Lexy’s Little Matchmaker

by Lynda Sandoval

  “But…it was an accident,” he stated, more than asked.

  “It was an accident I caused, that killed people, Drew,” she said emphatically. “I was young and stupid and irresponsible. So…God, so irresponsible. But I knew better, and I did it anyway. Four lives cut short. Do you really want someone like that around your son?”

  He searched her face. “Lexy…honey,” he said slowly, “it was an accident.”

  She shook her head, denying that. “No. No excuses. I…know we haven’t known each other that long, but for some reason, I don’t want to hide that from you anymore. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. If we’re going to be friends—”

  “We are friends.”

  “Okay. Then. I couldn’t give you less than the truth. Not after all you and Ian have been through. It’s bothered me all month, ever since I learned how you felt about reckless behavior.”

  “So that was what I said? That I hated Gina’s reckless behavior?”

  She nodded.

  “And that’s why you didn’t return any of my calls?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry. That was cowardly. I didn’t know what to do, and I was ashamed.” She pushed out a frustrated sigh. “Ian paints me as some kind of a superhero simply because I answered a phone line, and—” Her words caught, and to her horror, her eyes filled with tears. “I’m nothing close to what Ian thinks of me. You’re his father. An amazing father from what I’ve seen, who loves and protects him. If we’re going to get to know each other—”

  “And you’d like that?”

  “Yes, I’d love that. You built a ramp,” she said, with a teary laugh. “God, Drew, you…built a ramp.”

  He smiled. “I think you’re going to like it.”

  “And I think you deserve to know what kind of person you’re bringing into your little boy’s life.” He wasn’t grasping the gravity of it all. “I’m not a hero, I’m not Ian’s guardian angel, I don’t look anything like a Disney princess, not that Disney would have me anyway, after what I’ve done, and—”

  “Hey, now—”

  “No,” she slashed her hand in front of her. “I take full responsibility for the devastation I’ve caused, Drew. Please know that. I’ve regretted that night every single day of my life, but that doesn’t make it better. It never goes away. It will never go away. So, you see? My inability to walk? Small price to pay for the pure hell I set into motion.”

  Moments ticked by, punctuated by the utter silence of the training room.

  Finally Drew leaned even closer. “Lexy,” he said, seeming to measure his words, “look at me.”

  She did, through the wet veil of her lashes.

  “Your ability to walk or not is irrelevant. To me. I’m unspeakably sorry about your friends, your boyfriend. About what you and the others have gone through. Truly, so sorry. You made a mistake, yes.”

  She dropped her gaze to their entwined hands. Here it came. She braced for the worst. To her surprise, he reached out and cupped her face in the safe circle of his palms. She lifted her watery eyes to look at him, breaking into a million pieces inside.

  “But, all that said, who didn’t make mistakes at that age?”

  “There are mistakes, and then there are fatal mistakes.”

  “Look at what you’ve done with your life since.”

  A tear rolled down her cheek, and she lifted a hand to flick it away. “What? What I’ve done? I’ve worked a job—big deal. I’ve done what every other decent citizen in the world does, every day. The only difference is—and you need to really hear me—I’ll have those deaths on my soul forever.”

  “I hear you.” He chuckled, but with more sympathy than humor. “You’ve done far more than simply work a job, Lex. Are you always so incredibly hard on yourself?”

  “Shouldn’t I be?”

  “No. You shouldn’t be. I would be proud to have you as a role model in Ian’s life. And that’s saying a lot. Sometimes it’s the people who go through the darkest of times that bring the most light.”

  She pressed her cheek into his palm, striving for composure. “All I wanted all these years, was for my friends to heal—”

  “And they have, right?” He brushed his thumbs over her cheekbones, a gentle caress. “Brody, Cagney and Erin seem pretty happy to me.”

  His voice was way too level, too soothing. She couldn’t succumb to that. “Yes, they are. Finally.”

  “And everything’s okay at work?”

