Safe With Me, Special Edition

by Shaina Richmond

  “Oh, I’m Logan by the way,” he said.

  “Tyler.”

  Logan looked back at the picture. “So, you know her?”

  “Yeah. You know her, too? Does she come in here a lot?”

  He shook his head. “No, no. I wish. I met her a couple times. Got invited to a party at her house once. Didn’t tell her we knew she was Candy.”

  “We?”

  “Yeah, me and this guy Steve. He was datin’ her or whatever. He came in here and spent, like, hundreds of dollars on her shit and told me he was hittin’ it and I didn’t believe him. And he brought me along to a party at her house a few days later.”

  I instantly had a million questions. Is that why guys like Troy became obsessed with her? Did they pursue her because they recognized her? How many other people around town knew about this?

  And why hadn’t I heard of Steve?

  “So,” I said, “how long ago was this?”

  Logan rubbed his chin. “I don’t know. Maybe two years? I still see her around sometimes.”

  “Does Steve still talk to her?”

  “No. He moved away. That was a long time ago. So, you know her? You come in here lookin’ for her?”

  I wasn’t sure if I should say anything to Logan. I didn’t like the fact that he’d been to her house under false pretenses. But, what should he have done? Tell her he knew what she did for a living?

  “Yes,” I said, “I know her. So why didn’t you and Steve tell her you knew she was Candy when you went to her house?”

  “He swore me to secrecy. I don’t think he ever told her he knew.”

  “Don’t you think that’s kinda sad?” I asked.

  “Sad? Why?” Logan’s expression glazed over.

  “Think about it. Some guy hanging around because she…” I shook my head and flicked the page of the magazine he held in front of my face.

  “Who are you guys talkin’ about? Susie?” A voice came from behind us.

  I turned around to see the guy from the other room.

  I had no idea what to say, in shock at the drastic turn my afternoon had taken. Not only had I accidentally discovered her secret, but it seemed like I was the last guy to know about it.

  Logan turned slower than I did. “Hey man.”

  The guy behind us held several DVDs. He took a few more steps forward. “Hey.” He stood still, then he crossed his arms, glaring at me.

  It was possibly the strangest situation of my entire life. Why was this random guy upset with me? Instantly, I knew I needed her to stop doing this for a living. There were too many crazy local guys who shouldn’t know her real name. “Hey,” I said.

  “This is Tyler.” Logan pointed at me, then to the guy. “This is Troy. He knows her too.”

  Motherfucker! I wanted to kill him and I’d only just met him. Although, he did look vaguely familiar to me.

  “Yeah, you’re the new guy. Nice to finally meet you.” Troy’s eyes narrowed like he wanted to kill me, too.

  I glared back at him. There he was: the guy she filed a restraining order against because he tried to break in to her house. What the fuck was he doing here?

  “What?” He grinned. “You’ve heard of me?”

  “You need to check out?” Logan was annoyingly high and oblivious.

  “Yeah.” Troy’s eyes stayed on me as he answered the question.

  Logan trudged slowly out of the room through the beaded curtain, presumably to the front counter. Troy stayed to stare at me for a little longer.

  I stood up perfectly straight. There was no way that guy could intimidate me. I waited for him to say something about her. About me. About anything. Give me a reason to rip your fuckin’ head off.

  Logan’s voice boomed from the front of the store. “Hey, where’d you go?”

  Troy waited another moment before slowly turning to walk out of the room.

  So, I’d met the infamous Troy. Was this really just a coincidence? I had a bad feeling about it but I pushed my temper aside. I didn't want to do anything to provoke him to hurt her again. But why was he here, looking for her pictures? Was he just that obsessed with her? Did he already know who I was? I stood there, mindlessly flipping through a few more magazines, debating the many repercussions of beating his ass, when I heard him walk out the door.

  With nervous anticipation, I scoured all of the other magazines in the section around ‘Big and Bouncy.’ I’d already decided to buy ‘Trashy Lady.’ The next one I picked up was ‘Hardcore Plumpers.’ My anxiety increased with each page I turned. I couldn’t stomach the thought of her doing those things with someone else, let alone flying to Vancouver or somewhere to do this shit with a bunch of guys in front of a camera. In one of the pictures, four guys were taking turns with a girl who looked like she wasn’t happy about it. Please don’t be in here….

  That’s when I remembered the bruise on her arm when she came back from her midterm break trip. Is this how she got hurt?

  I felt better when I didn’t find her in ‘Hardcore Plumpers.’ So far, with the exception of the blonde in the first magazine, I only found pictures of her alone. I hoped that was all I’d find. But I had a feeling, given her ability to take my cock down her throat without choking, it was wishful thinking.

