Can I Have It All

by Anuranjita Kumar

  Coming from an Asian background and that too from an emerging market, I focused on work as an extension of my personal life, connectivity playing an important role. The style of communication was probably a little more direct for the workplace. I understood later that these attributes were not culturally aligned. During my initial days at the European office I stumbled, said polictially incorrect things but worked really hard to adpat! At times, I could not understand why people would perceive me differently. Was it simply because I was too focused on getting work done? Did I really need to engage in discussions even though some of them were not really interested in talking to me? There was nobody to explain. Regardless of my best intentions and focus to contribute and add value, sometimes I felt something missing. A few times I fell prey to the departmental politics more so because I did not belong to a clique. At other times, I was shot down because I was working for a senior manager who some team members might not have been too fond of, but due to his seniority he could not really be impacted. I had to garner all my positivity and courage to deal with this transition.

  Reflecting back, I understand better the subtlety of communciation and politics in some developed countries, which one was not used to earlier. I had to learn to read the tea leaves albeit it was a slow process for me. Sometimes the silent campaigns in office took the better of the team. It was a dynamic that consumed other talented people, who could not read between the lines. But it was imperative to manage this to be successful and I had to learn it to the best of my abilities. Each geography works differently and am sure someone from a developed market who is transitioning into an emerging market like India may experience similar challenges in the reverse way! The key is to adapt, understand and mould your style.

  Gradually, I learnt that communicating and understanding messages in Europe was not always about what is said (as in Asia) but a lot that is unsaid. One had to understand the subtexts, which was not as easy for me to do in the early days. I increasingly focused on consensus building and toned down my bias for action. Engagement was key and had to be initiated. Reading subtle cues was a key attribute for me to imbibe. I learnt the hard way that having a direct communication style in such a culture maybe considered rude as much as being indirect in Asia is considered insolent. Being emotional and driven openly especially at work is perceived to be overwhelming unlike in Asia where being passionate is a sign of commitment and engagement. Many such dilemmas surfaced. I had to work on myself to fit in better with the work environment. As I learnt new ways of working through observation, work groups and peer mentoring, I continued to do what I did well, which was manifest my passion for my work. Very rarely, would any such issues distract me from the deliverables. But placing myself in a new culture was undeniably tough yet equipped me with a different and important perspective!

  I remember, once whilst I worked overseas, there was a colleague of a different nationality who had been giving me a tough time by being passively aggressive. This person carried a somewhat difficult attitude towards me for reasons not quite evident to me. It felt that this person was constantly looking for an opportunity to nail me down. One day, clearly quite upset with what my team had done on a project, this person barged into my office without my permission, threw the door open and started screaming audaciously at the top of their voice, accusing me of incompetence, implicating I was incapable of getting anything sorted. In a rude and loud tone, this person outlined the impact of this mistake on the business. After a minute, the person’s voice was deafening and the entire floor became aware of the ruckus going on in my office. There was sudden silence outside my office, on a floor with a hundred people. I was not sure I heard all that this person was shouting about, but noticed the aggressive body language and decided to exercise my calm by requesting the person to sit down and have a peaceful discussion. Clearly that was not on the cards. That day my emotions overwhelmed me and I could have shouted louder than this individual, but my tolerant roots held me back and I simply asked the person to leave in a firm tone. The individual stomped out with the same vigour that they had come in with. The floor was quiet; my team members walked in to check if I was fine. I nodded in affirmation even though my eyes were swelling up. I was not sure what happened and why.

  Getting a hold of myself, I called our manager and narrated the incident. Then there was only one question I wanted him to answer, which was, that if I had behaved like this with this person, what did he think would have happened? Who permitted this person to behave like this? My manager was honest enough to tell me that he had a real problem with this kind of behaviour and will address it on priority. I put the phone down. After four hours, my manager having had the right conversations and taken firm actions, this person was back in my room profusely apologising for the inappropriate behaviour. The fact that the organisation had taken the right recourse really made me feel reassured but the person’s apology had no meaning for me. Because what I had seen that day was a larger issue. A person was reacting to me without knowing me at all, had no knowledge of my background, no working relationship. What could have kindled the audacity to behave in this way? Who allowed this person to take this liberty? Maybe because I was different? Spoke differently? Or the person simply did not like the way I was?

  Some of these questions go unanswered. But I am very grateful to the organisation for having taken the appropriate recourse with the individual for such inappropriate behaviour. However, the insult and the hurt to my emotions were inexplicable. Nevertheless, gathering courage, I did not let this ever impact my self-esteem attributing this to the individual’s own issues. I actually felt sorry for this person, for their insecurities and lack of sensitivity that would hinder the individual’s success. Preserving your self-esteem is really in your control. When you are faced with such a circumstance, it is very important to draw a line as we operate in a zero-tolerance environment with regards to respect at work. I do not behave inappropriately with anyone and I will not let anyone treat me inappropriately.

