Shadow of Love: Love Changes Everything! Book 5 (The Shadow Series)

by Barbara Goss

  Anna sat there, stunned. She and Billy had never discussed what they would tell people if they should ask.

  “Would you excuse me for a moment? The outhouse—rush call,” and she left the room abruptly and headed for Billy’s study. She knocked and he bid her to enter.

  “Well, this is a surprise. Have a seat, Anna,” he said cheerfully.

  “I have a problem. Violet is here, we’re in the middle of a lesson, and she wants to know how we met and fell in love.”

  “Oh,” Billy said. “We can’t lie—God forbids it.” He thumped his pencil on the desk. “Tell her a mutual friend introduced us, and we hit it off immediately. If she asks for any more detail, change the subject.”

  “All right,” she said, and rushed back to the sitting room and Violet.

  “Are you okay?” Violet asked with concern.

  “Yes, it's just a stomach thing. I’m nervous about church tomorrow and meeting all those people. Now, where were we?”

  “You were going to tell me where you met Billy and how you two fell in love. I just love hearing other people’s love stories.

  “We were introduced by a mutual friend and we hit it off immediately,” Anna said. “Now what’s this word again?” She neatly changed the subject, pointing at a word in the book they were reading.

  Anna had made another friend in Dora. She could be honest about her arrangement with Dora, since she knew all about it. When Anna told Dora her life story, Dora told her a similar story, and they formed a bond owing to having experienced similar circumstances.

  “Do you think you'll ever marry?” Anna asked Dora as she was washing the dishes one afternoon.

  “Me? I’d love to be married. No one has asked me lately, though,” she said. "I’ve had a few courtships, but because most every man in town knows I was a saloon woman, they try to make passes, you know, to take advantage, but I've given my life to God, and I will not make Him ashamed of me by lowering myself to having intimacy before marriage, ever again. I’m forgiven, thanks to Jesus, and now my slate is clean.”

  “You’ve been intimate then? Before, I mean.” Anna said.

  “Yes, but I wasn’t a—what did you call it? A window waver? No, I only went with men I really and truly liked, or even loved, like Quinn—now, there’s a man for ya.”

  “I don’t think I’ve met him.”

  “He’s married to Violet’s sister, Rose, but Rose is okay with it, and we’re good friends. She’s the one who led me to God and got me the job with the Martins. I love Rose,” she said.

  “So if you find a man you love you’d marry him and be intimate?”

  “I sure would, but I wish he’d come around soon. I get a bit lonely that way, you know? Coming from a home with no love, sometimes I really crave the attention of intimacy, rather than the actual act. Do you ever feel that way too?” Dora asked.

  “Heck, no! I will never let a man touch me, not after watching my mother die, and having to fend off her lovers the way I did. No, I’m more than fine with this arrangement.”

  “Honey, it isn’t always like what you saw at home,” Dora said.

  “No?”

  “No. Intimacy? It can be beautiful if it's done at the right time with the right person. God made it beautiful for a reason. He wanted married couples to make love in order to populate the earth,” she said.

  “But most of my mother’s lovers were married men.”

  “The scumbags!” Dora spat. “But, hon, not all husbands do that. I know of at least four of them—Jonas, Caleb, Quinn and Miles, for instance—that would never cheat. Do you think a minister like Billy would ever do anything like that?”

  Anna laughed. “I kissed him on the cheek to show my appreciation and he chastised me for it. He asked me not to do such an intimate thing again. Don’t tell him I told you that.”

  “A kiss on the cheek? Intimate? Oh, my. He is a puritan then. I kissed Reverend Martin on the cheek when I said goodbye to him. Shame on me!”

  Dora and Anna laughed together.

  Chapter 6

  Anna chose to wear a very proper pink dress, white gloves, and a straw hat with flowers. She tried to get the bun at the back of her head as high as when Julia had fixed it, but it kept flopping down. She finally decided the hat would cover the bun anyway, and left the bedroom.

  She found Billy in the sitting room, paging through his Bible. He looked up. “I’d like us to pray before church.”

