Waiting to Lose

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  Madi entered the music building and noticed the class door was still closed. She peered through the small opening and saw Kendra alternating between chewing on her pencil and twirling her blue streak around her finger. The professor was still speaking. Madi checked her phone. It was only 2:45 p.m. She did some math in her head before she realized she was early for Kendra but just in time for a quick call. She dialed his number.

  “Mads? Is everything okay?”

  “Why are you so paranoid? Can’t a girl call her boyfriend just to say hi?”

  “Boyfriend, huh? Is that what you call me?”

  Madi slid to the floor outside the classroom and criss-crossed her legs. “Lover?”

  Jake chuckled.

  “Are you not my boyfriend?” Madi questioned.

  “I’ll be anything you want me to be,” he said through an obvious smile.

  “Hmm… This poses another question in my mind.”

  Jake sighed. “Let me have it.”

  “If you’re not my boyfriend, then what are you? Is this a relationship or a fling? Are we dating or are we just messing around?”

  “It’s definitely not a fling. I’m obsessed with you. I do love to mess around with you, but I’d also be happy to have the chance to date you as well. Boyfriend works, I suppose. I’ve just never heard you say the word before.”

  Madi smiled to herself. “Well, I never thought I’d use your name and boyfriend in the same sentence either.”

  “So, what’s up, babe? What did I do to deserve a call in the middle of the day?”

  “I was just in business law and I couldn’t focus because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

  “That is a problem. You may need some extra counseling for your infatuation with me. Fortunately for you, I happen to know a cure for what ails you.”

  “Do tell, Dr. Morgan.” Madi glanced around quickly to make sure no one heard her say his name.

  “First, you need several doses of sex with me, followed by massive amounts of kissing, and finally, the most important medicine of all...”

  “What’s that?” Madi laughed.

  “You need to move to L.A.”

  “How do you always manage to sneak that in? Don’t you worry that you’ll get sick of me if I live with you?”

  “Umm, let’s see… I lived with you before and I couldn’t get enough of you.”

  “That’s because you weren’t bedding me every night. Aren’t you worried you’ll get bored?”

  “Is that what you’re worried about? I can assure you, Madi, I will never bore you.”

  “I didn’t say you’d bore me. I said I’d bore you.”

  Jake laughed. “Boredom is and never will be a concern. There are still so many things I want to do with you and to you. When you move to L.A., we won’t have to hide anymore, and the world can finally see how happy I am when you’re by my side.”

  Madi stood and brushed her clothes off, turning to look out the window. “I’m in the hallway outside Kendra’s class right now and I’m blushing. You need to hold this conversation for later.”

  Jake laughed and Madi gasped. “What is it?” he asked, concerned.

  “I don’t know…” she said nervously. “There’s just this guy that I’ve never seen before last week, and now I keep seeing him everywhere I go. He’s walking around the building right now. Do you think I’m being paranoid?”

  “Probably. I’m sure it’s fine. I’ll call you tonight, okay? I’ve got to do sound check.”

  “Break a leg.”

  “Bye.”

  Madi pressed the end button and slid her phone into her back jeans pocket. She folded her arms as she stared out the window. The blond hoodie guy was answering his phone. Madi studied him as she tried to shake off the nagging feeling she had. He turned toward the window and Madi sank back down to the floor, laughing at herself for getting caught staring. She pulled out her phone again and opened her email, attempting to distract herself. As she scrolled through the messages, she saw the email from the other night again: “You need to see this!” Something about it gave her anxiety. She was just about to open it when Kendra bounded out of the classroom.

  “For the love of fuck, I thought it would never end.”

  Madi smiled at Kendra as she stood, glancing out the window yet again. The boy was nowhere to be seen.

  “What are you looking at?” Kendra asked as she peered out the window over Madi’s shoulder.

  “Nothing… Are you ready to play for me?” Madi asked with a smile.

  “Hells yeah. You ready to be wowed by my brilliance?”

  “Hells yeah.” Madi laughed as she followed Kendra into a piano room. Madi turned and looked over her shoulder. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he had been watching her.

  JAKE HAD SPOKEN to Nate, the guard from Chicago, several times that day. The first was early in the morning, to see if there had been any activity near Madi. The second was to tell him she was suspicious of him, and the third was to make sure she got back to her dorm safely. If Madi figured out he had a guard on her, she would question him to the point where he ended up telling her the truth. Not to mention the fact that she would be pissed he hadn’t told her. If he hadn’t known that the guy in the hoodie was working for him, he would have freaked out at the idea that she felt someone was watching her. In hindsight, he probably should have faked concern. She was too smart for her own good. Her amazing instincts were one of the things he loved about her.

  Three more weeks and he could explain everything. He just wished he had more answers himself. He’d pored over multiple files on Peter Markum, but there didn’t appear to be an obvious reason why he hated him as much as he did. Dave was in the process of securing a restraining order against Peter to keep him away from Jake’s family. His family had all signed the necessary paperwork. He couldn’t file one for Madi without her signature. If he thought for one second that Peter knew where Madi was, it would have made the whole situation a lot different. He would have told her and insisted on her signing one. But he had people watching Peter and had a guard on Madi, so he knew she was safe.

