This Is 35

by Stacey Wiedower

  The man, obviously at the end of his tolerance for the Happiest Place on Earth, muttered, "Watch it."

  One of the little girls with him wailed. "I want to see Eeeeelsa," she said, screwing up her face like she was about to really let loose.

  Erin barely heard her. Time had stopped for her and Ben and this conversation, though the amount of movement and noise and light and life around them was so intense it was palpable. As if to prove that point, the first parade floats came into view on the street ahead. Suddenly the park was even more alive, teeming with dancing lights and dancing characters and wailing music and wailing kids. Erin watched the colors flash across Ben's face which was deadly serious.

  "I don't feel the same way about you." He grabbed Erin's other hand so he was holding both of them, facing her as if they were standing on an empty sidewalk, not blocking a cobbled path teeming with overtired, overstimulated kids and their beleaguered parents. Erin stopped breathing. Her heart pounded an uneven rhythm as she processed his words.

  He studied the play of emotion on her face and then said slowly, "I love you so much more now than I did then, more than I even knew was possible back then. I love you more every day."

  Erin, straining to hear him above the talking, laughing, crying, yelling, singing that swirled in maniacal circles around them, blew out a long, slow breath. People kept bumping into them, a few making snarky comments about them blocking the path, but she ignored them. Her eyes were locked on his.

  "Watching you at work yesterday." He paused, shaking his head. "Seeing everything you're doing, everything you've done, and knowing you then, when we were kids. It's like, I knew you were amazing, even back then, but to see you now." He paused again, longer this time. "You amaze me every day. Every single day I am amazed to be with you. You do know that, right?"

  Tears pricked at the corners of Erin's eyes. "I do know that." She knew it now. Was it possible she'd taken it for granted before? Before they grew busy enough for her to forget, to start to doubt?

  She threw herself into him, wrapped both arms around his waist. He buried his face in her hair, and they clung together in the middle of the sea of people. After a long moment she pushed up on her tiptoes, and he dropped his head so he could hear her say into his ear, "I feel the same way, you know." Her voice cracked. She was terrible at laying out her feelings like this. "I love you…God, so much. You'll never know how thankful I am that you waited for me."

  In the midst of all those people, all those little kids, as if none of them were there and he and Erin were completely alone, Ben bent his face to hers and kissed her, softly at first and then deeply. Somebody walking by leaned in so close Erin could sense the woman's body heat and feel her breath across the back of her neck. "Get a room."

  She didn't move. She didn't care. She kept kissing him.

  She felt lighter, so light that as she and Ben fought their way out of the park's main gate and crossed the courtyard to the shuttle that would take them to her rental car, her exhaustion had lifted, and she only numbly registered the long walk on her stiff, tired legs.

  But still, something nagged at her. Some feeling that things wouldn't stay this good. That they couldn't. That Ben would leave the next day, and life would start pulling on them once again, trying its very hardest to unravel the magic of this moment.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Taking Action

  September 11, nine months to thirty-five

  A week and a half later, Erin was logging out of her computer and shuffling the papers on the table in front of her into a neat pile, preparing to tuck them into her bag. Two more days and she'd be back on a plane to spend a couple of days in Texas before turning around two days later and returning to La La Land for her third and final stint of postproduction.

  She'd learned in past seasons that producing a show didn't always happen according to schedule, but the work did seem to be progressing well, unlike earlier in the process. And this season was coming together to be their best yet. Definitely necessary since with all the options available these days, competition for viewers was fierce.

  Tonight Erin was one of the last people to shut down and head out. She'd passed Jeanette on her way to the ladies' room, but there was no sign of her now. She figured Rishi was still here because, except for weekends when Sandeep flew in, Rishi hardly left this room—and after Ben's visit Erin understood why. It was hard to do anything other than work or sleep, even on the weekends, unless you put in overtime the rest of the week.