  He sure did pray a lot. He prayed before they ate, before bed, and in the morning.

  Anna sat and folded her hands, and bowed her head while he said a prayer, mostly asking God to bless his first day on the pulpit.

  When he finally said amen and stood, Anna stood, also. He looked at her and said, “You look very nice, Anna. Try not to say much—just smile and talk only if someone asks you a question. I think you’re ready, but just to be sure,” he smiled.

  “You look very professional, Reverend Croft,” she said. She wasn’t flattering him—he really did look great. He wore a white shirt, black vest, and black pants.

  He thanked her, and then put his suit coat on, and took her arm. “I suppose we need to act a bit in love,” he said.

  “I’ll try,” she said, but she told herself she’d wait for him to make the first move; she’d not misstep again.

  Billy was a handsome man and she felt proud on his arm. He really was a likeable man, when he wasn’t chastising her, of course.

  They rode to church in their buggy, and parked it in the side yard with the other buggies and horses. Billy jumped down, came over to her side of the buggy, and helped her down. He put his arm around her waist as they walked the path to the front door.

  Once inside, he whispered, “I believe you are to sit in the front row. Can you find it by yourself? I have to go down to the church office and come into the sanctuary from the rear door behind the altar.”

  “I’ll be okay, and I’m sure you’ll do a fine job,” she said, in her most cultured voice.

  She watched Billy turn as if he was about to leave her, but then stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed Harold Jenkins standing by the door. He turned back toward Anna, leaned over, and whispered, “Don’t be shocked. One of the elders is watching. I’m going to kiss your cheek, and I’m apologizing in advance. Act like we do this all the time.” He lightly brushed his lips against her cheek, and exited the door.

  Anna turned, smiled coyly at Harold Jenkins, and felt herself flush.

  Harold smiled and nodded. He came toward her.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Croft. May I escort you to your seat?” he asked.

  “I would be ever so grateful,” she said. He extended his arm. She rested her gloved hand on it, and he escorted her to the first pew.

  When she took her seat, Mr. Jenkins left and slid into another pew, probably with his wife, Anna thought. She looked to her left and saw Julia in the front row on the other side of the church. Julia quickly rose and came over to Anna’s pew, pulling Caleb with her, and they sat down next to her.

  Soon, a man that resembled Caleb took the seat behind the organ. Anna remembered that she’d met Jonas during Billy’s interview. Julia had told her all about him and his wife, Ivy.

  Another man stood near the altar. Anna recognized him as one of the elders she’d met on the day of Billy’s interview. He announced the hymn number to be sung. There was a rustling as everyone took a hymnbook from the pew. She took one, and quickly found the page, since she knew numbers. She recognized a few of the words, from her lessons, but she kept her head low so no one would realize she wasn’t singing.

  The elder introduced the Reverend William Croft to the church. Billy walked out and asked the congregation to bow their heads in prayer. Even though Billy was only her husband in name—she felt about to burst with pride at how good he looked, and how wonderful his prayer was. After the prayer he introduced Anna to the congregation, and she turned and smiled at the people as gracefully as she knew how.

  When it ca
me time for the sermon, Billy stepped up to the pulpit. He glanced at her and smiled. She returned the smile. She knew it was just for appearances' sake, but it still felt good to have the attention of the most important man in the room.

  Anna was enthralled by Billy’s sermon—he spoke so eloquently and dramatically, especially when it was time to press a point. She gazed around a bit and saw that everyone seemed interested. She thought she finally understood his devotion to the Bible and the church, and also why he didn’t want distractions in his life.

  When the sermon was over, they sang one more song. Billy nodded at the organist who began to play a song, very softly. Billy spoke in a soothing voice to the congregation over the music.

  “If there is anyone here that is unsure as to whether they’ll go to Heaven, if you're unsure if you've made a true commitment to Christ, I will say the sinner’s prayer with you. If you have already said this prayer, and you already have a spiritual connection to God, please pray for those who do not.

