Waiting to Lose

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  “There’s no doubt in my mind that you could do it. I’ve seen you get exactly what you want time and time again. If you just apply the same motivation toward your career as you do to getting everything else you want, I know you could do just about anything.”

  Kendra’s head shot up. “Really? You think I could?”

  “I think you will. There’s something fascinating about you. You call attention every time you walk into a room. People are naturally taken by your charisma and brutal honesty. You’re talented and determined. I don’t think you’ll have any trouble getting what you want.”

  “Thanks, Mads,” Kendra let out a huge sigh. “I feel so much better. I don’t know why I let my adviser try to talk me out of my dream. He doesn’t know me very well. Between him trying to make me a teacher and my dad trying to steer me into business, I started second-guessing everything. Men… This is why I don’t get close. They’re always trying to control me. Don’t they know I can’t be tamed? No man will ever understand me,” Kendra said in a huff, cracking another chip in between her fingers. “I knew you’d know. Maybe it’s because your world isn’t centered around your penis.”

  Madi smiled as Kendra pulled the bowl of chips closer and fluffed her hair. Madi noticed several guys nearby take notice.

  “How’s your squeeze doing?” Kendra asked. “Did you have to lie to him about Halloween again?”

  “He’s good, and I didn’t lie. It’s a surprise. Stop making me feel bad about trying to surprise him.” Madi crinkled her face briefly but couldn’t help but smile when she thought of him.

  “I still can’t get over the fact that you’re dating Jake Morgan.”

  “Shhh…” Madi anxiously glanced around the room.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Madi! No one knows who we’re talking about. That secret is locked up tighter than his ass.”

  Madi took a deep breath, then found herself grinning as she thought about his ass. She remembered the first time she’d seen him walk to the bathroom from their bed. He was beyond hot and his body was drool worthy.

  “Oh God, now you’re thinking about him, aren’t you? I can tell by that stupid look on your face and the fact that you’re biting your lip.”

  Madi giggled. “He’s just so amazing.”

  Kendra threw her hand up in the air. “I don’t want to hear it! I haven’t had sex in days, and I might combust if you tell me how good he is one more time. I totally gave that date to you.”

  Madi smiled. “Yes, you did, and I’ll love you forever, but what do you mean you haven’t had sex in days? What happened to Max last night?

  “Max is a worthless piece of shit. I decided to stop by his room last night to surprise him and found him in bed with some freshman.”

  Madi sighed and reached across the table to touch Kendra’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” Kendra asked as she rolled her eyes at Madi’s hand patting the top of hers. “I don’t care about him. I’m just not into sharing. It’s gross.”

  “Maybe I should see if Jake knows someone who could handle you?”

  “I’ll make him a list of musicians I’d like to screw.” Kendra smiled and ate another chip.

  Madi huffed. “I don’t need to find you someone to screw, Ken. I need to find you someone who makes you feel the way Jake makes me feel.”

  Kendra shrugged. “I’d be happy with a solid fuck.”

  Madi rolled her eyes and shook her head. “What am I going to do with you?”

  “All I can say is that if our food doesn’t get here in the next two minutes, I’m going to unleash major bat-shit crazy.”

  Madi sighed as Kendra got up to go check on their food. How was she going to tell her that in a few months she was thinking of moving to L.A.? Was she actually considering it? Madi pushed the thought out of her mind. She wasn’t ready to think about it. She still had months before she had to make any kind of decision, and she planned on using every second of it to make sure she knew in her heart it was right.

  HE SAT IN a conference room inside the Denver arena, surrounded by files, reports and photographs. A few hours after he demanded information, Jake was faced with piles of it. Peter Markum had been released from jail this morning and successfully tailed ever since. Dave had found his last residence in an apartment on the outskirts of L.A. and had a retired detective from his days at the police department tracking his every movement. Jake scanned photos of him entering his apartment. Through a window, they were able to see him typing at a laptop. Jake wanted to know what he was looking at, but unless they broke into his room and installed spyware, there was no way to know for sure, since he always faced the small window when he was on it. There were ten different files on him. Jake shoved his fingers through his hair, sighing as he picked one up and examined every word.

