by Lucy Daniels
‘Soon.’ Douglas managed to smile at Jack.
Jack seemed reassured by Douglas’s presence. He returned Douglas’s smile, then looked up at Michael. ‘Mummy and Douglas are friends from LoveSpark,’ he said.
Susan’s face was burning. Jack must have overheard that at nursery and stored the information away. He announced it in such a matter-of-fact tone that Susan couldn’t have denied it, even if she’d wanted to. Now Michael was staring. She had no idea what to say.
‘So what would you like to do today?’ Mandy interrupted the painful silence. She looked at Jack. ‘I’ve been working on some techniques to train Frostflake. Would you like to come and help?’ She held out a hand to Jack, who trotted over to take it. ‘Your daddy can come too,’ Mandy added in a firm voice. She walked over to the door of the cat room, opened the door and held it open for Michael in a way that he would have been hard-pressed to refuse. Susan realised that Mandy had understood the situation and was giving her a chance to speak to Douglas.
Douglas. He looked almost as uncomfortable as Susan herself was feeling. He was gazing at his feet. Susan took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. She stopped. Her voice sounded unsteady. She straightened her spine and looked at Douglas. There was nothing to do but be honest now and hope he would understand. ‘As Jack said, Michael is his father. He got in contact recently, after a long time and wanted to get to know Jack. This is their first meeting. He couldn’t manage a different day. I should have told you, but …’ she paused, then took another unsteady breath. ‘It’s complicated,’ she said finally, knowing her words were inadequate.
If she had hoped for his understanding, she didn’t get it. He was looking at her as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.
‘It doesn’t really matter,’ he said. Susan winced at the disappointment in his voice. ‘I like you very much,’ he said, ‘but if you can lie to me so easily, I can tell you don’t feel the same.’ His eyes were on hers and for the first time, there was no trace of a smile. ‘I don’t like people who can’t be honest. It’s fine. No more dates.’
He reached over and grabbed his briefcase from the desk. Flipping the top open, he wedged in the drawing of the kittens, then closed the bag. ‘I’ll see you round,’ he said. He paused and for a moment, Susan thought he was going to say something else, but he turned on his heel and strode out.
Susan stood there, reeling. She felt as if she had been slapped in the face. She wanted to feel anger at Douglas, but this was entirely her doing. And now she had to pull herself together: go back to Jack and Michael. Jack needed her. She had just started to walk towards the kennel-room door when it burst open and Jack rushed through, holding Frostflake.
‘Mummy, Mummy,’ he shouted. His eyes were huge. ‘Frostflake knows sign language.’
‘Really?’ Pulling herself together, Susan looked at Mandy, who nodded.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’ve been showing Jack.’
Jack was grinning so much that he hardly seemed able to get the words out. ‘We had to wake him up by tapping on the floor next to him,’ he said. ‘You have to make sure he’s looking at you before you touch him. Otherwise he might get scared.’
‘Oh yes?’ Susan was fascinated in spite of what had just happened. Mandy always found a way to help the animals she cared for.
‘Yes. And Mandy showed me the signal to call him.’ Frostflake was nuzzling under Jack’s chin, thrusting his small pink nose upwards. Jack laughed and Frostflake began to purr that enormous purr that seemed so big, coming from his tiny body.
‘How do you call him?’ Susan asked.
‘It’s a hand movement … like this.’ Jack reached out his hand and made a beckoning motion. ‘He has to be looking at you first, though,’ he explained. ‘And now we’re going to put a harness on him.’
Susan had the sudden image of Frostflake pulling a tiny cart.
‘He can’t go outside,’ Mandy explained. ‘Not unless he’s on a lead, so we have to get him used to it nice and early.’
Oh, that kind of harness!
Michael was smiling. For the first time since he’d arrived that afternoon, he looked at ease. However awful the meeting with Douglas had been for Susan, it had been the right thing for Jack to come here. Mandy had handed Michael the miniature harness and together, he and Jack managed to get it onto the squirming kitten.
‘Now this,’ Mandy said, and they clipped a lead onto the little harness. She set Frostflake down on the floor. ‘You can hold the lead,’ she told Jack, ‘and just keep up with him wherever he wants to go. For now, I just want him to get used to how it feels.’
