Queen of the City

by Tamicka Higgins

  I laughed, knowing the weed finally got into his system.

  “Here you go with these god-damned leprechauns again, Junie. Why is it every time we get blown, you start talkin’ about these muthafuckin’ leprechauns? I don’t see them.”

  “Ssssssh!” he said, holding a finger over his mouth, “a whole gang of them muthafuckas is lookin’ right at us. They muggin’ us and shit. Hold on.”

  He stood up and put his hands in the air before shouting,

  “The fuck is up, niggas? Y’all got beef? What? Come holla at me then. Y’all standin’ over there cliqued up and shit like y’all ‘bout to ride on us. Whassup?”

  “Junie!” I said, jumping up to grab him. “Sit yo’ ass down! Those are some fuckin’ lawn ornaments!”

  “Naw, them bitches is leprechauns. I know a fuckin’ leprechaun when I see it!”

  The party began to wind down around 2 am. People flooded out of the house either drunk or high, and the music faded lower and lower. We sat in the front room with Adrienne and Anthony, reminiscing about old times. Our high school years at Riverside were some of the best years of our lives. No bills or bullshit like that, just fucking around in class, getting blunted, and skating past with “C” averages just so we could say we graduated. Nobody expected us to amount to anything, shit, we didn’t even expect it, but looking at our lives now, we got further than we thought we would. Adrienne was on her way to the Army, Anthony was in his second year of college at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, and Junie and I collected a little fame rapping and producing. I mean, it wasn’t picture perfect but shit, it was good enough for us. We gave Adrienne our last goodbyes and left her house.

  The streets were pretty empty as Junie’s high completely went away. The moon hung low and bright in the clear sky above us. A few crackheads wandered aimlessly down the street while we were stopped at a red light. One of them tried to clean our windshield, but Junie stepped on the gas, damn near knocking him over with his side mirror.

  “Damn, Junie!”

  “What? How that nigga gon’ try to clean my fuckin’ window at night with his fuckin’ sleeve and no Windex. Niggas be trippin’ out here.”

  He stopped at a gas station not too far from Adrienne’s house.

  “I’m hungry as shit, Lyric. You want somethin’ out of here?”

  “Grab me a soda.”

  “Aight.”

  He got out the car as a few guys were huddled around the door of the 24-hour corner store. I watched them carefully as Junie went in. When he came out, one of the guys got his attention. He reached into his pocket and made a seamless transaction. To the naked eye, he just shook his hand but to somebody who knew what the deal was, it was evident.

  He got back in the car and gave me the soda, “Cherry, right?” he asked, smiling with a bag full of snacks. “You already know.” He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, slowly. Sucking my top lip and then the bottom. I put my hand gently on his chest.

  “Baby, you really ‘bout to try to freak me in this parking lot with these bright ass lights shining the fuck down on us?”

  He looked around, “You right. My bad.”

  He turned on one of our tracks and we headed down the main street. When we approached a red light, another truck pulled up on the side of us. The windows were tinted so we couldn’t see inside, but the music was thumping inside of it. We couldn’t hear the words but the bass vibrated the windows. Junie pulled out into the intersection, running the red light as he looked nervously back at the truck that stopped next to ours.

  “You just gon’ run the light, Junie?”

  He looked back in the rearview as he answered me. “What? There weren’t any cars coming anyway.”

  He drove cautiously, taking a right turn down a neighborhood block. It didn’t take long for me to understand what he was doing. He reached into his glove compartment and pulled out his pistol, cocking a bullet into the chamber. He rode to the end of the block and turned back onto another main street. Two cars were already parked at the next intersection, waiting for the light to turn green. He pulled up behind them, looking through each mirror in his vehicle. I pulled my pistol out and leaned back in the seat. I saw him glance at the gun I held in my hand. He didn’t say anything as he turned the music in the truck down low. The light turned green, but the cars in front of him didn’t move. He blew his horn and suddenly, three men got out of the back seat and opened fire on our truck.

  POW! POW! POW! POW!

