Lovin' on You

by Fabiola Francisco

  I keep thinking of the text message I woke up to. I miss you. Three simple words shook my core and gave me new purpose.

  I didn’t respond. I wanted to tell him in person that I missed him, too. After seeing his performance last night, I felt more confident in reaching out to him. Then, his text message reaffirmed it. I am nervous about seeing him in person so many months later and listening to his new music. I know Cash writes from his experiences, so some of the songs will be about us—our break-up, our relationship, his emotions.

  A woman dressed in a pencil skirt and silk blouse introduces them. I have never seen her before, but I assume she is someone from the label. I look at Jen thankfully when she hands me a beer right before they get on stage. Cash is the last one to walk up, while everyone is whistling and calling out their name.

  They all look around smiling for a beat before Ryder and Cole start up on their instruments. Jason comes in a few counts after them, and then Cash’s voice spreads through the speakers. I watch him, engrossed with his performance.

  Song after song, I fall deeper into the lyrics. I keep my eyes on him, never wavering. Each song that I am familiar with caresses my skin with memories of us. The first time I met him and Country Fest being the first memories that enter my mind. I smile widely, my emotions plain on my face for anyone who is paying attention.

  When I hear my song, I stand still and whisper the words with him. This was his first attempt at getting to me. It worked, eventually. I chuckle to myself at the memory of his face when I called him out at the bar after Country Fest. It was a combination of smug and fear. After pulling something like that, I thought it was cute that a part of him was fearful of my reaction.

  I listen to their new stuff carefully, pinpointing the parts that are us. The parts that quietly tell the world what we had and the love we shared. The parts that declare our heartbreak. It’s all there, laid bare for anyone to listen, but for me to grasp onto. His words are a lifesaver, and he’s begging me to grab it.

  I know the moment he spots me because his grin widens into a boyish smile and he nods slightly, his eyes stuck on mine. Biting my lip, I smile and allow my emotions to get the best of me.

  Their new songs are good. Amazing, actually. They are soulful and deep. It’s a more mature sound for them, and it is widely accepted by the masses. Not able to take his eyes anymore, without being able to be close to him, I escape to the loft and watch the rest of their performance sitting upstairs with a side view of them.

  “Hey, I thought you might be here.” I heard his footsteps before he spoke.

  “How are you?” I smile genuinely. It’s good to see him. He sits next to me, cowboy boots peeking from under his straight-leg jeans.

  “Good and you?” His smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

  “I’ve been all right.” He nods like he understands.

  It has been a little over eight months since we have seen each other. Although I have kept up a bit with his success, I would rather not know. I would rather not run into pictures of him with another girl. Selfish, I know. I let him go, but not by the choice of my heart. My head was all to blame for that decision. But, he deserves to be happy.

  God, he looks good. His scent is the same from so long ago—musky and natural.

  We are both silent, unsure where to begin with this reencounter. It is awkward and stilted.

  “You guys did good tonight.”

  “Thanks. We’re getting more familiar with the shows.” I nod. “You wanna go grab a coffee?” he asks.

  “Maybe another time.” I kiss his cheek and smile. I needed to see him, but now that I’m here the words are gone. He knows I care. I’ll see him again.

  As I make my way to the stairs, he states, “You came tonight.”

  “You didn’t call me out.” He barely smiles.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d want me to.”

  “Always.” I try for a confident smile. “And you break me, too,” I say over my shoulder.

  I leave the bar to head home. The cool spring breeze is welcoming, as I fight back the tears. I just needed to see him. I needed to smell him. My feelings haven’t changed. Not that I doubted them, but seeing him again was harder and easier than I thought. A total contradiction of my heart. I wanted so much to crawl onto his lap, and I am sure he would have let me, but we need to talk first. Tonight he’s working. Tomorrow we will have time for us.

  “Olivia!” I turn around to see him bent over catching his breath. He looks ridiculous. For someone who is so in shape, you would think his endurance would be better. I try not to laugh.

  He approaches me slowly and suddenly the need to laugh disappears and my own breathing picks up. His body knocks into me and his lips crash down on mine. His tongue is persistent in entering my mouth and I open for him, not wanting to hold back anymore.

  He breathes life back into me as he explores my mouth, his arms gripping my waist. My lips move with his, and his beard tickles my face. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck and tangle my fingers into the bottom of his hair as he lifts me. My feet lock around his waist. It feels like the world is spinning around us, and we are stuck on pause.

  “I missed you,” he groans into my lips. “I’m not letting you walk away anymore.” He kisses my forehead, and I look into his eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I really am. It wasn’t by choice.” I cup his face with both hands.

  “Shh . . . We’ll talk about it over coffee. Let’s go.” He drops my feet to the ground and holds my hand as we walk towards my car.

  She came. She fucking came. For me. I can’t stop staring at her over the rim of my mug as we sit across each other in an old diner booth. God, I missed her. I missed the way she smelled and the tiny gestures she makes subconsciously. I stare at her as she drinks her coffee, shyly looking over at me. We haven’t spoken a word since I called out her name outside of Jack’s Bar.

