Dance of the Deadly Dinosaurs

by Jackie French

  ‘I grabbed your skirt!’

  ‘It was my bum!’

  ‘Look, I—’

  ‘Be quiet.’ Yesterday’s voice still sounded far away in her trance. ‘There was danger.’

  ‘Of course there was danger. I was in the Ghastly Otherwhen. I’m the first Hero to have seen it since Wattalotta Mussells! And now this dumb dog—’

  ‘That wasn’t the Ghastly Otherwhen.’ Yesterday shook herself, then wiped her hand across her eyes. ‘It was…horrible. Nothing…nothingness forever. You’d have been lost in it if Boo hadn’t pulled you back.’

  ‘That’s impossible. Wormholes always lead to the gate of the universe you’re going to…’ Princess Princess stopped as she noticed the largest poodlesaurs peering at her and making a hungry keening sound.

  ‘Except when the Greedle booby-traps them,’ said Yesterday grimly. She patted the poodlesaurs’s great rump. It beeped apologetically. ‘Maybe that’s why no Heroes have ever returned. Or one reason, anyhow.’

  ‘Dr Mussells was stuck in a place of blackness,’ remembered Boo.

  ‘Then he was lucky to get out,’ said Yesterday shortly. ‘Or very, very skilled.’

  ‘All right, how do we get to the Ghastly Otherwhen then?’ Princess Princess was still rubbing her bum. ‘Yuck,’ she added. ‘There’s doggy slobber on my skirt, too.’

  Yesterday shut her eyes again. The dinosaurs hovered around her protectively. ‘Three metres further,’ she muttered, then opened her eyes. ‘We’ll have to jump over the place where we rose up before, or we’ll be pulled up to the Dark Place again. But I don’t think I can jump three metres.’

  ‘No worries. Me carry you.’ Mug clanked back, picked Yesterday up so suddenly that she dropped the poodlesaurs’ leads, and slung her across his armoured shoulder and took a run-up at the danger spot. ‘See? It easy,’ he called, landing further down the wormhole.

  ‘Um, Mug,’ said Yesterday tactfully.

  She almost sounded like she was giggling, thought Boo, amazed. He’d never heard Yesterday giggle before today. And why couldn’t he be the one to jump with her?

  Because you can’t carry her in wolf form, you dumb puppy, he told himself. And you can’t jump three metres as a human.

  ‘Um, Mug,’ repeated Yesterday. ‘I think you’ve left something behind.’

  ‘Me has?’ Mug looked down.

  ‘Just your left foot,’ said Boo. He picked it up in his jaws. The metal armour made his teeth ache.

  ‘Bother,’ rumbled Mug. ‘Ooze must be making metal rust.’

  Boo looked up at Princess Princess. ‘Can you manage the jump?’ he asked, his voice slightly muffled by Mug’s foot, then ducked as the poodlesaurs leapt after Yesterday. They landed at various spots in the wormhole, then scrambled together again, clustered around Mug and Yesterday.

  Mug peered through the pink fuzzy bodies, balanced on his single foot. ‘No worries. Me can hop back and carry Princess Princess too.’

  ‘Oh no you don’t. Yuck,’ said Princess Princess. ‘I’m not going to be carried by a zombie. Doggie drool is bad enough. I don’t want to be covered in zombie mould too. And I’m a Hero, remember. I’ll just Zoom! across.’ She gave an artful twitch, then reappeared down the wormhole, standing a tactful distance from the dinosaurs.

  Boo tensed and leapt as well.

  ‘Squeeeeeaaak!’ The little mouse stuck its head up as they soared through the wormhole, then hurriedly ducked down again.

  Through the blackness, across the emptiness…for a second Boo could feel the tugging again, as some mysterious force tried to pull him up into the world of nothing. Then he was past it, his paws meeting hardness again on the floor of the wormhole next to Princess Princess’s brocade skirts. They smelt rich and fabulous, just like Princess Princess, with a faint hint of porridge, baked tomatoes, grilled mushrooms, scrambled eggs, parsley and buttered toast with its crusts cut off.

  Boo trotted through the forest of pink poodlesaur legs and dropped Mug’s left foot next to his right one.

  ‘Here you are.’

  Mug peered down. ‘What you say?’

  ‘I think you’ve lost your ear again too. I SAID I THINK YOU’VE LOST YOUR EAR AGAIN!’ Boo sniffed around the floor, trying to keep away from the dinosaur feet. ‘Here it is. I SAID HERE IT IS.’

