Queen of the City

by Tamicka Higgins

  I wiped a tear from my eye. “And that right there is the line he used to pull me in, and it worked because we were together the very next day.”

  People sitting in the church pews laughed for a few moments.

  “Junie, I’m going to miss you and even though I know you’ll always be with me, it won’t be the same. I love you now, and I’ll love you forever.”

  Chapter 3

  I sat on the couch, flipping through channels as Big Ma came into the front room.

  “Baby, how you feeling today?”

  “I’m alright, Big Mama.”

  “You want anything to eat?”

  “No, ma’am. I'm all right.”

  “Ok. Let me know if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  I moved in with Big Mama when I got out of the hospital. Junie was at my place more than half the time when I lived there so I couldn’t handle being alone. Big Mama welcomed me with open arms when I asked her if I could. It had been a few weeks since Junie died but I was still barely eating. I hadn’t left the house since his funeral, but on the bright side, I was just beginning to walk on my own again. I fell a few times when I tried to walk without my cane. It made me feel like an old woman, but Big Mama threatened that if she ever saw me try to walk without it again, she would break my other leg, and it would take twice as long for me to walk. Although I knew she wouldn’t, I listened to her out of respect. That’s what usually happens when children are raised right. When they get to that age that they know they could hurt their parents if they wanted to, that respect factor kicks in.

  A few days later, I was walking like I’d never been shot. I had gotten calls from a lot of promoters asking me if I wanted to come out and feature at some events they were doing but I turned them all down. I wasn’t trying to get back out there. Matter of fact, I didn’t even want to rap no more. When Junie died, all that seemed to go away. The passion. The fire to eat other Emcees alive on the microphone just faded. I didn’t have my partner in crime with me, so it was all pointless.

  I ran into my high school teacher at the funeral. After, she gave me her number and told me to contact her if I ever needed anything. She had a plug at a retail store in Mayfair, a mall on the city’s north side. I tried it out. I had to. I couldn’t just sit at the crib all day not doing shit. That didn’t last long, though. On my first day, I got into it with some chick at the register because she said I wasn’t ringing her clothes up right.

  “Uh, excuse me? That is not $14.99. The ticket said it was on sale for $8.95.”

  I peered at her for a moment before I answered, “I’m sorry. I’ll ring it up for the price you said it was.”

  “No, no. That shit should’ve been corrected before you rang it up in the first place. See, this the bullshit I’m talkin’ about. Y’all never has y’all shit together up here.”

  I closed my eyes, breathing slowly, “It’s ok. We just have to ring up—”

  “No, bitch. Nuh-un, see, I don’t like your attitude.” She raised her voice, “Where the fuck is the manager at?! They need to teach their employees how to fuckin’ talk to customers without rolling their eyes and shit. Where is the manager?”

  I was never one to let anybody talk shit to me without doing anything about it. I took the clothes and threw them in her face.

  “Bitch, you ring this shit up yourself.”

  She stood across the counter with her mouth hung open as I walked away. The manager came speed walking down the aisle as she saw me walking away from the counter. I took off my name tag and threw it on the floor in front of her.

  “Y’all find somebody else to do this shit. I’m done dealing with…” I turned back in the customer’s direction as she stood at the counter, yelling loud enough for her to hear me, “…dumb ass people like her!”

  It wasn’t until security crowded her that she tried to break through their grasp and get to me. I walked out of the store and never looked back. It was at that moment that I knew retail wasn’t for me. I knew a regular 9 to 5 job wasn’t for me. There was no way I could work a job like that when the only thing I’ve known was rapping and doing shows. I couldn’t bring myself to that, though. Not anymore. It was about 3:45pm when my phone rang. LaQuandra was on the other end.

  “Sup bitch, how you been?”

  “Shit, I have been better.”

  “Word. Where have you been at, though? Muthafuckas said you been a fuckin’ ghost since Junie passed.”

  “Hell yeah. I ain’t been feelin’ shit; you know what I’m saying? I have just been like… a fuckin’ bum and shit laying around the crib watching cartoons.”

