A Guy's Guide to Being a Man's Man

by Frank Vincent

  Since you now know how to get the digits like a man’s man, we can move on. Remember that confidence is the key to success! The next step is using that number to call her for the first of many dates.

  The First Date

  When you get a woman’s number, the first step is to pick up the phone and call her, right? Wrong! You don’t call her immediately—after she gives you her number, you wait a few days. In other words, don’t look like you’re hungry. No woman likes a man who’s frothing at the mouth.

  During your first phone call, you should be very courteous, but also be brief. You’re not asking her out on a date, you’re just calling to say hello. In other words, apply a little of the bad-boy persona. Now, bad boy doesn’t mean phone sex—it means mystery. You have to act like you’re not that interested. It might sound illogical, but you have to act like you don’t like a woman to get her to like you. What are you going to do? That’s how the dating game has been played since the invention of the telephone. You just have to go with it.

  The second time you call her, you should definitely schedule a date. A single man’s man calls Wednesday to set up a dinner date for Saturday night. Plan to bring her to a restaurant where you know the food is good and you feel comfortable. (However, don’t get carried away and bring her to Scores just because you feel “comfortable” there.) A man’s man always picks up his date. If you both live in a big city, you pick her up in a cab. Hey, you don’t want her dressing up real sexy, taking public transportation, and getting hit on by the bus driver on the way to your date. So, don’t be cheap. A man’s man turns on the charm right from the moment he rings the doorbell. He smiles when she answers the door and says that it’s really great to see her. He takes her hand and helps her down the stairs (if there are any) and then whisks her to the car. Also, a man’s man always opens the door for his lady. Whether you’re on a date or with your own mother, you should always open the door for a woman.

  Now, I have to refer to the man’s man movie A Bronx Tale, starring Robert De Niro and Chazz Palminteri. In an important scene, Sonny (Palminteri) tells the young boy who he mentors, Calogero, that the “door test” is the best way to tell if a girl is right for you. Here’s Sonny’s advice: “You get out of the car, you walk over to her. You bring her to the car. You take out the key, unlock it, open the door for her. You let her get in. Then you close the door for her. You walk behind the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift that button for you so you can get in . . . dump her.” What Sonny means is that if she doesn’t take the time to reach over and lift up the car button on your side, she’s a selfish woman who ain’t worth going out with! The door test is definitely a man’s man way to see if a new girl respects you. Give it a try. (Just an FYI, if she doesn’t unlock your door but locks her own, quickly hot-wires your car and takes off she’s not the girl for you either.)

  The next step is dinner. When you get to the restaurant, you should have a reservation. However, many popular restaurants like Blue Ribbon in New York City don’t take reservations. Now, if the maître d’ says there’s a thirty-minute wait, a man’s man doesn’t blurt out, “That’s ridiculous, forget it, we’re going to Boston Market!” He discreetly tips the maître d’ $20 so he gets the proper treatment.

  The conversation with your lady at dinner should be of light fare. Some guys get nervous and start leaking more information than Sammy “The Bull” Gravano. Your best bet is to ask her questions and let her do most of the talking. If she’s shy and you have to initiate the bulk of the banter, play it cool. Here are some things a single man’s man won’t utter on a first date:■ I’m going to ask our waiter if he can make the foam on my cappuccino a little more frothy.

  ■ I’ve got to be home by midnight or my mother will lock me out.

  ■ Want to see a photo of my kids?

  ■ I’m a responsible guy, so I brought the condoms.

  ■ Are your nipples pierced? Mine are!

  When the waiter or waitress comes by to take your orders, a man’s man asks his date what she would like and he then orders for the both of them. That goes for drinks, main course, and even the dessert. It is a very classy move that signals you’re treating your lady with respect. Another very smart move is to share an appetizer. It’s a smooth and personal way to connect right from the beginning. Remember, you want to be laid-back, relaxed, and fun. If you do that, your date will forget to be nervous.

  Now, some guys make mistakes on dates without even knowing it. Women are very sensitive human beings, and some guys are just plain clueless! Check out this letter and my response.

  Dear Frank,

  I was on a first dinner date at an upscale Mexican restaurant and things were going very smoothly. My date and I had just finished our appetizer and were awaiting our respective chicken fajita platters when my cell phone vibrated. I checked the number and saw it was my boss, Lauren. So, I answered. After my three-minute cell phone conversation, I hung up. I tried to spark conversation again with my date, but the mood had gone from Christmas Day to Black Friday. What happened? Why was she now colder than our frozen margaritas? I went from picking her up in my car to her taking a cab home and me driving home alone. Should I have answered the phone? Help me!

  Mike

  Dear Schmuck on Wheels,

  Ditch the cell, pal. Nothing is more important than the beautiful woman you’re with, and you have to make sure she knows that at all times. Also, what’s up with Lauren? How does your date know that Lauren is really your boss? Why, because you told her so? Oh yeah, I almost forgot, men never lie. Bottom line, talking on the phone during dinner is disrespectful no matter who you’re with. The only person you should want to connect with is the one sitting right across from you.

