by ST Bende
He dropped to one knee and drew in an uneven breath. The corner of his mouth twitched in a nervous half-smile, and he rubbed his palms together. My heart thudded, and I stopped breathing when Ull reached behind his back to retrieve a small, dark box. His hand shook as he opened it, revealing a circle of diamonds that were exquisite in their simplicity. “Kristia.” His voice caught. “I pledge to love you for the rest of my existence. I will protect you and provide you with the happiest home you have ever known. Please do me the honor of becoming my wife. Will you have me as your husband?”
I was too overwhelmed to answer. This was a destiny I never imagined in Nehalem. Ull had chosen me, a human from a one-stoplight town. It was beyond belief. I knew what I was going to have to do if I wanted to be a part of his life – become a god, leave my life behind. I was going to have to give up everything I’d ever known. But I’d made my mind up weeks ago. When faced with the decision of whether to choose Ull or choose everything else, there was no contest. I would always choose Ull.
When I finally found my voice it was strong. “Yes. I want to be by your side. Always.” He wrapped me in a tremendous embrace and swept me off my feet, spinning me until we fell.
Ull propped himself up on an elbow and brushed a strand of hair from my face. He lowered his body so it hovered over mine and pressed his lips to mine. A hesitant kiss at first, as if he were seeking permission. A slow burn built, and his kiss became less tentative, more urgent. His hand trailed down my ribs, and I grabbed at his hair, pulling him closer. I was overwhelmed by the sensation of his touch, the heat of his lips, and the indescribable charge between us.
I wrapped my leg around his hip, pulling him on top of me. He groaned – it must have been too much. He broke our embrace by rolling onto his back. We lay side by side, staring up at the tree.
“I hope you want a short engagement, my love. What do you think about a summer wedding?”
“That sounds good to me.” I rolled to my side so I could look at him.
“Do you think your parents could come out then?”
I shook my head. “We’re not really that kind of family. I’ll invite them, but I doubt they’d want to come.”
“Kristia. I do not understand their… ambivalence.” Ull’s brow furrowed. “You deserve so much more.”
“It’s okay. Honest. Mormor helped me make peace with it years ago – some people just aren’t wired right, you know?” I shrugged. “Besides, Ardis will come. She was planning to visit Europe for the summer anyway, since I hadn’t decided whether to go back to UPN or make a full transfer to Cardiff. But now that I have a reason to stay here…”
“Stay,” Ull urged. “Stay with me. Stay at my side forever.”
“It’s the only place I want to be,” I admitted. “I’ll put in my paperwork when the term starts. And… we’ll get married this summer!” It would be the perfect time – and in just five months. I hated waiting for anything. There was no way I had the patience to be engaged for longer than that.
“Wait.” Ull stood and walked behind the tree. He came back with a silver ice bucket holding a bottle and two glasses. Uncorking the champagne, he filled the glasses and handed me one. I sniffed at it.
“I can’t drink this. I’m underage.” I was not about to abandon a lifetime of following the rules just because I was engaged.
“Kristia, we are in the UK. The drinking age here is eighteen. But it is up to you – I have sparkling water in the house if you prefer.” My eyes lit up. I hadn’t realized the law was different. In that case, I couldn’t think of a better excuse for champagne than my engagement to Ull. I raised my glass. “Skål.” Ull smiled.
“Cheers,” I said back, taking a sip. The bubbles tickled my throat.
“You really want to marry me?” Ull seemed uncertain.
“Oh, yes,” I breathed. “I do. You’re the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I had no idea life could be like… well, like this.” I gestured around the yard.
“This is only the beginning. Wait until you see where we spend our honeymoon.”
“I thought the bride got to make that decision.”
“No, darling. The groom makes that decision. The bride makes all the other decisions.” I had to laugh. “So tell me, Miss Tostenson, how have you pictured your wedding day?”
“Truthfully? I never gave it much thought.”
“Neither did I.” Ull chuckled. “Guess that leaves us with a blank slate.”
