted at that gentle action.
“Hello, Luke,” Jake whispered in hardly more than an expelled breath. “I’m your father. You don’t know me yet. But I promise you will.”
Luke snuffled and made the little squeaky sound that always made Cass think he was dreaming.
Jake watched the sleeping boy for what felt like hours. Cass’s heart ached for the man and for herself. She was in serious trouble here and she knew it. Because the simple truth was, she loved Jake Hunter—a man determined to keep his heart locked away behind a wall of his own making.
Then finally, as quietly as he’d arrived, he left her room, shutting the door behind him.
* * *
By morning, the wind had died down a little and the sky looked as if it had been cast out of molten silver. Huge clouds settled over the mountain, looking as though they might drop right out of the sky any minute. It was cold, too, but Cassie had Luke bundled against the weather, zipped into his baby snow sack. When she carried him outside and stepped off the porch, she gulped in a breath of air that was so cold it felt like icicles being shoved down her throat. She probably should have stayed in the house, but she wanted to talk to Ben, and making an old man come out in the cold seemed mean somehow.
It only took a few seconds to walk across the yard to Ben’s cabin, and as she got closer, she noticed that Jake’s grandfather had a Christmas tree set up in the front window. The lights on it glowed in the shadowy day, looking cheerful enough to make her smile even after a long, sleepless night.
Ben opened the door before she could knock and swept her and Luke inside. Warmth wrapped itself around her and Cass sighed in appreciation.
“You shouldn’t have come out in this cold, Cassie girl,” Ben was saying as he adeptly lifted Luke out of her arms.
“I will admit that it’s nice to be inside. Even that short walk is really cold.”
“Blizzard’s coming in fast,” he said, with a quick glance out the window at the sky. “Best you two don’t stay long and get back to the main house.”
“Will you be all right over here by yourself in a blizzard?”
He laughed at that and set the baby more easily on his forearm. “Cassie, I’ve lived through more Montana blizzards than you could count. Got plenty of food, plenty of firewood, and just in case, I’ve got the generator. Jake installed a top-of-the-line generator at the main house and every cabin here when he took over. Trust me, we’re set.” He shrugged. “Besides, I’ve got a front-row seat and I kinda like watching it when the storm starts getting mean.”
Cass smiled. “Jake’s a lot like you, isn’t he?”
“Only if that’s a good thing,” Ben replied with a wink. “I know things are rough going between you two right now, Cassie. But Jake’s a good man. He’ll do the right by you.”
“That’s the problem,” she admitted, her heart sinking at yet more evidence that Jake Hunter would pick up his sack of troubles—Cass and Luke—and carry on stoically. “He’ll do the right thing even if he doesn’t want to.”
“You think he doesn’t want to?” Ben laughed, and led the way into the front room, fully expecting her to follow him. “You young people sure are blind sometimes. Wonder if it’s on purpose?”
“If what’s on purpose?” she asked.
“Nothing, nothing.” The older man turned Luke in his arms so he could see the tiny face staring back at him and Ben
gave the boy a wide grin. “A great-grandson. Isn’t that something, though?”
A ping of guilt hit her hard and Cass told herself she had more people than just Jake to apologize to. She’d kept Luke from his family and she had the distinct feeling that guilt was going to be with her for quite a while. “I’m sorry, Ben. I should have told you and Jake and even Elise a long time ago.”
Ben’s sharp blue eyes fixed on her. “I expect you had your reasons.”
“I did,” she admitted as she slipped out of her coat. “They even made sense until I got here and talked to Jake.”
Ben chuckled and carried Luke across the front room. “Well, you two will work things out eventually.”
He sat down in a big leather recliner, balancing Luke on his lap. Ben’s big, work-worn, time-weathered hands held the baby as gently as he might have a wounded bird. The little boy squirmed excitedly until his snowsuit was unzipped and he was freed from captivity. Then he pushed himself up on wobbly legs and braced his small hands against his great-grandfather’s chest. Eyes met, smiles were exchanged and in the span of moments, Cass watched as love was born.
It hurt to admit that she’d been cheating her son out of the love that was his due. His right. She’d cheated all of them and didn’t have a clue how she could make up for it.
She took a seat nearby and looked at Ben’s Christmas tree. It filled the house with a luscious scent and sparkled and shone like a new morning.
Christmas. Luke’s first.
“It’s a beautiful tree.”
“Jake goes out and cuts me down the perfect one, every year.”
“But he doesn’t get one for himself?”
Frowning, the older man sat Luke on his lap again and gave the boy his pocket watch to play with. “Jake hasn’t celebrated Christmas in so long, he might not even know how to anymore.”
Now it was her turn to frown. She’d wondered why there hadn’t been any sign of Christmas in the ranch house. Of course, a man alone wouldn’t do much decorating, but she had been surprised that Anna hadn’t put out pine boughs and lights and things. Now she understood the barrenness of the main house. “Do you know why?”
“He never told me.”
“Secrets and shadows,” she murmured, turning back to the tree where lights burned brightly and strings of silver tinsel caught the reflections of that light and spun it out again. Across the yard, the main house looked dark and forgotten in comparison to the hopeful joy of Ben’s tree. “I can’t stay with him.”
She didn’t know why she’d said it. Probably shouldn’t have, but Jake’s grandfather had been a friend to her before and she desperately needed one now.
“Too early to give up, Cassie.”
“Is it?” She looked at her son and then at the older man. “Should I stay and try and then fail? Should I let Luke fall in love with his father and then have his heart broken when we eventually go our separate ways?”
“Why do you young people always think about divorce?”
“I didn’t—”
“Seems to me that when you’re talking about getting married, then you should be thinking about succeeding, not failing. Why go into anything if you believe you’ll fail?”