  Jake centered himself and went back to reading the letters that could have possibly come from the guard. They were all pretty basic. Some “I hate you,” some “I wish you were dead.” Nothing out of the ordinary in his line of work. But there was one letter that struck a chord with him. It was longer than the others, although still brief, but it resonated deep within him.

  “You walk among the living without a care. Some day, your sins will come back to haunt you. I will be there to take pleasure as your world comes crashing down.”

  Why were the words ‘living’ and ‘crashing’ bolded? What sins did this freak think Jake had committed? Why did this bother him as much as it did?

  After his concert and a shower, he poured through the files again. He sat on his bed and read the file on Peter’s prior assault, four years earlier. He’d gotten drunk in a bar and started a fight with a man. He’d beaten him to a pulp and was arrested. The report said Peter had been sitting at the bar when a young woman walked up to order a beer. According to the woman, he asked her if she knew she looked like a dead woman. It freaked her out and she told her boyfriend. The boyfriend confronted him and called him a pathetic loser who deserved to be alone for the rest of his life. Apparently Peter lost it and wailed on him. The security guards in the bar had to pull him off. Peter claimed the other man had picked the fight, and he spent a night in jail for assault before being released on bail.

  The next arrest was for forgery a year later. He stole a prescription pad from a doctor and attempted to fill an Rx for pain medicine under Jake’s name. It’s a common name, so no one related it to him. He spent a year in jail for his second offense before going on probation.

  The third offense was for attempted robbery. He’d walked into a convenience store and pulled a gun on the clerk. According to the clerk, he said Peter walked around and stared at him for twenty minutes before pulling out hi
s gun and waving it at him. He asked him if people ever told him he looked like Jake Morgan. When the clerk said no, he called him a liar and told him he deserved to die for simply looking like him. The clerk hit the panic button, and Peter left without taking anything or demanding money. He was picked up an hour later, sitting on the curb outside his apartment, holding himself and rocking back and forth. He didn’t have a permit for the gun. He underwent psychiatric care for six months before he was diagnosed with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. The report didn’t say what caused his PTSD. His doctor testified that he felt Peter was a new man after treatment, and that his previous mental state had caused him to have problems separating what was real and what was fantasy. Peter did community service and was placed on probation. There were no further issues with him for the last two years until he attacked Madi.

  It took everything Jake had not to put his fist through the wall. Obviously he was not cured of his issues. He’d been consumed with Jake for years, but why? Jake made a note to see if they could find out what his PTSD was for and if he had told anyone why he hated Jake as much as he did. Depression or not, he was sick. What was with the obsession he seemed to have with him? Jake stared at his picture. He’d never seen him before that day on the bus. Had he been a fan? Did he feel rejected by him in some way? Jake was determined to get to the bottom of it all, but he really needed to decide how he would explain this to Madi.

  Madi… Jake looked at the clock. It was 12:02 a.m. Shit! How could he have missed his call to Madi? He picked up the phone and dialed her number. It rang three times before she groggily answered.

  “Hi,” she mumbled.

  “Hi, sleepy. I’m sorry I’m calling so late. Did I wake you?”

  “Um hmm. You stood me up. I fell asleep on a bed of tears,” she said sarcastically.

  “A bed of tears, huh? Are you very angry with me?”

  “Not very.”

  “A little?”

  “Not at all. I know you’re a busy man.”

  “I’m never too busy for you, babe. I just got caught up in some work.”

  “What kind of work?”

  “Nothing important. Tour details.” Another lie.

  “Um hmm.”

  Jake smiled at her sleepy response. “I’m going to let you go back to your dreams,” he said.

  “I was dreaming of you.”

  “You were?” he asked. “Was I naked?”

  “I’m interested to know why you think that all my thoughts of you involve your naked body?”

  Jake laughed. “Are you analyzing me?”

  “Um hmm.”

  “Go back to sleep, babe. In three weeks you’ll be sleeping in my arms.”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Jake ended the call and turned back to the photo of Peter Markum. For a brief moment, he reminded him of someone, but the thought was lost as quickly as it came. Jake needed answers, and he wasn’t going to stop until he got every single one of them.

  ***

  MADI FINISHED READING the last page of her notes before walking into her organizational behavior class for a quiz. She’d spent the night reading and studying after she stopped wondering why Jake hadn’t called. Madi turned to put her purse on her chair when she saw him again—the guy with the hoodie—outside her class. Madi glanced at the clock. She had five minutes until class started. She had an idea and decided to run with it. She had nothing to lose. She pushed out of her seat and made her way over to him.

  “Excuse me, do you know what time it is?”

  He looked down at his phone. “Uh, it’s 12:55.”

  “Thanks.” She turned to go, but then turned back quickly. “That’s an interesting book you’re reading. What class is it for?”

  “It’s not for a class. I’m just reading it on my own.”

  “Do you have a class today?”

  “No, not today.”