  “Shit!”

  Junie yelled as he fired back and stepped on the gas, crashing into the car that was stopped in front of us. I ducked down in my seat further, firing shots out of the window as the truck plowed over the car that the men jumped out of. POW! POW! POW! More shots rang out as Junie turned the corner and drove full speed down the street, bouncing off parked cars like pinballs.

  “Fuck! Fuck!”

  “Are you hit!? Baby are you hit!?” I frantically asked as he kept driving.

  He held his hand over his chest as blood poured around it like water from a broken faucet.

  “Oh my God, Junie!” I yelled, placing my hand on his chest.

  He started to lose consciousness as I tried to take over the wheel. We ran up over a curb before we climbed a sidewalk and smacked into a tree. The airbags released, knocking me backward in my seat. I felt a sharp pain on the right side of my body as we both sat in the car motionless. I reached my hand down to my side, and when I pulled it back my hand was covered in blood. Immediately after that, sharp pains shot through my side. I looked over at Junie. His head was on the headrest; his eyes were wide open. He hadn’t blinked since I glanced at him.

  “Ju…Ju…Junie,” I said, trying my hardest to get the words out.

  He didn’t answer. I could hear police sirens and ambulances in the distance, becoming louder and louder. I called out his name again, but there was still no answer. Moments later, I leaned my head back and passed out.

  Chapter 2

  “How is the heart rate?”

  “It’s steady.”

  “Ok, great. Let’s keep it that way.”

  She looked towards the patient, “You’re going to be all right. We’re going to get you through this.”

  She looked towards the other doctors, “How is it now?”

  “It’s stable.”

  “Wonderful, that’s what I like to hear. Where is the scalpel? Thank you. Did the bullets go all the way through?”

  “Yes”

  “So, we’re dealing with clean shots. That helps. Looks like the abdomen, left side, hip and chest were hit. Apply pressure there. How is her blood pressure?”

  “60/40.”

  “She lost a lot of blood. We have to get that up. Hold on.”

  I tried to get up.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, just lay down, sweetheart. Lay down. Everything is going to be all right,”

  “I need some more morphine; it’s going to wear off any second.” She looked away to the other doctors.

  Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeep

  “She’s coding! I need Dr. Thompson in here right away!”

  I felt myself fading away, my eyes shutting quickly.

  “You’re going to be fine, sweetheart. Come on, stay with us, ok? Stay with us!”

  I drifted back out moments later, vaguely hearing the doctors speak around me. It felt like it was over. All the things I dreamed of being. All the things I wanted to have in life were suddenly crumbling right in front of me, and there was nothing I could do about it but accept it. I didn’t want it to end like this.

  ***

  I opened my eyes to an empty room. Tubes ran from my mouth and nose to some machines that were hooked up to my left. I took slow, deep breaths as a nurse walked up to my bed, checking the machines. She smiled as she looked at me and then she leaned in a little closer to whisper in my ear. I could only make out a few of the words, “… had his hand… you… you are still alive.” I blinked, wanting to respond to her but not fully able to. I put he
r sentence together in my mind, though. I understood. God did have his hand on me, and I was blessed to still be alive. She walked away as I closed my eyes again, not fully understanding what was going on but knowing that soon, I would be better. I drifted off to sleep again.

  Big Mama sat in the chair at the foot of my bed reading her bible. I knew it was her bible because there’s no other book that thick that she could carry around. She heard rustling in the bed and turned her attention towards me. She was 59 years old, but she moved like she was in her early 40’s. She always used to say it was the grace of God that kept her feeling younger than she really was. She took her reading glasses off as she stood next to my bed, stroking my hair, a tear caught in the corner of her eye.

  “How you feelin’, baby?”

  The tubes were removed from my nose and mouth as I lifted myself up off the bed. Big Mama tried to stop me, but I pushed through it.

  “No, baby. Don’t try to get up, now. Just lay back.”

  “I’m ok, Big Mama.”

  “No, you’re not. Now lay back down. You may be in a hospital bed, but I will still pull my belt out and tan your behind!”

