Despair: Book Two of the Negative Ion Series

by Ryanne Anthony

  “Cass, you’re very intoxicated right now; I don’t want you to stumble. You could fall and hurt yourself more.”

  Yeah, I so was. Damn pills were nowhere near mild. I took his arm, and we slowly walked to the living room. I frowned when I saw Matthew looking through my phone, standing beside Marcus, who was also staring at the phone. Both their heads shot up when Joshua and I entered the room, and Matthew’s face became hard, cold. He thrust my phone at Marcus, pulled out his cell and walked out of my aunt’s house.

  “Chi-Chi, did they find the fucker? Good, where is he now? Who’s watching him? Good, I’ll meet them there. Same drill as Chicago.”

  Joshua sat me next to a woman who looked like the model for Barbie. I shook my head, thinking, damn, did he trade up.

  “Hi, Cassidy. I’m Joshua’s wife; please call me Mandy.”

  I nodded and shook her offered hand. She was beautiful, friendly and radiated a caring nature.

  I smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Mandy. I wish I felt and looked better.”

  “You’re fine,” another woman said, sitting next to me. These men married models. “I’m Mariah. I married that one.” She smiled and pointed to Marcus.

  I giggled, then blew out a breath when pain hit me. I closed my eyes and counted, panting softly.

  “Sorry, still hurts.”

  “We know, honey.” My aunt smiled, handing me some hot tea. “Take your time. Where’s Mr. C?”

  “He spoke to someone he called Chi-Chi, then left,” Marcus murmured.

  My aunt nodded and said nothing else about him. Marcus sat across from me as Joshua stood next to his wife.

  “What happened, Cassidy?” Marcus asked. “Not that it matters, because what he did was wrong regardless. I’m just curious as to why this happened.”

  I took a deep breath. “Can I… I’d rather talk to the women alone. Later they can tell you, more tactfully. As Joshua pointed out in the room, I’m very intoxicated right now so I really don’t feel like filtering.”

  “Understood.” Marcus nodded and stood. “Come on, Twerp. We’ll wait outside.”

  I watched as they left. Aunt Raquel sat in Marcus’ spot and looked at me.

  “Tante, when I tell this, please understand that I am a woman now.”

  Raquel nodded. “I know you are, peu d’amour.”

  I gave her a look with a raised brow, and she sighed.

  “I won’t stop calling you that, honey. You will always be my little love. But I do get that you like men, gag, and I know that when you’re with them, especially overnight, you’re not just ‘sleeping’ with them.”

  “Tante, there has only been four. Don’t make me sound like the biggest slut on earth.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I just cannot understand why you like men and their… their… parts!”

  Mariah, Mandy and I laughed, and I stopped quickly, taking another deep breath as the pain hit. I calmed, all of them holding me somewhere, and relaxed it away. I started talking, telling them everything I’d done, including the reason I stepped out and had the affair with Greg.

  “I really don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of, Cassidy,” Mariah murmured. “There are some things I’ve done in order to get needs met that can be considered shameful. So have most people. You are a woman and you needed to do what you needed to do. This Eddie guy wasn’t doing his job with you, but he was cheating. Still, he gets mad and beats you? No, he deserves whatever is dished out to him.”

  “I agree,” Mandy murmured. “I just can’t believe he cheated and felt he needed to hurt you. Something is missing here and I hope Matthew gets to the bottom of it.”

  I know I didn’t deserve Eddie’s shit, and as much pain I felt from his beating, I could not bring myself to tell them that Eddie was gay. It wasn’t my place to reveal that, but if it was ever brought to me, I wasn’t going to deny or attempt to hide that I’d found out the night he took his fists to my body.

  We finished our talk then spent the rest of the afternoon chatting about other things, mostly just passing the time. Early evening, Mariah said she needed to get home and pump. Her twins would run out of milk soon, and there was only so much her nanny could do.

  “Twins? That’s wonderful.” I smiled. “Congratulations to both of you.”

  “Thanks.” Marcus grinned, then gave me his cell. “Flip through. These are all Alex and Donnie. They’re almost six months old and spoiled rotten.”