  Logan burst through the beaded curtain. “Hey!” he said. “You’re still here. I thought so. You lookin’ for Candy?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll help you out. This way.”

  Logan walked through the curtain again to the DVDs. My heart sank when I saw him stop in front of the section where Troy lingered earlier.

  “Here,” he said. “We just got a new one.” He reached for one called, ‘Voluptuous Vampires: 8.'

  She was on the cover with another woman. One of the smaller pictures in the corner showed her with a guy.

  I always knew she’d been with other guys, but it hurt to see it right there in front of me, handed to me so casually by a burnout with dreadlocks. All I could do was stare at the picture as I wondered how long ago this happened.

  Logan scrambled around, looking through the rest of the DVDs.

  “Here you go.” He handed me two more. “I don’t know if I can look through all of ‘em right now. Might have some in the back?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “This is fine.”

  “Well, don’t look so happy about it.” Logan walked past me, chuckling. “Porn’s supposed to make ya feel good, dude. You look like you’re goin’ to a funeral.”

  I laid the magazines and DVDs on the counter and reached for my wallet. Why am I doing this? Should I call her on my way home? How do I tell her about this?

  “So,” Logan said, “how well do you know her?”

  “Really well.”

  He nodded. “So you must be pretty proud of yourself. She’s a local celebrity.”

  I closed my eyes. I couldn’t wait to leave that store. “So, a lot of people know who she is around here?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe. It comes up once in a while. Especially with guys like Troy.” He shook his head. “He’s obsessed.”

  “So, he comes in here a lot?”

  “He’s a loyal customer. Very loyal. And very proud of himself.” He laughed.

  “Yeah, I’ll bet.”

  “Hey man, you should be proud! She knows what she’s doin'.”

  I would have rather been anywhere else in the world than standing there having that conversation. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “Troy said so. Man, he hunted that girl down. He said the real thing was a million times better.”

  “He hunted her down?”

  Logan grinned. “When he found out she went to Lumbrough he found a way to meet her that day. Went home with her that night. Brags about it all the time.”

  “Did you tell him where she lived? Or where she went to school?”

  He looked like he was in deep thought for a moment, unaware that I was almost angry enough to rip him apart with my bare hands. “I don’t think so. I
think he already knew when he came in here. Can’t remember for sure.”

  The more I thought about it, the worse I felt about Susie living by herself. She had no idea what kind of worthless piece of shit might try to weasel his way into her life, just so he could brag about himself to his equally-pathetic friends; she was a conquest. She thought she was living such a safe existence in her fortress of solitude and locked doors but she was wrong.

  “So,” I said. “Am I the last one to find out? She’s a local celebrity to everybody else?”

  “What?” Logan put his hands on the counter and leaned forward. “You just found out? Shit, I thought you came in here to find her because someone told you. That’s what happened with the rest.”

  “No. I was looking through one of these and found her.”

  “Oh man. She didn’t tell you?”

  “I don’t think she tells people.”

  “Oh.” His nose wrinkled. “Wonder what’s the big deal? I didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret.”

  “Yeah you did. You said Steve told you not to tell her.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

  What the fuck? I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out of there and stop talking to this guy. He suddenly frustrated the living shit out of me. “Thanks, man. I gotta go.” I turned around to leave.

  “Hey wait!”

  “What?” I’m gonna give him five more seconds, then I’m gone….

  “Here, give her this. It's on me, but you can tell her it's from you. I think she'll like it.” Logan reached under the counter and produced a small glass bong with a pretty blue and white swirly design.

  The logical side of me talked myself out of being upset with the guy. He was just doing his job, and he probably didn't have many brain cells left. It was kind of nice of him to acknowledge her as a human being by giving her a gift. It really was a lovely bong and I knew she’d appreciate it, but I fantasized about using it to bash his face in.

  A few minutes later I walked out to my car with two bags. One had a bong carefully wrapped in paper. The other had earth-shattering proof of the chosen profession of the women I loved.

  I got in my car. I halfway expected Troy to be out in the parking lot waiting for me. As fast as possible, I backed my car out and spun my wheels as I turned out of the gravel parking lot. I had to get away from that store, fast.

  About two miles down the road, I pulled off to a big clearing on the side of the road and cut the engine off. It took me approximately five seconds to open my door and hurl the bong at a tree, then listen to the shattering glass. After I closed the door, I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel and cried. In moments I was bawling like a baby.

  I wasn’t sure exactly why I cried. It took a lot to make me that emotional. The first thing that went through my head was the cavalier attitude all these guys had toward her. Steve, Troy, Logan…God knows who else. They saw her as a prize; an object. They just wanted to say they’d been with the girl in the video.

  I screamed out loud in the car. I wanted to kill every one of those guys. Maybe I should track Troy down like he tracked Susie down... fucking beat him to death.