  Frank

  After-dinner drinks are a very important part of the first date. Now, if you see your lady yawning at the restaurant after dinner, you immediately order two café lattes to keep the party awake and going. A man’s man has got to think on his feet so his date does not pull the famous old line, “I’m sooooo tired.” You should already have an after-dinner lounge lined up that has some live music, couches, and a cool vibe. Keep in mind, you want to go to a place where there are a few people waiting outside to get in—or even better, a place where the doorman knows you when he sees you, so he can whisk you right in. You want to bring your date to a place where you’re going to look like a man’s man.

  Now, your after-dinner spot should be busy, but not too busy and so loud that you can’t hear each other. You want to find a romantic corner. The conversation was light at the restaurant, but here you want to ask her some more important questions about herself. Women love when you ask about them. You could talk about movies, books, music, traveling, etc. However, stay away from politics, religion, and ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends. You also might want to dance a little bit and let your bodies do the talking. You want to feel each other out emotionally and physically to get a better sense of each other. I know what you’re thinking—most guys can’t dance. A man’s man doesn’t worry about dancing well—he just moves his body and has fun. Whatever you do, don’t get sloppy drunk. You just want to get a little buzz going so you’re both feeling loose and comfortable. Remember, a man’s man always stays in control of himself.

  To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question. When a man’s man takes his date home, he walks her to her door like a gentleman. On the way to the door, you tell her that you had a good time. You also hold her hand—it’s a classy move. Then, a man’s man takes his parting shot. He goes in for a kiss on the lips without a glimpse of hesitation. Not a peck on the cheek! You give her a nice sensual kiss on the lips, nothing more. You do not push to go inside her place. A man’s man respects his woman. After the kiss, you tell your date again that you had a nice time, get in your car, and go home. One word, gentlemen: respect.

  Tell the Ex to Go Home and Get His Shinebox!

  If you are just starting to date a girl, her ex-boyfriend c
an be like a fly at a picnic. Moping around, still calling her on the phone, ringing her doorbell—basically being a real pain in the ass. Hey, I understand when some guys are still in love they can act real stupid. And if they keep calling and calling and she doesn’t return their call, they can get even crazier. If a guy’s heart is broken, he’s capable of doing almost anything. Believe me, I’ve been there.

  So, how does a man’s man tackle this situation? Getting rid of the dreaded ex-boyfriend is not easy, but luckily I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve that I’m going to share with you. Say you and your lady are on a date together and you just happen to run into her ex-boyfriend in the street, at a social event, or at a bar. This is as uncomfortable as trying to fit a size-ten foot into a size-eight shoe. It’s not enjoyable, but a man’s man handles the situation in the most polite and confident way imaginable. Often a guy will stand in the background while his girl and the ex-boyfriend speak, but a man’s man steps up to the plate and takes control of the situation. He encourages conversation to help clear the uncomfortable air. Trust me, when she sees the confidence oozing out of you, it will turn her on big time! You’re showing her that you have no fear about competition from her ex-boyfriend.

  What exactly do I mean by “encouraging conversation”? For one thing, a man’s man always extends his hand for a handshake before the ex-boyfriend does. This is a very classy thing to do that will most likely catch the ex-boyfriend totally off-guard. The important thing to remember is that you didn’t do anything wrong in the situation. You’re not taking out his girlfriend behind his back, so, don’t act like you are. A man’s man is never afraid to be in the presence of his current woman’s ex-boyfriend. You’re the new sheriff in town, and he better get used to it. Continue by asking him questions like, “How you doin’?” “How have you been?” “What brings you here?” “How’s work?” Ask him what kinds of hobbies he has, and then calmly tell him that your hobby is collecting guns. Honestly, pretend like you almost know the guy. Once again, you’ll take the ex-boyfriend by surprise and more often than not, he will begin to act nervous.

  The most difficult part of running into the ex-boyfriend is when it’s time to part ways. A man’s man allows the ex three or four minutes of conversation and then he politely steps in, ends the conversation, and whisks his date away. A man’s man takes control of the situation from beginning to end. If the ex tells your date that he will give her a call, you interrupt and firmly but politely say, “For health reasons, I wouldn’t do that. And I’m referring to your health.”

  If you are just dating, and you go back to her place and she plays her messages and has one from her ex-boyfriend on the answering machine, a man’s man doesn’t say anything. You’ve got to control yourself—you’re only dating at this point and aren’t “boyfriend and girlfriend.” However, if you’ve been dating for a while and this ex-boyfriend is calling her three times a week, you’ve got to put a stop to it immediately. Remember, she’s at fault, too, because she’s embarrassing you by taking this guy’s calls. If she has no interest in being with him anymore, then she shouldn’t take his calls. Right? She should tell this guy to take a hike. Many women will say, “Can’t I have friends?” Listen up, fellas: Nine out of ten guys never want to be “just friends.” (By the way that one guy out of ten is usually gay.) So, let me show you how to handle this situation in a very matter-of-fact kind of way. A man’s man is not going to stay in a relationship and suffer. You apply the Sinatra method and do it “My Way.” You politely tell her, “You are going to have to stop talking to him because if you don’t, you won’t be talking to me.” Feel free to remind her that she wouldn’t want you talking to some ex-girlfriend. It’s a man’s man’s way, or the Long Island Expressway.

