Despair: Book Two of the Negative Ion Series

by Ryanne Anthony

  “You… you’ve been seeing someone else?”

  “I was. Am. I have fun, and here’s the most interesting part about it—I never lose an erection… with him.”

  I gasped, listening to what he’s telling me. My eyes feel a mile high. I stepped back, not believing what he said.

  “Him?” I whispered. “You’re dating a man?”

  “Oh yeah. Best sex I’ve ever had. He’s the one who’s helped my erections, and like I said, I have no problem maintaining one with him. Never have in all the times we’ve been together, but I felt guilty for messing around with him. So I guess I should thank you, Cassidy. Had you not fucked Greg, we could’ve gotten married and I’d have been really fucking miserable, trying to keep a straight face while pretending to be only with you. Pun intended,” he smirked.

  I inhaled as I stared at him. Cheating? With a man? What the holy fuck? And now he was leaving me for doing the same thing?

  “Let me get this straight; you fucked around on me first…”

  “Yep.”

  “And with a man…”

  “Oh yeah.” He snorted. “Best blowjobs ever.”

  “And you maintain erections with him?”

  “Oh, fuck yeah. You see, when he sucks me, I love every second of it. He takes his time and gets me up and off. The kicker is, all he has to do is wink at me and I’m right back up and ready for another round of fantastic fucking.”

  Zero fucking gaydar.

  I shook my head. “It was you. Walden saw you in that gay club in Santa Monica.”

  “Probably,” Eddie sneered. “Explains why he’s been icing me lately. I’ve been going there for a while, looking for what I needed; what I wasn’t getting from you. And I found it. And now that I know you’ve done the same thing, I no longer feel any guilt. I’m relieved now and can finally get away from you and live the life I should have been living.”

  Hell no.

  “Hold it!” I shouted. “You’re telling me that you’ve been doing a man and you want me to think that I was the problem? That me turning to Greg to do what was supposed to be your job is what makes you feel ‘relieved?’ Fuck you! Pack faster, babe. I just got over you!”

  “My pleasure.” Eddie grinned. “Cliff is waiting for me, anyway. I’m moving in with him.”

  “Good for you.” I smirked. “Have fun taking it up the ass. I’m going to call Greg and see if he wants up mine tonight.”

  I turned and was reaching in my purse to get my phone when I felt a sharp yank on my head. I screamed as the pain shot through my scalp and neck. Eddie’s rough, hot breath was at my ear and he snarled menacingly low.

  “I hope he rams it up there so far that you walk funny for the rest of your fucking life after what you’ve done to me.”

  “Stop it, Eddie! Let me go!”

  “No. I want you to feel the same pain I felt when I heard that conversation you and your lover had. You fucked around on me, and that’s not going to leave my memory any time soon.”

  “You cheated first,” I reasoned, tears of pain streaming down my face.

  “First, last, doesn’t matter. You were mine, and no man shares his pussy. You’ve been fucking him, and I had my mouth on you last night. I may as well have fucked him. Hmm,” he murmured, breathing down my ear. “You think he’d want a threesome with me? Rockers are known for that shit. I hope he’ll know I plan to mostly touch him. I’d love giving him exactly what he’s been giving you.”

  He yanked my hair harder. I screamed then grunted when he threw me to the floor. Oh, God, my brain screamed. Pain was shooting down my back now and I cried louder as Eddie took his bags to the door. I couldn’t understand the anger he had. He cheated first, and by the way he sounded, I’d never be able to please him. This could’ve been a civil breakup. What was he so angry about?

  “Hi, Cliff… Yeah, I’ll be there in a little while. I’m all packed up… No, that’s fine… I’ll see you in a few minutes… No, that’s done… Okay, I’ll see you little while.”

  I slowly sat up and stared at him. “You never loved me, did you?”