  I tense when I hear her sigh. I don’t want to push her, but I also want to know what happened.

  “Cash, I’m sorry for what happened. I can’t apologize enough, and I can only hope you hear me out.” She smiles sadly. Does she think I wouldn’t want her? Did she not feel that kiss? “I got an e-mail from Nathan the day you came to tell me about the tour. He had some . . .” She hesitates.

  “What?” I reach for her hand letting her know I’m here, no matter what. She swallows back her pride and continues.

  “He had footage of when we were together and some pictures. He threatened to expose them if I didn’t break up with you. It’s insane. Sometimes, I wonder if he really meant it, but I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk him putting that out there, for your sake and mine.” She’s talking fast. I move over to her side of the booth and bring her to me, kissing the top of her head.

  “Shhh . . .” Her voice is full of emotion and regret.

  “I’m sorry,” she says, over and over again. “I didn’t want you to have that connection to me. It’s not like we were just a hook-up, I trusted him and he destroyed that.”

  I realize she lost a lot more than me when she told me what had happened. She lost her trust in someone who was supposed to always have it, despite their break-up. She lost her privacy.

  “I knew if I told you, you would confront him and he would share it. A gossip magazine approached him, to learn more about me, when they realized he was my ex-boyfriend. The images were clear and the video was as well. There was no denying it was me. If my clients saw that, all my hard work would be for nothing. If your fans saw that, they would think you were a joke.” I take a deep breath, clenching my fists. I want to kill the fucker, but I know it’s more important to focus on her, on us, right now than that pussy piece of shit. No real man would do that to a woman.

  “Then, he started showing up at my house.” She continues to speak, but all I can think about is the damage I want to do to Nathan for putting Olivia in this situation. “We were finally able to get enough proof and my lawyer took care of it, but by then, I thought maybe it was too late
. I also didn’t want to ruin the end of your tour. You guys did awesome, by the way.” She smiles up at me.

  “You kept up with us?”

  “Only a little bit. It was my guilty pleasure, it was hard to watch you transform throughout those months. You weren’t the same man that left.” I push her back and furrow my eyebrows.

  “I am the same man. Albeit, I was messed up, but I’m the same person. The tour hasn’t changed me.” I defend myself. She smiles and cups my jaw.

  “You have changed the way you perform. You’ve gotten better, sexier.” She blushes, and I kiss her softly.

  So many thoughts are going through my mind. We were forced to be apart because of blackmail. Something that we could have taken care of together had she not been so afraid. I know my hothead would have confronted Nathan. I was already at odds with him, and I would be damned if he showed the world what had happened between them when they were together. I breathe in and release. I don’t even want to think about it.

  “So they took care of the images?”

  “Yeah. They took him in, and he was charged with blackmail and criminal harassment. He had to pay a fine and spend a week in jail. They made sure to delete everything from his devices. It was terrible, but I’m grateful to have Jen and Bri.”

  “You could have had me, too,” I say quietly. She looks at me with tears in her eyes.

  “I missed you. I hated not being able to tell you, but I was so scared. Besides, I wasn’t sure how you would react towards me, knowing I let him record me.” She shivers as I hold her.

  “What you did in the past in your relationships is not my problem. We have all done things in the past that we later regretted. We never expect someone we trusted to betray us.”

  “No one expected it. Josh couldn’t believe it. Honestly, it was a few rough months where I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get rid of him.” She moves closer to me, and I tighten my arms around her.

  “I got you,” I whisper into her hair. We sit like this for a while, her feet tucked under her and her head on my chest. It feels like an eternity since I have held her.

  “Tell me about your tour. How was Tyler?” I chuckle, knowing she’s a huge fan of his.

  “It was amazing. He made sure we continued on with him after the holidays. He also wanted to record a song with us for his upcoming album. He’s a great guy, actually.”

  “I’m sure he is,” she says with dreamy eyes.

  “Hey! I’m right here.” She giggles and kisses my cheek.

  “Yes, you are.” Our fingers lace together, and I tell her more tales about being on the road, the good and bad.

  I fucking missed her like crazy. I missed not being able to call her and hear her voice. It’s not just missing someone when you’re miles apart. It was a feeling of knowing, that no matter the miles, you couldn’t be together. We talk about my music and new songs. She doesn’t know it yet, but our new album is titled Young. Mostly because it is inspired by her, and then there is that tiny piece that shows our youth through music.

  “Ready to go?” I ask her.

  “Yeah.” She nods her head against my chest.

  I refuse to release her hand on the way to the car or while she’s driving. Without asking, she goes straight to her house. Thank fuck. I can’t spend another night without her. I have my girl back, and I will not let her go. From now on, we talk things out and deal with them tactfully and together. No more hiding shit and spending time apart.

  I kiss her as soon as we get into her house and carry her up the steps. Despite how much I want to bury myself into her, tonight is about reconnection. With a final kiss, I lay her on her bed and look at her. I undress and get in bed with her. This is more than sex. This is more than a release. This is us being together no matter what. I hold her close to me.

  “What’s next for you?” she asks.