  “Yes. I love my job, but I took it initially because I had a profound need to help people. To atone, or so I thought. But here it is, eleven years later. I’ve answered thousands of 9-1-1 calls, Drew, helped people like Ian. You. Sure, I’ve done that because I’m paid to do it, because it’s a part of me. But none of it, not one save, not one call, has erased what I did all those years ago.”

  “It was a terrible tragedy, Lex, and you’re right, nothing will erase it. But no one holds that against you…except you. What would you most want for the four friends you lost?”

  “I’d want them to live. To have that chance.”

  “Don’t you think they’d want the same for you?”

  She blinked up at him, realizing, maybe for the first time, the truth of his words. Mick, Kevin, Tad and Randy wouldn’t want her to turn her back on life because they’d died. In fact, doing so was an insult to their memories.

  “Your situation isn’t anything like Gina’s. That would never have crossed my mind.” He paused. “Don’t you think you deserve to be happy now, too? Like the others?”

  She sniffled as tears blurred her eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t think I know how. I’m starting to…see your point.”

  “That’s a good start.”

  She nodded. “I just needed to tell you. Everything. I want—no, I need you to explain to Ian I’m no superhero.” Her voice grew more urgent. “Before he gets hurt all over again on my account. Please. I can’t handle the pressure of the pedestal he’s put me on.”

  “Okay. Lexy? Shh.” He knelt on one knee in front of her chair and pulled her into an embrace, rubbing her back softly to soothe her. “Listen, whatever you need me to do, I’ll do.”

  “Tell Ian I’m just a regular person, faults and all. I need you to tell him. Or there can never be anything between us, Drew. I don’t want to live a lie.”

  Drew was rocked by all that Lexy had told him, not because he thought any less of her now than he ever had. Quite the opposite. He was struck more by the sheer depth of her torment and self-flagellation over a horrible mistake she’d made as a teenager. If he thought he’d been punishing himself over Gina’s situation, over his anger about it, over his grief, Lexy had beat him by a mile.

  She’d avoided him and Ian because she felt unworthy? He never would’ve imagined that. “Lexy?” he said finally, “Nothing you’ve told me scares me away or makes you any less appealing. Nothing makes me not want you in our lives. Nothing is a deal breaker. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  He wanted to believe her. Yet, here she sat crying in the rehab room from pure shame, which he felt certain wasn’t her style. But, damn, he had to say, she felt good in his arms. And he shouldn’t be thinking along those lines at this moment, but she was so appealing. She squeezed him once and released him, sitting back. “I’m sorry. I’m not usually so emotional.”

  “I didn’t think so. But this is tough.”

  “It’s not just this. I’ve had a few surprises today.”

  He smiled at her. “Lex, do you want to get out of here? Go somewhere private so we can talk?”

  Her eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

  He stood and reached for her hand. “We can go to my house, hang out on the deck, eat ice cream. Ian would love to see you. Plus, I’d like for you to see the ramp. It’s pretty awesome.”

  She paused for a moment, as if she were casting about for an excuse. “But, I haven’t given you the grand tour of the rehab gym.”

  “It can wait.”

  She stud
ied his face for several long moments, then reached out and shyly slid her palm into his. “Okay. Yes. I’d like that.”

  Stepping back, he assessed her. “You might want to, ah, splash your face or something.”

  Lexy peered into the full-length wall mirror with a horrified expression. “I look terrible!”

  “Well, now, I don’t think you’re capable of that. But you do look as if you’ve been crying. The last thing you need is the grapevine buzzing that you left the hospital teary-eyed and holding hands with the new guy,” he teased.

  “God, no kidding. I should. I’ll be right back.”

  While Lexy was in the ladies’ locker room, Drew walked around the training room and inspected the state-of-the-art equipment. He’d love to have the opportunity to work with this kind of technology. Not many facilities had access to this kind of rehab equipment.

  “Pretty amazing, isn’t it?”

  He spun to face Lexy, who’d emerged from the locker room mere moments after she’d left, fresh-faced. “Yeah. Jonas donated all this?”