  ‘We’d better wait here till you sew them back on. Um, Mug, you can let me down now,’ said Yesterday tactfully.

  ‘Oh. Me forgets.’ Mug let go of Yesterday’s legs. She slid down his back head first, then did a neat tumble to bring herself right way up.

  ‘Thanks,’ she added.

  ‘No worries.’ Mug sat down on the darkness of the wormhole floor and reached into his school bag. He pulled out a needle and thread—bright green—and began to sew.

  Princess Princess sighed. ‘How long are we going to have to wait now?’

  ‘What you say?’ Mug reached around and found his ear again.

  ‘Better sew your ear on first this time. I SAID YOU’D BETTER SEW YOUR EAR ON FIRST,’ advised Boo.

  Mug nodded, then felt his head. ‘Me better add few stitches to neck, too.’

  Princess Princess reached over to her bag, still hanging across Mug’s shoulder, and pulled out a package. ‘Time for a snack then.’ She peered inside. ‘Chicken and lettuce sandwiches with gold dust, my favourite. I’m very sorry but there’s only enough for one,’ she added quickly.

  The biggest poodlesaur let out an indignant squeak. The smallest ducked through the others and thrust its face between Princess Princess’s arms.

  Princess Princess gulped. ‘On second thoughts,’ she added, ‘maybe everyone would like to share?’ The smallest poodlesaur squeaked again. ‘On third thoughts,’ added Princess Princess, ‘I’m not very hungry at all.’

  ‘None for me, thanks,’ said Boo.

  ‘Me likes food that wriggles,’ rumbled Mug.

  Boo grinned as he watched Yesterday bite into a sandwich, then hand the others to her friends.

  Mug was a practised sewer. By the time the smallest poodlesaurs had snuffled out the last crumb of the sandwiches Mug’s ear was back on his head and his left foot was once again in place, though you could see a line of green fuzz now in the break in the armour around his ankle.

  Boo gave the base of his tail one last chew—there was always one flea hiding there, no matter how much doggie shampoo he used—and stood up. ‘Right,’ he said. ‘This time we all go together. Yesterday, could you do a Finding before we go?’

  Yesterday nodded. She patted the smallest dinosaur on the head reassuringly, wagged her finger at the biggest one, who’d been looking hungrily at Mug’s left foot, and closed her eyes.

  ‘What can you See?’ asked Boo anxiously. ‘Is it the right place this time?’

  ‘Are there hordes of vicious bogeys about to rip us limb from limb?’ asked Princess Princess nervously. ‘Because I’ve suddenly remembered…’

  Yesterday opened her eyes. She gave her almost smile. ‘No bogeys at all. Not that I can See,’ she added. ‘And, yes, it’s the Ghastly Otherwhen this time.’

  ‘How can you be so sure?’ demanded Princess Princess.

  Yesterday gave a proper smile. ‘You’ll see,’ she answered.

  Up, up through the blackness of the wormhole ceiling. Boo was pressed next to Yesterday’s blue silk dress on one side, and Princess Princess’s gold brocade one on the other, his nose between Mug’s armoured knees, the pink dinosaurs around them.

  Up…up…suddenly the world grew light.

  Too light. Boo blinked. Something was shining in his eyes!

  It was a sign, as tall as the cliff at school, adorned with blinking lights. There was a picture of a bed—a big one, with brass knobs and a patchwork quilt—and words above it, pulsing red and green and blue: ‘Welcome to the Ghastly Otherwhen.’

  He gulped. It looked as though they’d arrived.

  SLEEPY WHISKERS WINS OLYMPIC BONE!

  All of Sleepy Whiskers turned out last
Tuesday to welcome our home-grown champion, Jessie Sheepdog, the new record holder in the Olympic High Widdle Event (Women’s Division). Five and a half metres! Congratulations, Jessie, from us all!

  FROM THE SLEEPY WHISKERS GAZETTE

  21

  The Curious Thing about the Otherwhen

  ‘This can’t be the place.’ Boo’s voice was only a whisper. He gave himself a shake and tried again. ‘The Ghastly Otherwhen is terrifying, deadly, insane. This place is…’

  ‘Nice,’ finished Yesterday.

  ‘Oh, that’s very descriptive. Nice. In my last essay I used three hundred and seventy-eight descriptive words, forty-six similes and twenty-one metaphors. And I never used nice once. Mrs Kerfuffle said…’

  Princess Princess was chattering because she was nervous, Boo realised. He was nervous too. And he was even more nervous because there didn’t seem to be anything to be nervous about.