  “All him,” Mariah murmured.

  “I had nothing to do with it, baby.” Marcus grinned. “That was you and our mothers.”

  “Mostly the mothers.” Joshua chuckled. “But the rest of us had a big hand in it, as well.”

  “We had no choice.” Mandy giggled. “They’re the first, and we have to have some experience while waiting for Evelyn’s baby to arrive this winter.”

  I flipped through his pictures and smiled. The boys were adorable. I gave Marcus back his phone, then they all kissed my cheek, promising to keep tabs with me. Aunt Raquel showed them to the door while Joshua stayed back a moment. He smiled as he sat next to me.

  “I’ve been thinking about you asking me if you were important. You were. You are now, but I think I should have told you how important you were to me at the end of our relationship. That time with you was a definite highlight in my life. And to think I almost stayed near campus that summer. I’m beyond grateful that I didn’t, and that you helped me work through something that happened to me, something very painful that I had a hard time forgetting before you, no matter how hard I tried. I don’t think I ever thanked you properly for listening or the support you gave me. Or the understanding.”

  “I’m glad I helped and even moreso that you trusted me. I know you didn’t tell me everything, but what you did say, it will stay with me. I promise.” I looked at him and sighed. “I’m like the dumbest broad ever. If I had the sense of a tick, I’d have fallen for you. More than I did, anyway. I have no regrets about anything with us, Joshua. I chose my first well, and I’ll always have fond memories of our summer. Especially that time in the laundry room. Who knew how helpful washers in the spin cycle could be. Thank God I spilled my strawberry smoothie on my white dress or I never would have found that out.”

  Joshua laughed loudly. “Yeah, that certainly was memorable.” He shook his head. “I have no regrets either. I loved you, but when I met Mandy…”

  “You fell like a ton of bricks.”

  “Exactly,” he confirmed.

  “Yeah, like I did,” I murmured. “Too bad he and I didn’t work out, but there’s someone out there for me.”

  “There is, and I hope you find him soon.”

  I nodded. I kissed his cheek. “So do I.”

  He smiled and stood. “I meant what I said, Cassidy. If you ever need anything, call me. I’m still your friend, no matter what.”

  “And I’m yours.” I smiled. “Keep in touch. I’m getting a new number soon, but I’m sure Matthew will easily find the new one.”

  “I’m sure he already has.” He grinned. “By the way, no offense, but besides the laundry room, I think you being an oral student was my favorite. You were such a good listener and learned very quickly.”

  I laughed then cursed myself as stronger pain ripped through me. Joshua got me water and another pill when I said that my meds were wearing off. I smiled when he kissed my cheek, promising we’d get together soon. He was eager to introduce me to a friend of their family… Greg something or other… I just smiled and nodded, thinking awkward. I wasn’t going to go out with anyone anytime soon, especially another someone named Greg. I had a million things to do. First up, I had to erase a certain guy from my heart.

  * * *

  I stayed with my aunt for two weeks, and every time she got off work, she flew home. She got a leave from work for the first week, and I insisted that was all she needed.

  I met her girlfriend and sighed. My aunt loved redheads, and this one thought she cheated on her with me.
I quickly put that in order and made them work that out.

  The day I left, after a tearful goodbye with my aunt, I slowly drove home. I stopped twice, eating a burger and fries at the last stop. I was only forty minutes from home, but that trip took me three hours. When I arrived, I let myself in and checked my mail. Nothing was addressed to Eddie, thank god. He was the last person I wanted to contact, and I would have to if he had any mail. I opened the bank statement and frowned. He took his name off the account and more like three quarters of what was in there, but that wasn’t what made me frown.

  A few days after he removed his ‘share,’ there was a deposit for a hundred grand. I knew it was a mistake and called the bank. They assured me it wasn’t. I was just about to argue when I saw a letter from Joshua, the envelope was handwritten.

  He wrote that he’d heard about what happened with my money and job, and he was now able to give me a gift I couldn’t refuse, since I denied every one he’d ever offered. That one hundred thousand dollars covered every gift I wouldn’t allow him to give me when we were together as well as over the years when we weren’t in touch.