“Well, if I had to come up with something, I’d want it to be small. I’d wear my grandmother’s dress and carry ivory roses–”
“Why ivory roses?” Ull interrupted.
I felt my cheeks grow warm. “Because they’re in your garden.”
He smiled. “I like that.”
“And I’d want us to dance under the stars. I’ve never had a romantic dance under the stars before.” Just a couple of really uncomfortable ones.
Ull took the glass from my hand and set it beside the dale. He wrapped an arm around my waist and led me in a slow dance. I tried to follow, but ended up smashing his foot.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“We can work up to steps.” Ull pulled me closer, and I rested my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating against my cheek as we swayed back and forth in the moonlight. The cool air caressed my arms as Ull guided me around the outdoor ballroom he’d created. My goose bumps weren’t entirely due to the temperature. As the dance ended, he lifted my chin with one finger and kissed me on the lips. “Jeg elsker deg, Kristia. Thank you for making me the happiest god alive.”
“I love you too, Ull,” I whispered. This was the greatest day of my entire life.
Back in my room, I could barely hold my hand steady to dial the international code through my mobile phone. I kept staring at the sparkling ring on my left hand. But the day would not be complete without this phone call, and I willed myself to dial. When the familiar voice answered, I let out the quietest squeal my excitement would allow. “Ardis, I’m getting married!”
The scream that met my ear wasn’t nearly so soft, and I had to pull the phone away to protect what was left of my hearing. “Oh my god, oh my god, when? Where? To Ull? See, I told you it would work out! His parents love you!”
“Well…” I bit my lip. His parents had slipped my mind. “They haven’t met me yet. But I think they’ll be okay.” Would they? I tried not to think about it. Tonight was for celebrating.
“Oh my god. You’re getting married! So things are going good,” Ardis teased.
“Things are great! We’re at his country house–”
“Again? Get on with your bad self!” I didn’t have the heart to crush her inflated opinion of me, so I didn’t mention our sleeping arrangements. “How did he ask? What does the ring look like? Oh Kristia, I can’t believe this is happening!”
“I can’t believe it either. I always thought you’d be the first one to get married.”
“Are you kidding me? There are way too many guys out there for me to pick just one. Yet.” Her giggles filled me with happiness.
“Oh, Ardis, I miss you!”
“I miss you too! Now tell me how he proposed!”
I settled back into the overstuffed pillows, recounting almost every detail of my perfect evening.
“Is he seriously as hot as you say he is? Or are you exaggerating? C’mon, he can’t really be that sexy. He’s in England.” I had to laugh at Ardis’ reasoning. She was my best friend in the world. Gosh how I missed her.
I could not wait to introduce her to Ull.
A few days later, I woke up in a cold sweat. My nightmare had been so real, I couldn’t be sure this one wasn’t a vision. I reminded myself that my visions had never been particularly useful, so this must have been a dream. Ull had gotten a phone call and escaped to his study so I wouldn’t hear.
“Ja,” he answered anxiously.
“Ull, it is happening. The Norns have foreseen Balder’s death. It will happen before the s
now melts from the mountains – it will be this spring.” Olaug’s voice crackled through the mobile phone in Norwegian, but somehow I understood all the words. Ull collapsed onto his leather chair.
“It cannot be so soon. It cannot happen in Kristia’s lifetime.”
“I am sorry Ull. Ragnarok is beginning. The giants and dark elves have begun to move together, someone is already organizing the attack. All that is left is for Balder to die – it will give our enemies the opening they need to start this fight. It will happen within five months.”
“Ragnarok.” Ull dropped the phone and closed his eyes, silent tears falling.
I woke up in a panic.
Chapter Fifteen
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD Ull about my dream the minute I woke up, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“God morgen,” Ull greeted me in the kitchen. He stood at the stove wearing a thick sweater and wielding a spatula. “Have a seat.” He kissed me softly and gestured to the stool at the island.
“Pancakes today? Yum.” I was famished.
