Safe With Me, Special Edition

by Shaina Richmond

  Before I pulled back out to the road, I picked up ‘Big and Bouncy’ and turned to the picture that made me recognize her. My woman. All I wanted was to take her into my arms and lose myself in the warmth of her gorgeous body.

  Damn, I miss her.

  Tyler

  Friday, January 7, 2010

  4:38 pm

  'Surprise. Back early. Can you come over?'

  A text message. She was back. Had she lied to me about the layover? Why would she lie about that?

  I let my head drop back down to the pillow. For the past hour, all I’d done was lie in bed, staring at the ceiling. Thinking. Not thinking. Trying to put those images out of my head.

  What if I'd kept on driving instead of pulling into that gravel parking lot? Maybe I was meant to find her in that magazine. Maybe that's why the store drew me in. Maybe she and I had such a powerful connection that even being within a close proximity of her pictures pulled me in like a tractor beam.

  Or maybe I’m just an idiot.

  Why couldn’t it all be a dream? A strange, confusing, oddly-erotic dream.

  It was no use to try to put it off. Hopefully the words would flow naturally when I saw her in person. I typed a response. ‘On my way.'

  As anxious as I was, above all else, I missed her.

  My thoughts of Susie always went back to my brain’s default image of her. It was the day we met; the day my world changed. The coffee shop closed and we were outside, ready to go our separate ways, but all I could think about was spending more time with her. She stood there in front of me, radiant. Everything about her was breathtaking. That picture was the one I cherished. I saw it so clearly, I probably could have drawn it. The light of the moon bounced off her hair, her skin. Her grayish-blue eyes sparkled. They looked nothing like the brown eyes in these pictures.

  In my car, as I forced myself to slow down to avoid the local ticket-hungry cops, there was at least one whole minute when all I thought about was touching that beautiful woman; kissing her, loving her. Walking inside her house and sweeping her into my arms.

  But my thoughts screeched to a halt right there.

  How many times had we not used a condom? Should I get tested?

  What was she really doing over break? Was she visiting relatives or was she working? Would there be more magazine spreads? More trashy movies with tacky names?

  My head was swimming when I stopped in front of her house. I cut off the engine and sat in the cold, staring at her front door. The love of my life. She was in there.

  I took a deep breath.

  The past doesn’t matter. Our future matters. Getting her to stop matters.

  I grabbed the bag of porn on the passenger seat, took one more deep breath, and opened my car door.

  We’ll get through this... we’ll get through this…

  I felt the blood drain from my face as I walked up her porch steps. It was all about to change. But then again, I guess it already had.

  Relief swept over me when I knocked on her door. Soon, this talk would be over with. We’d be back to normal, or better than normal. Better than ever. It was the day we’d waited for. The day I’d looked forward to for weeks.

  It was also the day of the biggest shock of my life.

  The door opened, and there she was.

  “Hey!” She smiled. Her beautiful face glowed. I’d never seen her thoughts so clearly expressed; she was genuinely happy to see me.

  For a moment, my tangled mess of thoughts narrowed down to one: I love her.

  She opened the door a little wider and waved me in, giggling. “Okay. It’s cold and I missed you.”

  “Oh, sorry.” I walked inside.

  She closed the door. “Sorry about my sweater and pants. It was too cold for a skirt. It takes so long to heat up this whole house and I didn’t know it’d get so cold while I was gone.”

  She continued to talk as I slid out of my jacket and put the bag of porn on the table beside the door. She excitedly spoke much faster than usual, telling me about her old furnace, and how even her warmest clothes felt icy when she took them from her closet. And she was glad she didn’t have jet lag for once.

  I nodded, listening, trying to calm down. My heart leaped to my throat. I tried to focus on her words instead of the contents of the bag on the table behind me.

  Susie stopped talking and looked up in my eyes, confused. “Are you okay?”

  “Huh? Yeah.”

  “What’s wrong? You haven’t even touched me.”

  My breath caught in my throat. “Oh.”

  Her voice was weak. “Well? Can I kiss you? It’s been a while.”

  I forced myself to nod.

  “You sure?”

  I cleared my throat and extended my arms to her. “Yeah. Come here.”

  She hesitated for a moment, and then stepped forward to put her arms around my back and lift her face up to mine with a worried frown.

  I drew her into my arms and kissed her. I needed that familiar, sensual warmth of her lips and tongue. But just as my hectic thoughts started to clear, she pulled away.

  “Something’s wrong.” She slowly shook her head. “What happened? This morning you sounded like you missed me.”

  “Yes, baby. I did. I mean, I still do. I mean… shit…” I sighed in frustration. “Can we just sit down and talk?”

  “Um, yeah. Is the couch okay?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  She was already walking across the living room when I turned around to pick up the bag. I followed, sitting down on the coffee table in front of her.