  I called and thanked him, insisting that I was going to return it. I didn’t need that amount of money. He wouldn’t hear of it, telling me that Mandy came up with the amount, and I would upset her if I returned it. Sighing, I ended the call with him and called Mandy, thanking her for thinking so generously of me, but insisting that I wanted to return every penny; that I’d be fine on my own. She wouldn’t hear it, either.

  “You don’t turn down gifts, honey,” she giggled. “Matthew told me and Joshua what happened, and we wanted to help. I insist. Besides, you mentioned that you wanted to buy a home. Well, now you have your deposit and it’ll be all yours.”

  She was right. I had enough to buy my home, and that was what I was going to do. I was going to call Elka after I found a job and get that going right after. Well, maybe not that fast. I did have two years to blow off at my apartment.

  The one I shared with Eddie. No.

  I called the Masons and asked if they had another apartment in my rent range. I didn’t want to stay in that one anymore. There was an opening, Mr. Mason confirmed after he said he understood. A two bedroom in the B building, first floor. It was already cleaned and ready to move in. I grinned. I didn’t care what it looked like and immediately said I wanted it. He gave it to me, and I made plans to move that weekend.

  I got movers. Hell, I had money burning a hole in my bank account, and if I were careful after that indulgence, I’d be more than ready to buy my house in two years.

  I liked my new place. It was a totally different layout than the other apartment. It was perfect, and I could be messy and clean it when I was ready. No more dictatorship. It was mine, all mine, just like my house would be. I smiled, then dropped it as I went to take my first bath in my new apartment. I had no man. Thank God I held on to the never-used vibrator I bought with Eddie. Not the same, but better than nothing.

  No Eddie, no Greg. No prospects. Shit.

  No job, and I avoided my friends. They called me daily until I got a new phone and shut off the old one. I didn’t deserve them, not after what I did to Greg. They knew him longer, and I had no right to try to keep them, as much as I wanted to. I missed them every day. Every second.

  Chapter Seventeen

  On the Wings of Love

  Two months passed, and I still had no job. This town is small so it got around what happened and there is no way I can get past the rumors. Not yet. Thank God I had Joshua and Mandy’s gift to fall back on.

  The Masons had been good to me, also, and readily agreed when I asked that no one know where I moved. I helped the confusion by parking my car behind the building, next to a large hedge, and never moved it, much.

  I took cabs and did my shopping when I was sure everyone was working, as I should have been. I did that because I didn’t want to take the chance of running into anyone. I was still ashamed of my behavior but I still couldn’t regret turning to Greg. Sort of. Maybe.

  I didn’t/don’t know.

  * * *

  I was lounging in my apartment after cleaning it for the millionth time that week when my cell rang. It was for a job interview at Mitchell’s Market. I couldn’t remember applying there, but I must have, since only my aunt and prospective employees and Cannons had my new number.

  I set an appointment for the next day then immediately left to buy something business-like to wear. I chose a gray suit, white blouse and comfortable heels in black. I prepped myself well, wanting to impress because I needed that job. I didn’t care if it was only part-time.

  Résumé in hand, I arrived fifteen minutes early and was shown to a waiting room. It felt good that I was the only one there; like a good sign to me.

  I was just starting to relax when the door opened and an older man came in, smiling and holding out his hand. I blinked. He looked like an older version of…

  “You must be Miss Wren. I’m Gregory Allan Mitchell. Thanks for coming in on such short notice.”

  Greg’s father. They switched the first and second names. Greg’s name is Allan Gregory. Damn.

  I shook his hand as I stood, trying to find the words to make me not look like the idiot I was being. Finally, my brain kicked in and I shook my head.

  “Sorry, brain freeze for a moment there. Good morning, Mr. Mitchell. Yes, I’m Cassidy Wren.”

  He nodded and smiled. “Happens to all of us at some point. Won’t you come in and take a seat, then we can get started. Would you like water or coffee, Miss Wren?”

