My Everything

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I pull us up short and unlock the red door that leads to my practice. When she steps inside, her eyes go wide. My practice is decorated in reds, blues and greens on one side and pinks, purples and yellows on the other. In one corner stands a dollhouse and cradle filled with baby dolls and a plastic play family. The boy’s side has fire trucks, building blocks and army figures that Noah insisted on putting in here.

  Aubrey steps away from me and looks around. “You made your office a fun zone.”

  I come up behind her, encasing her in my arms. I like that I can rest my head on top of hers, it makes me feels as if I’m protecting her somehow. “Little kids hate the doctor’s office. They know this is where they come to get shots. I had to give them a little bit of happiness.”

  “It’s great.”

  I rub my hands up and down her arms. “Come on, I’ll show you around.” I take her hand in mine and lead her down the hall. I love the reaction I get when we step into each room. This was the first thing I did when I took over this practice – repainted each room and gave it a theme. Doors here don’t have numbers, we have names. The Jungle Room, The Fire Truck Room and Noah’s least favorite, the Barbie Room.

  I save my office for last, not because I’m proud of it, but because it’s boring and drab. I open the door and flick on the light. The walls are bare, stark white and recently painted. When I left, I took everything down so my replacement could feel at home. I guess she removed her stuff when she left the other night.

  Standing in the center of my office, I take it all in and what it means to me. This is my livelihood and I should’ve never left my patients, but I needed to volunteer. I needed to feel as if my life meant something. I was spiraling out of control and that was the only way to find some balance.

  As much as it pained me to leave, staying wasn’t the answer. I have so much to thank Africa for, mostly my wife, but also giving me the time to heal without seeing the life I had walking around with someone else. I think seeing them together, as a family, would’ve done me in.

  “What are you thinking about?” Aubrey steps in front of me, making herself the focal point of my attention.

  I push her hair off her shoulder and nuzzle her cheek. “Thank you my sweet, beautiful and sexy wife.”

  “For what?” she giggles lightly, my scruff tickling her.

  I pull back and look at her. I let my hand linger on the back of her head, my fingers tangling in her hair. “For being understanding. For not overreacting when you met Josie and for encouraging me to ask about Noah even though I was scared.”

  “I know how much he means to you. I may not be a mother, but if my ex raised my child I would have thought that I’d have enough love in my heart to let him be a part of their life.”

  The simple mention of a child stirs my insides. I didn’t know men had a biological clock and if this is how women feel, I finally understand the pressure. I want to have a baby with her, but don’t want to pressure her. I’m hoping now that we are here and we’re settling down, she’ll want to make us parents.

  I can picture her so clearly with a rounded belly, sitting in the park reading a book. Everything about her would be perfect. I’d count the hours until I could be home with her. I’d want to touch her constantly, to feel what it feels when the baby kicks. To talk, sing, read and tell stories to our baby. I want to see her like this. I want us to have this happiness.

  “Where’d you go just now?”

  She knows me so well. “I was thinking about us having a baby.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah.

  “Do you think you maybe want to try?”

  I can’t help but smile. “There’s no maybe’s, Aubrey. I want to try.”

  “You don’t want to wait until we’ve been married longer?” Aubrey unzips my coat and pushes it off my shoulder. I have no choice but to let go of her so it can fall to the ground. She pulls my tucked in shirt out of my jeans, her cold hands make me shiver.

  “What are you doing, Aubs?”

  She steps back and gazes into my eyes. First her scarf and then her coat come off. Its cold in here, she’s going to freeze. She pulls her sweater over her head. Her turtleneck follows. Her hands reach about her back. I watch as her bra straps become loose on her shoulders, as they slide down her arms and finally fall to the floor onto the mound of clothing that is collecting there. I shed my sweater and unbutton my shirt, sliding it off. We are both standing in the middle of my office, naked from the chest up.

  Aubrey steps closer, her fingers reaching out and tracing the muscular ridges in my chest. “I thought maybe my husband would want to try and have a baby.”