  The Ghastly Otherwhen looked like a drawing in a pup’s fairy-tale book. The grass was green as a carpet after someone had spilt a barrel of dead slugs. The trees were green too, round as fat rats doing somersaults, dotted closely across the grass, each one hung with different coloured fruits, oranges and reds and yellows. Tiny red flowers lay in tufts in the grass. Boo sniffed. Yes, they were flowers, not little bloodstained skulls. They smelt like…

  He frowned. They smelt like raspberry iceblocks. The grass smelt like fresh bread, the freshest, crustiest bread in the universes. He sniffed again; there was no scent of bogeys at all.

  Then why did his fur prickle? Why did something whisper Danger! Danger! Danger!

  He looked around again. A road wound through the trees a little way away. It was neat too, and paved with yellow cobblestones. Beyond the trees were fields outlined with fences that looked as though a giant had drawn them with a ruler, and there was a village, in the distance, of neat buildings with pointed red roofs.

  ‘Where bogeys?’ rumbled Mug.

  Where’s Mum? thought Boo.

  A breeze began to rustle through the trees. A whispering breeze…

  And Boo felt himself relax. This was a nice place!

  He really was going to be able to rescue Mum! He hadn’t let himself really believe it till now. Not when everyone had said it was absolutely impossible. Not when everyone had said the Ghastly Otherwhen was so horrible, that the Greedle was a monster…

  ‘Nice Greedle,’ whispered the wind. ‘Poor misunderstood kind Greedle, who only wanted nice things to eat.’

  The Ghastly Otherwhen even looked like the sort of place where Princess Princess might find a handsome prince!

  And he’d see Mum. Soon! The shop would be filled with its old familiar scents of ice cream and dried rat. She’d be there every afternoon when he came home from school with his homework—maybe the whiskers of some bogey he’d defeated…

  Something was making a noise. Boo turned round dreamily. It was the poodlesaurs. They had clustered around Yesterday again, and were squeaking at her, bumping her. Yesterday blinked, then suddenly closed her eyes into her Finding trance again.

  Why was she doing that? thought Boo. There was no danger to Find here. Not with the nice Greedle in charge…

  ‘Boo!’ Mug shook him. Hard.

  ‘What’s wrong? I MEAN WHAT’S WRONG?’ he yelled. Mug’s ear was hanging half off again.

  ‘You gots funny look on face. So’s her.’ Mug pointed at Princess Princess. Her face looked dreamy, as though she too listened to the song of the wind.

  Boo grinned up at Mug. ‘We’re just happy, that’s all. It’s so beautiful. Beautiful smells, the beautiful Greedle in charge of it all…’

  It was as though a flea suddenly nibbled behind his ear. But it wasn’t a flea. It was every wolf instinct trying to yell at him: ‘This is wrong!’

  ‘This is wrong,’ he whispered.

  ‘Yes.’ Yesterday’s voice had the flat tones of her trance, though her eyes were half open. ‘Somehow the Greedle’s trying to hypnotise us, even though it’s dead. Maybe it has set up this whole universe to hypnotise everyone who comes into it.’

  Boo shook himself, just like he would after a bath. The remnants of the spell seemed to fly away like drops of water.

  This place was evil.

  ‘Mug,’ he ordered. ‘Don’t sew your ear back on properly. I SAID DON’T SEW YOUR EAR BACK ON PROPERLY. THE BREEZE IS HYPNOTISING US.’

  Mug nodded. ‘Can me sew on toes if they fall off?’

  ‘YES. ANYTHING BUT EARS. Yesterday, can you stay in your trance?’

  She nodded. The smallest poodlesaur rubbed itself reassuringly against her legs. ‘What about Princess Princess?’

  ‘It’s so lovely to be all here together!’ Princess Princess looked up with a vague smile. ‘It’s all lovely, isn’t it? So lovely of the Greedle to get us to come here. You’re all so lovely too…’

  He had to break her out of the trance. Boo let instinct take over again.

  ‘Ow!’ Princess Princess glared at him, her hands rubbing her bottom.

  ‘You bit my bum again!’

  ‘I never bit your bum before,’ said Boo, exasperated. ‘And I had to this time. You were in a trance. Listen to that breeze. I mean don’t listen to it,’ he added hurriedly. ‘It’s hypnotising us.’

  ‘What?’ Princess Princess lifted her face to the breeze. For a second her eyes grew dreamy again, then her face grew furious. ‘How dare it?! No one hypnotises me, especially not some bogey. Who does the Greedle think he is?’