  It took tremendous courage to hold myself back and display a dignified reaction, yet taking a stand on unacceptable behaviour. However, my reactions stood me in good stead in the future and I was perceived to be a better leader, more importantly, a better human being.

  ‘You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.’ – Maya Angelou

  SELF-BELIEF TESTED AGAIN…NEEDED ANOTHER PUSH AGAIN TO TAKE A RISK

  In London, someone I had worked with earlier, tapped me to apply for the role of Head of Human Resources for Commercial Bank. I was not that keen on this role, as it was a lateral move and the slate of candidates was a strong one with two candidates from the UK team with local experience. I was unsure about this change as I was well-settled in my current position. I was working for a Regional Function Head with some good work to do. This new role would entail working with a direct of a regional head (so a step down on the level of reporting) even though it was a client-facing role. That was the only positive drive for me, as I liked the commercial side to HR. Yet, I was unsure whether it was worth it, but looking back I could not have been more wrong about that! It was probably one of the best moves I’d made. However at that time, the hiring manager had to really convince me to move in the right direction, by showing me the potential future growth and probably one day even getting a shot at the larger HR Head for Corporate and Investment Bank. Either I underestimated myself or felt I was not ready for the risk, without a guarantee for the future, only to have realised now that there are no guarantees in life for anything! After much coaxing, I agreed to take up that role. Within twelve months, my hiring manager left (he may have planned this!) and the financial crisis set in. I happened to be in the right place at the right time and got promoted to the larger role of heading HR for Corporate and Investment Bank within a year. I was young and felt really enthused to find myself where I was then and was raring to go.

  However, the question is, had he not pushed me, w
ould I have taken the bet? Maybe not, and then, where would I be now?

  From then on, I realised that I needed to push myself a little more on taking risks planning for the next move and not get pushed out due to any biases.

  A WOMAN’S DOMAIN?

  We often encounter sectors, professions, roles that are traditionally not considered to be a woman’s domain. Some examples of these are technical, manufacturing, client facing and sales roles where less women are seen at middle to senior levels,. While some women may choose not to tread on these paths, those who demonstrate the courage to do so often outshine their male competitors, in my experience! Some planning and preparation always helps.

  When I took on the role of the Corporate and Investment Bank HR Head, it was quite a stretch from the experience I had by then. Some of the things that I did were:

  – Diligence on the role and what was really required: both informally and formally

  – Engaged with stakeholders to understand their view on internal and external environment

  – Discussed with the hiring manager and stakeholder how I could contribute to the role.

  This helped especially when one was taking on a larger new role and built a greater stakeholder confidence and buy in.

  Moving on to the Head of HR for Corporate and Investment banking was the best learning experience I ever had. The first few times I met the business teams for the role, I suspect that some seniors probably did not even notice me. They seemed to have an fortress around them where there was no space for anyone unless one was a part of the club. There is no short cut to success. They tested my mettle at work, through stressful business situations, gauged my judgement and validated my HR advice to get the needed comfort if I was worth their time and attention. My understanding of their business was quizzed continuously in my early days in this role. I had to prove myself to earn respect from the bankers! They gauged my tenacity through my hard work and energy. It was apparent to me that I had to understand their business at least as well as them to earn my seat on the table and get the respect for the role I was designated for.

  I recall after a few months I was finally considered worthy and was invited for my first management meeting. I got inducted with much warmth with many members of the senior leadership banking team present. When I started to introduce myself, what struck me was that around the table it was a group of white males in their mid-forties or above. Post a formal introduction, I smiled politely and said, ‘Gentlemen, I think I add colour from every perspective here, be it my gender, colour of my skin, the way I talk and also, I don’t always wear black or grey! So, this will be one hell of a ride.’ I guess that did break the ice and everybody had a good laugh about it. That was a great start to a wonderful and an everlasting friendship.

  So I was inducted into the camp only after I had earned my stripes through intense engaement and diligence. What struck me the most was that once I was in the camp, gender did not matter at all; I was just one of them. Maybe the direct style of communication and identifying myself that intensely with work, clicked better in this environment. The bankers never differentiated who I was, where I came from, so long as our purpose and goals were aligned at work t worked well for me for five years that I was in this role. Probably it was this element of the relationship of equals that made it a great partnership !. I learnt immensely from this assignment and have a lot of regard for the business irrespective of what we went through later in a financial crisis. It is an experience that remains ever so dear to me as I felt I could value add and contribute as in integral member of the team. I am grateful to them for making me realise my potential!

  This business too stood by me through good and bad times, which bound me to them with sincerity. Even though my own journey was smooth, I did witness that we needed to focus on improving gender diversity especially at the leadership levels. We had women attriting from the work force at junior to middle levels due to extensive travel or work pressure from clients. The ones who did make it to leadership roles or operated in senior roles seem to have made significant changes to their lifestyle at home or work but had to toughen themselves for the challenge first. As I reflect back, this was not always related to the organisation, it was also to do with a larger environment of an industry where roles require extensive travel and staying away from home for a period of time, for both men and women. Further, some seasoned and capable women were not always vocal about their aspirations which made it difficult to review and position them for bigger roles or significant deals in the market. Some of them seemed to be happy with what was given to them rather than asking for what they really wanted to work on. One can always try and change the world, but that may take a while and I wondered if some of these women needed to push a little more.