  “In here?” my voice cracks like a teenager.

  She looks around with a wicked gleam on her face. “Hell yeah in here. I have a hot doctor for a husband. I think it’s about time we christened his desk,” she rubs her hand down the front of my jeans, adding pressure to my bulge. “And maybe his chair after that,” she says as she bites down on my nipple.

  My eyes roll back in my head as her mouth assaults my chest and her hand works me out of my jeans. My fingers deftly unbutton her jeans and get the zipper down so I can push them over her hips. She wiggles, helping them move down her legs. I touch her where I want her most and lose all inhibitions. I pick her up, her delightful squeals telling me that this is exactly what she wants, and set her roughly down on my desk.

  She sends papers flying and starts laughing. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

  “Me too,” I say as my lips capture hers. I pull off her shoe and pant leg. This isn’t going to be romantic or pretty. Her hands pull down my boxers, letting my dick spring free. I close my eyes when she starts stroking me.

  “I need you, Nick.”

  I pull her forward, wrapping her legs around my waist and give into her needs.

  Chapter 8

  As we unpack the final box of dishes, I set them in the dishwasher for a quick wash. Josie and Liam will be here in an hour and as promised they are bringing dinner. Believe me, I have my reservations about eating anything that Liam has purchased, but I’m willing to do anything to see Noah.

  Our loft has two large bedrooms and one smaller. It’s more space than we need right now, but Aubrey fell in love as soon as we opened the door. I can’t blame her, the living room windows face the park – and while some may not like that – we definitely do.

  We outfitted our new home with brand-new everything. We had to. Anything that I did keep from when I moved in with Josie is outdated and honestly, not a time that I want to remember.

  Aubrey comes into the kitchen, her newly acquired coconut-lime lotion wafting through the room. She brings her arms around my front, kissing my shoulder blade. This can mean only one thing – she’s wearing heels. I turn in her arms and kiss her forehead, her eyes, nose and finally her lips. We need to have a conversation about our dinner guests. I know I should’ve told her sooner and by sooner I mean when we were getting to know each other. But seriously, how do you say ‘hey my ex dumped me for her ex who just happens to be Liam Page’? It’s really an ego issue and I didn’t need mine to be deflated any more than it already has been.

  “I need to tell you something important.” My words are soft. I push her hair off her shoulder and cup her face, my thumb caressing her soft cheek. I love how soft her skin is.

  “Am I going to be upset?”

  I shrug. I really don’t know, but I hope not. “It’s about Josie and Liam.”

  “Okay.” She says as she steps back, but I won’t have it. I put my hand on her waist and hold her to me.

  “You have nothing to worry about, but you might be mad at me because I kept this from you. When I think about it now, it’s silly. I should’ve told you, but it’s not something I like to think about or even care about.”

  “Just tell me, Nick.”

  I sigh and close my eyes. What if she thinks I’m less of man? When I open my eyes she’s looking at me with such concern that it breaks my heart.
I shake my head and blurt out, “Liam is Liam Page of 4225 West.”

  Aubrey steps back and this time I let her. I don’t know what she’s thinking. Her eyes wander and I can tell there are a million thoughts running through her head.

  “Is this why you hate my tank top?”

  I try not to smile, but it’s to no avail. I nod, afraid that if I say yes it will sound as if I’m jealous. I know I used to be back in high school, but I grew out of that. I’d like to think I’m more mature than to be jealous of Liam, even now. The only thing he has that I want is Noah.

  “You went to high school with Liam Page?”

  “Westbury, but yeah.”

  “How did you meet Josie?”

  “High school. I had a crush, but she was with Liam. I went away to college, determined to finish in four years and when I came back she was in my office one day with a sick toddler.”

  “He left her?”

  “Long story, but yes he did and in his defense, he didn’t know about Noah.”

  “And now he’s coming to our house for dinner?”

  I nod.