  It was a great job, and fun, especially when everybody was in the bullpen together, making jokes and snort-laughing and working their butts off, but it wasn't easy by any stretch. Erin had a much greater appreciation for TV now that she knew how much stress and care and time and work went into each individual moment that flitted across the screen.

  "Get your purse, Crawford. It's time you saw something in L.A. besides the inside of this room."

  Leo's booming voice shattered the stillness, causing Erin to miss the edge of the desk with the papers she was stacking. She banged her wrist, and the papers slid out of her hands and fluttered to the floor.

  She bent to gather the pages, shaking her head.

  "No, thanks." She straightened back up and rubbed her wrist. "I'm tired."

  "All work and no play makes Erin a dull girl."

  She rolled her eyes. "I can live with that."

  "C'mon." Leo crossed the room in a few strides and towered over her as she stuffed things into her bag, crumpling the edges of the pages she'd been straightening so diligently moments earlier. Her flight instinct was kicking into high gear, and she was its pit crew.

  "C'mon," Leo repeated. "Lena's in. Rishi bowed out, probably to go home and have phone sex with that husband of hers. They can't keep their hands off each other."

  Erin wondered if that was a dig at her and Ben. We can't keep our hands off each other either, she thought defensively…when we see each other, at least. She didn't say anything, just made a final check of her email and logged out of her computer. She pulled her bag over her arm, contemplating her evening. Her plan had been to get sushi takeout on the way home and then continue working. She didn't want to keep working, but since she had no social life in this city and a towering pile of work to get done before she could go home, it seemed like her best option.

  She looked up at him for the first time. "Where are you going?" If Lena was joining, maybe it was safe to go. She did have to eat.

  He shrugged. "Lena mentioned some tapas place in West Hollywood."

  "West Hollywood? Aren't there, like, a thousand restaurants within a square mile radius of here?"

  Leo put a hand on the small of her back, causing Erin to freeze for a split second and then quickly stiffen before pulling away. She rounded the cubicles, stepping out of his reach. Catching the amused light in his eye, her cheeks flooded with heat.

  "Apparently it's a good tapas place," he said.

  Erin's stomach growled audibly, betraying her, but she shook her head again. "No thanks. I've got more work to do tonight." She slipped out the door and into the hall.

  "Live a little." He almost growled the words, taking her by the elbow as he walked out after her, the door closing behind them with a loud click.

  "What's it to you?" She jerked her elbow away, resisting the urge to jab him in the side with it. "Why are you so pushy?"

  The conversation was at odds with their surroundings—industrial iron and concrete mixed with reclaimed wood dividers and planters filled with succulents, sort of an urban chic-meets-zen garden vibe. Though the production room had been empty, there was a buzz in the bullpen where assistants and editors and production people for various shows hovered around cubicles or shifted from foot to foot at standing desks or walked with purpose across the concrete floors.

  Erin walked as fast as she could without jogging toward the main exit. She didn't look at Leo but felt him keeping pace beside her.

  "I'm not being pushy," he said, and she snorted.
He ignored her. "I happen to know you like to have fun, and yet you seem determined to make sure you don't have any the entire time you're here in one of the most fun cities in America."

  "I had fun when Ben was in town." Erin clicked her key fob to unlock her car, but she wasn't close enough to it yet for it to work. "I'll have fun when I'm home with my husband in two days." She emphasized the word "husband."

  "Are you sure he'll even be home?"

  Erin stopped short and spun toward him, eyes blazing. She held up her hand and pointed her keys at his chest. The gesture might have been threatening if she weren't nine inches shorter and significantly slighter than him. "All right, Leo, you are crossing a line. My relationship with my husband is none of your business. None." She clicked her keys again, and this time her rented Nissan Altima chirped in response, its rear lights flashing twice one row over from where they were standing. She turned and stormed toward the car.