  I smiled. Big Mama was tough. She had to be raising me in Milwaukee. The youth around here didn’t care how old or young you were; they would test you, but Big Mama seemed to earn the respect of the young teens around our neighborhood. Tough love is what she gave, and many of them didn’t have that in their lives until they met her. She was like the mother hen of the hood. One of the last of her kind. I laid back down on the bed.

  “Good.”

  She pulled the covers back over me.

  “The doctors say you got shot four times. Twice in your hip, once in your chest, and one in your side. They say the one that hit your chest could have pierced your heart if it was just a few more inches to the left. God has his hand on you, baby. That’s for sure.”

  “How long have I been in here?”

  “Oh, about two days.”

  I slowly began to piece back that event that got me in here in the first place. The party. The leprechauns. I laughed to myself, those damn leprechauns, I thought as I smiled. My mind suddenly went to Junie as I tried to get up in my bed. Big Ma put her hand on my shoulder and said,

  “Now, baby. I told you to relax. You need to lay down.”

  “Big Mama, where is Junie?”

  She ignored me.

  “Baby, we will talk about that later.”

  “Big Ma, please!” I tried to get up, but my strength wasn’t back yet. Big Ma was able to keep me down. “Where is Junie!? I need to make sure he is ok!”

  The machine next to me started beeping faster.

  “Baby, calm down, ok?”

  “Big Ma, just please, tell me where Junie is! Just tell me and I’ll lay down!”

  “Baby, baby,” she said, then hesitated, fighting back tears. “Junie… Junie didn’t make it.”

  I stopped fighting her and sat motionless on the bed. If it wasn’t for the beeps on the machine next to me, the room would’ve been entirely silent. Tears rolled down Big Mama’s face as she stood there, preparing herself for my reaction. Tears bubbled in my eyes like water balloons that were ready to explode.

  “No, no! Noooooooooo!”

  I yelled at the top of my lungs, using whatever strength I had to flail my arms around. The machine beeped unapologetically as Big Ma tried to calm me down,

  “It’s going to be alright baby; it’s going to be alright.”

  “Nooooo! They killed him! They killed him!”

  Doctors rushed in immediately, moving Big Ma out the way.

  “Her blood pressure is rising again; we need to sedate her. Hurry up.”

  My doctor looked towards me and said, “You have to calm down, please.”

  “They killed him! They killed him!”

  I convulsed as the adrenaline began to push strength through me that I didn’t have a few minutes ago. Three more doctors entered the room, pinning me down to my bed.

  “They killed him! Let me go! They fuckin’ killed Junie!”

  They slid the needle into my arm as I slowly began to fade out. My fighting decreased more and more with each thought of Junie. His smile. His lame jokes. The first time we had sex. The last time he told me he loved me. Our chemistry. It was all fading out as I closed my eyes. I could still feel the tears falling down the sides of my face before I blacked out. It was over. Please God, take me too.

  Two police officers stood in my room when I opened my eyes. They stood to the right, talking with Big Mama. I tried to close them quickly again, but Big Mama called me out before I could.

  “She wakes. Baby, you alright?” she asked as she walked to my bed. I sighed, not knowing what to say to her.

  One of the officers walked over to me and said, “I’m Detective Rollins; this is my partner John Williamson. We just have a few questions about what happened a few nights ago.”

  I sat up in my bed, still sore from the gunshot wounds.

  “We are sorry for the loss of Tyrell Butler. We know that he was your boyfriend for quite some time, and we want to get the people that are responsible for his death.”

  Big Ma rushed to the other side of me, ready to hold me if I had another reaction similar to the first one.

  “I’m ok, Big Ma.”

  Detective Rollins took out a pen and a notepad to begin writing as soon as I spoke.

  “Look, it was dark that night. I couldn’t really see anybody’s face. I just know that three dudes got out the car and started buckin’ at us. That’s all I know.”

  “You don’t know if Tyrell had any problems with anybody? I mean, this looks like it was premeditated.”