  “Big ass fuckin’ kid.”

  “Hell yeah. It’s what me and Jun—” I stopped myself, trying to keep the reminiscing short. “Anyways, whassup though?”

  “Shit. Just tryin’ to see if you wanna get out for once tonight.”

  “I’m broke as fuck, Quandra. I ain’t got shit right now.”

  “Word. Hmmm…. Well, I might have a job for you, but you gotta come out with me tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know, Quandra. I just… I don’t know.”

  “Come on girl; you need to get out the crib before you get depressed and shit. Come on.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Girl, fuck the bullshit. I got you. You wanna go or not?”

  “I can barely walk and shit, Quandra.”

  “Bitch, all I hear is excuses. You wanna go or not?”

  I thought to myself for a moment before I shook my head and said, “Fuck it; I’ll go. When are you leavin’?”

  “I’ma go to the spot tomorrow. Just umm… wear something comfortable and shit.”

  “Aight.”

  Quandra was a gutter ass chick that came up with Junie and me. We didn’t reconnect until Junie died. It was crazy how his death brought old relationships back together. She was good people, though; she was just hood as fuck, but I was used to it. She picked me up at around 11 pm the next night.

  I took my time getting into her car. “You old as fuck right now, bitch.”

  “Fuck you,” I said as I closed the door.

  We had driven fifteen minutes before we came to the spot. I looked up at the sign, “Onyx? Really? A fuckin’ strip club?”

  “Bitch, just get out the car and come on. Damn.”

  We got out as she walked a few steps in front of me. She had on a short ass skirt that damn near showed the bottom of her ass cheeks. She tried to pull it down as she walked but it was useless, she was much too thick for that. She walked past two security guards as they let her through. She stopped just inside the door and waited for me. The guards smiled at me as I walked right past them like they didn’t exist. She led me up to a dressing room.

  “Quandra. What the fuck?”

  “What?” She said as she began taking her clothes off in front of me.

  “Don’t act like you ain’t never seen titties before, quit trippin’. Look, you were talkin’ ‘bout how you need a job and shit and you a fine ass bitch. I mean, I know you this thug ass rapper and shit and you probably ain’t tryin’ to have this look about you, but shit, if you tryin’ to make money, these thirsty ass niggas got bread, and they will pay you for that ass. Trust me honey.”

  She slid on her thong and started tying up the strings on her high heels as she explained,

  “I ain’t worked a day in my life outside these walls, and you see all my bills are paid on time. Shit, if you play yo’ cards right, you might even have some of these loser ass niggas in this club paying yo’ bills while you keep yo’ money in yo’ pocket.”

  She laughed, “This is America. Shit. The American dream for hood ass bitches like me.”

  She walked over to the mirror as I stood against the wall. A few more thick women walked into the dressing room, eyeballing me as they walked past me. I can’t believe she got me in this fuckin’ strip club, I thought to myself. Quandra walked back over to me.

  “So, this is what is about happen. You can
walk yo’ ass out there and sit in the audience. Watch what some of these chicks do to get paid. Then you tell me why you can’t do that shit. Tell me why a woman, as thick and as fine as you are, can’t go out there and shake that shit for some change? It’s easy money. Easy fuckin’ money. Now come on.”

  She led me outside the club and sat me down in a seat near the front next to the stage. She ordered a few drinks for me to loosen up. I wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, I’d seen women come on to me before; sexy ass women and it took everything in me not to give in to my curiosity.

  “Suzie Rock?”

  I heard someone call me out behind me. I didn’t turn around. I kept looking forward as the man repeated my name again. That’s what it was for me. I didn’t want people recognizing me in here. I downed the three shots of Coke and Hennessey that the bartender brought over for me. I winced as it burned my throat and moments later, the music began playing, and LaQuandra came to the stage. She walked to the front as niggas yelled in the audience,

  “Awwwww hell yeah, here comes my bitch! Shake that shit! Shake that shit!”