Jack seemed pleased with the task, as he always was when Mandy asked him to do something. Susan felt proud as he patiently followed Frostflake round the room, never once tugging on the lead. When the kitten stopped and scratched at the harness, or tried to twist round, he made sure the soft leather didn’t get tangled. At the end of the session, Mandy stood across the room from Frostflake and flapped her arms. When he looked across at her, she made the beckoning motion that Jack had shown Susan earlier, and the little white shape set off across the room in a series of bounds with Jack chasing after, laughing with happiness.
Mandy bent over and held out a tiny piece of food. Frostflake sniffed at it, then licked the morsel off her finger. ‘Tuna,’ she told Jack. ‘It’s his favourite. But I think that’s enough for now. We have to stop while he’s enjoying it.’
Jack lifted up Frostflake. The kitten seemed a little tired after all his exertions. He snuggled into Jack’s arms.
‘May I stroke him?’ Susan asked, once Mandy had removed the little red harness.
‘Just make sure he sees you first,’ Mandy reminded her. Susan held out a hand and tapped on Jack’s shoulder beside the kitten’s front paw. Frostflake looked round. His blue eyes were huge. Susan reached out her fingers and stroked the soft fur on the side of his neck and his tiny little face. And there was that super-loud purr again.
‘He seems a happy little thing,’ Susan said.
‘He is.’ Mandy nodded.
‘No wonder you like coming here so much,’ Michael said to Jack, as Mandy lifted Frostflake out of Jack’s arms and carried him through to put him back in with his brothers and sisters.
Jack looked pleased. ‘Can we go in and show Daddy the dogs next?’ he asked Susan.
Susan smiled. ‘We’ll have to ask Mandy,’ she reminded him.
Mandy reappeared. ‘Did I hear someone mention dogs?’ she asked. Jack reached out a hand to Michael. For the space of a beat, Susan wondered if Michael would ignore the invitation, but a moment later, the pair were making their way hand-in-hand towards the dog kennel room. Susan swallowed. For a moment, she felt oddly excluded, seeing the two of them like that.
Don’t be silly, this is what you wanted, she told herself. It was great that they were getting on. She could wish all she liked that Michael had never turned up, but she was committed now.
The afternoon wound on. Jack seemed much more like himself as he showed Michael round. The stilted questioning from earlier had stopped. Michael seemed more comfortable too, though once or twice, Susan caught him looking bemused and several times he pulled a super-clean handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his fingers. They went outside and looked at the animals in the paddock. Michael stood well back from the fence as Jack explained all about the goats eating hay and about how Highland cows had so much hair to keep them warm up in Scotland. Michael was obviously out of his comfort zone, but he was trying hard.
Finally, it was time to go home. ‘I’m afraid I have to go,’ Mandy told them. ‘Evening surgery starts in half an hour. Though you’re welcome back any time you’re out this way,’ she added to Michael.
‘Well, thank you very much, it’s been lovely,’ Michael said, shaking her hand again. He seemed, all at once, very formal again. Susan wondered whether he had really enjoyed himself or was secretly relieved that the afternoon was over.
The walk home wa
s more relaxed than the way there had been. They stopped again to look at the pond. There were more ducks now, and a goose had joined them. Michael looked a little alarmed as the goose waddled out of the water and came towards them. It stopped short and stood very still with its head a little to one side. Susan could see the fine white edges to the grey-brown feathers and the smoothness of its webbed feet. It observed them for a long moment as if wondering whether they had any food. Susan wished again that she had remembered to fill her pockets with seed. Next time, she thought.
They walked on and a few minutes later, they were home.
‘I won’t come in,’ Michael announced, and Susan felt relieved. She had been wondering for the last ten minutes whether she should invite him back in. Jack had stopped just inside the gateway. For the moment, he seemed oblivious to Susan and Michael as he watched a snail making its way over the soft ground of the small flowerbed to the right of the path.
‘Thanks for coming,’ Susan said.
Michael smiled. ‘Not sure how much of a success it was,’ he said. He was back to his normal self, now he was addressing her and not Jack, but Susan was surprised at his honesty. He had rarely admitted to feeling discomfort, even in the most trying situations.