  I knew the answer to that. It had something to do with Big Tuck. One of the guys that jumped out the car was the same man that walked up to the side of the truck when I was waiting outside at Big Tuck’s house earlier that day. Same dreads, same build. It was him.

  “Not that I know of, officer. Junie was just a good dude, a producer, and he was good at what he did, you know? I mean, a lot of people hated him because he was getting a lot of attention but if you’re expecting me to point them out, you’ll have a shorter list by lettin’ me tell you who didn’t have a problem with him.”

  “Well, we know something was going on. He had drug paraphernalia on him as well as a glock. I mean, somebody who is not involved in some type of criminal activities wouldn’t have those things on him.”

  I peered at them, “Oh, so y’all are going to victimize the victim? No, fuck that—”

  “Lyric, watch your language,” Big Ma said.

  “Big Ma, can you tell these officers that I have nothing else to say to them. I need to get my rest.”

  I turned over on my side away from them and closed my eyes as another stream of tears began to fall. I heard Big Ma apologizing to them on my behalf as they handed her a card and asked to be contacted if anything changed. I wasn’t contacting them. I already knew who was involved, and if Big Tuck found out I pointed them in his direction, I was liable to get me and Big Mama killed. He was just ruthless like that. A fucking killer. It wasn’t time for that. Not even close to it.

  ***

  His funeral was packed with people that we had both known since our freshman year at Riverside. People I hadn’t seen in years, who had come back to Milwaukee just to pay their respects. His mother wanted me to sit in the front with the rest of his immediate family. They considered me their daughter and after five years of being with their son, they had been ready to call me daughter-in-law. He only had one other sibling, an older sister. She moved away to California when she was 20. This was the first time she had been back since she left. She put her arm around me as we sat in the front pew at Ebenezer church of God in Christ. It’s the Church Junie went to the few times that I did know him to go. When it was time to view the body, I stood up and made my way around to the front. The doctors said it would be a few weeks with therapy before I would be able to walk without my cane. Just
another reminder of the last night I spent with Junie. I refused help as I hobbled my way to the casket.

  He lay there, with makeup caked on his face. He was still handsome, but it just wasn’t the way I was used to seeing him. He had on a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie. He looks smooth as fuck, I thought to myself as I looked him over with a smile and a tear in my eye. Down by his hands was a small turntable that would fit on a keychain. They fit it right between his hands, folded across his chest. All around him were pictures of the things he loved. His parents, his siblings, a picture of us the night of our junior and senior prom. That damn Milwaukee bucks logo. I laughed because no matter how bad the Bucks were, he always defended them through thick and thin. That’s how he was about everything. He was loyal to a fault.

  I leaned my cane on his casket and bent over to kiss him on his cheek. The shell of who he was. I made my way back to my seat as the line of people wanting to see him grew.

  Later on, I took the microphone.

  “Wow. I mean… there is so much I can say about Junie. I’ve known this man for the past seven years of my life and… I always thought that we would be in this forever. I mean, we were, it was just that… forever was not as long as we thought it would be. My best friend in the whole world is gone. My man. My protector. My backbone. My producer. I mean, we were connected in every area of life, and now it’s like…”

  I looked over to the casket and fought back tears, “Now, it’s just like… what next? You know? What is there for me to do next? I loved that man. I loved him with all my heart and God knows that. God knows it, but I guess he was needed somewhere else. I don’t know why I pulled through, and he didn't.”

  Pow! Pow! Pow! Screeeeeech! My mind momentarily flashed back to the night we were both shot as tears finally broke through the levee that was holding them in my eyes. His mother rushed to my side, but I waved her back.

  “I’m ok, Mom.”

  She held her place.

  “All I know is I’m here, and he’s not. But honestly, I feel like I’m not either. I feel like I’m alive but not how I was before, you know? Like a part of me is gone. And it is. My life will never be the same. I remember the first time we went out together, he was like, ‘If I make the beat, and you be my Lyric, we will make the greatest song the world has ever heard.’ ”