  “Are you afraid I’ll fall at his feet?”

  “No,” my voice cracks when I answer. I hang my head. I hate the feeling that he has a hold over me, but hell if the thought doesn’t cross my mind.

  Aubrey steps closer. Her fingers splayed out in my hair. “If I had known, I wouldn’t wear the shirt. I’m not a fan by any means. I’ve heard them a few times and my friend gave the shirt to me. I’ll get rid of it, but for the record, Liam Page has nothing on you!”

  I capture her lips. My hands cup her ass to bring her closer. I’ve never been so in love and I know now that my love for Josie stemmed from a high school infatuation. I have no doubt we loved each other, but not in the way that counts at the end of the night.

  With a loud knock I pull away from her lips. I kiss her once more before pulling her hand into mine and walking us to the door to greet our guests. If someone had told me a year ago that I’d be eating dinner with Liam, Josie by his side, I probably would’ve punched them, but here we are, about to be civil adults. At least I hope Liam is civil because he’s the one who stands in my way of seeing Noah, even if it’s for one last time.

  I open the door wide with Aubrey standing just behind me with one hand on my bicep the other on my back. Josie and Liam stand before us. Josie’s smiling and Liam’s looking down at the ground. He doesn’t want to be here anymore than I want him here.

  “Come in,” I say in a fake ‘I’m so happy you’re here invading my space’ voice. Josie grabs Liam’s hand and pulls him into our place.

  “Can I take your coats?”

  “Sure,” Josie says as Liam helps her out of her jacket. He folds it across his arm and somehow maneuvers his off without setting Josie’s down. He hands them both to Aubrey, who nods graciously.

  “This is nice,” Josie says as she looks around. I shrug and put my hands into my pockets. Liam and I don’t need to shake hands, there’s no need to get reacquainted.

  Aubrey returns and slides her arm into my mine. I look down at her and try to fake a smile, but I know it was more of a grimace. I need to snap out of it and be a host or this night will be ruined.

  I clear my throat. “Josie you remember my wife, Aubrey. And this is Liam.” I’m speechless when Liam steps forward and shakes her hand.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Aubrey.”

  “Nice to meet you too. Thanks for coming.”

  “Oh here,” Josie holds up a plastic bag. “We brought Chinese. I hope you like it. I know Nick and Liam do, but didn’t really know what you liked, but I thought that most people like Chinese –”

  “Josie,” Liam interrupts her.

  “What?”

  “You’re rambling. I’m sure Aubrey likes Chinese. Let’s just eat or whatever.”

  “Here, let me get these out of the cartons and on the table. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. Nick, why don’t you get drinks for everyone?”

  Aubrey takes the bag from Josie and gives me a kiss before she retires to the kitchen. I watch as she retreats.

  “She’s very pretty, Nick.”

  I nod, not ready to take my eyes off the entryway leading to the kitchen. I sigh and finally look at Josie who now has Liam’s arm around her waist. “She is. What can I get you to drink?”

  “Whatever you have is fine.”

  “Liam, do you want a beer? I have these new microbrews that I picked up.”

  “Yeah, sure, that’d be great.”

  I excuse myself and almost collide with Aubrey when she comes out of the kitchen. I kiss her briefly on the cheek. I hear her talking to Josie and it makes me smile. Maybe they can be friends. Aubrey could use a friend, but I wouldn’t want her to feel awkward.

  I pour Aubrey and Josie each an iced tea and grab beers for Liam and me. When I get to the dining room area, they are all sitting around chatting, even Liam, which surprises me. He thanks me and twists off the top before taking a sip.

  I sit next to Aubrey and we all dig in. Maybe it’s best that we eat before we get down to business.

  “So Aubrey, what do you do?”

  Aubrey sets her fork down and holds her napkin got her mouth while she swallows her food. “Nothing yet.”

  Josie’s eyes go wide and I know what she’s thinking.

