Recipe for Disaster

by Theda Vallee

  The room was cavernous, and it was a full house. In every direction, there were clusters of beautifully costumed fae mingling with each other, nibbling on delicacies and bantering gleefully. In the middle of the room, was a dance floor where at least forty couples moved in a graceful circuit. What the hell had humans done to make so many fae feel this way?

  I felt the weight of it settle over me like a boulder. I was suddenly very thirsty. “I need a drink.”

  Worried silver eyes peered at me from behind the fox/wolf mask, but Kaz said nothing. Instead, he led me over to the buffet table where an ornate fountain poured drinks into a row of goblets. He handed me a cup watching as I swallowed it in one gulp.

  “Careful. That’s stronger than what you’re used to.”

  “I’ll sip the next one,” I said, setting the goblet on the table and grabbing another. “So, should we mingle or what?”

  I wasn’t about to admit that one glass had made me feel instantly tipsy. The good news was, I now had a little liquid courage. Was this more than I expected? Yes, but I was a damn Massoni. My grandparents escaped Italy in the middle of the night when fascists burnt their house down. I could walk around a room full of assholes for a few hours.

  “Yes, let’s mingle. Remember, we are here as nothing more than a fly on the wall. Try not to engage anyone. If you’re asked a direct question, smile, and nod. You’re arm candy tonight,” he said low enough for my ears only.

  I giggled nodding my approval. “I’ve never been arm candy before.”

  “You’re lovely enough to fill the role, but I think I prefer the fiery version of you under most circumstances,” he whispered, adding a wink for good measure.

  He placed his hand on the small of my back as he led us through the room, pausing strategically at different pockets of fae. The heat of his palm on my bare skin sent a tingle up my spine. I wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or the champagne, but the contact was reassuring. We stood on the fringes of various groups of revelers, careful to avoid conversation. It was artful the way he moved us from space to space as if we were just casually mixing with the crowd. At every turn, I felt the light pressure on my back as he steered me. It made me wonder how many times he’d done this. He’d mentioned surviving the Unseelie court, which sent my imagination into a tailspin of terrifying thoughts. Maybe our deal wasn’t as one-sided as I thought.

  A woman’s obnoxious bray echoed across the room momentarily distracting me. She sounded like a donkey having contractions. I craned my neck, trying to see what the woman looked like, causing me to miss Kaz’s cue. Instead of turning, I smacked into a willowy blonde wearing a sequined dress that was slit to ‘OMG the carpet matches the drapes.’

  “Excuse you,” she said in a droll tone.

  “Pardon us, we were making our way to the dance floor, and it seems my date was momentarily distracted,” Kaz said with a slight bow.

  The woman’s blood-red lips titled into a smile as she drank in Kaz. Even with a mask, you could see he was sex on a stick. She moved to the left, opening room for us in her circle. I could feel the tension in Kaz’s hand as he drove me into the space with him. Dread welled up in me as the group stared at us with open curiosity.

  “You’re just in time to offer your opinion on my proposed solution for the human problem,” she said, looking at Kaz. “I believe there’s a viable use for humans. If trained properly, they could serve as domestics. Since the Unseelie decided they were too good for that role, it’d be a shame to force our pureblooded fae into that kind of work. Humans breed at an incredible rate, we’d always have a fresh supply, and I think they’re kind of cute with their stumpy bodies.”

  Kaz’s hand trembled on my back as the group laughed at her joke. I half expected him to tell her to fuck off. Instead, he grinned at her and said, “I’m not inclined to allow the livestock indoors.”

  The group laughed louder than before, toasting Kaz’s wit. It was disgusting. It was a technicality that kept me from being considered human in the supernatural world. Magic altered my genetic makeup before I was born and that was enough to keep me from being lumped into that category. My family didn’t have the same distinction. These monsters would have them bound into slavery or killed off in a heartbeat.

  “And what about you Goldie, what would you do with the humans?” the woman asked, pointing at me. I assumed she was referring to my gold dress. Wasn’t she witty?