  “No, thank you.”

  I nodded and sat in a chair across from the desk. I passed him my résumé and answered his probing questions truthfully, making sure to give myself a second or two before answering and offering a polite smile. Before I knew it, the interview was over. I smiled as I shook his hand again, and was still smiling when I left.

  I found Mr. Mitchell charming and mannerable, and was flattered by his gentlemanly mannerisms. I thought it was adorable when he waited for me to sit before lowering into his seat, as well as standing when I stood. And he didn’t shake my hand as though I was a guy. He actually held it and gently… I’ll say, bounced it.

  I felt I had a new job. Kinda weird it was with my ex-fuck buddy’s father, but it was the only thing I’d interviewed for and I wanted it. Maybe I could be a cashier for a while and move up their ladder. Greg, as far as I knew, was still with Main House so I shouldn’t run into him there. I stopped singing for Main House, just because I didn’t want to run into him. I never gave them my new number or address. Plus, the store was on the other side of town, where none of his friends live. Winning all around.

  * * *

  Back home, I immediately took off my suit and hung it up. I looked around for something to do after I pulled on shorts and a tee. I’d done my shopping, cleaned, and all my laundry was done. I literally had nothing to do so I decided to veg out in bed with my TV. I made some popcorn and got my trusted tea before I laid down. Evolution was on. I smirked and started eating. Everything reminded me of Greg.

  Mid-movie, someone banged on my door. I frowned. What the hell was going on? I didn’t smell smoke and no way could anyone think the damn TV was loud. I didn’t even have a stereo, so what the hell was the banging for?

  After jumping off my bed, I ran to the door and threw it open, ready to kill one of my neighbors. I couldn’t get one word out because Greg pushed me back into the apartment and slammed the door after barging his way in. I gasped as I stumbled backward. Gripping the couch, I frowned at him.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Greg?”

  “I’m here because I wanted to see you,” he murmured as he loosened his tie, his eyes never leaving mine. “Duh.”

  “You should be at work. Not harassing me.”

  “No one’s harassing you, Cass. Feel free to do whatever it was you were doing.”

  “Sure.” I smirked. “Right after you leave.”

  “Wel
l, that’s not happening for a while yet, so…”

  I frowned as he took off that tie and tossed it and his jacket on my couch.

  “Is there a reason why you’re stripping in my living room?”

  He unbuttoned the top of his shirt. “I’m not stripping, just getting comfortable.”

  “Why?”

  He sighed, shaking his head, then gave me that ‘duh’ expression again. “Did you not hear me say I wasn’t leaving for a while?”

  “That’s not true,” I said as I stepped around him and opened my door. “You’re leaving now. I don’t know why you’re really here, but I meant it when I said you weren’t ever touching my body again.”

  “Really?” Greg shouted toward the open hallway. “It seems to me, Cassidy Wren, that right after you said that bullshit, I had you pinned against the wall and kissing you like my life depended on it while you tried to strip me.”

  I slammed the door and glared at him.

  “Why are you bringing that up, Greg? What is your problem?”

  “My problem, Cassidy, is that you disappeared on me after I left to go shower and change clothes!”

  I frowned, completely confused. Shaking my head, I asked, “What are you talking about? I haven’t seen you since that kiss you just rudely described to my neighbors.”

  “Maybe, but I’ve seen you.”

  “When,” I squealed, my mind working.

  His glare intensified, his gaze boring into mine. “Didn’t I tell you that if you weren’t at my parents’ house in an hour, I would come find you?”

  “Yeah,” I said slowly.

  “I came here… The old apartment, rather. The door was open and I found you lying on the damn floor, bleeding from your mouth and unconscious.”

  I gasped and stepped back. “You got me to the hospital that night?”

  He nodded. “I called 9-1-1 and waited with you. When Livia told me you were going to be fine, I went home to shower. By the time I came back, you were gone, and Livia said you left AMA. She’s been very worried about you.”

  I sat on my couch, trying to process what he’s saying. He got me help and Eddie just walked out and left me there after beating the hell out of me? Was I wrong about these two again?