  I leaned back in my seat, observing her. She spun around and slowly shook her ass from left to right, her cheeks following each movement a few moments late. She put the pole between her ass and shook up and down before she leaned forward on a handstand and wrapped her legs around the pole. Her ass was above her head as she still found a way to make her cheeks jiggle as she slid down the pole and tumbled into the splits, bouncing up and down on the ground.

  “Hell yeah, work that shit! Work that shit!” a tall, dark-skinned man said as he walked up. He slapped a twenty dollar bill on her ass. She shook it harder as he pulled out another one and smacked it on her ass even harder. She spun around, opened her legs and shoved his face into her pussy. Another man ran up and rained dollar bills all over her. She looked over at me and winked as she let the man get up. She spun around again, facing her ass to the crowd and moved one cheek by itself, then the other simultaneously. Another thirsty ass nigga came and slapped twenty dollar bills on her ass. She got up and made her way over to the pole, spinning around on it as she loosened her top, letting her titties fall out. Before I knew it, there were hundreds of dollars on the ground in front of her as she gave these men exactly what they wanted.

  Maybe I can do this, I thought to myself, hell yeah, perhaps I can.

  Chapter 4

  I sat outside on my porch with my feet propped up on the banister. The cool Milwaukee breeze blew onto my face while I rocked back and forth in my chair. Kids were running up and down the sidewalk and playing like we used to when we were younger. Before the PlayStations and the Xboxes came into the world and before the internet was readily accessible. It made me reminisce about my younger days when life was a lot simpler than it was now—when the less we knew about how the world worked, the happier we were. I unwrapped a honey bun just as an all-black Monte Carlo parked in front of the house. I knew who it was before he stepped out the car. He walked up the steps and onto the porch, making himself a seat right beside me.

  “Whassup Tuck?”

  “Shit. Just another day, you know?” He was somber.

  “I hear you. When you supposed to go back to school?”

  “Next week. Spring break ends quickly most times.”

  I repositioned myself on the porch and said, “I don’t know shit about no spring break. I haven’t been in a classroom since high school.”

  He smiled, “Yeah. I know.”

  A few moments of silence passed between us. A car drove down the block, screeching to a stop as a ball rolled out into the street. Seconds later, a little boy ran out after it and scooped it up. The car burned rubber as it sped off again.

  “Muthafuckas drive through this neighborhood and shit like it’s a busy street. One of these days these little niggas is gon’ get ran the fuck over.”

  He didn’t say anything. His eyes drifted off into the horizon like he was trying to make sense of something he didn’t understand. Outside of me, he took Junie’s death the hardest. They were best friends since 5th grade. What started off as a fist fight in elementary school turned into a rock solid friendship.

  “I know you heard Big Tuck put a hit out on him.”

  I raised up from my seat, “A hit?”

  He looked towards me with squinted eyes and said, “You really didn’t know? Shit. That’s all muthafuckas been talkin’ ‘bout round the way. Said it was some shit about him not havin’ all the money he owed or some shit. I mean, I don’t know the details of it all, but I’m just sayin’ what I heard.”

  “A fuckin’ hit?”

  “Yeah. You know how that nigga Tuck gets down. Nigga got bodies on him and can’t nobody do shit about it but stay out his way.”

  I felt the anger creeping through my blood. He was right, though. There wasn’t a thing anybody could do about Big Tuck. The nigga had police officers on payroll and a lawyer that ate everything thrown his way. He was damn near untouchable but even with that, I felt there was something that could get to him.

  “I hear you.”

  “Well, shit, I was just coming through to check on you and shit. I ain’t heard from you since the funeral.”

  “Oh. Aight, yeah, thank you. I’ll be aight, though, you know. I’m fightin’ just like you.”

  “No doubt, sis. I’ma holla at you, though.”

  He got up and walked down the steps and back to his car, stopping another ball before it had the chance to roll out in the street. He tossed it back to the little boy who caught it and ran back to his group of friends. I sat back down in my chair as thoughts of Junie began flooding my mind.

  Pow! Pow! Pow! Screeeeech! I kept seeing the truck speed off away from the car that was shooting at us. The sharp pain and burning sensation from the bullets piercing through my flesh. His face as his head laid against the headrest, his eyes wide open, blood spilling from his mouth.