  “Funny thing… I did,” Eddie angrily answered. “I had a feeling I was gay; practically most of my life, but I didn’t want to be, mostly for my family’s sake, and for a while you made me forget. My brain, at least, but my body wouldn’t. I needed to forget because my parents and brothers would never condone that lifestyle. Then you wanted to move to New York, then California. Perfect solution for me—get me as far away from the folks as possible so I can be me. Took me a while, but when I went to that bar, that first night, I felt at home. I felt if I kept you in the dark, I could have the best of both worlds. And Cliff, he didn’t care you were in my life. He didn’t even care that I was planning to marry you to keep up the pretense and for you to give me the kids I want. There is no way that’s happening now, any of it. I fuck around, fine, but not you. I would never condone that. Especially under my fucking nose. I fucked you when my body would let me, and I did it well, despite having you as a partner.”

  When his rant ended, I thought, ‘Who was this guy? What the hell was this? He was gay and had a guy on the side, and this was my fault? How? He wasn’t giving me sex so why was I the bad guy in this? I loved this man. He was mine, and I was going to spend my life with him, and he wanted to make me out to be the one who was wrong?’

  No fucking way.

  “Me as a partner? What does that mean?” I shouted. “Me personally or me as a woman?” I shook my head as I stood, pain shooting down my body. I glared at him, waiting for him to answer. I got pissed off fast, my blood boiling in my veins at his silence.

  “Fuck you, Eddie. You’re such a twisted asshole. I want you out of my sight forever. I’m glad to be rid of you and your no-fucking, no-sucking, no-licking ass. Despite how good you think you were, Greg was a million times better, and I got off multiple times with him without fail at every fuck session we had. And trust that I will with any other man I fuck. And you can also trust that I will make damn sure I’ll research his ass to the gills before I look at him twice. No more closeted homos for me, ever. Hurry and get out of here. I have some studying to do.”

  Anger etched deep in his face, Eddie hurried toward me. My heart raced and I couldn’t see straight. I was so frightened but I didn’t move. I stood there, stoic.

  He gripped my hair again, and I tightly shut my eyes and screamed when I felt the first blow. When my eyes opened, I was lying in Hampton Medical Center’s E.R.

  “Hello, Miss Wren,” a woman of color with the prettiest, familiar-looking brown eyes murmured as I winced when I sat up. “I’m Dr. Warren.”

  “Hi,” I whispered. “Am I going to live?”

  She smiled. “You’ll be fine. I ran a few tests while you were unconscious. I’m pleased with the results, but I’d like to keep you overnight, just in case.”

  “No.” I shook my head and winced. “I’m no longer employed so no health insurance. I can’t afford a hospital stay.”

  “I really think you should stay here, Miss Wren. Just a twenty-four hour observation.”

  I frowned, then relaxed as I rubbed my head. “Did something show on my tests that you’re not telling me?”

  “No, but you have a mild concussion and may experience side effects that we can help you with, should they arise.”

  “Side effects? Such as?”

  “Well, headache, blurred vision, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. Light or noise sensitivity. Balancing problems.”

  “Wow. Um, I don’t feel any of those things, Doctor. I feel pretty much normal, just a bad headache.”

  “Maybe, but I can see that you’re pale, and other symptoms can show later. I don’t think you should be alone. Just to be on the safe side.”

  “I can’t, Dr. Warren,” I murmured as I looked for my clothes. “Can you get the ball rolling on getting me released?”

  “Of course, but I’ll need you to sign the AMA form as well as your release.”

  “No problem, doct
or. Thank you.”

  She nodded, then sighed. “No driving, and rest. I hope you have an alarm where you’re headed, because I want you to set it every hour when you get sleepy. You need to wake and take in your surroundings. Drink plenty of water and no pain meds. If you feel worse or any of the symptoms I described, come back to the E.R. right away and ask for me. I’m here for another thirty hours.”

  She smiled at my small nod, then walked out. I sat there and thought I’d never been treated so well by a doctor.

  A nurse came in and informed me the police took a report, along with pictures, as she gave me a bag. I frowned when I looked inside it. My jeans and favorite tee were in it. Last I remembered, I was wearing my bridesmaid’s dress. I thought and recalled Eddie had a laundry basket of clean clothes, Friday night and it was still in the living room when I left for Lala’s wedding.