‘It was fine,’ she assured him. ‘I don’t think it could have gone much better.’
Michael didn’t look convinced. He stood there for a moment, looking at her, then turned to Jack. ‘Goodbye, Jack,’ he called.
Jack straightened up and came over. Susan wondered if he would ask Michael to stay longer, but he seemed inexplicably shy again as he stopped a little short, standing very close to Susan.
Michael leaned over and held out his arms, and with only a moment’s hesitation, Jack walked over. It was one of the most awkward hugs Susan had ever seen. It didn’t seem to cross Michael’s mind to crouch down properly. He let go of Jack, then almost as an afterthought, he reached out and ruffled Jack’s hair.
‘I’ll see you again soon,’ he said with a half-smile.
‘That would be lovely,’ Susan replied. Jack nodded. He seemed to have lost his tongue again now they were home. He made his way back to Susan’s side and held out a hand for her to hold. They stood together and watched as Michael got into his Mercedes, started the engine and drove off.
‘Let’s go in,’ Susan said. ‘I’m starving. You starving?’
Jack grinned up at her and nodded again, his eyes wide.
‘Pizza?’ Susan asked. It was a special occasion, she thought. Jack loved making pictures with the toppings before it went in the oven.
‘Yay, pizza!’ Jack clapped his hands.
There was a squeal of tyres from the corner of the road and for a moment, Susan thought that Michael had forgotten something, but it was Mandy’s RAV4 that rounded the corner. She pulled up in front of Mr Gorski’s driveway and jumped out to open the gate. Susan grabbed Jack’s hand, looked quickly to check there were no cars coming, then they hurried across.
‘What’s up?’ Susan gasped. ‘Is it Coffee?’
Mandy nodded. ‘Would you mind coming with me?’ she asked. ‘It sounds as if we might need another pair of hands.’ She rushed back and climbed into her car, slammed the door and drove onto the gravel. Susan followed, leaving the gate open. If Coffee was very ill, Mandy might need to rush her back to Animal Ark.
Susan made her way to the door with Jack. Mandy was standing on the doorstep. The house seemed very silent. Susan found herself wondering if Mr Gorski would hear the bell, but the door swung open as Mandy reached for it. He must have been waiting. Should she take Jack in? Susan wondered, glancing down at him. How would he take it if Coffee was very poorly? But he seemed calm as he looked back up at her. ‘Coffee doesn’t bark any more,’ he said. ‘She always barked. She must be very ill.’
Susan swallowed, taken aback by how matter-of-fact he was. ‘She must be,’ she agreed.
His hand gripped hers a little more tightly. ‘Is Coffee going to die, Mummy?’
They had reached the door and Susan stopped and crouched down. ‘She’s very old,’ she said, looking straight into Jack’s eyes. ‘She might die, yes. Would you rather not come in?’
She half expected him to ask to wait in the garden, but he squared his little shoulders. ‘If Coffee dies, Mr Gorski will be sad, won’t he?’ he asked. ‘Like we were sad when Marmalade died.’
He held out his hand again and Susan stood up and they walked together into the familiar front room.
The brightly coloured paper chain still hung on the mirror over the white-painted fireplace, but Susan only had eyes for the kneeling figure of Mandy, who was bending over the little bed beside the fire holding her stethoscope against Coffee’s chest. Susan saw Mandy’s shoulders droop. She knew what was coming.
‘I’m really very sorry.’ Mandy lifted her head and looked up at Mr Gorski, who was hovering beside the hearth, clasping his hands together. ‘I’m afraid she’s gone.’ Susan felt a tremor go through her. The little body in the basket was very still. Though Coffee could no longer feel, Mandy was stroking her, as if offering comfort, even in death.
Susan felt Jack’s fingers holding on to hers very tightly. She glanced down. There were tears on his face.
Mandy shuffled back, then pushed herself upright as if it was a struggle. She had looked the same when she’d announced Marmalade had died, Susan thought. Mandy must see death more often than most, but she had tears in her eyes as she regarded Mr Gorski. ‘You gave her a great life,’ she said. She reached out and touched Mr Gorski gently on the arm. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said again.