“You will need your energy. We are taking a hike.”
“Where to today?”
“I want to show you my favorite plants in Bibury. And the willows off the Coln are a good couple of miles from here.” He was so relaxed. It didn’t seem right to kill the mood by telling him we were all going to die within months. That kind of news could wait until lunchtime.
Of course, I didn’t manage to tell him then, either. This wasn’t the sort of thing that should be shared over food. I could tell him right before tea time. And I wouldn’t think about it until then.
But three hours later, we sat with steaming mugs, and I still hadn’t shared my dream. Coward.
“I win,” I gloated. I took a sip of tea as I captured Ull’s last checker.
“Again,” Ull muttered. My betrothed was surprisingly bad at board games. Petty as it was, I was pleased to find one thing I could do better than him.
A low buzzing broke his focus, and he eyed the ringing mobile. I was immobilized by sudden terror. “I apologize, darling.” He kissed my clammy forehead. “I will only be a minute.” And he darted into the study speaking hurriedly in Norwegian. It was hot when he did that, but for once I was too horrified to notice. “Ja?” I heard him say. Oh, no, no, no. Crimeney, no. I was too late to warn him.
I crept towards the study, not wanting him to know I was eavesdropping. I heard him collapse into the leather chair. “It cannot be so soon,” he whispered. “It cannot happen in Kristia’s lifetime.” I clapped both hands over my mouth. Ull was silent for a long time, and when he finally spoke his voice was filled with dread. “Ragnarok.”
I walked to the kitchen, adrenaline pulsing. Why hadn’t I said something sooner? I should have warned him this call was coming. And what was happening to my normally hapless visions? Where were the toenail painting and the laundry folding? That scene played out exactly the way it had in my dream. Oh my God, Ragnarok was coming. And my visions were giving me a front row seat.
I waited for Ull to come out of his study, but he stayed put. I puttered around the kitchen, appreciating that Olaug left the fridge and pantry well stocked in her absence. Guilt made me hungry. I put the pitcher of waffle batter on the counter, and was looking for Ull’s favorite jam in the pantry when I heard him collapse on the couch. My heart sank. He’d asked me to tell him about my visions, and I’d been too chicken. Would he want to know that I knew? Or should I let him tell me in his own time?
“Who was that?” My voice was so high he should have seen right through me.
“Uh, it was Gunnar.” His eyes darted back and forth, thick worry lines between his brows giving him away. “He wanted to say Happy Christmas.”
“Is that all?”
Ull balled his fists and tried to look calm. “That’s all.” He was trying so hard to protect me. I couldn’t let him suffer anything else on his own.
“Ull, I know. I know it was Olaug and that Balder’s going to die. I know Ragnarok is coming.” I wiped my palms on my pants.
“Were you eavesdropping? Wait, even if you were, how would you know that? Olaug used Norwegian. Do you speak Norwegian now too?”
I grimaced. “No more than yesterday. I just… ugh, I’m a huge coward. I’m sorry, I should have told you this morning. But you were so happy, and we were having such a nice time, I didn’t want to bring you down. I’ll be more honest about what I see, I swear I will. I just couldn’t upset you. I’m so sorry–”
“Kristia, slow down. What are you talking about?”
“I had a dream last night. Or a vision, I guess. It’s hard to tell what’s what anymore. Olaug called, she told you Ragnarok was starting. Real soon.” With all I’d learned in the past few months, I should have known that it would come true in my lifetime – the stories Mormor told me, the nightmares I’d had ever since. The battle that would end our worlds. Oh my God, this was really happening. I rubbed at my temples.
Ull shook his head. “I tried never to speak of Ragnarok – I did not want you to worry.”
“Not worry? Ull, we met in Mythology Class. Professor Carnicke talked about Ragnarok the first day of school. You told me you had a dark future. And you told me you’re a god. Between what I already knew and what I picked up from a quick Google search, I know all about Ragnarok.” I crossed to the couch and knelt beside him. “It’s the digital age – not Viking times.”