  “I think I’ll leave that decision up to the men,” I said, forcing out a drunken giggle. “Honey, you promised me a dance.” I tugged on Kaz’s sleeve like a petulant child, letting my lower lip fall into a pout.

  “Of course, dear. I beg your leave, but I promised my date a turn on the dance floor,” Kaz said.

  Before we could leave, the woman leaned against Kaz whispering in his ear loud enough for me to hear, “I think your wolf mask is sexy. If your date bores you later, come find me.”

  I stifled a laugh, coughing with the effort. I’d told him it looked like a wolf. Kaz led me away from the group and out onto the dance floor. His eyes danced with amusement beneath his mask. “I’m glad you found that funny. It is still a fox, no matter what that vulture said.”

  “Wait, we’re on the dance floor. I can’t do this kind of dancing. I just learned how to dance in a club. That’s barely dancing, it’s more like grinding. Let’s keep moving around the room.”

  “We can’t. It would offend my admirer. You’ll have to suffer through one dance with me. Though you’re welcome to grind on me if you prefer,” he said, his eyes crinkling with laughter. “Don’t worry, I’ll lead. All you have to do is hold on.”

  With a flourish, Kaz grasped my hand and tucked me against him, placing his other hand on my lower back. I held on to his shoulder, mimicking the women around me. Before I could figure out what to do with my feet, he had me gliding across the floor effortlessly. We turned and swirled with a grace I’d never been capable of on my own.

  “You’re a natural,” he said, letting my body dip gently before bringing me back up against him.

  Tilting my head back, I peered at him with open curiosity. “Why are you helping me?”

  He kept silent for a few beats of the song, intent on the movements. “My motives are my own, little hellcat. Not all secrets are worth hearing.”

  “So, what you’re saying in your fancy-ass way is–mind my business. Why should I?”

  “You’re the one who came to me, not the other way around. I don’t owe you a reason for my choices, just as you don’t owe me an explanation for yours. We’re conducting a mutually beneficial business transaction. Don’t mistake my kindness for anything more.”

  I kicked out my right foot, hitting his shin. A soft grunt muffled by the mask let me know I’d found my target. “Sorry, I told you I was clumsy. Thanks for the warning. I was starting to think you were a nice guy. At least, I know better now.”

  The bitterness I felt seeped into my reply despite my best efforts to hide it. It was stupid. I hadn’t known him very long, but I liked him. It was more than just physical attraction. I mean, he was hot, but he somehow felt like a kindred spirit. He reminded me of that lonely, weird kid on the playground. The one none of the other kids liked. If just one person would put in the effort, they’d find out he was a fantastic friend. I knew that feeling. I’d been that kid my whole life. I’d hoped we could be friends, but I’d read him wrong. Whatever he wanted with me, it wasn’t friendship.

  “You look far away. Anything you want to share?” he asked, running his thumb along the bottom of my jaw.

  “Not with someone who just professed that he’s only nice to me because I owe him something,” I said, pulling away from him before he could see the tears welling up. “I need to find a bathroom.”

  I pushed through the crowd, ignoring his pleas to stop. Why was I so emotional? This guy didn’t owe me anything. I’d known him for two days. The only thing that made sense was I was teetering on the edge of exhaustion. Trying to keep my head above water
in the world of intrigue was wearing me down. I had no business doing any of this, but here I was. Just about anyone in my shoes would be on the edge of crying for no damn reason.

  “If I can have your attention, please?” A fae in a metallic silver suit stood on a platform at the opposite end of the room. He waited as the room quieted, turning their focus towards him.

  I stopped in mid-stride, turning towards the speaker. Kaz slid in beside me, his hand resting on the small of my back. I looked up, giving him a tight smile. Leaning over, he whispered in my ear, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “It’s fine. It’s me. Now shush,” I said, gesturing to the stage.

  “Thank you for joining us tonight. Thanks to your generous donations, we’ve raised over five hundred thousand dollars.”

  The room burst out in applause as they congratulated themselves. I felt like I wanted to puke. Five hundred thousand dollars? That was an obscene amount of cash.