  I placed the bag beside me on the table and took her hands. “First things first. I love you.”

  Her eyes wandered frantically; she bit the inside of her cheek. “Okay.”

  “Hey, it’s all right. Don’t be nervous.”

  “What’s in the bag?”

  I was about to answer when she let go of my hands and reached for the bag herself.

  She immediately pulled out the broken copy of ‘Voluptuous Vampires: 8,’ her face stiffening. “I had a feeling. I was gonna tell you about this today.”

  “It’s okay, baby.” I put my hand on her knee. “I just want you to stop doing it.”

  She seemed relieved. “I already have.” With a weak shrug, she said, “Well, mostly, I guess.”

  I leaned forward. “Mostly?”

  “Was this broken when you bought it?”

  “Uh… no.”

  She gave me a suspicious glance before dumping out the contents of the bag beside her on the couch, scattering the magazines and DVDs in a messy heap. “Who gave you these? Troy?”

  “Huh? No, but…”

  “It was Caleb, wasn’t it?” Her tone was abrupt.

  “He knows about this?”

  She groaned and put her palms against her closed eyes. “Just tell me how you got all this stuff. It’d be helpful to me.”

  “Caleb knows?” It came out louder than I planned.

  She put her hands in her lap and looked at me. “Please, just tell me.”

  “Holy shit. Everybody knows about it but me, don’t they?”

  “No, it’s not like that. Hardly anybody knows.”

  “But Caleb? The guy on the other side of my wall?”

  “I didn’t tell him. Troy did.” She winced. “At least we know he can keep a secret.”

  I blew out a loud breath. I’d deal with Caleb later. There were a hundred things I wanted to ask her… about Troy, Caleb, Logan, wigs… But there was one thing I absolutely had to take care of before I had a heart attack. “I just need you to tell me you’ll stop doing this. Completely. Not just ‘mostly,’ whatever that means.”

  “First, I need you to tell me who--”

  I was too anxious to wait. “You have to stop doing this! People know who you are around here. There’s some fuckin’ burnout loser at a porn shop tellin’ everyone where you live like it’s no big deal.”

  “Who, Logan? Is that where you got this?”

  “Susie
! It doesn’t fuckin’ matter.” I suppressed my scream. “Logan introduced me to Troy like they were old buddies. You know, your stalker? Troy?”

  Her eyes opened wide.

  “So?” I asked. “Do you see why this is a problem?”

  “Yeah. That’s why I got an alarm system.”

  “Aw, hell. I love you so much...” I kept the words, ‘but you’re annoying the living shit outta me’ inside my head. I scooted forward. “It’s not normal to have stalkers, okay? Is the pay that good? I mean, I know you like to give money away and help people and have nice stuff. But Troy’s like, obsessed with you or something and it’s pretty fuckin’ scary.” I gazed deep in her eyes. “You have to be more careful, baby. I might not be able to give you as much as you’re used to but I can try. I’ll go to grad school so maybe I can get a really good job. Whatever it takes to get you to stop so you won’t need the money anymore.”

  “Wow. I didn’t expect that...” Her eyes looked a little watery. “That’s so sweet but it’s okay. I’ll stop. It’s not a big deal. All I do is a solo webcam twice a month and I don’t do it for the money anyway.”

  “Oh. Does the webcam not pay as much?”

  She shook her head. “No, I mean,” she looked down at the pile on the couch, “none of it. None of it pays that much.”

  A tiny, nervous chuckle escaped my throat. “What are you talking about? Doesn’t pay that much?”

  “Well…” She bit her bottom lip and gave the broken DVD a curious stare as she picked it up. “I only made a couple grand last year.”

  “Um… okay… so…” I was dumbfounded, waiting for her to continue, but she didn’t. I watched her put down the DVD and casually pick up a magazine, oblivious to my confusion. Finally, I cleared my throat to get her attention.

  “Yeah?” She looked at me.

  “So…” How could she not know what I was thinking? “Why do you do it?”

  She frowned and let the magazine fall back to the couch. “What? Are you upset with me?”

  “Uh…” I don’t know yet. “How’d you pay off Rosita’s house? Or pay for Sherry’s mom’s cancer treatment?”

  “You knew about that?”

  “Please answer me.”

  She put her hands in her lap and exhaled an unsteady breath. “I was gonna tell you everything today…”

  “Then start talking.”

  She lifted one eyebrow. “Well, now it feels like an interrogation.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment and forced myself to breathe in and out, trying to calm down. “Susie, I’ve been waiting for this as long as you have. Please, just answer me.”

  With an eye roll, she said, “Fine. I have a trust fund.”

  “A trust fund.” I nodded. “Okay. How? You told me you didn’t get much money when your parents died.”