“He doesn’t want to marry me, Ben. He only wants his son.”
“Can you blame him for that?”
“Of course not, but—”
“I think you two have to find a way to reach common ground,” he said, like a diplomat. “But it won’t happen if you shut each other out.”
She laughed shortly. “He never let me in.”
Ben winked at her. “He got a dog, didn’t he?”
“What?”
“The dog. Always said he didn’t want one,” Ben mused. “Said a house dog was too much trouble and too much time. But you hadn’t been gone a week when he brought that puppy home.”
“That doesn’t mean—”
Ben’s white eyebrows lifted. “Called him Boston, too.”
True, she had thought that maybe he’d named the dog that because of her. But as Jake made a point of telling her, he was also originally from Boston.
“That’s where he was born,” Cass said, shaking her head more firmly. “His family lives there.”
“Uh-huh, and he’s spent most of his adult life trying to break away from Boston,” Ben reminded her. “The only reason I figure he gave the dog the name of a city he can’t stand is because of you. Because he couldn’t forget you, and more—didn’t want to forget.”
Hope jumped to life in one small corner of her heart. If Ben was right, maybe there was a chance. Maybe she and Jake could find a way past their own doubts and fears and make this work. If Ben was right.
When she left here the last time she had been half in love with him. Seeing him with Luke last night in her room had given her that extra shove she’d needed, though Cass knew that love alone wouldn’t be enough. Could she trust him to stay? Could she believe that a happy ending was possible?
“Would you mind looking after Luke for a little while?” Cass stood up and pulled her coat back on.
“Not a bit. What’ve you got up your sleeve, Cassie?”
She wasn’t sure. Heck, she wasn’t sure of much anymore, it seemed. But she did know that she was here now and if she didn’t at least try to get through to Jake, she might spend the rest of her life regretting it.
“I’m hoping there’s magic up my sleeve.”
Nine
Jake was cold to the bone and exhausted.
Several hours out on the land in a driving, icy wind would do that to a man. Of course, the exhaustion probably had a lot to do with the fact that he hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before. With Cassie in the room right next door to him, he’d lain awake, tormented by thoughts and images of her.
The anger that had burned so brightly the day before was now just smoldering embers. Yes, he could understand what she’d done and even why—he hadn’t exactly shown her the picture of a man interested in family when she was here the last time. But knowing how much of his son’s life he’d already missed cut at him harder than any icy wind. What he had to decide was what to do now.
He knew what he wanted. He wanted Cassie. Now more than ever.
And he wanted his son.
But the man he’d become wasn’t exactly good material for building a happily ever after.
Jake stabled his horse, gave it a good rubdown and made sure it and the other animals in the barn had plenty of feed and water before heading for the main house.
The blizzard was finally kicking in, Jake thought as he stepped from the shelter of the stable into a wind strong enough to knock a man down. Wrapping his right arm around the rope stretched across the yard, he made his way to the main house. The snow was flying and with every step he took, the flakes came faster, thicker, until even squinting, he could barely see the porch he was aimed for. It was as if the storm had waited for him and the ranch hands to return before cutting itself loose. He finally reached the porch, stomped most of the snow off and gratefully stepped inside.
Warmth reached for him and Jake took a deep breath, then released it on a sigh. Grateful to be out of the cold, it took him a second to realize that the scent of pine permeated the house.
“What the hell?”
He shrugged out of his jacket, tossed his hat and scarf onto a nearby hook, then stomped through the entryway into the main room, looking for the source of that smell.
Everyone on the ranch knew he didn’t do Christmas. Didn’t do trees. So he knew Anna wouldn’t have brought anything into the house. Which left Cassie. Though how she would have managed—
His thoughts broke off. There was no tree in the room, just boughs of pine branches lining the fireplace mantel and stuck behind picture frames. There was a vase filled with pine branc
hes, and the roaring fire heated the scent, saturating the air until it was rich and thick.
“You’re back.”
His gaze snapped to the woman sitting on the floor in front of the wide windows. Her hair was long and loose around her shoulders and her smile when she looked at him sent heat sliding through him. It had been a long, hard, cold day, but coming home to that smile was something a man could get used to.
Backlit by the growing storm, Cassie looked impossibly young and beautiful as she sat opposite Luke, with Boston sprawled on the floor beside them. As he watched, the baby slapped both hands onto the dog’s broad back and rocked unsteadily from side to side, grinning wildly when he’d completed the task. An answering smile of pride touched Jake’s mouth briefly. How was it possible that such a tiny human being could turn a man’s heart inside out?
Boston’s tail thumped in appreciation.
“This is the best dog,” Cassie said, her voice breaking the spell holding him in place as she reached out one hand to stroke Boston’s head. “He just loves Luke to pieces.”
“Yeah, he does.” She and the baby were taking over his home, his life. Hell, even his dog had abandoned him in favor of Luke. Jake’s gaze swept around the room, taking in the rest of the pine decorations until he spotted a nativity scene on the coffee table. He hadn’t seen it since he was a boy. “Where did you find that?”
Cassie pushed herself to her feet, picked Luke up and wandered over as if she had all the time in the world. As if she hadn’t noticed the tightness in Jake’s voice.
“In the attic,” she said with a smile, setting Luke down in front of the hand-carved wooden pieces. Instantly, the little boy picked up a sheep and started gnawing on it. “It was Ben’s idea. He said that all of the old family decorations were up there and I should help myself to what I could find.”
His own grandfather. Still working against him. Ben liked Cassie, and now that Luke was involved too, the older man was making no secret of the fact that he wanted them to stay. Well hell, so did Jake. But he had more at risk than Ben did, so Jake had to look at the situation from all angles.
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