  Eddie.

  How wrong was I about him? Who spends years with a man and not know he was gay? Me. I’m so stupid. I really did have zero gaydar. Less than zero, it appeared.

  I guess Eddie got back two good points from the million he’d lost, since he got me to the ER and made sure I got some help. Then again, he was the reason I needed medical attention, so I suppose those measly two points sprouted wings and flew out the window.

  I dressed then signed my release papers. To my relief, the hospital organized a cab and it was waiting. I wanted to be alone, and I felt I should hide, in case Eddie came back and wanted to beat the shit out of me again. I had the driver drop me at a hotel, and when I checked in, I asked for an alarm call every hour.

  I called my landlord and insisted I needed the locks changed sooner than soon, and Eddie wasn’t allowed access to the apartment. Mr. Mason said Eddie had already taken care of the lease. The apartment was now mine alone and I was paid up for two years. I thanked him, told him I’d be away a couple days and promised to let him and his wife know as soon as I was back.

  I called my aunt and cried as I told her what happened. I wouldn’t tell her where I was. She cried with me, and begged me to come to her when I got the alone time I convinced her I needed. I told her that was one of the things I needed to think about and she said she understood.

  I took a long look at myself as I undressed. I saw bruising on the left side of my jaw and under my right eye, and sighed in relief it wasn’t worse. Turning, I stared at my back in the mirror. I looked like a Buick hit me. I snapped pic after pic of my horribly bruised back as I fought my tears, thinking he gripped my hair as he beat me there. I just wished I knew why. He was the one cheating… well, first. He was the one who was gay and used me as a beard. He gave me the impression that he was happy at his new found lifestyle, so why attack me?

  I got my first hour call and startled. After I answered, I took a hot bubble bath and allowed myself to relax, as much as I could. Drying, I got the second call. I put on a nightgown from my bag. As I laid in the bed, I thought about Walden and resolved to kill him. It was Eddie he saw in that damn club. Damn me for not figuring it out sooner. He will be getting a nasty call from me soon about his impending death.

  I was just closing my eyes when the phone rang again. Drowsily, I told them to give me another call in two hours. I hung up and immediately the phone rang again. I picked it up, angrily shouting into the phone that it was not two hours. They assured me it had been. I apologized and told them another two hours. That kept up until eight a.m., when I told them I didn’t need the calls anymore.

  I actually had a light breakfast, and after, I dressed to go back to the apartment. I didn’t want to yet, so I sat on the bed and stared at a wall. I sat there most of the day, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I had no job, no man and no prospects for either. My own selfish needs had gotten me into this mess, and I needed to get myself out of it. How? Crap, no idea.

  I could move to Calabasas, try to work with my aunt Raquel. Or near her. I could go back to Iowa. I had friends there; they could help me find work or I could go back to school. I smiled as I realized I had options. Which do I take?

  Iowa. It was insane to come back here. The way my mother died, I should have known it’d be taboo to step foot in Hampton.

  So, I’ll go back to Iowa, work or go to school, maybe both. I’d meet some handsome farmer and have my twelve babies and die an old widow in a corn field while chasing one of my one hundred and forty-four great-grandchildren.

  Sigh. Aunt Raquel’s it is.

  * * *

  I talked with the Masons, who stood in my apartment with me as I packed. They were worried about me and showed it. Mrs. Mason actually cried as she watched me.

  “You don’t have to leave. We’ve pretty much figured out what he did to you, and I promise we won’t let him anywhere near you. Please stay,” Mrs. Mason pleaded. “All the locks were changed, and I’ll have maintenance closer for a while, just in case.”

  “I can’t. I need a few days, weeks. I have to go away for a while. Please understand. I just…”

  Mr. Mason took his wife’s hand and nodded at me. “We do, sweetheart. I agree that you need to get away. The apartment will be waiting for you when you return. I’ll even keep up the want ads for you.”

  I sniffed, on the verge of crying. “Thank you.”