“I apologize Kristia. I only wanted to protect you.”
“You’re going to have to start trusting me sometime.”
“I know.” Ull rubbed his forehead.
“And Ull.” I lifted his chin until he met my eyes. “You don’t have to die. You know that, right?” Granted, the Internet was more than clear on what was going to happen to most of the gods and the earth come Ragnarok, but Inga swore that was all hearsay – fabrications by Asgardians to protect insecure humans. I was choosing to believe Inga. “You don’t have to let some silly prophecy run your life. You can do that for yourself.”
“Even gods cannot escape the fates.” Ull shook his head sadly. “In theory the future can change. But the Norns have prophesied our fall at Ragnarok for as long as I have been alive. Nothing has ever altered it. And I doubt anything can.”
He looked so hopeless. I sat next to my morose idol on the couch, wishing more than anything that there was something I could do. “Ull,” I laid my head on his shoulder, “you do have some control here. You can fight. You don’t have to resign yourself to this awful future because some Norns said so. I don’t understand how you can just accept their word as law.”
“You wouldn’t.” His eyes filled with a hundred lifetimes of sorrow. “Because it is so different for mortals. But for us, their predictions become truths. I wish it were otherwise.”
He really believed all this prophecy stuff. “Oh Ull.” There was nothing else to say. Ull rested his head on mine.
“I thought we had more time. I thought we could live out our human lives, grow old, pass on, long before any of this came to be.” He was despondent. “I cannot protect you after all. I am so sorry, Kristia.” Oh, crumbs on a cracker. Ull was crying. His silent tears fell onto my cheek, and I pressed my hand to the chest of the deity whose greatest fear was coming true. I couldn’t let him face this. There was one thing I could do. Ull would not lose one more person he loved.
“Listen, I know something else too. I know you aren’t going to become a human. Not for me.” His body was crumpled in defeat. Shaking my head, I voiced my decision. The decision I’d made weeks ago, that same night Inga had told me it was an option. “Listen to me. I want to be like you. I want to be Goddess of Winter. I want to fight for your family – and for you.”
Ull’s sharp breath was equaled in severity only by the anger in his eyes. I shouldn’t have known about this option. “Absolutely not. Ragnarok is not a joke, Kristia, and it is coming. I will not let you die for me.”
“I won’t die.” I wasn’t being stubborn; I reall
y believed my words. “None of us will. Ull, I know I can do this. If I’m with you, then Ragnarok will end without the loss of a single Asgardian life.”
Ull’s patronizing look made it clear he was unconvinced. “Darling. You do not know what you are talking about. The Three Sisters have predicted our fall at Ragnarok since the beginning of time. Very little escapes their visions.”
“Maybe. But they never saw me coming. Elsker never got to tell them about me, remember? So maybe their prophecy would have changed if they’d known what I can do.”
“I do not follow.”
“You said yourself, my visions are a gift. That I’d qualify to be a Norn if I’d been born like you. So if I can see things, predict what your enemies are going to do… and if they don’t even know I exist because of this prophecy…” He still wasn’t following. “Ull. Use me! Make me a goddess and let me use my visions to help. I’ll be like an undercover agent. Your enemies won’t be expecting me since no human has ever become a god. Nobody but Jens and Odin even knew it was an option.” The fury in Ull’s eyes blazed as he realized it was Inga who had told me too much about his world.
The choices he’d never wanted me to have lay in front of him, and he had no control over my decision. The path to joining his realm was clear. And immediate. Under Odin’s test to become a god, only Balder could judge my worthiness, and he would have to do that before someone killed him. Surely Ull knew all of this, and he was beyond angry that I did too.
“You do not know what you are saying. Kristia, if you become a goddess then at Ragnarok, our fates are entwined. You will meet the same end that I will, whatever it may be.” I couldn’t comprehend the lifetime of sorrow that this prophecy had caused him. No wonder, in his eons of existence, he’d never gotten married. He believed it would be a death sentence for his bride.