  Dave handed him a sheet of paper as he flipped through the pages of a report. “His mother’s name was Brenda Markum. Father was listed as unknown. His mother died ten years ago from a drug overdose, and he lived with his grandmother, Helen, until she passed away last year. She left him all her money and he’s been living off it since. He goes by several aliases, some of which are Thomas Rose, Thomas Markum, Peter Thomas and Peter T. Rose. He’s worked several jobs for short periods of time. The most recent before you was at a factory where they made mannequins. Creepy son of a bitch.”

  Jake’s eyes briefly stopped at Peter T. Rose as he followed along with his copy of the report. It looked familiar for some reason, but he couldn’t place it.

  “We’re having a hard time with the juvenile records. I’m calling in a few favors to see what we can learn, but it may take a while. We are gathering previous hate mail that you received to see if there is a match to the handwriting sample we collected. It’s being examined as we speak.”

  Jake nodded his head. “I want all this inside my locked room on the bus. Is the security in place for my family? Did you hear from Rob?”

  Dave and Caleb both nodded.

  “Where’s Ang?” Jake asked.

  “I’m here.” Ang walked toward him from behind, wringing her hands. “Can I speak with you in private, please?”

  Jake put his arm around her after everyone cleared the room. The meeting with the staff had gone well, but Jake could tell Ang was worried. “I know what you’re going to say.”

  Ang sat down in a chair and Jake followed suit. “Do you? Do you know that I think that keeping this from Madi is one of the dumbest things you could possibly do?”

  “I’m not keeping it from her forever. I’ll see her in a month. I’m going to tell her everything when she’s in front of me and I can tell her she’s safe. I’m waiting for him to slip up, Ang, just once, so there’s a reason to put him away. She’s secure in Chicago.”

  Ang swallowed hard. “I know you think you’re doing the right thing, but don’t you think Madi will be angry you didn’t tell her?”

  Jake rubbed his chin as he pondered Ang’s words. His fingers plowed through his hair once again as he stood and paced the room. “What choice do I have? If I tell her now, she’ll be scared and angry and I’m too far away to explain. At least I know when I’m with her, there’s a chance she won’t be angry for long. I have someone on him 24/7. I have someone watching over her as we speak. I would never risk her life, for any reason.”

  “You know how I feel. You’d better hope that guard you have on her stays out of her way. She’s smart. Don’t you think she’ll notice him?”

  Jake cracked a smile. He’d learned that Madi was more observant than he’d given her credit for. Even on the phone, she could see right through him. “He’s trained to stay invisible. I’m just trying to protect her.”

  “I know, sweetie.” Ang reached out and touched his shoulder. “I know you mean well, but you’re a man. No offense.”

  Jake smiled. “None taken.”

  “You think you need to safeguard her, but Madi’s strong. She has a right to know.”

  “Just please let me do this my way,
Ang.”

  Ang shook her head and sighed. “You’d better practice how you’re going to tell her. If I know her at all, she’s not going to hold back when she explains to you what she thinks about your way of ‘protecting’ her.”

  Jake knew Ang was right. He didn’t like hiding things from her, but it was only for a few more weeks, and he convinced himself he was doing the right thing. In the meantime, he needed to find out why this stranger hated him and why he had tried to use Madi to exact his revenge.

  ***

  IT WAS 10:50 p.m. and still no call from Jake. Madi checked her phone repeatedly to make sure it was on. She tried not to get upset that he hadn’t called. He was probably working. She never wanted to be one of those girls who needed constant reassurance or got needy. She knew how much he loved her. She sighed as she began to feel better and relax. There was nothing to worry about. She decided to try to work on not overthinking everything.