  “This is a weird place to just hang out,” she said with a smile. “Are you waiting for someone?”

  “Yes, my girlfriend has a class in this hall.”

  “Which class?”

  “Um, finance.”

  “Really? Because the only other class in this hall today besides organizational behavior is economics.”

  “Economics… that’s right. I knew it was something like that,” he replied with certainty.

  “There are no economics classes in this hall.” Madi put her hands on her hips. “What kind of shit are you trying to pull? Are you following me?”

  He stood taller and looked her square in the eye. “I don’t even know who you are. Why would you say that?”

  His left eye twitched and she felt in her gut she was right. She knew one way to find out for sure. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her professor strolling into the classroom. She turned to walk toward class and then spun back around to face him. “Tell Jake he needs to call me immediately.”

  She bounded back into the room and flew into her chair. Frustration and anger boiled under her skin. She glanced back at him, and he was staring at her. She knew she was right. Her instincts told her days ago that something was weird about him. Jake was so concerned for her safety but quickly dismissed the guy following her? Bullshit. What the hell was he doing? Why would he have her followed? Didn’t he trust her? Madi’s professor cleared his throat and began to pass out the quiz. Madi took a deep breath before she flipped the page. She would have to deal with Jake later.

  After the quiz, Madi sat through a lecture on hiring practices. The subject was one of the reasons she had taken the class, but she found it difficult to focus. She thought her exam went surprisingly well, considering she was fuming the entire time. The hoodie guy wasn’t outside the door after class. She must have scared the shit out of him. Jake was probably ripping him to shreds for getting caught. Or… maybe she was wrong. Maybe he was questioning who the psycho was that told him to tell some guy named Jake to call her. She shook her head. She trusted her instincts. Madi had been around Jake’s security all summer. She noticed them and how they tried to blend in and not call attention to themselves. Was there a reason Jake was having her watched? Did something happen to him?

  Madi frantically pulled out her phone and scanned the Internet as she walked back to her dorm. She cringed as she read the gossip pages. A “trusted” source had revealed that Jake had made several calls to Allison Gregory. They were planning a date when he returned to L.A. Allison had just finished filming for her latest movie and was spending some time relaxing in the city. She had been heard saying his name and laughing as she spoke to him on the phone. Apparently they were trying to keep their romance under wraps.

  Madi tried to put her jealous feelings aside. Jake wouldn’t do that to her. For some reason, the email she hadn’t opened popped into her head.

  Madi scoured through her inbox, found it and opened it. There was a picture of Jake with his arms around a girl. The picture wasn’t clear. The girl had her back to the camera. Madi couldn’t make out anything besides the fact that she had long brown hair tied into a ponytail. Who would send her a picture like this, and what did it mean? Madi closed the file and moved it to the trash folder. Then she moved it back into her inbox. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She’d felt like he had been keeping something from her for days. His voice was off. He seemed nervous. Was he worried she was going to find out he was seeing Allison Gregory? Was the report true? Was it possible that he was waiting to see her to end things? Had she been wrong about him? Maybe he couldn’t wait for her. Madi could feel tears building in her eyes.

  Doubt is like a disease. It creeps into your blood when you least expect it and feeds off the darkness inside you, causing you to bleed inwardly and crushing all reason. She made her way back to her room and fell onto her bed as her tears and fears consumed her.

  HE NERVOUSLY PACED the room. It was midnight and he’d called her six times. Each time it had gone directly to voicemail. Nate had called him earlier in the
day to tell him what had happened and at the time, Jake laughed at Madi’s feistiness and investigative skills. Even Nate had said she would make an amazing PI. Jake wasn’t as angry at Nate for getting caught as he should have been. He should have insisted on someone with more experience versus someone who would fit in on a college campus. Now, as he dialed her number a seventh time and it went to voicemail, the whole thing seemed a lot worse than he thought. Jake dug his hand through his hair as he scrolled through his contact list. He sighed deeply with dread before he dialed the number. What other choice did he have?

  “What’s up, fine piece of ass?”

  “Hi, Kendra. Sorry to call you so late. Have you spoken with Madi today?”

  “Do you want to know if I’ve spoken to her or if she told me you were having her followed?”

  Jake’s hand curved into his thick hair. “Both.”

  “Then yes,” Kendra said matter-of-factly.

  “How pissed is she at me?”

  “On a scale of one to ten, ten being fuming and seriously angry, I would say she’s a fifty.”

  “Shit. I need to talk to her to explain. I only had her followed to make sure she was safe.”

  “That’s not what she thinks.”

  “What do you mean?” Jake felt his heart lurch with concern.

  “I really shouldn’t say. It’s none of my business.”

  “Come on, Ken. You can’t say something like that and drop it. I need to know what’s going on in her head so I can figure out how to fix this.”

  Jake could picture the scowl on Kendra’s face as her words came out in an angry fury. “If you hurt her, I will cut your balls off and stick them up your ass.”

  “Okay…” He twitched his head. He hadn’t spoken to Kendra since Madi’s party and had forgotten just how blunt she could be. “I don’t want to hurt her. What does she think this is about?”