  Aubrey waves her hands in the air. “Oh no, don’t think anything bad. This is my first time in the US. Nick wanted me to get to know Beaumont before I find a job.” She looks over at me and smiles. She’s right. She doesn’t need to work.

  “Well if you find yourself bored, I’m hiring.”

  “What happened to Jenna?”

  Josie looks at me. “Jenna is still there, but the shop is busy.”

  “Thanks for the offer, Josie, I’ll consider it.” That answer seems to be enough for Josie, she nods and continues to eat. Aubrey looks at me, her eyebrows go up, her silent way to telling me to ask the question that brings us all together, but I can’t seem to find my tongue.

  I shake my head and continue to eat refusing to make eye contact with her or anyone else at the table.

  Liam and I help ourselves to seconds, as the ladies chat about everything from fashion to the latest movies. They seem to be getting along great and that means a lot to me. I’d like for Aubrey to have some friends here and it’s not that I’d expect an invite to Katelyn’s for Sunday football, but it would be nice to have my friends back.

  Liam sets his fork now and clears his throat. He rests his hands on the table and folds them. I don’t know what’s about to happen, but I have a feeling I’m not going to like it. The Liam I know from high school wasn’t reasonable and he has no reason to be now.

  He’s about to rip my heart out of my chest and there isn’t shit I can do about it.

  Chapter 9

  I resign myself to accepting the worse. If I was in Liam’s shoes I wouldn’t want my son to have anything to do with his mother’s ex. I should never have asked. I should’ve just waited until I saw him again and asked how he’s doing just like any other doctor would do and forget the countless hours I’ve spent with him. After tonight all I’m going to have is memories.

  My hands clench under the table when Liam looks at me.

  “When I came back, I wasn’t planning on staying. I had a life away from here and as much as I wanted to see Josie, I wasn’t going to interrupt her life, but then I saw Noah and I knew there was no way I was letting him go.”

  Liam picks up Josie’s hand and kisses it. There’s no denying the love they have for each other.

  “If it was up to me, you’d never see Noah again. I’m that selfish of a man when it comes to him. I’ve missed so much time with him. I don’t want to share. Everything you did – the bumps and bruises, the colds, the coaching – those are all things that I imagined doing one day. I’m not saying this is your fault. I’m thankful that Noah had you and that you were man enough to step up and play dad for a child that wasn’t your
s because not too many men will do that, especially considering the history between us. But this isn’t up to me.” He moves the ring on Josie’s finger back and forth. She nods at him and mouths that she loves him.

  Liam takes a deep breath. “Noah wants to see you. Most importantly, he wants you to coach his football and baseball teams. He didn’t like his coach this year. In fact, I think the only one who did is Candy Appleton.”

  I can’t hide my smile. Aubrey claps her hands before throwing them around my neck and giving me a kiss.

  “I can see him?” the emotion is thick in my voice as I look at Liam, not Josie, for confirmation.

  “I’m not going to deny my son because that would be wrong. You’ve been a part of his life for a long time and he has the right to continue a relationship with you if that’s what he wants. But know this, Ashford, if you hurt my son again by disappearing for a year without a word, I’ll hunt you down and make you pay. Am I clear?” This is the first time Liam looks at me. His gaze is deadly and I have no doubt he’d follow through with his threat. I know I screwed up and plan to do whatever Noah asks to make it up to him.

  “Crystal.” I say because other words escape me. I can’t believe Liam just said I could see Noah and not just see him, but coach him as well. “Thank you,” my voice cracks as I fight back the tears. I told myself I wouldn’t cry, especially in front of Liam. I can’t show him any weakness that he may want to exploit later.

  Aubrey stands and pulls me into her arms. “I told you he’d be reasonable,” she whispers in my ear. I pull her to me, burying my face in her neck and let out a long, ragged breath that I didn’t know I was holding. I let her go all too soon, remembering our guests. She kisses me lightly on the cheek before turning back to Liam and Josie.

  “Do you guys have time for coffee and dessert?”