  “Dear Heavenly Father, I know that I am a sinner, and I humbly ask that you forgive my sins. I do believe that Jesus died on the cross for me, and rose again. Father, I give you my life to do with as you wish. I want You to come into my life, and into my heart. This I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen!

  “If any of you who said that prayer for the first time are in need of spiritual guidance, or need help knowing about the commitment you’ve just made, please see me after the service. I will greet everyone at the front door, and be in my office to speak to anyone afterward. Feel free to go downstairs and wait for me. Please,” he said, “come and talk to me.”

  He dismissed the congregation with a benediction. He stepped down from the altar, and put his arm out to Anna.

  She took his arm, and they walked to the front door of the church where they greeted everyone as they left the church.

  Again, Anna felt so proud at the number of people who told her husband what a great sermon he'd given, and how touched they were by the service. Many of them commented on the prayer at the end, remarking that it was the perfect touch, and just what the church needed.

  She was introduced to the Armstrongs, Mrs. Jeffries, and the Iversons. Miles gave her a welcoming hug. She had to blink back tears when Miles hugged her. She didn’t know why, but it had touched her deeply.

  Miles was her brother-in-law, and she had a sister-in-law, and she was part of a family!

  Billy asked Miles and Violet if they would drive Anna home so he could stay in his office in case someone was in need of being ministered to. They agreed, and he went back to the church office.

  One man sat outside of Billy's office and he invited him in and counseled him, feeling euphoric, knowing he'd brought a soul to God. He finally felt useful to God, and he loved the fact that his job allowed him to do something so wonderful!

  When he got home, he saw that Violet and Miles were still there. He entered the house and found Violet and Anna having a reading lesson in the kitchen, while Miles read his Bible in the sitting room.

  He decided not to disturb the reading lesson, but walked into the sitting room, sat down on the sofa, and sighed. “I’m relieved to have my first Sunday over with.”

  “Fantastic job, little brother,” Miles said. “I’m so proud of you. I’ve never heard such a beautiful message, and you delivered it perfectly, at that. I had to ask myself if that was really my brother—my troublemaking little brother—standing up there at the pulpit.”

  “Thank you, Miles. Your opinion means a lot to me.”

  “Anna and Violet loved it too. Even Anna said how proud she was of you,” Miles said.

  “She did?”

  “Yep.”

  Violet entered the sitting room with Anna. “Jonas and Ivy have invited us all to their house for dinner. What do you say, Billy?”

  He looked at Anna. “Would you like to go Anna? Do you feel up to it? All of the Crofts, Jeffries, and Armstrongs will probably be there.”

  “I’d love to,” Anna said.

  “You two go on ahead, and we’ll meet you there,” Billy said.

  When Violet and Miles had left, Billy approached Anna. “Are you sure you’ll be all right? Only Julia and Caleb know our secret. We may have to act like we love each other a bit.”

  “You shocked me when you kissed my cheek at the church but you scolded me for doing the same thing earlier. What's going on with that?” she asked, a bit crossly.

  “Ah, well, I meant, when we’re alone. We have to act happily married for appearances in public or with friends and family, but only enough to be convincing. No one expects us to act improperly or anything. If we act romantic when we’re alone, it’s distracting for me, and it can’t be good for you either. We have to keep to the terms of our arrangement.”

  Anna nodded. “I think I understand.”

  Sitting down to eat at Jonas and Ivy’s house, Anna felt somewhat comfortable because they were all such pleasant people. Anna rather liked being in public with Billy because he paid special attention to her. He did things he never did at home. He pulled her chair out for her, held her close, and even hugged her a bit when he escorted her to the sitting room for tea and coffee.

  The hugs made her feel warm all over. She liked hugs. She’d liked Miles’s hug and Billy’s. Then it dawned on her that she'd never been hugged before.