  They walked me to my car, where they carefully hugged me goodbye. I gingerly got inside my Rogue, resting my back on a gel pillow thing, and drove to my aunt’s home.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Aunt Raquel and Friends

  I put my car in park outside Aunt Raquel’s home. I got out, and was reaching for one of my bags, when I saw my aunt running out.

  “Leave them, peu d’amour,” she ordered. “We’ll get them later. We have somewhere to be very soon.”

  “Tante,” I whined as I grabbed my purse. “Don’t you think I’m too old to be called ‘little love’?”

  “Not when you whine like that,” she snapped, taking my purse, then pulled me to her car. “You will always be my little love. No matter what.”

  I rolled my eyes and got in her car. She drove me to HRC, the clinic she goes to, where all of Mr. C’s employees go, she said. She had me looked over by a doctor and I was beyond grateful it wasn’t a Cannon. After his examination, Dr. Walker said he was going to order a few tests. After they were done and reviewed, he told me there was no internal damage, but prescribed me a mild pain killer.

  Reception gave me a return appointment. Aunt Raquel took me home and put me straight to bed after she shoved that pill down my throat and made me change into a nightgown.

  I groaned when I felt someone tugging on me, trying to move my gown at my neck. I was sleeping deeply on my stomach, since I couldn’t lay on my back. The bruises still stung when touched.

  “It’s just me, honey,” my aunt soothed. “I want documentation of what that cette espèce de connard did to you.”

  “Already done,” I groggily mumbled. “In my cell. I took some when I went to the hotel for my own records. Hampton Police took pics at the hospital as well.”

  I gave her the cell after I unlocked it, trying to remember what a cette espèce de connard was, but I nodded back off, dumbfounded.

  * * *

  Sometime later, I awoke to someone kissing my cheek and caressing my head.

  “Wake up, sweetheart.”

  I opened my eyes and smiled. “Hey,” I murmured when I registered who was waking me. “What are you doing here?”

  Joshua Cannon smiled at me, squatting to my eye level. His hand patted my arm and I saw his wedding ring. I smiled, happy he found her.

  “I heard what happened to you. It took everything in me to turn this over to Matthew. Why didn’t you call me?”

  I shrugged, then sat up, wondering if I should cover up as I looked at my flimsy gown. Why? He’s seen me naked, several times. Still, he was married now so I felt I should be respectful of his wife. I pulled the sheet over me.

  “I really didn’t think calling you was an option. Why are you here?”
>
  “We parted as friends, Cass. I thought we were still, even though we never talk.”

  “You’re married now, Joshua. I don’t want to cause trouble. I don’t want your wife getting any wrong ideas, and besides, I wasn’t sure if she knew what we were… did… you know what I’m saying.”

  He nodded. “I tell Mandy almost everything, Cass. She knows about you and what we were to one another. I’ve told her about every important relationship I’ve ever had.”

  I frowned, then looked down. “I was important?”

  He moves to sit on the edge of the bed then held my chin, making me look at him.

  “You were and will always be important to me, Cass. If you need anything, ever, call me. Text me. Email. Especially after something like this, but for the record, I hope nothing even remotely like this ever happens to you again.”

  I hugged him and winced when his arms came around me. He immediately pulled back, his face a mask of concern.

  “You’re having pain?”

  “Yeah. My back is still a bit tender.”

  He nodded. “Cass, my brothers are here and so are my wife and Marcus’. They all want to help.”

  “No, Joshua, please. I can’t meet your wives like this!”

  Joshua frowned. “Like what?”

  “Look at me! I’m bruised, drugged and I’m sure there are bags under my eyes! Oh, God… What about my aunt? Did you tell her about us?”

  “No,” he sighed. “And I made sure Mandy wouldn’t tell her either. She gets it and won’t say a word. Matthew doesn’t know, either. I promise. Now stop being silly and let’s go out there.”

  I didn’t move. His eyes narrowed. “Do not make me carry you, Cassidy.”

  “All right, all right!”

  I ran a brush through my hair, then slowly stood. I gently slipped into the robe Joshua held open for me. He offered his arm, and I refused it, telling him I could walk on my own. He smirked.