  Logan. What a loser. Just standing in there talking about her like she's nothing. He was probably the one telling everybody where she is. I should go back there right now...

  The more I thought about it, I knew I'd feel bad taking it out on Logan. I hated that he went to her house under false pretenses. But at least he had good things to say about her and he helped sell her products, which provided her with money. And he gave her a pretty bong that he carefully wrapped in paper.

  I finally stopped crying. I felt numb, like I did when I first saw her picture. Why porn? Does it really pay that much?

  Why did I have to fall in love with a woman who makes her money doing this? Why couldn't she settle for being a waitress or a cashier like a normal college student? Doesn't she have any self-respect? Is this why she doesn't talk to her family? Are they ashamed of her? I wonder if they even know.

  Should I be ashamed of myself? I was the one going to that store, trying to find pictures of women who looked like her because I missed her so much. It's ironic that I would actually find her--Susie, the woman I loved--in disguise. But I knew I couldn't judge her. Until she came into my life, I was practically addicted to porn.

  As much as I tried to deny it, it hit me right then that spending over an hour a day online every night and having memberships to three different porn sites probably meant I relied on it too much. I told myself it was because I didn't want to be like my roommates and fuck every drunk girl I met. I hated the drama that seemed to attach itself to me the few times I had casual sex. There was too much drama with my ex-girlfriends, and then with Mom after Dad died. I was so tired of women. All women. I didn't think a drama-free woman existed.

  And then I met Susie. The only drama I had with her was what I'd created in my mind. And all this time, she was working in porn. Was it irony? A coincidence? A sick joke?

  I wiped my face with my sleeve and opened the bag sitting on the seat next to me. I pulled out 'Trashy Lady.' Oh, what a horrible name. I thumbed through the pages.

  She's so beautiful. I touched the picture. I miss her. I don't care what color hair she has. I think I like her better as my blond-haired goddess. I smiled.

  I looked at a few more of her pictures in the magazine then reached into the bag again, pulling out 'Voluptuous Vampires 8.'

  What the hell? Was she also in parts 1 through 7? I turned it over to see the back cover. She was smiling, half-clothed, and wearing fangs. I laughed. It was almost kind of sweet.

  Then my eyes found another picture on the back cover.

  Rage. Instant rage. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

  Susie was with two men; one in front of her, one behind.

  I can't take it. I would give anything to have that image erased from my memory forever.

  This was the same woman who went to church with my mom? How can she be fucked by two guys in two different parts of her body at the same time and have it documented on video, and then go to church with my mom?

  I opened the door and took one step before vomiting all over the ground. The thought of those guys using her--of her letting them use her…

  There could be thousands of guys sitting around their houses jacking off to her right now.

  I vomited again.

  I have to get her to stop. I have to make sure she's only with me from now on. I don’t care how good the money is. I’ll take care of her and give her a better life.

  There might always be some guy somewhere sitting in a room, jacking off to her picture. Wishing he could put his cock in her mouth, or between her tits. But he’ll never know how the real thing feels; I will.

  Troy… that motherfucker… he knew what she felt like, too. I remembered how I used to feel bad for him. He sounded so pathetic. That douche bag with shaggy red hair wearing shorts and sandals in January. He fucked her in the same bed where I fucked her. Probably on the couch, too. And, hell, I couldn’t even let myself think about the sex swing. Why didn’t I just follow him out to the parking lot? I could’ve fuckin’ torn him apart and made him pay for hurting her; left him face down in the gravel, crying like a bitch, wondering which direction his teeth flew when I knocked them out of his mouth.

  Maybe the real reason I held back was because somewhere deep inside, I still felt bad for him like I did that night when Susie first told me about him. He knew what it was like to lose her. All he had now were frequent trips to the video store to look for new releases. I’d be devastated if I lost her and all I had were videos and pictures, and I couldn’t touch her or kiss her anymore. That poor bastard.

  She was just a memory to him, but not to me. I was the one who took her home for Thanksgiving. The one she told last night she couldn't wait to see again.

  Mmm.. it's easier to breathe now.

  I got back inside my car. My sight was quickly draw
n to the floor on the passenger side. 'Voluptuous Vampires 8' was there, the case broken in half. I knew I must have thrown it and broken it when I screamed. I didn't know I was that angry.

  I took a deep, uneasy breath, then I closed my eyes. Exhaling, I opened my eyes and started the car. I braced myself for more mood swings as my mind tried to wrap itself around my discovery of her big secret. How many more crazy Troys were out there with nothing better to do than try to find out where this ‘local celebrity’ lived? Did she know about Logan? How many people had he told? Was she ever concerned about her own safety? My protective instincts slowly started to replace my jealousy.