  Client facing or sales businesses are quite demanding on time and effort and can sometimes be tough for women to balance with other priorities. However we need more women there to change the culture, making it more inclusive of different styles. I have worked with business heads who wished to have a more diverse management team but a lack of women pipeline at one or two levels below hindered this. So the question is, where are the women? Is there a pipeline? In a high paced client working environment, many women back out much earlier in their careers. This happens mainly due to work timings of coming in early at the break of dawn, which surely doesn’t work for young mothers. Also, the working culture sometimes needs to be more comforting for women. Having been through this myself, and having worked with a lot of such people, I believe they want to make it work but need some sensitisation and organisational strategies to make it work for women. A lot of them may have never worked with senior women and probably don’t know how to, so it is contingent on the organisation and the women community to get these collegaues up the curve. In the business that I worked with, we changed the timings at work for certain units, introduced job shares and had a few seniors “sponsor” a few emerging high potential women by championing their cause in talent meetings. They were provided with mentors (men and women) who could help them adpat to the demands of the environment. It helped us curb attrition at middle to senior levels which we hope over a few years would translate into a more diverse leadership team.

  My advice to women is that don’t back off, and please don’t leave! We need many more women out there to show the courage to stay on, making this easier for the next generation of women to strive and thrive.

  AGAINST ALL ODDS – LET YOUR FAITH BE LARGER THAN YOUR FEARS

  When you find your passion in work, it does not remain work anymore. However, there are cycles of good and tough patches in life. Not all of this is under our control. Life sometimes tests our courage in ways that we may never imagine – requiring us to pull up every ounce of strength, grit and determination – call it whatever you might! It takes a huge amount of belief and courage to remind yourself, who you are.

  I often think that women are able to fare better in such personal or professional crises, probably owing to the fact that they are conditioned to pull together for their loved ones as well. However, it is very important for them to realise that it probably takes far much more strength to do the same for themselves. Women need to look after themselves physically and psychologically. Courage can pull you forward only when your physical health can hold strong.

  In London, a sunny day in June, 2009, I returned home from work, feeling a bit feverish. I had a cold and a sore throat. Given the mercurial London weather, I was sure it was one of the seasonal flu bugs that had found me, at a very busy time of the year in office. There were some important deliverables at work and a few business meetings that were time-sensitive and had kept me fairly busy. I popped in an analgesic hoping to feel better by the morning.

  But even at seven in the morning, I was not feeling as good. I got the children ready for school and spoke to my husband who was in Singapore that week. The fever still hadn’t gone. As I thought of work, the adrenaline rushed in and I picked up my bag, coat, and a pack o
f medicines and was off to the tube station. Everything seemed hazy before me. At work, the cough worsened and my body ache became more and more acute with every passing hour. I could hardly work; hence decided to return home early. I managed a hot chicken soup telling myself that tomorrow would be a better day. I popped another tablet and went to bed, feeling very grateful to my nanny for tucking the children into bed. Next morning I felt extremely dreary and I had to call in sick and work from home. By the evening I felt worse and had to call a friend, who was a doctor, who prescribed an antibiotic. I decided to go to the clinic next morning. However my condition got even more traumatic by night with a severe backache and incessant cough. Given my husband was away, my nanny was kind enough to help with a hot-water bottle that gave me temporary relief from the backache.

  By the morning, things worsened. My cough aggravated, with an overarching chest ache and I had to rush to the washbasin to throw up. As the overpowering urge to hurl took over me, I shut my eyes, emptying my lungs and my stomach. As I opened my eyes and looked down, my heart skipped a beat. The basin was splattered with blood. I knew there was something very wrong with me and it just couldn’t be a case of the common flu!

  My children had panicked the moment they saw me and I requested my nanny to take charge of them while I sorted myself out. I called up my friend who arrived promptly and took me to an Accident and Emergency Centre in the nearest hospital They took me in immediately and conducted a whole battery of tests from tuberculosis to blood diseases to lung issues. The final diagnosis indicated a severe bout of pneumonia with both my lungs infected badly and the lung capacity for air reduced significantly. It seemed like a very virulent and strong bacterial attack. I was taken to the ICU and a few strong drugs were administered. An oxygen mask was fixed over my nose all the time as my lung capacity had reduced. My husband flew back by late afternoon. Though I was in immense pain I was thankful to God for a timely diagnosis and treatment that would put me back on track. As I lay calmer on my hospital bed, the urge to look at my Blackberry came over me. Work had acted like a distraction from the pain I was undergoing. As I scanned through the numerous mails, I felt the need to respond and be a part of the action going on in office. My team members were unaware of what was really going on with me. One mail led to another and I got engrossed with work.