  She gazed around, taking in a deep breath and releasing it on a sigh. “All the high-tech stuff, yes. I feel so lucky. I can’t tell you what a difference it’s made in my training and stamina.”

  “I bet.”

  She peered up at him nervously. “Which…actually, before we leave, is something I hoped to talk to you about.”

  Drew cocked his head in confusion. “Your training or your stamina?” He waggled his eyebrows.

  She laughed. “Training. My longtime rehab therapist and trainer, Kimberly, is leaving Troublesome Gulch to get married. Which is wonderful for her, but—”

  “Not so great for you?”

  “Exactly.” Lexy pursed her lips in a pout. “I was such a baby about it when she told me this morning, but I’m going to miss her so much.”

  “I’m sorry, Lex.”

  “I know the hospital will put out feelers to fill her position, but it’s difficult to get people who want to move way up here in the mountains.”

  He wished he could help. He could, but—He crossed toward Lexy and leaned his shoulder against a framed Universal weight stack. “Your free month at my gym is still open to you. Or longer. However long you need.”

  “I appreciate that. I do. My staff loves it there. But, the thing is, my needs are a little different, Drew. I need to work out here. This is where all the equipment is.”

  “So, what are you suggesting?”

  Lexy bit her bottom lip for a second, studying his face. “I know you’re busy with your gym and Ian, but…would you consider training me? Just until they hire a new therapist?”

  His chest clenched. The opportunity to spend tons of time with Lexy? It was a dream come true. “Really?”

  Her face showed a bit of alarm. “Only if you want to. I don’t want to take away from your own business.” She worried her hands into a knot on her lap. “But I can’t think of anyone else in town, Drew, and you were a coach.”

  Maybe he’d read too much into her request. “I see.”

  She groaned and smacked her fists on the armrests of her chair. “Okay, that’s not the truth. I’m so not good at this…whatever it is you’d call what we’re doing.”

  He smirked at her, bemused.

  “I didn’t think of anyone else in town, Drew. I wouldn’t have asked anyone else. Not even Erin, who is—”

  “Hardbody.”

  “Definitely. But I only thought of you. Not only are you qualified, but…I feel bad for how I’ve treated you and Ian, like we’ve lost a lot of time for—”

  “Whatever it is you’d call what we’re doing?” He really shouldn’t tease her, but he couldn’t help it. She was adorable flustered.

  “Yes.” She lifted her chin and squared her shoulders. “To be honest? I’d like to spend more time with you. With both of you. I want to get to know you and Ian better. If, you know, you’re…up for that.”

  Was he ever. “I’d love to train you.”

  “Really?”

  “Definitely.”

  For the first time that day, Lexy broke into a luminous smile, the kind he’d seen that night in the hospital. The sort of smile he could happily drown in.

  She clasped her hands together. “That’s great, Drew, seriously. I can’t tell you how relieved I am.”

  Drew ran his fingers through his hair and glanced around. “I’ll have to read up on some of the equipment. I’ve never trained someone with a spinal cord injury. You realize that, right?”

  She touched her index finger to her bottom lip, thinking. “Kimberly will be here for two more weeks, which is the exact amount of time left before the kick-off triathlon of the season. I’m sure she’d let you shadow her. She’s an expert. She could show you the ropes.”

  “And I’m a quick study, so you’ve got yourself a deal.”

  “You think you could get me ready for the race?”

  “I think I can set you up to win the race.”

  She laughed. “I’ve never won, Drew. I just like the exertion, the thrill of the chase. I’m okay not winning.”

  “Then prepare to be disappointed. I train winners.”

  That first step turned out to be the hardest. After a week, Drew had taken over most of Kimberly’s duties, with Kimberly just supervising and giving suggestions. Lexy had never experienced such grueling workouts in her life. She loved it.

  The morning of the race, she, Drew, Ian and all her friends gathered at the start point. The day was perfect for competition. Cool breeze, impeccable blue sky, electricity in the air. The lake water lapped with inviting regularity against the banks.