  Madi flipped up her laptop screen and opened her mail. She was skimming over the university news and glancing at the names of the funny videos her mom had sent her when an email caught her eye. The subject line said, “You need to see this!” She didn’t recognize the sender. It was obviously spam. The mouse rested over the email as Madi tried to decide whether or not to delete it. Her cell rang and she jumped. She closed the laptop and reached for her phone. It was him.

  She smiled and immediately had a sense of relief after seeing his name on her home screen. “Hey, hottie.”

  “You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice.”

  Madi could sense something was off. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  Jake chuckled. “I just miss you, baby.”

  Madi stood and walked nervously around her room. “I miss you, too, but are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”

  “You mean the fact that the girl I love is a thousand miles away isn’t enough?”

  Madi sighed. “How was the concert tonight?”

  “Good. I got a Denver Broncos jersey, two teddy bears and a baseball cap.”

  “Nice loot.”

  “How’s school?” he asked.

  “Boring. Hard. Time consuming. I’m on call tonight and had three people knocking at my door. One had a fight with her boyfriend, another couldn’t get into her room, and the third was just stressed.”

  Jake sighed. “I wish you’d quit that job.”

  Madi’s eyes shot up. “What? Why would I do that? It pays for my room and board.”

  “I’d be happy to pay your room and board. I don’t like complete strangers knocking on your door.”

  “You will not pay my way. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And as for being an RA, I already put my job at Titans on hold after the press thing. If you remember, I live in an all-girl dorm. The only people knocking on my door are girls. Unless you’re worried I might start a sexual relationship with one of them.”

  Jake laughed. “That’s hot, but no, I’m not worried. I think you can barely handle me.”

  Madi smiled to herself. “Oh, I can handle you just fine.”

  “Really… I seem to remember someone being too tired for round three.”

  Madi giggled as she fell back on the bed. “You are insatiable. I don’t think I was tired for long, though.”

  “Hmm, well, apparently my tongue and my fingers have a way of waking you up.”

  “Yes, they do. You have a very talented mouth, and I’ve never questioned the ability of your fingers. You are a world-class piano player.”

  “Well, my fingers would rather play you than any piano I’ve ever seen.”

  “You do know exactly what keys to press and when.”

  “I would love to play you right now.” His words were slow and seductive.

  Madi curled her legs up into a ball and bit her lip. “Do you have any idea how you affect me? Seriously… you’re getting me hot and bothered.”

  “Are you feeling a little flushed, baby?”

  “Maybe just a little,” she laughed.

  “Everything else okay?” he asked.

  She could hear the concern in his voice. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “Just checking. I want to make sure you know that no matter what happens, I love you.”

  Madi cringed slightly and decided not to overthink the comment. “Now who’s the worrier?” she asked. “You’re the one who’s surrounded by strangers and groupies. I worry about you, too, you know.”

  “There’s nothing to worry about. I have security.”

  Madi laughed. “And I have Kendra.”

  She could hear him smile through his sigh. Madi stood and moved to her window, pulling back the blinds. “How’s Gina, by the way? I left her a message but she hasn’t gotten back to me.”

  There was a long pause before Jake spoke, as if he was considering what to say and how to say it. “Gina’s great. Probably just busy with work. Next time I speak to her, I’ll remind her to call you.”

  Although Madi hadn’t known Gina for long, she knew she was just like her brother. If she hadn’t at least texted her back by now, there must be something going on. Madi suddenly felt anxious to talk to Gina. Maybe she knew what her brother was hiding.

  “YOU DON’T HAVE to tell me that. I already know.” Jake paced on the tour bus as he spoke to Gina on his cell.

  “I’m just telling you that she’s going to be pissed. If I were her, I’d break up with you.”

  “Thanks, Gina. That’s great to hear. You’re very encouraging. All I’m asking is that when you speak to her, don’t say a word about what’s going on.”