  ‘The greatest monster in the universes,’ said Yesterday dryly.

  ‘Well, I’m a Royal Hero. Royal Heroes outrank monsters any day. And if the Greedle thinks it can hypnotise me—’ Princess Princess glared around at the forest as though daring it to contradict her ‘—it can think again.’

  She’s right, thought Boo incredulously. She really wasn’t going to let the Greedle hypnotise her. He wasn’t going to let it hypnotise him, either. But despite Princess Princess’s other Heroic talents he had never expected she had the strength to do this.

  ‘Right!’ Princess Princess looked ready to stride into battle. ‘Watch out for any other traps. Now we’d better find someone and ask the way to the Greedle’s place.’

  ‘What if them a bogey?’ offered Mug.

  Princess Princess tossed back her hair. It looked particularly Heroic in the soft light of the forest. ‘Then the dinosaurs can take care of it. What are you doing?’

  Yesterday had shut her eyes again.

  ‘Her Finding bogey.’

  ‘No, I’m not,’ Yesterday opened her eyes, though they still looked vague from her trance. ‘I was Seeing if we can eat the fruit. We can,’ she added. ‘I’m hungry.’ She raced up and plucked a big round red fruit from a tree.

  ‘Be careful,’ said Boo quickly. ‘It might have some secret deadly poison.’ He stopped, as Yesterday swallowed.

  ‘No, it hasn’t,’ she said. ‘It’s wonderful! The best thing I’ve ever tasted!’ She threw the fruit to the smallest poodlesaur. It caught it in its claws and swallowed the fruit whole.

  Spluurt! Snneet! Whish! Bits of squishy fruit flew back out of the dinosaurs’ mouths and through the air.

  ‘Oh, yuck!’ Princess Princess picked a lump of red

  fruit and dinosaur dribble out of her hair.

  ‘Dinosaurs no like fruit,’ suggested Mug. ‘Them looks hungry,’ he added.

  ‘They’re always hungry,’ said Yesterday quietly. She picked another of the red fruits, looked guiltily at the poodlesaurs, then bit into it again as though she were starving. ‘Come on. We need to find them something to eat.’

  ‘We need to finds bogeys!’

  ‘I need to wash my hair!’

  And I need to find Mum, thought Boo.

  If there were a map of the universes, the Ghastly Otherwhen would be the bum.

  THE UNIVERSES: A SOCIO-GEOGRAPHICAL SURVEY BY GO SPLOTT

  22

  Through the Forest

  It was quiet as they wa
lked under the trees, apart from the occasional plop! as ripe fruit fell to the ground, and the sweet and dead whisper of the breeze. Boo picked up a piece of fruit in his jaws. It was long and orange, and full of tiny sweet seeds when he bit into it. He wrinkled his nose, swallowed and threw the rest of the fruit away.

  ‘Don’t you like it?’ Yesterday had grabbed a bunch of green and blue berries now.

  ‘Werewolves don’t eat much fruit,’ explained Boo. ‘Not unless it’s been made into ice cream. ICE CREAM,’ he added in a yell to Mug.

  ‘Zombies no eat fruit neither,’ rumbled Mug. ‘Not unless it zombie fruit.’ Suddenly he grinned. He plucked a giant melon from a vine that was twining up one of the red fruit trees, then jumped up and down on it.

  ‘Errk!’ Princess Princess watched as orange pulp squished between Mug’s fungus-covered toes. ‘What are you doing?’

  Mug ignored her. He picked out a pinch of something from his pack, sprinkled it on the melon pulp, then bent down. He seemed to be whispering.

  ‘There may be bogey snakes up in the trees.’ Princess Princess gripped her crown nervously.

  ‘No, there aren’t,’ said Yesterday.

  ‘Well, then—’ Princess Princess stopped and stared.

  The melon was coming back together. Bits of squish wriggled across the slug-green grass, joining up like they were best friends who hadn’t seen each other for years, until the melon was whole again.

  It began to bounce.

  Mug’s grin grew wider. ‘It zombie melon now!’ He caught it on its upwards hop, then shoved it into his mouth. Juice dribbled down into his fungus. ‘Mmmmmm. Food no fun if not wriggle.’

  ‘Well. I think that’s the most disgusting thing I’ve seen since…oh, not again!’

  Boo lowered his leg. ‘Just keeping the trail marked. I need a drink,’ he added, ‘to keep the supply up.’