  Here’s a more creative way to get rid of her loser ex-boyfriend. A man’s man will send flowers on a Monday. Now, I’m not just talking about a simple bouquet—I’m talking about an impressive bouquet of a dozen long-stemmed roses. A man’s man spares no cost. In the card, you write something simple but sweet like:

  Dear Kathy,

  Just thinking of you.

  Frank

  Then, on Friday, you send her another bouquet of the cheapest and tackiest flowers you can find. In the card, you write something simple like:

  Dear Kathy,

  Just watching you through your bedroom window.

  Larry

  She’ll think her ex-boyfriend is a stalker and give him a restraining order for Christmas. Problem solved. We’re moving on to the next section. Let’s go, men!

  Going Steady

  Here’s the scenario: You’ve been dating a particular girl for quite a while. You find that your feelings are growing stronger and stronger for her as the days and months go by. You’ve realized that there’s something special about her—something that definitely separates her from the pack. The little things she does excite you, like the way she flips her hair when she laughs. You dig the way she smiles in appreciation when you pick her up for a date. You love the way she looks into your eyes when you’re in deep conversation. These wonderful things that you’re feeling and experiencing all add up to one thing—a girlfriend.

  Men, don’t be afraid of commitment. I know most guys think of commitment as the Grim Reaper. But it doesn’t have to be. A man’s man does not suffer from “commitment phobia.” He strongly feels there’s nothing wrong with being with a woman he truly cares about on an exclusive basis. However, if you do choose to go steady with your lovely lady, there are some important rules and guidelines you must never lose sight of. Too many times I’ve heard stories about couples breaking up because they’ve gotten bored. A man’s man is never boring, nor is his woman ever bored. In fact, the butterflies should still be flying around like crazy in their stomachs every time they see each other.

  When it comes to being “a boyfriend,” there tend to be two types of men:

  The Lazy Boy

  The boyfriend becomes way too comfortable in the relationship. In fact, he gets so comfortable that the highlight of his day is when he’s reclined in his La-Z-Boy chair with a remote in one hand and a Coors Light in the other. Fancy dinner dates have turned into Chinese takeout. Broadway shows have turned into Blockbuster nights. He hasn’t been to the gym in months. He’s gone from calling three days in advance for a date to just three hours. The fire of their relationship is merely smoldering, and giving off a disgusting odor to boot. This guy ain’t a man’s man.

  The Man’s Man

  This boyfriend knows he has to be spontaneous if he wants the relationship to stay alive. Whether he has been going out with his girlfriend for four months or four years, he remembers to surprise her with flowers, notes, and other tokens of appreciation from time to time. Not simply because he has to—because he genuinely wants to. He takes care of himself and works out regularly because he knows his lady loves the results. He also makes sure that he shows her the appropriate amount of affection and attention. The fire of their relationship has been fully lit and glowing since the first day they met. This guy is a man’s man.

  Remember, guys, you have to keep excitement and love in these relationships at all times. Let me put it to you simply: If you never got your oil changed in your car, do you think it would continue to run for a very long time? Of course it wouldn’t. It would break down very quickly. If you don’t apply the proper maintenance to a relationship, it will definitely stall. So don’t be an idiot. Show your woman you care for her as much as you can.

  Earlier I mentioned sending your woman flowers from time to time. Now, I don’t just mean on holidays. That’s way too predictable, and a man’s man is never predictable. You send her some “just because” flowers. Those are flowers you send because you love her; because you were thinking of her; because you had a great date the night before; because you are happy she’s in your life, and so on. Women love nothing more than a “just because” bouquet. What kind of flowers should you buy? First, try to find out what her favorite color is. If you don
’t know, here are some roses listed by name/color/meaning. Women know all of this, and it is about time that you do, too. Trust me, she will be very impressed that you’re even aware of this type of information and have it at your fingertips.

  If you get in an argument with your lady, it’s important to apologize with some flowers. Mondays are considered “I’m sorry” days at the florist. But, how sorry are you—one dozen or two dozen? Hey, slipping a diamond necklace in the middle of the bouquet will always help. However, it’s not only about spending Benjamins on her. You can still show her that you care without going into major credit card debt. Write her a card or a poem. Make her a CD mix of some of the songs you both love (by the way, a man’s man doesn’t download). Remember, it’s about the little things as well as the big things. A man’s man should always be aware of that.

  With that being said, too much attention and affection can also be a bad thing. I have said it before and I will say it again: You have to give your lady some space. Give her a night to catch up with her girlfriends once in a while. Let’s get this straight: I am not saying that she should be out all the time without you. What I am saying is that once in awhile, if her friends want to have a night out with her or want to go shopping, she should go out and have some fun with them. Hey, you could even give her a little extra spending money to be thoughtful (if she needs it). By allowing her some free time, she in turn will give you some free time if the guys want to go to dinner one night. A healthy balance is the key to a happy relationship and life.