  “We have a lot of work coming up, including recording our album, press releases and interviews with various radio stations. It feels good to be home after being on that bus for so long. I’m glad we’ll be here for some time in the studio. Vivian has a strict schedule for us, but being in Nashville makes it better.”

  “Vivian?”

  “Yeah, she’s our new publicist from Nashville Records. She’s a tyrant sometimes, but it’s all in our best interest. Once she knows us better, she’ll be more lenient. It all started when Cole hit on her when we first met. Ever since then she’s been strict and serious.”

  Olivia laughs. “Cole is one of a kind.”

  “You have no idea. He made sure to hook up with one girl from each city.” I feel her tense and realize that my being on the road was harder for her than just being apart. I tilt her chin up and look down at her. “Only girl I wanted to keep my bed warm was you. Ryder behaved as well. I was impressed.” I kiss her soft lips.

  “Well, as soon as he could, he fucked my cousin on my couch.” I laugh. That’s my boy.

  “He was hard up.”

  “And you?”

  “I wasn’t sure I’d ever have you in my arms again. I wasn’t giving up, but I spent a good chunk of the first months calling and texting you with no response. When Bri told me you had changed your number it made sense; then, she put your new one in, so I could message you. You should have been there with me, instead of watching on the TV.”

  She kisses me and closes her eyes. “Next time,” she whispers.

  “Go to sleep, babe.” I hold her realizing it is past three in the morning.

  “Where are we going?” Olivia asks, her nose scrunched.

  “A surprise.” I pull away from her house and begin the short drive to Percy Priest Lake. We go back to the studio in two days and I want to enjoy our short intermission with her. Besides, the idea of seeing her in a bikini has been driving me wild.

  I went home after spending the night at her place and decided we needed a getaway. I want something we can do together, so I called her and told her to pack a bag with a bathing suit and casual attire. She could skip the pajamas. As much as I liked meeting her with those pajamas, I want her naked at night. I packed my car with a tent, fishing rod, and the basics for camping.

  Thirty minutes later, I pull into Percy Priest Lake and Olivia looks at me with wide eyes. “Seriously?!”

  “Yes,” I look over at her.

  I missed her. I missed her excitement about life. We park and I begin to unpack the trunk. She realizes then that I have all the necessities for a couple nights of camping.

  “This is amazing,” She walks towards the lake, while I set up the tent. I can’t help but stop and watch her as she dips a foot in the water and shivers. I join her on the shore once the tent is up and wrap my arms around her.

  “Want to go for a swim?” I smile when she trembles.

  “Thank you,” she says and kisses me. “The water is freezing.”

  I shrug, “We’ll get used to it quickly.” She smiles and walks away from me, heading towards the tent where I placed her bag. I jog after her and watch her change into her bikini. I knew this would be worth it. I change quickly and follow her out like a horny dog.

  We swim and talk in the water until the sun begins to set and Olivia’s trembling. I get a fire started after we change into sweats.

  “You go back into the studio tomorrow?” she asks.

  We eat and talk as the flames move in the wind.

  “The next day. We get two days out here. Just you and me.” I move her hair from her face and smile. “Just you and me,” I repeat.

  “I like the sound of that. I missed you,” she confesses. I hug her to me.

  “I missed you, too,” I whisper into her ear, changing the energy to something more sensual. She looks up at me, her eyes dark under the night sky.

  “Did you?” she dares ask.

  “Have you not listened to our new songs? It’s us, babe, the good and the bad.” She nods silently.

  “I wish you would have told me what was going on.”

  “Maybe I should have, but I
also know you would have reacted.”

  “We would have taken care of it,” I assure her.

  “Not before the damage was done.” She moves in and kisses me. “I’m sorry, but I needed to figure it out on my own.”

  I know she is Ms. Independent, doing her own thing and fighting her own battles. That’s something I love about her, but I wish I knew. It would have saved us both a lot of pain. I can’t think about that now. I need to focus on having her here.

  I sing one of our latest songs to her, a more optimistic tune about love. Half way through, I reach my hand out and ask her to dance. We spin around on the dusty ground as she hums along with me, slowly becoming familiar with the words.

  “So, did you have a plan when you got back?”

  “I was ready to find you and figure out what was going on. Something didn’t add up. So yes, as soon as we had this break I was going to find you. You just beat me to it.”

  “I’m glad I did.”

  “I am, too. I’m also glad I went after you when I realized you were leaving.”

  “Good call. I was ready to call it a night and wait to talk the next day when you weren’t busy with the band.”

  “I’m never too busy for you.”

  “Are we going to pick up where we left off?” she asks.

  “Olivia, I want more than just a few nights with you. I am hell bent on working this out.” Her smile strikes me, and I realize how much I want her in my life. What started off as fun has turned into forever.

  “Good morning, handsome.”

  “Good morning.” My voice is gruff. She leans into me, laughing, and kisses me.

  “About time you woke up.”

  “How long have you been awake?” I ask.

  “An hour or so.”

  “And you didn’t wake me up?”

  She shakes her head. “I didn’t have the heart to.”

  This tent is more welcoming than being on that bus and sleeping almost on the ground is more welcoming than a mattress with no privacy. Mostly, because she is here with me.