A spasm crossed Mr Gorski’s face, but he pressed his lips together and nodded. ‘Thanks, Mandy,’ he said. ‘I know you did your best.’
There was so much dignity in his eyes. The folds around his mouth seemed deeper than ever as he looked down at the small brown bundle. ‘Will you be able to take her?’ he asked Mandy.
Mandy nodded. ‘For cremation?’ she asked. ‘Will you want her ashes?’ Susan knew how difficult Mandy found it to discuss practicalities when her patients died, but it had to be done. There was nothing but compassion in her voice.
Mr Gorski shook his head. ‘No thanks, lass,’ he muttered. Very slowly, he lowered himself to his knees. He bent down and laid his wrinkled cheek against Coffee’s flank. ‘Goodbye, old lady,’ he whispered. Then he sat back on his heels and watched as Mandy reached down and gently scooped up the still little figure.
‘Could you come out and open the door of the car?’ Mandy’s words to Susan were uttered sotto voce as she passed. Susan nodded her head. The little dog looked serene as Mandy cradled her carefully. All the pain had gone from her face.
‘Will you be okay here with Mr Gorski?’ Susan whispered to Jack, who nodded. His tears had stopped for now, though Susan could see his huge eyes were still swimming. She pressed a hand on his shoulder, then followed Mandy out.
‘Back door please,’ Mandy said. Susan pulled the car door open, then watched as Mandy manoeuvred Coffee into the back seat of the car. Mandy stopped to pull a blanket over the little dog, leaving her head clear. Coffee looked as if she were sleeping. Much more comfortable than she had the last time Susan had seen her. Back then, she had lain panting. Perhaps Mandy had the same thought, because she gave a tight little smile. ‘They always look so peaceful,’ she said.
She patted Susan on the shoulder as if to reassure her. ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘I’m glad you’re here for him. I hate leaving people alone when …’ She trailed off, then turned and closed the door of the car. ‘I’m sorry I have to rush off,’ she said. ‘Dad’s had to go back out and it’s Toby’s half day.’
Susan watched as Mandy climbed into her car and drove off. It was hard to imagine dealing with the death of a patient, and then having to rush back to evening surgery. It was chilly out in the garden. The sky overhead was grey. She’d better go back in. Mr Gorski would need her.
But when she walked back into the living room, Mr Gorski was in his usual chair
. Jack was standing beside him, leaning over the armrest. His arms were wrapped tightly around the old man’s neck as if he would never let go. Mr Gorski’s arm was round Jack’s back. His eyes were closed, but when he heard Susan come in, he opened them. He reached out a hand to her and smiled. ‘Thank you for coming,’ he said, ‘and for bringing this wonderful young man with you. He’s been a great comfort.’
Chapter Eighteen
‘I’m sorry, there is no room in my inn, but I do have a stable,’ little George proclaimed loudly, throwing his arms out wide.
‘Great, George!’ Susan called from the corner. ‘Now we need all our stable animals, come on!’ A donkey and a couple of sheep scuttled into the stable. Susan frowned. ‘We’re missing our ox! Samira? Samira!’ She spotted Samira playing in the Wendy house, her ox horns catching on the curtains. ‘Come on, Samira!’ Susan shooed her up onto the stage. Really, it was like herding cats. ‘Mary, where have you gone?’
Herbie stuck her head out through the hole in the cardboard scenery and grinned. She had been standing inside the inn all the time.
Susan was feeling tired. She had got up extra early this morning to make sure she had time to see Mr Gorski before coming to nursery. It had taken him a long time to come to the door and for a few minutes Susan had been worried. But he answered eventually, and he had seemed okay. ‘We’ll come over soon,’ she told him. ‘Today or tomorrow.’
At least at work, there was little time for thinking. Susan had been keeping an eye on Jack, who was a little subdued, but the rest of the class seemed excited.
A movement in the stable area caught Susan’s eye. She turned to see Samira gripping the horns that were attached to her headband. Lowering her head, Samira charged at Neil. Neil fled across the classroom, dislodging the tea towel he was wearing as a shepherd and shrieking.