  Gina let out a huge sigh. “I’m not going to lie to her. Why do you think I’m avoiding calling her back? If she asks me then I’m going to tell her.”

  Jake moaned in utter frustration. “I want to be the one to tell her. If you can’t control yourself, then don’t call her back. I’m just trying to keep her safe.”

  “Calm down. I know you care about her. If it makes you feel better, I won’t talk to her. But you’d better tell her soon. If that pervert who touched me ever got out, I would hope you wouldn’t keep it from me. It would kill me.”

  Jake skimmed his hand through his hair as he leaned on the wall. “He will NEVER get out. He’s serving twenty-five years for molesting you and two other girls. He’ll be seventy before he’s eligible for parole. If Peter lived in Chicago, I would tell her. Right now, I’m having him followed constantly. I’m hoping he’ll screw up and I’ll be able to put him away before I tell her. I just don’t want her to be afraid.”

  “I know your heart’s in the right place, Jakie. Just be smart about this. She’s perceptive and she knows you. There’s no doubt in my mind that she can already tell there’s more going on.” Gina paused, and Jake heard a voice in the background. “I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you, big bro.”

  “Love you, too. Bye.”

  Jake stretched before walking into the bathroom and starting the shower. He hadn’t slept well last night, and all the crap he was getting from the women in his life about not telling Madi was starting to take its toll on him. Deep down, he knew everyone was right. As he showered, he thought back to all the threatening letters he had received during the weeks leading up to the attack. He should have been able to tell how serious they were. When he felt the twinge of discomfort, he should have followed his gut. He swore to himself that he would trust his instincts from now on.

  He walked from the bus into the arena in Arizona. Caleb led him into the conference room where Dave sat with furrowed brows, wringing his hands.

  “You obviously have something to tell me,” Jake said as he sat down and folded his arms.

  Dave scowled. “The letters? The threatening fan mail? Most of it was typed on a computer. There’s no way to analyze where it came from. The handwriting analysis on the two that were written came up with only slight similarities to the sample we have from Peter Markum. Not enough to pursue this with him.”

  Jake shoo
k his head with disgust and noticed Caleb shifting uncomfortably in his chair. “What is it, Caleb? What’s got you so uneasy?”

  Caleb’s eyes darted up to Jake’s. “I hate this, Jake. I hate that this guy was able to get in here. I’m glad you’ve got Rob handling our security. When will we meet with him?”

  “When we’re in L.A. He’s going to meet us in the office before Trey’s party.”

  “Good. Until then, although I know it’s difficult, you need to focus on giving the best concert possible.”

  “Don’t I always?” Jake questioned, brows furrowed.

  Caleb nodded, but Jake sensed a worry in him he’d not seen before. This whole situation was starting to take its toll on everyone.

  ***

  THREE DAYS UNTIL Halloween. Time was inching along. Madi stared at the clock during her business law class. She really needed to take better notes, but she found herself writing Jake’s name repeatedly like a teenager. She sighed and refocused on her professor. When class was over, she felt fairly confident she had enough notes to tell her that Jake had a great name and that warranties were boring.

  As Madi walked out of her class, she saw him again. The tall blond guy dressed in jeans and a hoodie that was standing outside her building this morning was now in the hall by her door. She’d never seen him around campus before this week, but she kept seeing him everywhere now. He looked older, like he was in his mid to late twenties. He was hard to miss. He was more muscular than half of the guys on campus, but the way he dressed set him apart. His clothes were always brand name and expensive, although his shoes were old and worn. Something just didn’t fit. He had his backpack slung over his shoulder and always seemed to have his face buried in a book. Madi glanced at him as she left her class. He didn’t seem to notice her. Madi shrugged as she rounded the corner and made her way across campus toward the music building. She’d told Kendra she would come to hear her practice the piece she was working on. Kendra had been secretive about it, and this was the first time she was letting her hear something before it was finished. It must have been almost done since she was giving her a sneak peek.