  Leo followed. "That's not fair," he said, his voice escalated to match hers. "I'm not propositioning you. I haven't suggested anything that's not one hundred percent on the up and up." He reached her car one moment before she did and stood in front of the driver's side door to keep her from opening it. She tried to reach around him anyway, but he put a hand out to block her.

  "Oh, yeah?" She glared at him, her eyes narrowed into slits. "Where's Lena, then?"

  He looked confused for a second, and then he laughed. "She's meeting us there."

  "Let me in my car, Leo."

  "Just…hold on." He didn't budge from his spot.

  "Oh my God. What?" Erin's hands flew to the sides of her head. She ran her fingers through her hair agitatedly, keys scraping against the side of her scalp. "What do you want from me?"

  The look on his face made her wish she hadn't asked. Before she realized it, before she could make a single movement to stop it, he'd stepped forward and snaked an arm behind her back, pulling her toward him until she was close enough to feel the heat coming off his body.

  "I want this. I want you." He locked eyes with her in a way that froze her in place, like prey in that stopped-time, adrenaline-charged moment before it was devoured by a predator. "Don't even try to tell me you don't feel the chemistry between us."

  He was bent toward her, so close she could feel his warm breath on her forehead. He was going to kiss her. Heart pounding erratically, she gasped and looked away, but he pressed her into the door of her car with his body, so close she could feel his attraction to her, feel the erection bulging in his tight black jeans.

  She didn't think. She just reached up and forced both her hands between them, against his chest, and shoved him as hard as she could away from her. She kept her head enough to resist gouging him with the key still in her clenched fist, but if he made another move toward her, she was ready to defend herself.

  He didn't fight it. His expression changed to shock then disbelief then something near desperation as Erin reached a shaking hand to the handle of her car door. She edged quickly into the driver's seat, never letting him out of her sight in case he made another move toward her, and put the key in the ignition.

  He looked like he wanted to protest, but Erin cut him off. "I'm married," she said, her voice hoarse but firm. "There is no chemistry between us. This is all you."

  She slammed the door, started the car, and backed out of the space. She left him standing there—she assumed watching her go, but she was too freaked out to look back.

  * * *

  "He'd flip out." Erin snapped her toothbrush onto the counter to punctuate her sentence. "He already doesn't like Leo. I can see it in his face every time I say his name. I don't think he'd fly out here and kick his ass or anything, but then again, he might."

  Erin flipped off the bathroom light and carried her iPhone up the stairs of her loft, stopping to make a paranoid third check of the dead bolt on her condo door. She didn't think Leo knew where she was staying, and even if he did, she didn't think he'd actually harm her, but she was still shaken up by their encounter. She'd dealt with a few scary emails during her days blogging for 30 First Dates but never a harassment or stalkerish situation.

  "You still need to tell him," Sherri said on the other end of the line, sounding groggy. Thanks to the two-hour time difference, she'd been asleep when Erin called at nearly ten central time. She'd always been an early riser.

  "I'll tell him this weekend when I'm home," Erin said.

  Once upstairs, she put the phone on speaker so she could pull her gray jersey knit dress over her head. She fished in the middle drawer of her borrowed dresser for her favorite PJs—baggy shorts and a worn-out, faded college T-shirt of Ben's that swam on her petite frame. Wearing it made her feel as if a part of him was here protecting her from harm.

  "If you think that's wise." Sherri yawned loudly, and the sound of it ricocheted around the open, high-ceilinged room. All the walls in the bedroom loft were white. Every wall in California, Erin thought, was white.

  "I don't want to worry him. I'm not scared of Leo…exactly." She paused, crossing the room to flip off the overhead light, meanwhile taking Sherri off speaker. "But I don't know how in the hell I'm supposed to work in the same room with him tomorrow."

  "That's why you need to report him for sexual harassment," Sherri said. "He's created a hostile work environment, not to mention crossed a serious line. You have a case."

  "I don't want a case," Erin said. "If I make a big deal about this, it could mess with production of the show. I don't want people talking about it, either." She paused, remembering his genuine shock when she'd rejected him. "Besides, I don't think he'll try anything else."