  “Lyric? Lyric?” Big Mama had to say my name a few times to grab my attention. “Come on inside here, baby; I got something for you to eat.”

  “Ok, Big Mama.”

  She walked into the house, and I trailed right behind her. Big Mama cooked dinner early. It was done by 6 pm at the latest, and she prepared the things that would stick to your ribs. Greens, Baked chicken, sweet potatoes, corn on the cob, and hot water cornbread.

  “Dang Big Mama, you trying to get me fat.”

  She laughed. “Naw baby, I’m trying to keep you healthy. Don’t act like I haven’t noticed you ain’t been eatin’ good.”

  I sat down at the table. “I just haven’t had an appetite lately.”

  “Honey, I know it’s hard. Junie was a good man, and I know he was good for you, but you can’t go about starving yourself. That’s not gonna bring Junie back, and it’s just going to cause you to get sick. Depressed. We can’t let that happen.”

  “I know Big Mama.”

  “Good. Now, go ahead and eat your plate. I’m gonna’ go in here and lay down but if you need me, just holla, and I’ll be right here, ok?”

  “Yes, ma'am.”

  She walked to her room as I glared down at my plate. Food just wasn’t as appealing as it was to me before. Maybe Big Mama was right. Maybe I was slipping into some sort of depression because of Junie’s death. I don’t know. Maybe I just had to get out of town. A change of scenery could help me get my mind off of things, even if it was just for a short time.

  My phone buzzed in my lap. It was a text message from LaQuandra: So, what you think about last night?

  I replied: It was aight, I guess.

  I talked to the owner about you. He said he wouldn’t mind seeing you do yo’ thang on stage with his nasty ass.

  I don’t know, Quandra.

  Ok. Well, the offer is on the table if you feel up to it, but you gotta let me know because I’m going out of town in a couple days.

  I paused for a moment before I sent a response back to her: What are you going out of the city for?

  Busines
s. I’m going to Chicago for a couple months to work at a club out there.

  It seemed like the perfect opportunity for me to get away for a while: What if I wanted to come with you?

  Shit, if you come, you better be ready to shake ya ass. Ain’t no dead weight rollin’ with me.

  I put the phone down and forced some of Big Mama’s food down my throat. Her food was always good, but the taste was just a bit off for me. It was more my mind than anything else, though. At that point, there was nothing else better for me to do.

  I responded to her: Ok. I’ll work with you.

  I figured I would be more comfortable showing my ass in a city where hardly anybody knew me than at home. Here in Milwaukee, once you’re recognized as a stripper, it’s damn near impossible to be seen doing anything else. I didn’t want that hanging over my head in my city. I forced some more of Big Mama’s food down my throat, washing it down with the ice cold soda she sat on the table.

  LaQuandra finally responded to my text: Aight, cool. We leave on Friday then!

  Chapter 5

  Big Mama tried to talk me out of going to Chicago with LaQuandra. She knew her since our freshman year in high school and to her, LaQuandra was nothing but trouble.

  “That girl ain’t got a lick of sense, baby. You sure you want to be going with her to another city?”

  “I’m sure Big Mama.”

  I loaded my suitcase with clothing for the trip as I tried to explain, “I… I just need to get away from here. It’s this city, and you’re right, I was on the verge of being depressed here. It’s hard for me to function without Junie. I mean, I got shot up and everything. I just want to get away for a while; that’s it, Mama. Just a little while.”

  She paced the room back and forth. I couldn’t tell if she just didn’t want to be lonely or if she was really nervous about something happening to me while I was with Quandra. Either way, I knew she was uneasy with me going but I didn’t have a choice. My anger towards Big Tuck grew every time Junie’s murder flashed in my mind like a nightmare. The urge for revenge was increasing, and I knew that would lead to nothing but my death. The next best thing was just to leave. I stopped packing and turned towards Big Mama as she stood with her hands on her hips, watching my every move. The glimmer of tears sat right at the bottom of her eyes as I put my arms around her.