  “I didn’t. But my real dad…” Her voice trailed off.

  “Real dad?”

  Susie’s tear-filled eyes met mine; her voice was angry. “Yes. My real dad. He was a rich guy who had an affair with my mom. I didn’t know about him ‘til he found me when I was twenty and he was sick. He died before I was twenty-one.” She wiped her eyes with her hands.

  I started to reach forward to touch her but she stood up and walked to the other side of the coffee table, taking tissues from a box as she passed by.

  She dabbed her eyes and sniffled once, then turned to look out the window like a statue.

  I waited until she was quiet for a little while, then I stood up. “Can I ask you some more questions?”

  “I guess so.” Her gaze stayed on the window, her arms folded across her chest.

  “What were you doing when your dad found you?” I decided to start where she left off.

  For a brief moment she turned to me, then she looked back at the window, shaking her head. “Cocaine, mostly. And porn.”

  “You’ve been doing porn for that long?”

  She grunted and turned around to look at me. “Damn, Tyler. I thought you’d be cool with it. Is that all you can think about? I just told you my real dad died and--”

  “I’m sorry, okay? It’s hard for me to think about much else right now.”

  “Why? Because my life must be so fucking glamorous?”

  “No!” I walked up closer to her. “Because today I met your crazy-ass stalker and I had to listen to some pothead loser talk about you like you’re not even a person. I wanna know all about your past but,” I pointed in the direction of the pile on the couch, “if you don’t need the money, then, what the fuck?”

  “What the fuck?” She scoffed. “You mean, you’d be okay with it if I actually needed the money? Because I know what that’s like, too. And trust me, this is better.”

  “How’s it better?”

  “Because I only do what I feel like doing.” She stared at me like she’d never heard a more ridiculous question. “It’s way different.”

  “Okay. So what about all these guys in town looking for you? Logan told me people come to that store, asking about you.”

  “It can’t be that many people. And they’re pretty harmless. They probably just heard a rumor and they’re curious. You’re making way too much out of it.”

  “Susie!” I grabbed her shoulders, facing her. “What’s wrong with you? You had to get a restraining order against Troy. And what about all these other people who recognize you?”

  “So what if a few guys recognize me? It’s not like they’re all trying to kill me or something.”

  I tightened my grip on her shoulders. “Listen to me. There are some crazy fuckin’ people in this world. You need to take this a little more seriously.”

  “You’re really overreacting. I’ve survived this long, haven’t I?” She squirmed until I loosened my grip, then she backed away from me. “What am I supposed to do, cry about it?” Her maddeningly blank expression appeared.

  I wanted so much to scream at the top of my lungs but I somehow held it in. “Don’t you understand? I love you. I wanted to fuckin’ beat Troy...” I thought back to the first time I wanted to beat the shit out of a guy because of her. “McMurraysville. That asshole outside the bar knew who you were.”

  She slid her palm across her forehead, wincing like she was in pain. “Yeah.”

  “You should’ve told me about this a long time ago. I could’ve done a better job of looking out for you.”

  “Okay, stop freaking out. Seriously.” She put her hands on her hips and turned away.

  “What about those bruises on your arm?”

  “Bruises?”

  “Yeah. You got ‘em over midterm break? Remember?”

  “Shit.” She looked down at the floor.

  “So?” I asked. “What was that trip for? You get a bunch of pictures taken? Video?”

  She looked at me, glaring. “We weren’t even dating back then. And it was your idea to wait for this talk. You realize that, right?”

  “Yes. Please answer me.”

  She closed her eyes, muttering under her breath in a tone that was clearly angry.

  I wanted to be gentler but my patience was long gone. “Susie! Don’t drag it out. What was that trip for?”

  “Fine.” Her angry eyes met mine. “I was there with my friend Mitzi because we were supposed to fuck two guys who traveled a long way and paid a lot of money.”

  “Whoa.” Even though she’d denied it long ago, somewhere deep inside I was still rooting for the Mafia wife theory.

  “That’s the part I really didn’t wanna tell you. But guess what, Mr. Campbell?” She chuckled, though her mention of my name was venomous. “I couldn’t go through with it. One of the guys got pissed so he grabbed my arm when I tried to leave the room. Thank God his friend stood up for me.” She took a loud breath. “And then I had to pay the company I work for. Travel expenses and lost revenue. Same as if I hadn’t shown up at all.”

  “What? Why’d you have to pay?”

  She shrugged. “It’s business. I broke the contract.”

&nbs
p; “You can’t have a contract for illegal services.”

  Her eyes narrowed at me. “It’s not illegal in Canada.” She paused, thinking. “Technically, I can leave at any time if I feel threatened but he was nice until I decided to back out. It wasn’t fair to him. It happened as soon as he touched me. I just… couldn’t…”