  "If you say so." Sherri's voice was uncertain.

  "I think he actually believed I was going to fall into bed with him." His face filled her mind, that look of brazen confidence. It was clear Leo was used to getting what he wanted, especially where women were concerned. "He said, 'Don't tell me you don't feel something between us.'"

  She shuddered and propped two pillows against the headboard, pulling a chain to turn on the small lamp on her nightstand. No way was she going to sleep any time soon. Plus, she still needed to calm down enough to call Ben.

  "Do you?" Sherri asked. "Feel something between you, I mean?"

  Erin pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it for a couple seconds, as if their call had been intercepted and Sherri's question was meant for someone else.

  "Are you joking?" She almost screeched the words.

  "I don't mean that you want to cheat on Ben," Sherri said, sounding more awake now. Erin cringed, wondering if Alex was overhearing this conversation. And then she remembered that Alex was traveling with the band. He'd had a show the previous night in Louisville, Kentucky—Erin had liked the photos on Facebook. "I'm just saying, if Ben wasn't in the picture, would you be attracted to Leo?" She paused. "I mean, jerk factor taken away, he is an attractive guy. Just because you're married doesn't mean you haven't noticed that. And obviously he feels like there's something between you two."

  Erin hesitated, unsure how much she wanted to tell Sherri about the weird vibes she'd been getting from Leo since the cooking classes or how she should tell her. She also contemplated why she hadn't told her these things already—she didn't keep anything from Sherri.

  She wanted to think it was because it was just so insignificant, but when she examined the situation honestly, she was afraid it was the opposite. She hadn't mentioned it because somewhere inside she was afraid she did find Leo attractive, even though she didn't want to.

  When Erin didn't answer, Sherri kept going. "I'm not trying to say you want something to happen with Leo," she said. "And God knows I'm not trying to pin the blame on you for what he did tonight, which is inexcusable. I'm just trying to look at this from every angle. If he thought you were interested in him, then maybe he's not some psychotic predator." She paused for a long moment while Erin chewed on her words. "Basically I'm just trying to figure out whether I need to call and tell all this to Ben
myself to protect you from getting kidnapped and murdered by a crazy, obsessed lunatic."

  Erin shuddered again then laughed. "Thanks for having my back."

  "Anytime. You know that."

  Erin fell back onto the pillows and heaved a sigh, deciding to start at the beginning. She told Sherri about her first weird encounter with Leo, outside the cooking school, and she moved backward and forward in time as she remembered bits and pieces of other conversations they'd had over the last few months. Sherri already knew about the dance lesson fiasco.

  At the end of her account, Sherri said, "I don't know what to say. It doesn't sound like you've been leading him on at all. But it does sound like he's been into you for a long time, what with all that flirting in front of you and trying to make you jealous."

  Erin's brow wrinkled—she hadn't thought of Leo's flirting with other women as attempts to make her jealous. She'd just assumed he was a giant playboy.

  Sherri kept going, breaking into her thoughts. "I know you don't want to hear this, but do you think he might be…in love with you?"

  Erin's mouth fell open with an audible pop. She started to shake her head, but then suddenly she remembered Joey asking if something had happened between her and Leo. Obviously Joey had seen something, something Erin had been overlooking—naively or intentionally, she wasn't sure.

  A sudden, sharp pang hit the bottom of her stomach, and Erin folded her left arm across her torso and wondered if she was about to be sick. She hadn't eaten anything since noon, and she wasn't sure if that was good or bad in her current state. Her mind replayed her interactions with Leo again and again.

  She hadn't led him on. She'd been trying to do the opposite since the moment she'd suspected something wasn't right with him. But had she done enough? Could she or should she have made herself more clear?

  But how could she have done it when he hadn't made his own feelings clear until tonight? And how much clearer could she have made herself than getting married in front of his lens?