  Once in the sitting room, Anna sipped her tea as she sat next to Billy on the sofa. On the other end of the sofa were Miles and Violet. Jonas and Ivy sat on the smaller sofa, and Quinn sat in the armchair with Rose on his lap. There was another armchair in the room and Anna wondered why Quinn and Rose chose to sit double, rather than each have a chair to themselves, but she soon discovered why as she was covertly watching them while the conversation was going on. Quinn’s hand stroked Rose’s back, and every so often he give her a little squeeze and she’d turn, look at him, their eyes would lock, and they smiled a genuine smile that made their eyes sparkle. All the while they had one hand entwined. How strange.

  She knew they were married and had a baby, but she didn’t realize married people did so much touching. She thought to do so might feel rather comforting.

  She watched the special looks Jonas and Ivy exchanged as well. Then she noticed Miles with his arm around Violet, stroking her shoulder. That left her, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Billy, and she suddenly wished she had what they had. She thought about the total act of intimacy the other couples undoubtedly shared, and she decided that maybe she was better off. Even so, they all seemed so happy.

  Billy must have noticed the affectionate poses of the other couples, and he finally slid his arm around her, but he didn’t touch her shoulder. At least it gave them the appearance of fitting in with the others.

  One of the things they conversed about was the rape of two saloon women in Abilene. One had been raped a month ago, and another just the other night. Jonas warned the women never to go into town alone, and never at night until this horrible person had been caught.

  Violet shivered, and Miles hugged her closely to him.

  When the evening was over and everyone stood to leave, Billy put his arm around her waist, led her out of the house, and up onto the buggy. Well, Anna thought, it was good while it lasted. She’d never yearned for closeness with another human being before, but now that she’d had a taste of it, she wanted more. She knew that once they were home it would be back to their usual formal politeness. She knew she’d agreed to this arrangement, but she still couldn’t keep herself from thinking—what if?

  Chapter 7

  Anna sat at the kitchen table with Violet, who was a fantastic teacher. Anna felt so proud to have read a whole paragraph from a book Violet had brought over. The fact that it was a children’s book didn’t lessen her enthusiasm.

  “You’re doing so well, Anna,” Violet said. “I think it’s because you want to read so badly.”

  “I do,” Anna said. “Did Miles bring you over again? I didn’t see him come in.”

  “He d
ropped me off. He doesn’t think I’ve healed enough from childbirth to ride my horse. I know how to drive a buggy, but he’s so protective.” Violet smiled. “At one time it annoyed me that he was so protective and possessive, but having experienced life without him for a few months, I no longer mind. I know how fortunate I am to be so loved.”

  Violet must have noticed Anna’s sad look. “I’m sure you and Billy have the same love.”

  “Oh, yes. We do,” Anna said, quickly. “We do.”

  “Anyway,” Violet said, “Miles is meeting an old friend of his at the train station, Michael Green, the friend who first brought him to Abilene. He had a farm somewhere near Salina. Miles started working for him when he first moved from Hays, but he hated farm work. The bank here was hiring and he’s been there ever since.”

  “He’s coming for a visit?” Anna asked.

  “Actually, he sold his farm and is looking to buy a place here. Farming didn’t work out for him. He’s going to look for work. I bet Miles will get him a job over at Quinn’s livery, or maybe even at Jonas’s ranch.”

  Just then Miles and another man burst into the kitchen. “Violet, I want you to meet my friend, Michael Green—Michael, my lovely wife, Violet."

  Michael nodded. “My pleasure, Mrs. Croft.”

  “Violet, please,” she said.

  Miles put his hand on Anna’s shoulder. “And this is my new sister-in-law, Anna Croft.”

  “Pleased to meet you,” he said.

  Anna studied Michael Green while the others talked. He was tall, like Miles, but he had auburn hair and a thin mustache. She considered him to be good-looking, but not as handsome as either Billy, or Miles.

  Dora came into the room with an armload of towels and stopped dead in her tracks and stared at Michael when she saw him.

  Anna noticed Michael’s look of surprise, as well.

  “Dora?” Michael said, and he smiled.

  Dora squinted her eyes and frowned. “Michael.” Then she dropped the towels on the table, and left the room.