  Drew squatted in front of her for a last-minute pep talk. “Remember, Lex, go all out, but reserve energy for the final leg. That’s going to make the difference between winning or not. Your swimming and cycling are strong enough that you should gain some time.”

  “Okay.” Nervous anxiety had her rubbing her gloved palms together.

  “Once you’re in the water, all of us are going to book it down to the finish line to wait for you. Don’t ever doubt that we’re there, okay?”

  “I won’t.”

  His smile was languid, excited, beautiful to her. He looked at her as if he loved her. Which was absurd, really, but it was better than any energy drink. They’d trained hard; she wanted to make him proud.

  “Daddy?” Ian asked.

  They glanced toward the little boy, all slathered in sunscreen, his Troublesome Gulch baseball cap endearingly askew.

  “Yeah, pal?”

  “You gonna kiss Miss Lexy?”

  Everyone within earshot laughed, and Ian peered around. “Just ’cuz, it looks like you want to.”

  “Come to think of it, son…”

  Lexy’s nervous energy ratcheted up as Drew’s gaze darkened, dropped to her lips. He moved closer…hesitated…studied her eyes for a moment, then captured her lips with his own.

  Gentle, insistent. Right.

  Lexy fought not to moan.

  Before she drowned in it all, he pulled away. “Good luck, Lex. I believe in you.”

  “Thanks. I’ll try not to let you down.”

  “Someday you’ll realize that could never happen.” He stood. “We’ll be cheering you on at the end.”

  Lexy sat stunned as Ian, Drew and all her friends left the starting area. That kiss, a simple kiss, had awakened feelings inside her she hadn’t even known existed anymore.

  Rayna, her friend and fellow competitor, glided up. “Wow, Lex. What was that? More important, who was that?”

  Lexy smiled at her longtime pal, a woman who understood everything about her physical condition more than any of her friends ever could, no matter how much they cared. “That was the man I think I’m falling in love with, Ray,” she said.

  Rayna laughed and gave her a high five. “It’s about damn time, girl.”

  “I know.” Lexy grinned. “Ready to do this?”

  Rayna studied her dubiously. “I’m not sure. You’re
in better shape than I’ve ever seen you.”

  “Be afraid,” Lexy teased. “Be very afraid. I plan to give you and everyone else some serious competition.”

  The swimming and biking segments of the race had gone beautifully, and Lexy felt fully energized for the finish. Part of it was knowing she’d put up better times than ever before. Part of it was her competitive spirit.

  Part of it was knowing she’d see Drew at the end.

  Somehow, the solitude of competing left her tons of time to think, and what she came up with was she wanted Drew. She wanted him. She’d even had the audacity to speak with her doctor the week before and found out that she could get pregnant if she so chose, although it wouldn’t be without risks. But what was life without taking the good risks?

  She saw the rainbow balloon arch in the distance and suddenly realized she could win this thing. Drew had been right. She didn’t have to just participate in life anymore. She could win. That knowledge renewed the energy in her fatigued arms and she pumped the hand rims of her racing chair harder, knowing each spin carried her closer to winning.

  Closer to Drew.

  Closer to the possibility of having everything she had ever wanted in life…all those things she’d believed were no longer available to her.

  The rainbow arch indicating the finish grew larger and larger, as did the cheers of the crowd. She was in the lead! Part of her wanted to glance back to see just how much of a lead she had, but Drew had warned her against that urge. Instead, she studied the arch and visualized the pot of gold on the other side. A man and a little boy with golden hair and open hearts. They wanted her in their lives. And dammit, she wanted to be in their lives.

  Guilt or not.

  Fear or not.

  Walking or not.

  She visualized the friends she’d lost…lovely Mick, sweet Randy, sincere Kevin and Tad, the boy they’d hardly gotten to know. She pictured them standing in the middle of the arch yelling and screaming for her to push. Push, Lexy. Harder. Harder. This one is for us.

  Supercharged on love and adrenaline and everything that made life worth living, Lexy cranked it up even harder and single-mindedly aimed for that goal. Just get to that rainbow, Lex. Get there, and everything can change if you want it to.