  “I know you’re curious to hear how that money will advance our cause. For that, I’d like to bring up the man who’s been the driving force of our organization for the last twenty years. He’s a leader with vision. The man who will help us take back what is rightfully ours. Come on up here, sir, I know everyone is excited to hear your thoughts.”

  The silver-clad fae smiled brightly as a rotund man dressed in a crimson and gold filigree tuxedo waddled onto the stage. The crowd erupted in raucous cheers and thunderous applause. They’d been careful not to let any names slip, but it was clear everyone in this room knew who this guy was. Everyone except for me.

  He bowed theatrically, as the applause continued unabated. Standing in front of the microphone, he waited patiently, soaking in the crowd’s admiration before raising his hands to signal quiet.

  “It warms my heart to see all of you here tonight supporting the work my father started when I was a wee faeling,” he said, as the crowd chuckled at his joke. “Our beliefs aren’t popular in Fairy or even the supernatural world as a whole, which makes it even more exciting to see this room so full. What’s even more thrilling is how many of our younger generation are here with us tonight. I’m getting up there in years, and to know that the next generation shares in our vision, it makes me a little emotional.”

  Another round of applause erupted as they lauded themselves for teaching their children to be assholes, too.

  “I don’t need to tell you how important our mission is. Over the centuries, we’ve had more and more interactions with humans, and it’s become clear they’re a blight on this planet. Their lack of care for the treasures they were gifted with, is an evil that cannot be tolerated. Instead of flourishing with the wealth of resources, they choose to proliferate atrocities against their own kind. When they encounter things they don’t understand, their first instinct is to destroy. In my great-great-grandfather’s time, the humans dared to hunt the very magic that was entrusted to them. They eradicated every trace of it, leaving them in a dark age like we’ve never seen before. What do you think they would do if they stumbled onto our home?”

  Boos echoed around the room as the crowd jeered at the thought of humans invading them. Did they think some hapless human would stumble into Fairy and bring back an invading army? Even if someone found it, no one would believe them. That person would be force-fed a cocktail of antipsychotics and made to believe it was all in their head.

  “We cannot, and we will not let that happen. The money you’ve generously given tonight will allow us to focus our work in areas that count. We’ll ensure members of our community hold influential roles within the Seelie court and in the governing body of the Osservatori. Our youth programs have helped to guide our children along the path of truth. We’ll expand and bolster these programs to help mold the next generation. Most importantly, we will push our message into the supernatural community as a whole. We’re not alone in our fight, and we will bring others into the fold. Now, I don’t want to take too much more of your time with my ramblings. Thank you again for answering the call. Your continued support will allow us to ensure our future. Enjoy the rest of your evening and remain vigilant.”

  Cheering exploded once again, sending shivers down my spine. Kaz pulled me closer, his hand firmly anchored on my hip as if he could feel the fear and disgust inside of me. “I think we should call it a night,” he said, leading me through the crowd.

  Disappointment settled over me. We’d wasted hours here and had nothing to show for it. I had a scary Nazi-esque bedtime story for the team, but nothing that would help us solve the Tarantella attacks. It felt like a clock was winding down on our luck. Danger was pressing in from every direction. All the dicey choices I’d made in the last two days were about to bite me on the ass hard.

  My shoulders slumped, and I leaned against Kaz. He may have his own motives, but at least he was honest about it. His arm draped across my shoulders, tucking me neatly against his side. I let the warmth and the hard strength of his body comfort me as he led me towards the waiting limo.

  As we moved into the hall, I glimpsed the tacky crimson and gold tuxedo of their keynote speaker as he strode down a separate entrance. We’d spent all this time here to get information, perhaps the best place to get it was straight from the horse’s mouth.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Shrugging out from under Kaz’s arm, I darted after the man. I sped down the hall, trying my best to keep from breathing heavily from the effort. Stealth wasn’t my forte, but I was determined to corner the Grand Marshall of Dicktown and get some answers.

  “Etta. Etta. Stop. What are you doing?”

  I ignored Kaz’s whispered pleas, keeping my eyes focused on the hallway in front of me. If I waited for him to catch up, he might talk me out of this. I was going to speak to the ringleader of this circus, even if it was a bad idea. Fortune favored the bold and slightly stupid, right?

  Kaz appeared in a shadowy alcove next to me with a small pop, pulling me in with him. “Stop pretending you can’t hear me.”

  “If you wanted another kiss, you could’ve just asked,” I said, batting my eyes at him. Brady had taught me when all else fails, flirt. “Why don’t you put a pin in that for now, big boy? I’ve got some spying to do, but who knows what might happen later.”

  I tried to step back into the hall, but his grip on my waist tightened. He whispered into my ear, “You’re a bloody menace. I can’t keep you alive if you take off. In the future, confer with me before sprinting off to parts unknown.”

  The angry growl in his voice was sexy as hell, sending a jolt of enthusiasm downstairs. My libido had decided the more danger I was in, the hotter my accompanying companion was. Making out in an alcove, in a building full of enemies did have a certain appeal.

  “So, does that mean you don’t want to kiss me? Don’t answer that. We can decide on it later. Anyway, you don’t have to protect me. I’ve gotten good at protecting myself. I also have a magical parasite named Stella who’s pretty vigilant about self-preservation. We came here for answers, and I think lobster boy might have some. You can come with me, or you can pout in the limo until I’m done.”

  The corner of his lips twitched up for a second before the glower settled back in place. “I will not sit and pout with the riffraff. I’m coming with you. Can we at least use my cloaking magic? It’s not foolproof, but it will give us some cover.”

  “You could have started with that.”

  “You distracted me with the kissing bit,” he said. “Come on. Let’s chase down this lobster. It’ll be the first decent food they’ve given us all evening.”

  Kaz grabbed my hand, whispering softly. A small charge of energy raced through me and then nothing. He nodded with satisfaction, pulling me out of the alcove and into the hall. I looked down, and nothing seemed to have changed. “Are you sure your magic’s working? I can see both of us perfectly fine.”

  “Please lower your voice, my magic is working fine. You can see yourself. Anyone else won’t notice us unless we disturb the il
lusion, such as screeching like a chimpanzee through the halls.”

  “I’m Italian. I don’t screech, I enunciate loudly.”

  He tugged on my hand, pulling me along the hall, shaking his head. “Please refrain from enunciating loudly until we’re done.”

  We moved cautiously, pausing at each doorway to check for our mystery man. Kaz navigated us around a large console table packed with picture frames. Each frame had a black-and-white photo of people dressed in clothing from various eras, staring awkwardly at the camera. This home belonged to a human. Did they know who they’d rented it out to? The law said we couldn’t expose our nature to humans, but what if some of them knew? What if some of them wanted to work with the fae? It wouldn’t surprise me that some idiot would try to hedge their bets.

  A few doors ahead, a soft light cast shadows on the wall. We froze, watching for signs of life. I took slow, metered breaths of air trying to keep myself from hyperventilating. Now that we found someone, marching in and demanding information seemed insane. What in the name of every saint I’d ever prayed to did I think I was doing? The light flickered as a massive shadow projected onto the wall. Shit. Would Kaz think less of me if I turned around now? Maybe not, but I’d never forgive myself if I left empty-handed. I was doing this despite everything in me wanting to run.

  Kaz held up three fingers, counting down to one, before moving us forward. At the door frame, he peeked in before signaling me to follow. Stepping over the threshold, I saw the man standing in front of a bookshelf with his back to us. He seemed to be looking for a specific volume, as his hand traced down the spines.

  “You might as well show yourself. I sensed you coming down the hall,” the man said, turning slowly. “You’re not exactly quiet.”

  Kaz stepped forward, dragging me with him. I stared at the man belligerently, waiting for him to say something more. He had a pleasant face, but he wasn’t as breathtaking as most of the fae I’d met. With sandy-blond hair, a snub nose, paunchy cheeks, and an underwhelming jawline, he almost looked like a run-of-the-mill human. The only thing that set him apart as fae were his vibrant violet eyes.